The Astartes Family's Notebook

阿斯塔特家的计事本

Author: The Incompetent King

Astartes cannot be limited to fighting and killing.

To manage a battle group effectively, one must also be adept at navigating social situations and interpersonal relationships.

Prejudice in people's hearts is a mountain.

Unfortunately, the stereotypes about the Warhammer universe held by outsiders are all correct.

How can the human empire be improved by working with these insects?

We have to work together with these insects to maintain the human empire!

From recruit to chapter commander, Space Marines never admit to having localized brain necrosis.

However, from the Emperor to the Four Gods, the powerful beings of the Warp always wanted to give everyone a good life.

His holy and divine emperor once said that he was not a god.

Kaz Samar expressed complete indifference to the human god's insistence that He was not a god.

They kept saying, "Yes, yes, yes, we should worship when we should worship, and kneel when we should kneel."

After hundreds of years of struggle, Karz, who finally became the leader of the warband, is writing his memoirs, wanting to record his magnificent life for the empire.

Unfortunately, the impetuous new recruit barged into his room.

"Commander, promethium is half price in the neighboring sector!"

Alas, even demigods of the empire cannot escape the mundane matters of food, clothing, daily necessities, and family life.

He put down his personal memoirs and pulled out the warband's ledger.

Do you have a lot of savings?

Not many left.

Warhammer Musings (Part 1)

Hey, I've written so many words in ten days, I've decided to relax and chat with you all.

The biggest dilemma for writing Warhammer fanfiction is: what exactly is the "Warhammer flavor"?

In my humble opinion, it's just a collection of stereotypes.

After all, we upper-level observers behind the fourth wall know that those stereotypes are all true.

Before the book was even published, some readers warned me that I was incompetent, as Warhammer fans these days are very picky and meticulous.

Hilarious! An old-fashioned guy is here to tell you all a story.

It must have been around 2002, before World of Warcraft had even been released for public testing and before Qidian dominated the online novel world. The only website in China where you could find information about Warhammer was called Battlefield Commander, which was a forum.

Readers who came from the Warcraft Chronicles forum should know that when I mentioned the word "chicken broth" in my completed work, it was a story that happened on this forum.

Here's what happened. At the time, a forum user with the username "JIZHI" made up some facts about Warhammer. The lies were so outrageous that they were obviously fake, and the forum's experts highlighted and pinned the post, publicly humiliating it.

From then on, the behavior of those who made jokes and boasted online was called "chicken juicy" (or "chicken juice").

So it's not that today's Hammer fans are picky and nitpicky; they were like that back then too.

Hammer fans remain as strict as ever, becoming a symbol of our great motherland.

As our motherland becomes stronger, people stand taller and no longer blindly believe that the grass is greener on the other side.

Therefore, GW, the company that sells game pieces, has many illogical storylines that have been rejected by Warhammer fans in China, which has created the fertile ground for us to write Warhammer fanfiction.

From the initial three editions of the rulebook to the current tenth edition, GW has retconned the rules more than once or twice.

To give a concrete example, the latest Firehawk Chapter, as everyone knows, is the prototype of the Cursed Legion. It has been confirmed that the entire chapter perished in the warp.

However, the original story of the Firehawk Chapter dates back 25 years. It tells of an Astartes Chapter that was infected with a warp virus, turning all its members into zombies. They lost their reason and ability to think, but still maintained their loyalty to the Emperor and continued to kill the Empire's enemies with their decaying bodies.

Many of the settings that are now being retconned by the author were the mainstream at the time, and it wasn't just empty talk.

Take the female Astartes, for example. The initial experimental model, "Lotto," was based on information released by GW itself, which was then removed from the official website and only mentioned briefly in a minor section of the Black Library.

You, GW, are serious. We, the legitimate users who saw the information back then but can no longer verify it, have become the new generation of "chicken juice" (a metaphor for exploitation).

You're quite the player, selling chess pieces!

Since we've already mentioned the female Astartes, I'll share what I know for everyone's amusement. If you disagree, please don't criticize; I'm just being sarcastic, I admit it, I'll put a no-fight sign for now.

Everyone knows that the person selling the chess pieces isn't good at math. The earliest Astartes selection ratio given by GW was roughly one in a million ordinary people. Each new candidate was a superhuman, a chosen one, standing above millions of lives. Even so, the success rate of the gene-modification surgery was only thirty percent.

The creator god's cerebellum twitched, causing a spasm in the brain, and he realized something was wrong. The proportions seemed a bit off. With the population of Great Britain and its colonies combined, it seemed that they couldn't even select a company of Astartes, let alone a warband.

That's not a good idea.

