Yashiro the Blind

“Yashiro, listen to me. The so-called sins, the mistakes we have made, can only be made up for, but cannot be offset by any means. The idea of ​​‘atonement’ is just empty talk for self-comfort, just for the sake of inner peace.”

"As for what I have done over the years..."

He scooped up the water for the third time, lowered his head, and looked at the face reflected in the bowl. It was an old man with disheveled hair and a face full of wrinkles, whose dark red eyes were staring back at him.

A strange light could be faintly seen in the reflected eyes.

Wan Guizhai suddenly let go, throwing the entire wooden bowl, along with its reflection, into the water vat.

"I just want to... get a good night's sleep."

……

Chapter Fifty-Eight: The Weight of Life

A person's vision is narrow.

Those who live high in the mountains cannot see the sea; those who live in low-lying areas cannot see the mountains. Farmers who have toiled in the mud for decades often find it difficult to fathom the schemes of those in power, just as those who sit in the halls of power for too long easily forget a crucial fact:

Those countless beings who look down on us like ants are actually no different from ourselves.

The old man still remembered that magnificent scenery. Standing atop the castle tower, leaning on the railing with one hand, he looked down upon this land surrounded by mountains. The crisscrossing paths and orderly houses came into view, but his thoughts were filled with the bloody battles that had once fought there.

He ascended the throne at a young age, facing a nation beset by internal and external troubles. His first act was to launch a military campaign against his disloyal uncle, Takeda Nobue, fulfilling his father Nobukatsu's long-held ambition of unifying Kai. He then campaigned south against Imagawa, east against the Hojo, and repeatedly thwarted the Suwa forces, aiming to annex Shinano. During his decades-long reign, the Kai Takeda clan experienced unprecedented prosperity.

In order to demonstrate his achievements and strength, and at the same time to deter the restless local powerful clans, in the sixteenth year of Eisho, after defeating the Kuriya clan and the Itsumi clan in Tsutsuzaki, he rebuilt a new fortified castle, Tsutsuzaki Castle.

This castle would serve as the core of Kai, the place where the Takeda clan rose to power, and eventually become the dwelling place of all people. Nobutora firmly believed this at the time, but twenty years later, Tsutsuzaki Castle still stood firm, while he was exiled by his son Harunobu and his retainers, becoming a commoner. From then on, the fate of Kai and the Takeda clan had nothing to do with him anymore.

"...Yashiro, can you imagine that feeling? Overnight, just one night, everything you had, all the beliefs and goals that had defined your life up to this point, suddenly vanished. You no longer needed to plan day and night how to expand your territory, nor did you need to outwit and outmaneuver other powerful daimyo or your own noble clans, nor did you need to worry about the annual harvest and floods... It was as if you had suddenly become an empty shell, feeling utterly empty, and not even knowing how to go on living."

"Of course, I... actually, I still had some hope at first. If that unfilial son couldn't subdue everyone, he might have to apologize in the end and bring me back to take control. I had almost figured out how to use the cruelest methods to make an example of him and how to deal with these traitors to quell my hatred... Unfortunately, unfortunately, I underestimated that guy Taro."

Although he said it was a pity, the old man was smiling, but not in a carefree way; rather, it was a complex expression that was a mixture of regret and relief.

Yashiro listened quietly.

She was no stranger to Takeda Nobutora, after all, he was a famous figure in the Sengoku period. Not only was he the father of Takeda Shingen, but he was also a powerful and fierce general. He has his own Baidu Baike entry, and he appears in various games with his own exclusive events.

But all of that came from books. Now, hearing the person involved tell this story in person brings a completely different feeling.

"Over the years, I've come to understand. Putting aside everything else, that kid's ability as a lord far surpasses mine. It's not too bad that this position was handed over to him ahead of time... Similarly, even though I've gone from being the head of the Takeda clan to an exiled person, as long as I'm not dead, I still have to live. Fortunately, that unfilial son still has a conscience and knows to give me a sum of money to spend every year. Suruga's climate is quite pleasant, and the scenery is beautiful, making it a good place to retire..."

The old man chuckled softly as he spoke, “Unfortunately, I’m a rough man at heart. I couldn’t stand the pretentious style of those guys at Junpu Hall. After a few years, I found an excuse to run away and live alone. Although I’m naturally protected—or rather, monitored—from both overt and covert sources, I enjoy strolling around the streets, writing waka poems with the nobles, or playing koju (ancient Chinese football). I’m quite happy with my life.”

