I'm in Teresin, dedicated to playing badly

It's actually not that complicated.

On the one hand, he felt that Eclipse had a problem with her personality and that if she didn't receive proper guidance, she might grow up to be something else entirely, so he wanted to take care of her a little.

On the other hand, she looked really sad.

That sounds a bit strange.

After all, solar eclipses are usually calm and rational, and their independent and self-assured demeanor is completely different from those self-pitying little devils...

But that's where the problem lies.

For various reasons, young children are prone to amplifying their negative emotions, which then manifest as feelings of inferiority or other forms of self-doubt.

But during a solar eclipse, she wouldn't feel sad.

If Shinji Kitahara grew up in a honey pot, making him unusually insensitive to sweetness, then Eclipse is exactly the opposite of him.

She was born with a defect, destined to be forever deprived of sweetness.

This defect was even more severe than the effects of the Elizabeth potion, causing her to suffer from birth and making her unusually insensitive to such things, which was also the reason for her abnormal personality.

Despite constantly helping others, her eccentric personality and cold demeanor often resulted in her receiving not praise and rewards, but rather fear, doubt, and even misunderstanding.

She always seemed indifferent to it and didn't feel sad at all.

Even Kitahara Shinji, who hadn't been immersed in the sweetness of life for too long, could clearly smell the strong bitterness emanating from her, though she herself was unaware of it.

Loneliness, confusion, even pain...

As beings deprived of the right to taste sweetness from birth, the only flavors that a solar eclipse can experience are these, so from the beginning, it didn't feel there was anything wrong with it and had long been used to it.

But Shinji Kitahara was not used to it, nor could he get used to it.

He knew he was asking for trouble, that his behavior was suicidal, and that even if he tried his best, the final result might not be what he wanted.

But he just couldn't let her go, feeling that she shouldn't continue like this.

At that time, children her age should have been nestled in their parents' arms, enjoying the most carefree period of their lives.

But she was all alone, without family or friends, and her bitterness was almost overflowing, yet she was still running around quietly helping others.

It's like when it's raining, she stands in the rain and forcefully shoves one umbrella after another into other people's hands, but never opens even one to shield herself from the wind and rain.

Moreover, because of her eccentric temperament and poor communication skills, her good intentions are often not appreciated.

Even if you offer an umbrella, it's hard to receive a thank you from the person taking it. Instead, you might frighten them with your occasional strange behavior, causing them to panic and run away.

So no matter how cold she appears, how willful she acts, or how powerful she is.

But in his eyes, he was just a silly kid who only knew how to hand umbrellas to others and was so used to getting wet in the rain that he didn't even realize it.

She never asked him for any help or asked him for anything.

He just felt that such a child should not have fallen into this situation, let alone suffer such pain.

Perhaps he couldn't do much, but at least he wanted to give her an umbrella, to shield her from the storm and ease the bitterness she felt.

So he went over and offered his umbrella to the other person again and again, only to be refused each time.

That process was agonizing and painful, and sometimes even life-threatening.

Even so, he continued to offer her his umbrella time and time again, expressing his goodwill to her in various ways without the slightest hesitation or retreat.

again and again.

Failure, and failure again.

Countless umbrellas were broken, and I got soaked in the rain as a result.

But after a long standoff of nearly three years, the little hand finally gave in for the first time and did not refuse the umbrella he offered.

Even the strongest dam will collapse quickly once it develops cracks.

After this compromise, everything quickly began to change.

He handed her the umbrella, then took her hand, and finally pulled her into his arms.

Even now, he still doesn't know her background or what she's always thinking.

But he thought that even a stone would eventually warm up if he held it in his arms the whole time.

After that, the story slowly began to unfold as people later witnessed.

Because he didn't know what Eclipse was thinking, Shinji Kitahara couldn't say when she became the way she was later.

All he remembered was that when he first hugged her, her body was very stiff, probably because she used to hate being in contact with others.

Later, after hugging him more often, her body gradually relaxed, and she would even occasionally awkwardly try to hug him and bury her head in his arms.

After that, she started to snuggle into his arms on her own initiative, and she would hug him from time to time, even asking him if he wanted to jump on the horse if he wasn't asleep in the middle of the night...

Although his temper remained eccentric, he still couldn't understand what was going on in his mind.

But at least he could feel that, with his company and embrace, the bitterness in her body was gradually fading away.

Especially after joining Treson, with the increase in friends, he was indeed overwhelmed with problems.

But others might not notice, but in his eyes, the eclipse was indeed much more cheerful than before, and the little bitterness that remained on him had been further reduced.

But now, looking at the little hand in front of him, at the familiar scene before him, and at the familiar little figure not far away, Shinji Kitahara wanted to cry but had no tears.

So why was I reborn?

For others, rebirth might mean a second chance, the ability to make up for regrets, or even the chance to reach the pinnacle through foresight.

But Shinji Kitahara doesn't need a second chance, there's nothing to make up for his regrets, and he has no ambition to reach the top. Instead, it means he has to endure another eclipse.

Moreover, after he finishes the ordeal, he has to walk the same route again.

Going to get involved with those little devils, risking your life to get involved in all sorts of messy things, and who knows, this time you might just mess things up...

'Then why don't you turn around?'

A female voice that sounded somewhat familiar, as if it had appeared in his dream, slowly spoke.

