Uneasy daily life

Something is wrong!

With projects that require me to stay in the activity room, friends who can both criticize and be criticized by themselves, and some subtle yet obvious changes... Shouldn't I be someone who has no friends, no extra activities, goes straight home during club time, and spends my days leisurely at home?

He is neither aloof nor a lone knight-errant, nor is he like Hachiman Hitani!

I should have never written that essay; then I wouldn't have gotten caught by that violent teacher. If I hadn't been caught, I wouldn't have met the minister who was bungee jumping off the pyramids. If I hadn't met the minister, I wouldn't have been forcibly dragged into the aid department. And if I hadn't been forcibly dragged into the aid department, I wouldn't have experienced the series of painful events that followed…

Thinking about it this way, I felt a subtle sense of loneliness.

“Aa ...

Bang bang bang!

"Mom, why did that older boy run into the tree?"

Shh! That's so pitiful, get away from it.

A young mother passing by quickly pulled her daughter away.

Hikigaya Hachiman covered his face with a tree, remaining motionless, and missed his little blanket in his bedroom and the wall next to his bed.

One more embarrassing memory of excessive self-consciousness.

I'm feeling extremely drained; I need to go home and replenish my energy.

Hachiman Hikigaya quickened his pace, stepping on his own shadow in the setting sun as he arrived at his front door. He took out his key to open the door and was about to shout, "I'm home!" when he suddenly froze on the spot.

His dead fish eyes slowly widened as he looked down at the entryway.

There was a pair of sneakers on the floor in the entryway. They weren't his, nor his dad's; they were men's style. The insoles looked damp and stale, definitely belonging to someone with sweaty feet, maybe even a foot ulcer! You could vaguely see sand and dirt from the gaps in the insoles and edges—they really had no regard for personal hygiene!

There's an intruder, and it's a man!

Hachiman Hikigaya slowly raised his alert level, first placing the things in his hand on the entrance hall, and then listening carefully—he could faintly hear the sounds of chopping vegetables and Komachi humming a tune… This meant that he hadn't forced his way in, but rather that Komachi had invited him in?

Wait a minute, I just got back from grocery shopping, and Komachi is already preparing dinner. Where did those vegetables come from? They must have been brought along by the intruders!

Who is this death row inmate? Komachi's classmate? Komachi's friend?

Hachiman Hikigaya quietly closed the door, changed his shoes, and tiptoed into the living room, looking around. He could see his hardworking younger sister's back in the kitchen, but there was no one else. He glanced at the balcony, but still didn't see anyone—where was she? If she was in Komachi's bedroom, then immediate execution was the answer! If she was in his own bedroom, he could lock the door and beat her! If she was in his parents' bedroom, he could call the police, depending on the situation!

Silently passing through the living room, Hachiman Hikigaya quickly spotted the bathroom with its lights on, from which came the sound of running water.

Oh, so you were taking a bath... What are you up to, coming to my house to take a bath?!

Hachiman Hikigaya's dead fish eyes deepened as he suddenly noticed his retired emperor lounging lazily by the door.

That's right, the chubby white cat named Kamakura is the undisputed emperor of the household. At the very top of the family pyramid, the undisputed overlord, the strongest creature standing at the pinnacle. No matter who in the family faces it, they must first show some weakness, then obey its every whim, before they can even be qualified to touch its body.

Hachiman Hikigaya was very satisfied. He personally came to oversee the intruders, proving himself to be the pillar of the family.

He reached out to Kamakura, wanting to pat it as a reward. Kamakura, who had been lying lazily, raised its head, stared at Hachiman Hikigaya's hand, stood up, and let out a sharp, angry cry: "Meow—!!"

The Emperor Emeritus's angry rebuke caused Hachiman Hikigaya, whose family status was second only to the floor, to reluctantly back down; it seemed he wouldn't have a chance to touch the Emperor's body today...

"Hey! You fat pig, get out of here right now?!"

The voice of a traitor echoed from the bathroom: "Look at yourself! Lazy and weak; short and weak; obese and unable to run; you're like a reincarnated fat tiger, so lazy and averse to work! Have you ever heard how Cao Cao's father, Cao Song, died? His concubine was too fat to squeeze through a hole or climb over a wall, so she tried to escape to the toilet but was killed..."

The minister's voice?

Why is the minister in my bathroom?!

In his shock, Hachiman Hikigaya took a step toward the living room, not paying attention to controlling his strength, and his shoe slammed onto the floor with a thud.

"Who's out there?!"

A shout came from the bathroom.

Hachiman Hikigaya remained silent, frozen in place. One second he thought he should run away first, the next he felt he couldn't leave the department head and Komachi there. He couldn't figure out what to do for a moment.

"Thief, don't run away—!"

