The Thirteen Trials of the Deceptive Monk

What exactly is divinity?

To answer this question, we must start with God himself.

Gods, like monsters, are beings born from human belief and fear. And in times before civilization was developed, the object of human reverence was always nature.

Reverence for thunder, prayers for rain. Yearning for sunshine, wishes for a bountiful harvest. To more effectively convey these unfounded beliefs to nature, myths about gods arose, along with offerings to them. Thus came the gods of thunder and rain, the sun and the earth. These "deities," representing nature yet arising from humankind, are the embodiment of both nature and civilization.

Therefore, divinity—the nature of the divine—is manifested in both nature and humanity.

All deities, regardless of their nature, hold dominion over nature. Originating from nature, they are therefore favored by the world, and their desires can be fulfilled within the scope of their functions.

All deities, regardless of their nature, possess an affinity for intelligent life. Beings born of faith are those that align with human desires; their requests will be granted, and they must be respected for their natural emergence.

In other words, divinity is the quality of being able to control nature and be compatible with life. Because each god is a unique being, divinity is also a unique information that belongs only to itself, and there is almost no possibility of it being passed on except by giving birth to offspring or devouring other gods.

In ancient legends, whenever a god or demigod hero appeared, those around them could immediately sense their extraordinary charisma or heroic aura—a direct manifestation of divinity. Indeed, many gods and heroes of that era practiced this custom, as divinity, in most situations, could command the elements and command immediate worship—it was simply too convenient…

However, let's reiterate, that's all in the past.

After the advent of the ultimate magic, the inner world entered a period of advanced civilization. Today, the moral and cultural level of most secret realms is comparable to that of the outside world. Feudal empires are long gone, and slavery is a relic from thousands of years ago. Even demons and monsters these days pay attention to dressing appropriately when they go out.

At this point, interfering with free thought with divinity would seem rather barbaric.

—What do you mean by "awesome and domineering, yet people bow down in worship"? Isn't that just powerful seduction? Who gave you permission to seduce me?

—It was one thing to use divinity to seduce girls a thousand or eight hundred years ago, but now you're doing the same thing? Don't you treat people like human beings?

—What do you mean by causing a storm and disrupting the normal lives of nearby residents just to show off? Who's going to compensate for the damage caused by your reckless display?

Amidst the increasingly frequent protests, the gods themselves began to reflect. After all, times have truly changed. Faith is no longer valued; who wants to associate with someone who constantly abuses their status and acts recklessly? Furthermore, as pioneers of civilization, we gods should be the most civilized and dignified. How can we, now reduced to barbarians wielding clubs, still dare to call ourselves masters?

Thus, new etiquette and aesthetics quietly emerged with the changing times. Today, the underworld unanimously agrees that using divinity for "practical purposes" such as spells, magical tools, and divine realms is the most appropriate, technically sophisticated, and divinely powerful approach. On the other hand, simply revealing divinity without any processing and following the old ways is despised by all forces.

Furthermore, since divinity is a unique piece of personal information, much like human genetic information, this barbaric act is seen by magicians who can perceive divinity as equivalent to…

"It's like you're not wearing pants." Linggong couldn't bear to look at her.

Faris, clinging to a roadside tree, was already laughing so hard he was convulsing. Lu Wenjun, squatting in the corner like a stone block, screamed in a voice that cracked: "Aa ...

Faris was practically laughing his head off: "No, oh my, Jesus! Does he mean he's not wearing pants or even underwear?"

Linggong clearly turned her gaze away: "Don't ask..."

"Stop talking! Aaaaaaah!" Lu Wenjun screamed a second time.

“God! God! Great Immortal! How can you be defeated by mere shame? You must come back quickly and save the earth!” Faris held his shoulder. “Think about it, the ancient gods in the murals are either naked or wearing only a piece of cloth. They don’t wear underwear. What’s wrong with you not wearing underwear?”

"You bastard, I'll kill you!"

Faris yelled, "Ah, God of Exposure has murdered his son! Is anyone coming to my rescue? There's an exhibitionist choking me!"

Lu Wenjun looked around in alarm: "Shut up! We can't let anyone see us!"

Upon learning the truth, Lü Wenjun immediately ran into the back mountain, fearing that he might be seen by a third person on the way. Ling Gong maintained a distance of more than five meters from him, keeping an invisible "abnormal defensive line" beside him.

Ling Gong covered her face tightly: "Wen Jun, your most important task right now is to put your pants on..."

"I'm wearing them! Look, I'm wearing normal jeans! Don't make me sound like an exhibitionist!"

"Mental trousers..."

"How can a carbon-based life form like me construct pants in my mind?!"