"Until one day, something happened..."

……

That's a very ordinary and common thing.

A poor couple was traveling here. The wife was about to give birth and suddenly started having abdominal pains in the hotel. Seeing that the situation was not good, the doctor and midwife who lived nearby were both unavailable, and they could not find anyone experienced to help them.

In his panic, the husband begged and pleaded, but when he saw Xinhu passing by the door with an extraordinary air about him, he suddenly rushed up to him.

"Sir, please, please find a way to save my wife, I beg you—"

The guards nearby wanted to intervene and drive him away, but Nobutora stopped them. He frowned, looked at the kneeling man, and said thoughtfully, "Judging from your accent, are you from Kai?"

"Yes...yes!" The man, bewildered, dared only to look at the old man's straw sandals as he answered tremblingly.

"Haha, it's fate to meet someone from the same hometown here, so I'll help you out."

This was purely a spur-of-the-moment decision.

Even as a daimyo of the Warring States period, one doesn't spend all twelve hours of the day scheming against neighboring states and unruly subjects. Besides fighting, they all have their hobbies. Some enjoy drinking tea, some collect things, some admire beautiful women, and some love sweets. Nobutora, in addition to hunting, would even study medical texts whenever he had free time.

This seems to be very different from the brutal impression he usually gives people. But Kehu thinks very simply: the body is the capital for fighting for supremacy. If he dies early, wouldn't it be as if all this great empire has been fought for nothing?

Therefore, even during his time in Kai, he placed great importance on health, practiced moderation in his diet, went to bed early and got up early, insisted on exercising, and never indulged in alcohol. If he had any bad habits, it was probably just that he liked to kill a person or two when he had nothing else to do.

Although he was male and inevitably faced some inconveniences regarding his privacy, the situation was critical, and in such an emergency, it was already a miracle that he survived. No one would really care about so many trivial matters.

Upon hearing that Xinhu had agreed to help, the man was overjoyed. He didn't care whether the stranger he had met on the road was reliable or not, and decided to try anything. He took the man directly to his wife's side and thanked her profusely before even starting to treat her.

That was Xinhu's first time delivering a baby.

To be honest, he wasn't sure how much of a role he played in the process. After all, the little knowledge he had before came from books, just a few sentences, which were really not very useful.

Fortunately, he wasn't the only one there. The hotel owner called over a few experienced women from the neighborhood, and they all pitched in to help.

Throughout the entire process, Xinhu's greatest role seemed to be simply standing there with a stern face, exuding authority without anger, occasionally issuing a command to calm the panicked people down, much like a general commanding his troops. In a daze, the past and the present overlapped, giving him a strange sense of familiarity.

On the battlefield, Xinhu rarely suffered defeats.

This time, it's the same—

As the sun gradually slanted westward amidst the tense busy work, and at dusk, the baby's weak first cry finally rang out from inside the house. The cheers that followed, both inside and outside the house, seemed no less powerful than the soldiers' previous unison roar.

He stood there, dumbfounded, watching the skinny, barely-open-eyed baby being passed around, finally being handed to him by the father: "Thank you, sir, thank you, sir..."

He kept repeating words of gratitude, trying to make Xinhu feel his thanks, but seeing that he didn't react, the man froze, about to push him away...

Xinhu reached out and caught the child.

The little thing lying in my arms was so warm, so fragile, as if the slightest touch would break its limbs, and a gentle drop to the ground would kill it.

Having given birth to several children herself, she should be quite familiar with this situation. So why is she now at a loss, unable to even do the simplest thing like hold the child?

A question flashed through Xinhu's mind, and then he suddenly understood.

At the time his eldest son, Harunobu, was being heavily armed and preparing for a final, desperate battle against the invading Imagawa general, Fukushima Masashige. To ensure he could focus on the war effort, he sent his pregnant wife, Lady Oi, to a newly built, strategically important mountain castle to prevent her from being drawn into the conflict. It was in that castle that Taro—Harunobu—was born.

There were also his second son, Nobushige, his third son, Nobukatsu, his eldest daughter, Teishi-in, and so on. Thinking about it carefully, it seems that he wasn't present when any of his children were born. Sometimes he was away on a campaign, and other times he simply found it troublesome and felt that such things were meaningless. Children are just children; once they are born, they are born. If they unfortunately die young, it is fate, and he can try to have more.