So, with a wave of his hand, he changed the "one in a million" option to "one in a hundred thousand".

Very good, we British must have our own battle group!

Perfect......

With this standard in mind, GW developed its own female Space Marines. The chess pieces they made were even more abstract than the female dwarves from Warcraft, and they couldn't sell at all. Only a few die-hard fans had physical chess pieces, and it's said that only two big shots in China have genuine collectibles.

This is what I heard. If there are any true experts among the readers, please post a picture to show everyone. Thank you.

As for female Astartes, it wasn't that they couldn't be modified. The explanation given by GW at the time was that in the early stages of the Yellow Skin's development, they considered the issue of universal conscription and naturally researched modification surgery for female Astartes, even having a successful sample—the aforementioned "Lotto." However, the Yellow Skin discovered that the success rate of female Astarte modification surgery was only a fraction of that of male Astartes; the exact number is unclear, perhaps one-thirtieth or one-three-hundredth. But considering that male modification surgery was capped at 30% at the time, whether it was thirty or three hundredths, the success rate was ridiculously low.

Moreover, it was inappropriate to transform so many excellent human mothers into space nuns, so the Emperor personally sealed all information related to the female Astartes modification surgery.

Furthermore, due to the actions of the Primarch, the female Astartes prototypes that had already been completed—I think there were four "Lottos"—were swept away by a warp storm in the laboratory along with their infant Primarchs.

Now that we've covered the background story, let's get back to the book itself.

Because of the help of my all-knowing fellow book lovers who check for typos, I am able to read book reviews.

It really came true for the long-time fan in the group who's been following us for ten years.

Back then, some longtime fans told Wu Neng, "Writing it this way will easily please neither side. People who don't read Warhammer won't understand it at all, and true Warhammer fans will think you're just making things up. You're putting in effort for nothing, so what are you trying to achieve?"

With hands on hips, Wugong retorted, "What's the difference between a person without dreams and a salted fish? I just want to write a book that new readers can understand and that old readers will want to follow."

The Warhammer fandom is quite niche and exclusive, and the atmosphere isn't very good.

This isn't good. It's not good to keep things to yourself. Anyway, I really like recommending Warhammer to others because I think it's really good.

Good things should be shared generously. New fans sometimes make risqué jokes, which is part of what makes them cute. If you think something is wrong, just say it. Anyway, under the big hands of GW, what is right today may become history tomorrow. There's nothing to argue about. Don't escalate it to insults and arrogance. You think you're the only one who's right? You're such a "foolish person".

Therefore, I am incapable of writing this book. It is a promotional work with the intention of popularizing science. If you don't explain some of the settings, newcomers will not understand and will be confused. If you explain them, old readers will find it verbose. I am here to read the story. Who cares about those "basic settings"?

So you can see, he's really pleasing neither side.

Balancing these metrics requires careful consideration; I won't simply copy large sections of the formula, but will strive to make the story more engaging.

And I'll also try to respond to some of the criticisms and opinions in the book reviews.

I'm speechless. Not at all at the comments from fellow book lovers, but at the current state of Chinese language education. It's normal for a middle-aged person in their late forties to have a generation gap with everyone else.

But isn't "The Humble Abode Inscription," a masterpiece by Liu Yuxi, a must-read essay?

This is a humble abode, but what is so humble about it?

This is a textbook example of an inverted sentence.

In the story, there's an orc who uses his "I think" power to become invisible while muttering "You can't see me," which is the most common use of inversion. The phrase "amazing" that we often use is just an inversion of "amazing."

There's no problem with that. I'm just wondering how my literary skills could be considered a grammatical error when they're so solid.

There's also the part where Odachi's teacher instructs him on how to do things, and the part where the old soldier warns the orcs of Kaz.

Both of these passages are lengthy didactic pieces, which may indeed be a poor experience for readers on mobile phones, as the large blocks of text fill the screen and appear as if there is no formatting.

However, in Chinese literature, not only should sentences be fluent, but context and paragraph structure also play a role in strengthening the tone.

Mr. Ba Jin and Mr. Lao She once said something similar: try not to use long sentences when writing articles, and it is best not to exceed 30 words.

Incompetence deeply agrees with this.

Aside from necessary, humorous, or descriptive long sentences, you'll rarely see someone incompetent in using long sentences, right? Just pressing a space is no big deal.

However, dialogue within quotation marks is not included.

Both of these passages are serious admonitions. It's not difficult to break them down into smaller sections, add more spaces, and include some descriptions of body language.

But the tone was softened.

This is a deadly warning, equivalent to your parents staring into your eyes, calling your full name, and wagging their fingers to warn you that you'll get a beating if you don't do this.