"That's what they call the 'divine descent ritual'..." Ling Gong quietly turned around, "If you want to know more details, you can ask Professor Ji or Professor Ling Ge in class tomorrow..."

Lü Wenjun lamented, "My reputation is ruined if I show up in class like this!"

Faris points out: "Your reputation was ruined after the Lacey campaign."

"You had a lot of fun imitating cavemen with your classmate Velsa, and you'll definitely be able to get through this on your own now," Ling Gong smiled.

"Back then, at least I had a grass skirt. Now I don't even have anything to cover up. Isn't that just complete perversion?!"

"If you're going to be considerate, please keep at least five meters away from me... Um, to be honest, I'm already doing my best just to avoid looking at you like you're trash..."

Lu Wenjun collapsed to the ground, reaching out his hand: "No, Linggong! Please!!"

Faris pleaded, "Linggong, you're beautiful and kind-hearted, please help him this once. A person without clothes is like a fly without wings, just a crawling dungeon! Can you bear to see him become a dungeon at such a young age!"

Lu Wenjun roared, "Farris, I'll kill you!"

"The zoning is too severe; it's starting to hurt people! Doctor, please help!"

Linggong sighed deeply and said, "I really will give you a very rude look."

"I've already been looked at like this once today, so it doesn't bother me anymore..."

Linggong opened her eyes, the fur on her two fox ears stood up, and her dark eyes seemed like bottomless abysses.

"How terrifying! Those eyes were terrifying! My back went cold!"

Faris exclaimed, "The way she looks at you is like she's looking at a standing pile of shit..."

“Then I will conduct the divine descent ceremony. Please follow me, um... Mr. Lü.”

"Why has even the way you address me changed?!" Lü Wenjun cried out in despair.

Linggong smiled and said, "Excuse me, I don't really want to call this exhibitionist who's been so eager to get my attention a classmate."

"I want to die."

·

Divine possession ritual. The ritual in which a deity possesses one's body to fulfill prophecies and wield divine power is a fundamental skill of Reiyumi, a shrine maiden.

The essence of this ritual is to temporarily make one's spirit a "container" for the divine, and a ritual that can contain the divinity of others can naturally also be used to seal one's own divinity. This is the solution to the problem.

"In other words, it means letting Lü Wenjun be his own pants," Faris said.

"Please don't pull up your pants."

Ling Gong was meticulously recording Lü's performance.

"Intelligent life is friendly, good luck is on a small scale, a gentle breeze is summoned... and sunshine..." She scribbled in her notebook, "Please let me confirm the last expression."

Lu Wenjun said bitterly, "Promise me you won't curse me first."

"Oh dear, you seem to think you still have a choice?"

Lu Wenjun knelt on the ground and lamented, "Light!"

A ray of sunlight shone down from the clouds, illuminating his profile, which seemed utterly lifeless.

“There’s no mistake, it’s the divinity of the ‘Sun God’.” Ling Gong closed her notebook. “In ancient myths, the Sun God often exists as one aspect of an omnipotent god, or as the chief god of a pantheon. Regardless of whether it’s inappropriate or not, this is quite an extraordinary thing.”

Lu Wenjun raised his hand timidly: "Isn't it a bit arbitrary to make such a conclusion so easily? I can call some small animals too."

"Can Mr. Lü summon rain?"

Lu Wenjun prayed for rain with his eyes closed for a long time, but didn't receive a single drop of water. Finally, a few sparrows brought him leaves covered in dew, as if to say, "Hey, here, play with these, don't make a fuss."

"Why...?"

“To put it simply, being nature-friendly means that nature will pamper you,” Ling Gong said. “If you want to play with the birds, they will come over; if you want a breeze, they will give you a little wind. But nature’s pampering has its limits. Can’t all of Mr. Lü’s previous behavior be explained by ‘good luck’?”

A gentle breeze was summoned by chance. Insects were attracted by chance. A flock of birds that liked him happened to pass by.

It was at best a tiny bit of good luck.

"Thinking about it carefully, it doesn't even come close to the level of magic..."

“That’s right. Only the manifestation of sunlight transcends chance and coincidence, reaching the realm of the supernatural. This is the basis for my judgment of divinity.” Ling Gong tapped the bamboo beside her. “This divinity is very special…it will probably require an unconventional ritual.”

She announced, "Everyone, get ready to start a fire!"

·

"Hey, hey!"

"The fire is too small, make it bigger."

"Drink up!" Velsa, who had been summoned to do hard labor, fanned himself vigorously.

"Oh, it's on fire!"

"It's so hot!"

"If we keep going like this, it will definitely work."

Lu Wenjun sat cross-legged, his eyes fixed on his nose and his mind, cold sweat pouring down his face.