When he looked at his children, he saw a more distant future. For his sons, he saw courage, righteousness, wisdom, and benevolence. For his daughter, he had already begun planning her future marriage as soon as he heard the good news.

Everything should be used to its fullest potential: rice, gold, soldiers, and even children...

What kind of emotions were revealed in those innocent eyes when those children looked at him?

Xinhu never cared about, or even thought about, such a question, because it seemed too "obvious," as if simply thinking about it was a waste of time.

Until this moment.

He tried to relax his body, holding the unfamiliar baby with some trepidation, listening to the baby cry one after another, the faint heartbeat passing through the small body and shaking his well-trained arms.

Then, the crying gradually subsided. The baby, still squinting, reached out and grabbed Xinhu's fingertips, then burst into laughter, grinning foolishly.

"It seems he likes you quite a bit. No wonder he's my child; he knew who his savior was from the moment he was born!" The father grinned, but as they looked over, not only he but everyone around them was stunned.

"Sir, why...why are you crying?"

Tears streamed down his deeply lined face.

It turned out to be the case.

The Buddhist concept of "enlightenment" or "purification" often refers to this very moment.

Xinhu's entire body trembled. For the first time in his life, he personally felt the weight of life and finally realized a simple truth—

He was born from his mother's womb, and others also have parents and relatives; he knows how to love others, how to hate others, the beauty of physical intimacy, the inheritance and responsibility of having children... All these things he feels also exist in others.

Everyone is the same.

Whether they are daimyo, noble families, high-born samurai, or commoners toiling between farming and military service every day... as long as they are alive, there is no difference in this respect.

Things that I had never seen or imagined before have finally been revealed.

Nobutora finally realized what was meant by the looks in the eyes of his retainers and children back then... They weren't looking at their father or lord, but at a monster who didn't know human hearts, filled with fear and hatred.

Then came a bone-chilling cold, as if it were freezing all the chapters of his life up to this point. His hands and feet were icy cold, and he couldn't help but start tapping his teeth.

So far... so far, what have I actually done?!

……

“A person’s vision is very narrow. If you stand at a low place and never look up, you will always be looking at the small piece of land under your feet. But if you always stand at a high place and look down at the world, over time you will have a misconception that you are different from others, that you are the most special one, that you can easily pluck the bright moon from the sky as long as you reach out your hand... Once this thought takes root in your heart, you will gradually start to stop treating other people as human beings.”

The old man's tone was somewhat detached and distant. Rather than speaking to the girl in front of him, it was as if he was reminiscing about the past. His hands, resting on his lap, were clenched into fists and trembling involuntarily.

"Perhaps some people in this world realized and accepted this from the beginning, but I am different... Ever since I held that child that day, I have understood that I may never be able to wield a knife again... never be able to kill again."

He closed his eyes, and in the silence, he could only hear the girl's soft breathing and his own violent heartbeat, thump-thump, thump-thump, like the drums of a battle, each beat shaking his heart.

Having already experienced the weight of life, how can one still wield a sword and kill with the same ease as before?

But even if weapons are laid down, the people killed and the things done will not be erased.

“From that day on, I’ve been having nightmares… Over the past decades, thousands upon thousands have died directly or indirectly because of me. Every time I close my eyes, their ghosts chase after me, reaching out to drag me into the deepest hell… I’m not afraid of going to hell, but I don’t want to leave this world in such a ridiculous state. Just when I was agonizing over this, I met your father. I still remember what he said then—”

The old man curled his lips and said, “Since you’re troubled by the fact that you killed someone in the past, why not turn around and treat people? If your lousy medical skills accidentally kill someone and their family and friends come knocking on your door and beat them to death, that would be more interesting than committing suicide now, wouldn’t it?” To be honest, this is the first time I’ve ever met someone who uses “interesting” to describe life and death. Your father is truly interesting.

"Well……"

Unsure how to comment, Yashiro decided to skip the topic and instead asked, "So, sir, you took the opportunity to start practicing medicine and helping people in need?"

“Wrong.” The old man shook his head. “Only family members know their own situation. My medical skills are all from reading books when I was bored. I don’t even know how good they are myself, so how could I dare to go out and mislead others?”