If your dad lit a cigarette, took a sip of wine, ate a couple of peanuts, and called you by your nickname while saying the same things, would you take it to heart?

Dude, I've explained this so sincerely, are you satisfied?

You're absolutely right to say this book is just the author rambling on and on.

Because of their incompetence in choosing Kars, an ordinary Astartes without any obvious power-ups, as the starting point, they were destined to be unable to continue the story from a conventional perspective.

If you're interested, you can look it up. Recently, someone commented on the story structure and core spirit of "Glitch Utopia" and "What Kind of Immortal Can You Cultivate Without Money?" I can't help but think that guy's analysis is quite insightful.

The article is too long to quote here; interested readers can find it themselves.

Getting back to the point, the reason why Wu Neng feels that the Warhammer fanfiction on Qidian is not quite right is because there are too many "cloud-based" Warhammer fanfictions. They haven't even figured out the core spirit of Warhammer; they just search for some information on Baidu and start writing and praising it.

Suo Zhanshuai, I subscribed to 400 VIP chapters and was disgusted by the author. Did he sell the book to a gold seller later on? What kind of garbage is this?

The fourth installment of the series is pretty good; I'm currently following it. However, I feel the plot has gotten a bit too far ahead and is starting to get out of control. Since I don't have the author's contact information, I don't dare to offer any advice. I'll just keep watching for now.

"A Young Man's Dream" and "Mo Gong's Throne Sword" are both books that Wu Neng has subscribed to. He even had a heated argument with Long Huang in the book review section. Since Mo Gong said he is depressed, Wu Neng can't say anything. Sorry, you're sick. I'll just read quietly and not say anything.

In the Warhammer universe, despair is the underlying theme, while the brilliance of humanity shines through. The story is a critical reflection by the British on the post-World War II world.

Karz is neither the Primarch nor a reincarnation of a Warp God; he does not possess that kind of world-destroying power.

Compared to ordinary people, Kars is lucky; at least he has his own destiny in his own hands. But he doesn't have the ability to save humanity.

Therefore, Wunong uses a lighthearted and humorous style, absurd yet serious, to tell the story of Kars' life and the experiences of those around him, depicting the cruelty of the purgatory galaxy and the struggles and powerlessness of mortals.

The writing style is light, but the core of the story is very heavy. I don't know if readers would be able to keep reading if I didn't write it this way, but I certainly couldn't.

If it's really written like that, why don't readers just go read the official novel?

If you really have the ability to write like this, why bother with Qidian if you're incompetent? Wouldn't it be better to go to traditional literary circles to win awards or get a position in the Writers' Association?

Dear readers, you overestimate my abilities. Could you offer some constructive suggestions?

I've already written over three thousand words of bragging and rambling, so I'll stop here for now. I'll continue bragging to you all later if I think of anything else.

Warhammer Musings (Part Two)

I didn't expect this series to have a sequel so quickly. I just wanted to say a few things upfront.

Because the fans of Hammer Technology in China are really strict.

Although I had anticipated this situation when I started writing the book, it was still surprising that so many people quickly labeled the incompetent king as part of the Cloud Hammer faction and "advised" me to work on the character settings before writing the novel, so as not to mislead readers.

how to say.

Yes, that's right. I am the head of the "chicken broth" team. I admit defeat first, I surrender and lose half of my rights. I beg you to retain my writing rights, okay?

As an online novelist, one cannot let emotions cloud one's judgment. Hibernating Dragon Phoenix and Witch God 6 have already become shoe prints on one's face, so this chapter written by an incompetent little Karami is also somewhat of a disclaimer.

But then I thought about it again and realized that I should make things clear and explain things clearly, otherwise I would have suffered this injustice for nothing.

In the Warcraft genre, there are almost no readers who can rival Wu Nong, because from 2004 to 2025, Blizzard commissioned writers to write background story novels. If we exclude the few that Blizzard itself thinks are outrageous, and add some important short story collections, the number is probably between twenty and thirty.

In other words, once you've read at most thirty novels, you'll understand the cause and effect of Azeroth's history. If you're also a World of Warcraft player who has completed the game's storyline, then when a story-related dispute arises, who can argue with you?

Hehe, that's what incompetent people are like; they've filled a whole drawer with physical game cards they bought for World of Warcraft.

After bragging, let's talk about Warhammer.

To fully master Warcraft, one needs to read thirty related novels. So how about Warhammer?

Great! There are plenty of recommended book lists on Douyin and Zhihu. Once you've read these twenty or thirty novels, you'll have a basic understanding.

That's right, you've gotten the hang of it.