Before the sound of water stopped, the white figure had already opened the door. He paused, surprised, and said, "Why are you acting like a thief when you come into your own house?"

Hikigaya Hachiman: "..."

Can I say that I was trying to catch someone cheating but ended up catching a minister instead?

"Meow~"

Kamakura let out an affectionate call and gracefully rose to enter the bathroom. Seeing this, the white figure decisively pushed the bathroom door open, leaving a crack. Thinking the door was about to close, Kamakura panicked, pushed off the floor with its short legs, and squeezed its chubby body through the crack!

Its head and forelegs successfully made it through, but its waist and abdomen were squeezed through the door crack by a "swimming ring" that kept getting thicker and thicker. Unfortunately, this "swimming ring" couldn't be removed, getting stuck in the feline's exceptionally flexible and detachable bones. The white figure narrowed the door crack slightly, and Kamakura could only paw at the ground and howl, "Meow—!"

"You fat cat."

Bai Ying sneered and said, "My minister, it's time for you to show your loyalty. Take this fat devil out of here, I need to change my clothes."

Hachiman Hikigaya felt his rebellious spirit stirring. If he helped his retired emperor by pushing open the bathroom door, giving him a boost, and then pulled the door open and closed it...

"Brother! You're back? Why didn't you call out? Where are the groceries you bought?" Komachi's voice grew closer.

Hachiman Hikigaya was startled and looked at the white figure pressing down on the bathroom door, mocking the retired emperor. From this angle, he could see that the half-wet hair was still dripping water, and the outline of muscles could be vaguely seen in the rising steam. Judging from the shoulders and some other parts, he was obviously completely naked.

Protect Komachi's purity!

Hachiman Hikigaya bent down and grabbed the head of the household, quickly giving him a wink before shouting, "Minister! Get dressed first! Komachi! The groceries are at the door!"

"Hmm..." the white figure said meaningfully, "If I let go of this door, you probably won't let go of the cat, right?"

"Completely loyal and obedient to orders!"

Hachiman Hikigaya felt a bit of sweat on the back of his head.

The white figure released the door, and Hachiman Hikigaya grabbed the cat. Komachi heard the noise but didn't come over. She picked up the groceries from the entryway, sighed helplessly, and muttered, "Trash-chan, what weird thing are you doing now?"

"Meow-!"

The fat cat, its armpits being grabbed, twisted and turned violently, angrily rebuking the servant of the floor.

Hachiman Hikigaya gestured towards the bathroom and whispered, "Komachi, it would be strange if he showed up at my house."

"What's so strange about it? It's perfectly normal for friends to come over and stay overnight," Komachi said, shaking her head. "My brother has finally changed for the better; he's made friends who are willing to come over. I'm so touched. Keep up the good work, brother, and try to find me a sister-in-law!"

Hachiman Hikigaya exclaimed in shock, "Komachi, are you really going to be so cruel as to marry me off?!"

Komachi Anzu's eyes widened, and she shouted, "Fine! Brother, you should marry Brother Bai!"

"Great idea!" came the white-clad voice from the bathroom. "Let's not delay, send Hachiman to Thailand right away! It doesn't matter if he doesn't go to Thailand, I don't really care, after all, love conquers all!"

Komachi was taken aback: "What does Thailand mean?"

Hachiman Hikigaya remained silent for a moment, then said, "If we're using cats as an analogy, Thailand has a highly developed transgender population."

"Ahem—Brother Bai, please don't say such strange things!"

Komachi coughed dramatically, gave a reprimand, and then hurriedly ran back to the kitchen to continue her work.

Komachi is definitely the cutest!

Wait a minute! Didn't Komachi just say that the minister was going to stay overnight at home?!

Hachiman Hikigaya felt a chill run down his spine. The conditions weren't difficult in theory; his parents were away on a business trip, so there was no need to worry about that. Even if they were home, they'd probably agree to let the department head stay overnight… The problem was, where would the department head sleep? Asking him to sleep on the sofa? Komachi would definitely slap herself in the face and refuse! His parents' room wasn't suitable, and that was even more out of the question—only his own room was left!

The scene of sharing a room during the school trip is still vivid in my mind...

"Meow-!"

Kamakura's wriggling movements brought Hachiman Hikigaya back to his senses. He gently shook the retired emperor with both hands, eliciting an even harsher meow.

Hachiman Hikigaya couldn't help but scratch the retired emperor's armpit.

"Meow!" Kamakura lunged forward and bit Hachiman Hikigaya, forcing him to instinctively let go.

The obese cat landed steadily, meowed wildly at its rude owner, and then ran away.

This is a rare opportunity to pet a cat.

Hachiman Hikigaya was a bit of a disappointment.