"That……"

"It's all thanks to your father that he actually found that traveler from Kai. Without even asking my permission, he started spreading the word. By the time I came to my senses, the threshold of my thatched hut was almost worn down by people... Since they've already come all this way, I can't just chase them away, so I had no choice but to go in with trepidation."

The old man stroked his beard, speaking with a hint of pride, "But once I actually started, I discovered that treating patients is surprisingly simple, especially after I got a prescription for a 'Rejuvenation Pill' from that kid Nagata Tokumoto. It's been incredibly effective, curing all diseases. So far, I haven't killed anyone, and no one has come to cause trouble... It seems I have quite a talent for this field. If I hadn't been born into the Takeda clan, I might have become a renowned physician."

Upon hearing this, Yashiro suddenly realized something: "So, your three principles of not saving people..."

"Well, the rich and powerful have many powerful backers. If I accidentally kill someone while treating them, I'm not afraid of trouble, but it would be bad if it involved that good-for-nothing son, Kai. Similarly, how can I ask for money with only half-baked medical skills? Although I feel that my medical skills have improved over the years, I'm not short of money, so I've been too lazy to change these three rules."

"So...that's it..."

The girl couldn't help but cover her forehead, her original impression of the old man as unruly completely shattered—although, in a sense, he was indeed quite professional, knowing his skill level was low, so he didn't charge money and treated it purely as practice.

Since it was a free clinic, it was a case of mutual consent, so there was nothing to say.

"Haha, that's right, exactly. To be honest, I'm actually quite grateful to your father. If he hadn't given us a push back then, the Ten Thousand Ghosts Clan might not even exist in this world." After the old man finished speaking, he let out a soft breath. "So, what are your thoughts after hearing this story?"

"Whose opinion is this?"

"Of course—that's my opinion."

"May I ask you?"

During the question and answer, the old man propped himself up on his thighs, leaned forward slightly, and the next sentence seemed to linger on his tongue before he uttered it with difficulty: "Naturally... I am just a humble countryman, Wan Gui Zhai."

"If it's an old man, then he can barely be considered a good person."

"Just barely?"

"It's barely enough."

"Hahaha, what a barely passable laugh!" Wan Guizhai slapped his thigh, his laughter tinged with sorrow. "What a pity, what a regret, what a regret that you, Ba Xun, were born twenty years too late! If only I could have met you back then, if only the person you knew hadn't been named Wan Guizhai—"

“Another soul will perish by my sword,” Yashiro replied calmly.

If she were to encounter Takeda Nobutora from back then, even knowing that such an act would incur the furious retaliation of the entire Takeda clan, plunging her into perpetual turmoil, the young woman estimated she would still draw her sword without hesitation. Unfortunately, the person she knew was not Takeda Nobutora, but someone named Mankisai.

A barely passable good person.

"Alright, that's enough of this old man's nagging for now. Girl, if you have any questions, ask them all at once. If not, I should change back into my old clothes. Before I go back, I need to make a detour to buy Xiaoqin some food as compensation..."

He was about to stand up, but seeing Yashiro's expression, he slowly sat back down.

"The last question is also the one that the old gentleman is pondering."

The girl hesitated for a moment, but finally asked, "The question you asked Mochizuki Chiyome to inquire about—that baby from nineteen years ago—could it be…?"

"It's the answer you're thinking of... probably." Wan Guizhai shook his head. "Although I'm about 80% sure, it's better to confirm it again just to be on the safe side."

"If the 80% becomes 100%, how will you handle it, sir?" Yashiro pressed.

"Yes, I haven't thought about that yet... or rather, I dare not think about it, but in short..."

He was silent for a moment, then looked up with a faint smile on his face. "I should... be happy for them first."

……

Chapter Fifty-Nine: A Pie Falling from the Sky

One problem is not resolved before another arises.

Chiyome hasn't returned from the manor yet. Even a swift ninja would have to trek through mountains and rivers on foot. And recalling how trembling and sweating profusely she was when facing Mankisai, that coward might have already abandoned the old man's instructions and run away...

It's not impossible.

However, the main character, Wan Guizhai, was not in a hurry at all. Seeing that she had not returned for several days, he was actually relieved and continued to take care of Xiaoqin happily every day. The two were as close as a grandfather and granddaughter. Considering Wan Guizhai's past, perhaps he had never cared so much about his own grandchildren.

Or perhaps... there was no chance to care.