"You now have a second chance. Just turn around and leave. With your current abilities, you can easily live the life you want, and... wait, I haven't finished yet!"

The familiar voice had barely begun when Shinji Kitahara strode forward, heading straight for the familiar figure.

But before he could take more than a few steps, a large expanse of white mist suddenly enveloped him.

When the fog cleared, he was back in the same spot, and the voice rang out again.

'No, let me finish what I have to say first...'

This time, because he reacted faster, he moved much faster than before, giving the voice no time to waste.

Then the white mist descended again, and the voice carried a hint of pleading.

"Big brother, you're my older brother. Please think this over carefully first. Try the peaceful life you crave first, and then consider whether you want to go through that kind of torment again, okay?"

After he finished speaking, the white mist dissipated, and he appeared in an ordinary office. At the same time, he automatically realized his current identity: a slacker civil servant who worked nine to five and spent his days idly at his desk.

Then, before the voice could sound again.

He simply got up, resigned, and then went out without even taking his luggage to hail a taxi, asking the driver to take him to the place he had been before.

But before the driver could reply, the white fog enveloped everything again.

And then again and again.

As the white mist enveloped and dissipated time and again, he appeared in different locations, playing various roles.

The only thing they had in common was that no matter where he appeared or what role he played, he would leave without hesitation and go to the place where they met.

She might not be there, but that's okay, he can go find her himself.

The voice's tone shifted from initial seriousness to pleading, then to pleas, then to anger, and finally to helplessness.

'Fine, you win.'

After countless dissipations of the white mist, he finally returned to the original spot.

The figure reflected in the puddle was no longer that of a toddler, but rather that of Kitahara Shinji, who was nearing adulthood.

However, he didn't pay attention to these details, and simply took another step, walking straight behind that small figure.

'Sorry, Little Eclipse, I really couldn't stop it...'

The voice whispered something in the eclipse's ear and then disappeared.

Then, hearing footsteps behind him, the small figure turned around, looked up at him.

He stopped and calmly met her gaze.

a long time.

The solar eclipse bowed its head.

"I just want to know, would your life be better if you hadn't met me?"

"No ifs."

Shinji Kitahara said calmly.

"No matter how many times we start over, no matter how long we have to endure this together, as long as I can still move, even if I have to crawl, I will crawl over here. So there are no ifs."

silence.

Eclipse won't ask him questions like 'Why?' or 'Don't you think it's not worth it?'

Because she could anticipate the other person's answer without even asking.

Because she is here, because she deserves it.

The problem is, just as Shinji Kitahara could never understand what she was thinking, she often couldn't understand Shinji Kitahara's thoughts either.

In particular, her persistence has lingered in her heart for a long time, and she still hasn't received an answer.

She had only made a mistake by preparing too much food and was worried about it spoiling.

He happened to be passing by on an empty stomach at that time, so I shared some with him, and then...

That's what happened.

Is a friendship formed over just one meal really worth him persisting to that extent?

"Of course, it's not just about one meal."

Perhaps because it was a dream, or perhaps for some other reason, Shinji Kitahara easily saw through her doubts.

He walked over, hugged her, and then found a place to sit down. While skillfully kneading the little black rice ball in his arms, he slowly began to speak.

"You may think that I've always been accommodating and taking care of you, but in my opinion, I'm the one who's been taken care of more."

"Think about it carefully. How many times have I messed around over the years? How many things have I gotten involved in? If it weren't for your help and support, how many times would I have gone bankrupt?"

"And as you know, I've never been very attentive to my own affairs. If it weren't for your care over the years, I might be moldy and overgrown with weeds somewhere by now."

"Also, during the time we were tormenting each other, even though you always looked unhappy, you never stopped taking care of me. Sometimes you would even go hungry to share your food with me. I remember all of that."

"The reward of a meal is certainly not worth me going to such lengths, but after that meal, I received so much help from you that it's countless."

"Moreover, I also know very well that rather than you were throwing a tantrum at me because you disliked me and wanted to get rid of me, it was more that you didn't want me to get involved in your affairs and to stay away from the troubles and dangers that I could have avoided."

"But the more you act like this, the more worried I become about you, and the more unable I am to leave."

"Because you can't take care of yourself at all. You're like an idiot. You don't even know to use an umbrella when it rains. You think it's normal to be soaked. Without me, I'm afraid you'll catch a cold one day."

"I admit that the initial period of our relationship was very torturous, and if possible, I would absolutely never want to go through it a second time."

"But if this is the only way I can meet you again, then no matter how many times I have to start over, I will come here and make the same choice."

"Because, to this day, I still believe that walking towards you that day was the best decision I ever made in my life."

"And, without exception."

His words were sincere, and even an ordinary person could hear the sincerity in them.

If it were any other, normal horse girl, even the most determined one, after being treated like this, would at least have her affection for her greatly increased, if not immediately succumb.

But the eclipse showed no reaction whatsoever; not only did its expression remain unchanged, but it didn't even stir up a ripple of emotion in its heart.

It wasn't that she wasn't aware of Kitahara Shinji's kindness towards her; it was just that after those surging emotions gathered in her heart, they all dissipated through the huge, illusory void in her chest.

From the moment of her birth, with the shattering of that illusory heart, she lost the ability to love and be loved.

That's why her thinking is different from ordinary people, that's why she appears somewhat indifferent because she can't understand others, and that's why she shows aversion when she sees emotions that should have made her feel good.