The white figure peering through the crack in the door pushed it open and, in the words of a seasoned cat speaker, remarked, "Your little devil seems to dislike you?"

Hikigaya Hachiman: "..."

Chapter Thirty-Four: The Broken Thread

"Ahem, Kamakura is probably in a bad mood today."

On the sofa, Hachiman Hikigaya coughed and explained, "I'm the one who usually takes care of it..."

Bai Ying replied knowingly, "The kind of eunuch who serves the emperor?"

"No," Hachiman Hikigaya firmly denied, "It's just a simple relationship between a cat owner and their pet."

"Sigh, why do you all like to succumb to the devil?"

Bai Ying sighed, then suddenly turned his head, his sharp gaze piercing the corridor. The fat white cat that had just run away was now trotting over.

"Woof——!!"

A lifelike roar rang out, and the fat white cat visibly trembled. It looked at the white figure with some confusion, stopped and slowly took a step back, then tentatively raised its paw forward.

"Woof!" This time, Bai Ying not only added a sound, but also a vivid dog-like expression.

The chubby white cat meowed, seemingly a little aggrieved, and hesitated to approach, frightened and timid. Hachiman Hikigaya watched this scene with a subtle hint of envy—this was practically the emperor of the household! Why was the captain so popular with cats?

The white figure said with pity, "Hachiman, you have been completely tamed by the demon."

“This isn’t called taming!” Hachiman Hikigaya coughed, then declared emphatically, “Minister, Kamakura is at the very top of the pyramid in our family…”

Bai Ying said knowingly, "You have all been tamed."

“How can this be called domestication? It’s all because of the minister’s prejudice against cats.” Hachiman Hikigaya sighed as he spoke. “Unfortunately, Kamakura always treats me very badly for some reason.”

Bai Ying pondered, "Because I've never seen a fish as big as you before?"

Hachiman Hikigaya remarked, "I've never seen a captain so afraid of cats."

"Given Hachiman's lowly position in the family, he must often be doing the work of this demon's servant, right?" The white figure pointed at the fat white cat that neither moved forward nor backward. "The demon's best trick is to use its racial advantages, such as being fluffy and small, to gain affection. The classic method is to let you pet it. Have you ever petted it?"

Hachiman Hikigaya coughed lightly: "It's usually not very friendly to me. If I try to touch it, I'm likely to get slapped away or barked at..."

"Why is a mere demon throwing such a tantrum?" Bai Ying said earnestly. "Let's get rid of it as soon as possible."

"Minister, if I send it away, Komachi will have to bring it back and send me away again." Hachiman Hikigaya rolled his eyes. "It's practically the emperor in my house. Actually, I quite like cats, it's just that cats don't really like me..."

"What does it matter whether it likes you or not?" Bai Ying urged. "If you can't win a cat's heart, then win its body! Look at how fat this guy is, just go up and grab it and pet it like crazy!"

"Then I'll have to lock the door when I sleep to avoid getting scratched." Hachiman Hikigaya astutely judged that this was a scheme to kill someone using a cat.

"Isn't this great?" Bai Ying said without any attempt to hide it. "You provoke the cat first, then the cat scratches you, and then you sentence the cat. You win!"

Win my foot! So the minister is thinking of a lose-lose situation?!

Hachiman Hikigaya retorted, "Given my home's ecosystem, the cat will definitely be forgiven. On the contrary, I'm the one who offended them even more. I've clearly lost twice."

Bai Ying shook her head and said, "You have to ask a cat's permission to pet it? You're so timid and hesitant. Are you going to end up like a beggar?"

“Not really,” Hachiman Hikigaya coughed. “I can still pet the cat when I feed it cat food or massage it when it’s sleepy.”

Looking at his subordinate, who was obsessed with demons, Bai Ying said with a pained expression, "Then you're basically begging on your knees?"

Hachiman Hikigaya proudly declared, "It is my honor to be able to beg for food from Kamakura."

Cats are still a perfect weapon against ministers, but unfortunately, they're a bit too fat, often failing to utilize their feline agility and sharpness to force the minister into jumping around. The minister's attempt to sow discord between himself and the retired emperor is unnecessary; he'll surrender in the shortest possible time.

What's shameful about losing to a cat? Not at all!

"Another guy, like a hero, has been bewitched by a demon."

The white figure grinned crookedly and meowed a few times at the large white cat that dared not approach: "Meow meow meow—!"

"Meow--!"

"Meow--!"

The white figure pointed firmly at Hachiman Hikigaya, and Kamakura meowed in dissatisfaction.

"All done." The white figure patted Hachiman Hikigaya on the shoulder. "Now you can go beg for food."

Hikigaya Hachiman: “?”

Before she could even understand what was going on, Bai Ying had already gotten up and strolled into the kitchen.