Uneasy daily life

Yukino Yukinoshita slammed the letter of authorization on the table and looked at the white figure.

Bai: "What percentage do I take?"

Xue: "You receive a fixed salary."

Bai: "Then I'll be a beggar? I'm not going."

Xue: "I'll give you 30%."

Bai: "Are you trying to send me away like a beggar? I'm not going."

Snow: "Fifty percent!"

Bai: "Not enough!"

Xue: "Is 100% enough? I'll give you the whole thing!"

Bai: "You must have some ulterior motive. I'm not going. I'm leaving."

Snow falls on the door.

Bai: "What do you want to do?"

Yukino Yukinoshita immediately lay down on the ground and started rolling around.

"Aaaaaah! I can't beat it! My damage output is too low, my defense is weak, my evasion is lacking, and I'm even countered by the BOSS's class! Please help me, please carry me! Just let me be a carry this one-time dungeon, sob sob sob..."

……

……

Yukino Yukinoshita was stunned, staring at the white shadow rolling around on the ground, still spreading pollution with its voice. She took a deep breath, her face turning pale and her hands clenched into fists.

Ah, there are no surveillance cameras or patrolling police in the countryside, the nights are quiet enough that there's no need to worry about passersby, and there's a small river nearby that makes it easy to cover up any traces. The only person who knows that she and the other person left is her sister, who can provide an alibi...

The white figure suddenly rolled rapidly towards the river, tumbling directly off the bank.

puff.

"?!"

What's wrong with you now?!

Yukino Yukinoshita instinctively stepped forward and almost jumped down to save the person.

"My black hair trembles with sorrow, the lights are far away in the dark night. The moon leads the mountains to welcome the water as a hospitable guest, and the gentle breeze carries me across the Milky Way."

The white figure lay on its back on the river, motionless, drifting slowly towards the opposite bank in the evening breeze. The water, reflecting the sky, looked as if a river of stars was flowing and sparkling, with ripples spreading across its surface.

There was a town on the other side of the river, where the lights were even brighter. So he boldly and simply landed on the river, intending to cross to the brightly lit place.

My hesitation, my indecisiveness, my fear—I was so easily seen through again. Even though I was certain that my mother had changed, I still didn't dare to speak up.

Logically speaking, this should be a simple matter, right? Speak up, express your thoughts, and wait… no, no, no, when I think about waiting for my mother's reply, it becomes anything but simple…

Yukino Yukinoshita clenched her fists tightly, watching the white figure slowly drift away. It seemed to be getting further and further away, or perhaps it would always be this far away? Or was it that it was so unrestrained, doing anything so easily, saying anything so carefree and casual, so brave that it made people question the very definition of bravery.

It makes people envious, it makes people angry, it makes people exhausted, it makes people embarrassed, and it makes people hate it!

I'll ask you for help, and you'll help me. Wouldn't that solve everything?

What an annoying guy, constantly making me see my own weakness!

I've never opposed my mother since I was a child, and I've only expressed my own thoughts once, and that was only because I was half-forced... The river in front of me... The town in the distance... The white shadows drifting leisurely away in the river... Courage, bravery... Does a truly brave person need the approval and agreement of others?

Yukino Yukinoshita's breathing became slightly more rapid.

This is inexplicable, it's without reason, it's without purpose, it's without explanation, it's simply insane behavior...

I must have been contaminated with white mold!

Yukino Yukinoshita took a deep breath.

Bai Ying felt a little regretful, as if she had wasted her inspiration again.

Thinking about it, I'll let it go. Following my heart is what creation is all about, while rushing to meet deadlines is just part of life.

This escape route is perfect; there's no need to worry about the hero getting angry and attacking...

He saw Yukina leap into the river.

"Idiot!!"

Chapter 137 Courage

What is courage?

By definition, courage means being unafraid of danger and difficulties, having boldness, and not backing down.

Am I a brave person? I can overcome the tedious learning process, face the indifference of being ostracized by the group, and point out mistakes frankly.

Am I a timid person? I try to circumvent conflicts with friends by going around in circles, which leads to misunderstandings; I admire and admire my older sister but also dislike her, and I feel ashamed that I can't become like her; I rely on my mother's expectations and approval but dare not express my true feelings.

What constitutes courage—what outcome? What gain? What problem to solve?

