Real teaching, but diary flow

What should we think about first?

Is it about analyzing him as a person?

No, no analysis is needed.

Judging from his almost undisguised flamboyant behavior, and from the words he has written since the start of the semester, Sakayanagi Arisu could easily sketch his image in his mind.

This image became even more real after this dream and the meeting before the dream.

The only difference is the tangible feeling you get from actually handling and touching it.

But those are things we'll come into contact with sooner or later, so we won't consider them.

So, is it about pondering the meaning of the illusion?

You don't need to think about it; you can clearly feel it even from the residual instincts.

An extremely repressive fantasy, a setting rife with morbid humor, and emotions disguised as love but contradictory and twisted.

This was the first time she had ever done something like this...

She was held in his arms.

The feeling of confinement eroded from all sides, the squeezing sensation of limbs and skin locked tightly together.

Rather than being inside a sleeping bag, this feeling is closer to the feeling I had as a child when I found a gap at the foot of the bed and happily slid in with my blanket inside.

The surrounding area emanates a strong sense of reality from every angle.

Should I say disgusting?

If it were earlier, if it were before we had met that one time.

Sakayanagi Arisu thought she would definitely make a disgusted face.

vile, twisted, malicious.

But the feeling that followed was somewhat subtle.

Well, it's not because of his face, nor is it because she actually likes him and is therefore biased.

A dark and wicked personality will not change.

The thought of kneeling down to beg had crossed my mind at one point.

Ultimately, what leads to this outcome is that feeling of powerlessness.

Uncontrollable, beyond our control.

An inverted position, a humble heart.

And there was that glimmer of hope projected through more than a decade of darkness.

Congenital heart disease.

If we're talking about shadows or not, this is the nightmare that has haunted her for over a decade.

With a frail body and unsteady breathing, even simple exercise would cause my blood to rush to my head, making me feel like I was about to faint.

There are a ton of things I can't do, a list of prohibited foods that fills the table, and mountains of medications that I have to take regularly.

The hospital bed was filled with long, empty hours.

Only when you acquire knowledge, only when you hold a chess piece and imagine playing against others.

Time will pass very quickly.

While lying in the hospital bed, the girl couldn't help but think about it from time to time.

Will there come a day when my Prince Charming comes with a magic potion bestowed by the goddess, reaches out his hand to me, and pulls me onto that white horse that can roam freely?

My heart disease will heal, and I will find love.

But who would like a malnourished, underdeveloped, sickly, and thin little guy who lies in a hospital bed all day?

Sakayanagi Arisu's body stopped developing very early.

It's easy to understand that the heart is the source of the body's energy, and a weak heart knows clearly that it can no longer support the body's further growth.

So she stopped there.

An elegant princess, like Alice from an incredible land.

It's not that no one has ever praised her in this way.

As long as we take the praises given by these masked adults to please our fathers as genuine truths.

She can then ignore the slight inferiority complex in her heart and maintain absolute self-confidence.

I am very smart.

Everything else is fine, but I'm very smart.

As long as this is an undeniable fact, everything else is irrelevant.

Oh yes, that's right, I'm cute too.

One reason is the flattery and ingratiation, but another reason is that I am genuinely adorable.

Look, the frail face in the mirror is so exquisite.

Like a perfect doll.

They were born to be playthings.

"..."

Everyone has those moments, right? Occasionally, a dark thought pops into your head, a self-destructive tendency arises, or a fleeting moment of self-deprecation.

If heart disease can be cured.

Even if...

Their pride is fighting.

During the period when the preferential treatment test was held, Sakayanagi Arisu did not spend most of her time in seclusion.

Instead, it was a struggle between the desire to kneel down, the yearning for a cure for heart disease, and the self-esteem and confidence that had been built up over countless years.

bright.

The dimly lit room, the gloomy place, the tiny world that can only be glimpsed through the screen, remains perpetually dark.

"I can't go."

"Arisu, this is where it ends."

You need to rest.

"The sea? Hmm, I'll go see it when I feel better."

"Yes, I know, but your body..."

A caring voice, words that obey orders, and genuine love.

Sakayanagi Arisu's world is actually very narrow, so narrow that not even a ray of light can get in.

That is why, when they see a 'masterpiece' that seems to be in the same world as themselves but is treated so differently, they are overjoyed.

That's why she seems so concerned.

A pure white room, invisible chains, love that doesn't exist, and a so-called artificial genius project.

......then.

In a daze, the girl blurted it out.

"I will prove to you that so-called genius is not determined by education, but is determined at the moment of birth."

Was she trying to talk about whether someone is a genius or not?

she does not know.

......I have no idea.

What am I trying to prove?

That day's diary entry was full of sarcasm about that sentence.

He told me to look at the resources around me, to look at the teachers my father had hired, and to look at my family environment.

Yes, that's right, these are all good, very good, they are part of education, they are differences in resources acquired later in life.

What can be influenced, what can be changed, what can be decided.

Acquired factors are more than enough to make up for or even overturn the so-called talent gap.

It's a common story in the news: a genius born in Africa versus an ordinary person born in Tokyo.

Geniuses can be buried, but knowledge can be cultivated.

Genius is certainly not determined by education; no amount of education can turn a fool into a genius.

But is it really necessary to prove anything?

The answer is naturally no.

There's nothing to prove.

A genius will remain a genius regardless of whether they are educated or not, while an ordinary person will never become a genius no matter how much they are educated.

In other words.

If we were to truly examine our hearts, what truly compelled Sakayanagi Arisu to utter that seemingly ridiculous and laughable statement...

It's sympathy.

...But now that I think about it...

She didn't really need to sympathize with him; after all, he was much freer than she was.

Instead of sympathizing with the greatest masterpieces, sympathize with yourself.

Because of my physical condition, I can't go anywhere, and this is the kind of world I live in.

Dim, pitch black.

Like this room right now, with none of the lights on.

Only by raising your hand and gently lifting the curtain, as you do now, can you see a sliver of light filtering through the gap.

That dream truly represents this light.

It can allow her to see a possible light.

Sakayanagi Arisu had no hope of progress in modern medicine.

When she was a child, she even fantasized that medicine would suddenly advance by leaps and bounds and be able to solve her problems.

But the older she got, the more she understood that the development of the times would not change according to the will of an individual.

Technology will be born when it is meant to be.

Fantasizing about medical advancements is the same as fantasizing about aliens suddenly abducting her, curing her, and then throwing her back.

However, there is a fantasy that the reward, which claims to be something that can cure heart disease, is among the rewards that can be obtained simply by writing in a diary.

It sounds even more unrealistic, but for some reason it makes people feel that it is possible.

"..."

So she began to fight against herself.

Which is more important, dignity or freedom?

She couldn't figure out the answer to this question for a long time, and she didn't take the initiative to go and find that person.

Time moved on to the sports festival.

With her inaction, absences, and various reads that go unanswered.

The students in the class gradually began to have many opinions.

She's clearly a leader, yet she does nothing. It's just one failure, why is she making such a fuss? Is Sakayanagi Arisu's mentality too bad? But besides her, who else can lead us to victory? In the end, the gap is already over a thousand points, is there still any possibility of reversing it?

A symphony of trivial and noisy sounds filled Class 1B.

They were unaware of the dream that had unfolded in the gaps of the story, and knew nothing of Sakayanagi Arisu's inner turmoil.