"May I ask, is this truly a séance...?"

Ling Gong's tone turned eight degrees colder: "Is Mr. Lü questioning my professional competence?"

"No, I wouldn't dare, but this..."

Lu Wenjun opened his eyes and looked at the bamboo cage that had imprisoned him, as well as the four raging fires that were constantly approaching from all sides.

"This is outright murder!!!"

"Mr. Lü is really an amateur when it comes to theology. This is what is called 'sympathetic magic,' simulating the sun through high temperature and burning."

"Does the simulation really need to be this realistic? The bamboo is charred black and making a terrifying 'crackling' sound! What god would want to descend into a place like this?!"

Faris shook his head upon hearing this, looking as if he understood.

"Exhibitionist, you're wrong. Back in the late Han Dynasty, Liu Bei visited Zhuge Liang three times to persuade him to come out of seclusion. He relied on a fire to bring Zhuge Liang out of seclusion. This shows that fire has always had the effect of attracting heroes, let alone inviting gods."

Lu Wenjun almost choked on his breath: "What kind of bullshit version is that? You're not watching the new Three Kingdoms, are you?"

Versa silently noted: "So this is how the ancient Eastern country invites people to come out of seclusion..."

"Don't believe that! Please, read the original story!"

Reiko reached out and felt the temperature of the fire: "How strange... You've gone to such lengths and you still won't descend..."

"It would be a miracle if they were still willing to descend at this point!"

“Looks like we have to get serious.” Ling Gong pushed up her glasses. “Velsa, cut some more bamboo and build a frame. Faris, go find some rope.”

"What do you mean? Why do you need a rope? What are you trying to do?"

Five minutes later, an extra-large cross stood up in the bamboo forest.

God Lu Wenjun was bound to the cross with the serene composure of an enlightened being, a tall pile of firewood stacked beneath him. Faris, holding a torch, saluted: "Everything is ready, Commander Ling Gong!"

Linggong nodded: "Very good, let's begin the formal sacrificial ceremony."

"Hey, could you move that torch a little further away? Unfortunately, everything here is flammable. If there's even a spark, something terrible could happen... Oh no! It's on fire! It's burning! Ahhhhh!"

A raging fire erupted at the base of the cross! Lu Wenjun, shouting in the firelight, resembled a modern-day Joan of Arc! Velsa and Faris, each holding a bamboo spear, began to dance in circles around the cross.

"Offer his skin and bones...offer his heart and blood..."

"This isn't a divine descent, it's a human sacrifice!"

Faris sang loudly, "Oh, oh, offer up his balls..."

"I'll tear you apart on behalf of God, you bastard!" Lü Wenjun looked at Ling Gong in horror. "Hey, are you serious? Are you serious?"

Linggong turned her face away without showing any emotion.

"Well... because Mr. Wen... because Mr. Lü's divinity is rather special, that's why we used this method..."

"Your guilty conscience is so obvious!!"

"Including this step of being trapped in the fire, it is also... that... suffering that must be endured in order to align with divinity..."

"You're just using this to settle a personal score!!" Lü Wenjun struggled desperately, "Let me go! Let me go!!"

Ling Gong looked up at the sky: "Mr. Lü, it'll be too late if you don't concentrate now. Quickly imagine God inside your body. Unleash your imagination."

Lü Wenjun was drenched in sweat: "God, please have some mercy! If this continues, I'm going to die! If you don't cooperate, we'll both die!"

Just then, Lü Wenjun suddenly felt a surge of heat rushing to the top of his head. His head felt as if a lid had opened, creating a clear and unobstructed view, and a crimson light shot out through that opening…

"Holy crap! The divinity has escaped!"

“They can’t escape.” Ling Gong clapped her hands. “I had an ambush ready.”

Whoosh! Whoosh whoosh whoosh!

Four fox spirits leaped from the surrounding fire, joining hands to form a magically woven net, trapping the divinity within. The crimson sunlight clashed and struck, causing the little foxes to squeak and cry, on the verge of breaking through the net in the blink of an eye.

At this moment, Ling Gong waved her hand, scattering a stack of talismans drawn in cinnabar. The talismans were layered and tightly adhered, forming an impenetrable "wall" in the air. The deity, having just broken free of the net, encountered the wall of talismans and was momentarily trapped within it, hesitant and uncertain.

“Other Theory: Manifestation, Guardian Talisman.” Reiko adjusted her glasses. “This is a talisman used in Shintoism as a medium for divine power. Because its origin is the talismans of ancient Japanese Taoism, it particularly emphasizes the concept of ‘protection.’ It is quite effective against your kind of malevolent divinity…”