I want a friend to stand by my side, saying nothing, just someone to give me a foothold to ask my mother for help. Isn't that brave enough? If I have to rely on nothing, what's the point of studying alone? What's the point of striving? What's the point of connecting with others?

Am I not brave if I can face difficulties head-on and find ways to solve them?

Perhaps this is just a sophistry in my mind, but what is courage? Is it something that truly exists? Is it a positive attitude? Is it an achievement in life?

Yukino Yukinoshita knew the reason why Hakukage refused the request, and she knew what Hakukage considered proof of courage: that she relied on nothing and had an honest conversation with her mother.

If that's something that requires courage to do, how do I acquire courage?

If I need to do this to become brave, how do I do it?

This is an illogical vicious cycle.

It was a shadow, different from the heavy and oppressive shadow of her sister, yet it still existed—a shadow that had accumulated since she was old enough to understand, a shadow that she had never disobeyed her mother in her heart.

The more you confront it, the more timid you become; the more you suppress your feelings, the more hesitant you become.

Bai Ying repeatedly emphasized, "It wasn't my doing. I didn't help you, so I absolutely won't help you or accept your request for help."

She still asked for help, albeit in a tactful manner, but Bai Ying still refused to accept the request. It was as if she was being forced to confront her inner self and those unresolved entanglements.

In a moment of impulsiveness, Yukino Yukinoshita jumped.

Jumping into a river in the middle of the night is an act that is absolutely discouraged by common sense.

It wasn't to save anyone who fell into the water; there was no clear objective. It was a dangerous and meaningless act, and afterwards, there would be the hassle of washing clothes and taking a shower. It was simply insane; it was something I had never done in my sixteen years of life...

It's hard to tell—is he trying to force Bai Ying to come and save him, to admit he's helping him? Is he trying to emulate Bai Ying's erratic behavior to prove his courage? Is he angrily trying to prove he wasn't brave enough by jumping into the river? Is he so enraged that he'll jump into the river to physically punish Bai Ying? Does he want to see the world through Bai Ying's eyes?

Annoying! So annoying!

I can't tell!

The moment my body was lifted into the air, I truly felt the presence of gravity.

The empty feeling of falling brought a strange tension to my heart... Was it a physiological reaction? Or a psychological reaction? Even though I was falling, I let go of all sorts of things and felt so light, as if I had sprouted wings and was flying in that instant. My mind was empty—difficulties, troubles, the future, worries, common sense, the connections between people, the constraints between people, all vanished in that instant.

I have touched freedom, I have touched myself.

A weak little girl who obeys her mother's orders and considers gaining her mother's approval her duty.

Pfft!

I fell into the water, feeling my body burst open and buzz as it hit the surface. The river water, not icy cold in summer, rushed in, soaking my bathrobe, staining my body, taking away the heat and leaving a cool sensation. The water flowed past my ears, and the world was so quiet that only my own thoughts remained.

Reason instantly took over my mind, restoring my calm and thinking. I could almost see that little girl putting on her strong clothes, picking up excellence and hard work, and training continuously according to orders, becoming a respectable soldier.

That's self-discipline and hard work, making yourself better, but that's not courage. It could be stubbornness and obedience, making yourself think you're better in line with your mother's wishes, but that's not courage.

Ah... I see. I think I understand now.

I wanted to tell him, to tell him what I had seen.

Yukino Yukinoshita held her breath, closed her eyes, and calmly stirred the water with her hands, preparing to float to the surface.

I felt a sudden, surging current in the water—could there be some terrifying monster in the river?!

Fish? Snake? Turtle? Crocodile? Shark?!

My wrist suddenly tightened, and I felt a firm grip on it.

Ah, it's Bai Ying... I can swim, and you swam over here so quickly. You really are a tsundere.

Yukino Yukinoshita muttered to herself, then immediately sensed something was wrong. The hand pulled her with great force, and she suddenly felt her head break through the water.

Before she could even open her eyes to shake off the water and breathe, Yukino Yukinoshita felt a tightness around her neck as the other person's arm forcefully locked her throat.

Wait a minute—I can swim, and your method of rescuing the drowning person is a bit improper…

That being said, there was no chance to speak anymore. Speaking at this point might only cause water to splash into one's throat and choke.

Yukino Yukinoshita silently relaxed her body. She could hear the loud splashing of water in front of her head and felt like a floating duckweed being pulled across a river.

She gazed at the stars and moon in the sky, listened to the sound of the waves crashing, and felt a gentle breeze.

The moon draws the mountains to welcome the waters, a hospitable spirit; the gentle breeze carries me across the Milky Way… This is a carefree heart, and such carefree spirit requires extraordinary courage.

Even so, I felt like I was being dragged along like a piece of luggage, completely lacking the mood Bai Jun had just described... What a pity.

Reaching the shore.

Yukino Yukinoshita sat on the wet shore, finally having a moment to lower her head and catch her breath.

Her once-dry, jet-black hair began to clump together, sticking damply to her forehead and cheeks. Her loose yukata was completely soaked by the river, wrinkled and clinging to her skin, making her look very bulky. The wooden clogs on her right foot had disappeared, and her left foot's pink and white toes were barely managing to grip the remaining one.

"Bai Jun..."

Just as Yukino Yukinoshita was about to turn her head to speak, a bunch of water droplets flew over and smeared her face. She quickly raised her hand to cover her face and said angrily, "What are you doing!"

The white figure, shaking violently, launched a close-range water attack, saying irritably, "What are you jumping for? Is this something you can do?! I said I wouldn't accept your requests, and that means I won't accept them no matter what you say or do! Jumping into the river? You think you can take a shortcut to speed things up? This Demon King never accepts threats! You'd better taste the consequences of your foolish actions!"

The white shadow suddenly increased its shaking frequency, transforming into a human-powered spin dryer.

"wait wait wait……"

Yukino Yukinoshita quickly covered her face with her hands: "Haku-kun! You guessed wrong..."

"Aren't you forcing me to come and rescue you, you drowning rat? What era are we living in, still playing these kinds of tricks?"

"..."

I did feel a little guilty, but really only a little... To be precise, my mind was in a jumble of thoughts the moment I jumped into the river.

Yukino Yukinoshita was taken aback. Huh? Haku-kun didn't notice?

Bai Ying realized that her clothes couldn't be shaken out much water, so she decisively reached out and scooped up two clumps of mud from the riverbank—specifically, the black ones!

"!"

Yukino Yukinoshita shouted almost like a roar, "I'm here!"

"Hmm?" Bai Ying raised an eyebrow. "Looking into other people's eyes when you speak is a matter of politeness."

"Hmph, if Bai Jun doesn't pay attention to people, he might also fall into a state of self-righteousness."

Yukino Yukinoshita decisively turned her head, her fingers gently pressing a strand of hair. Drops of water fell to the ground as she gazed at the opposite bank of the river—where there was little light and the night was thicker and darker, while on this side, behind her lay the lights of the town, where the night was even less and thinner.

“I jumped into the river and came across from the other side. To be honest, I can swim, and I was prepared before I jumped in. Bai Jun's rush to help me disrupted my preparations to swim across on my own…”

"is it?"

A clump of mud landed with a thud on the hem of Yukino's clothes.

Bai Ying sneered, "Keep talking nonsense. I didn't expect you to be so good at hindsight. You only realized how to get across after you jumped in a moment of impulsiveness, didn't you? If you really understood, would you have needed to jump into the river? Luckily, you didn't crash into a rock at the bottom of the river or get a leg cramp and pretend to drown. If you had died in such a ridiculous accident, I would have danced on your grave for three days and three nights."

Anyway, I'll definitely have to wash the yukata later, so it doesn't matter if it gets a little dirty. I'll put up with it!

"Bai Jun, I'm taking back that request. I don't need your help anymore. You missed your chance to surpass my score."

Yukino Yukinoshita, barely managing to remain calm, brushed her hair back together, wrung out some water from the river, turned her head, looked up at the white figure, and said earnestly, "Courage is about breaking free from your own rules and regulations."

Again and again, time after time, day after day. The constant repetition of life, emotions, and perceptions creates inertia, spinning, cycling, and contracting, imprisoning the heart firmly. Parental expectations, family responsibilities, societal common sense, and ego's stubbornness, all combine to numbly repeat themselves, turning into an ever-deepening quagmire, causing the heart to sink, adapt, and then cool down.

Try to break free, break free from this suffocating cycle. Even if no one celebrates or praises you, the moonlight will guide you in the night, the mountains will not flee, and they will welcome you. Even the seemingly cold river water will embrace you as a guest. Leap out of your self-imposed limitations, accompanied by a gentle breeze, and you can roam freely across even the vast starry sky.

We are born with a world of our own; all we need is the courage to take that leap.

"That's my answer."