You are Toyokawa Shoko, then who am I?

Toyokawa Sho was curious.

“Because I’ve experimented with it myself.”

The old man said calmly.

"So that's the case, then I'm relieved."

Toyokawa Sho suddenly understood.

"What song do you want to sing?"

The old man asked, "Is that the piece you just made?"

"That song is more of a K-Pop idol song. You probably won't like it."

Toyokawa Sho shook his head.

(K-Pop: Korean pop music, generally a combination of Korean language, electronic music, pop dance music, hip-hop, etc.)

"I've listened to a lot of music from you young people, so you don't have to worry about my taste."

The old woman has seen many girl bands and will not ignore the direction of the times because of her age. In fact, she has listened to many new songs recently and occasionally leaves some of her own suggestions.

As for idols, an element that people of her age generally don't like, she has also studied them to a certain extent with the intention of understanding them, and believes that this type of music style does have some merits.

"But, the idol style is still more K-Pop type... That kid who made you make a special song for him, is he actually a trainee?"

The old man quickly analyzed the identity from the brief conditions.

"Yes, her name is Junda Mana. She is a very hardworking girl and also my idol now."

Toyokawa Sho admitted it generously, then introduced him to the old man with a smile.

"I have her account, would you like to follow her too?"

"There's no need to pay attention,"

The old man shook his head. “But if you have a really good relationship with that child, you can tell me if she encounters any trouble in the industry in the future.”

"Boss, you are so gentle..."

Toyokawa Sho sighed, then bowed his head to the old man sincerely, "I thank you on her behalf."

"Stop the flattery."

The old woman saw that Toyokawa Sho was using someone else's thanks as a way to express his own feelings. She didn't point it out, but just laughed and said, "Hurry up and play yours."

Toyokawa Sho chuckled, then slowly restrained his smile, cast his gaze on the guitar in his arms, pressed his fingers on the strings, pressed his other hand on the fingerboard, closed his eyes and sensed his inner emotions.

What kind of songs do you want to play now?

He pondered for a long time, then slowly opened his amber eyes.

The slender and powerful fingers began to dance slowly on the strings, playing a few light and ethereal string sounds. Thanks to the long age of this guitar, the sound produced can clearly feel the weight of time and a hint of vicissitudes.

Toyokawa Sho played slowly, then opened his mouth and whistled in sync with the sound of the strings under his fingers.

Under the soft glow of the moonlight, a gentle breeze blew through the courtyard, rustling the leaves. The courtyard lights located in the corridor emitted bright warm colors, which together with the light of the new moon shone on the young man's fair cheeks. The sounds of the piano and the whistle intertwined the melody in rhythm, like two waltz dancers performing the simplest beauty.

The song that Toyokawa Sho is playing now is called "Men Hui Cai".

This is a song that is probably more well-known than the background music of the movie it came from.

The overall rhythm is cheerful and bright, and the distant and clear piano sound reveals a hint of elegance. When people first hear it, many of them will regard this song as a healing song.

But in fact, this song also has a subtitle, called "The Last Meal", which means the last meal.

It is said that there is a character in the play named Ducai. He has no girlfriend, no stable source of income, and no ability to change his current living situation. He can only rely on catching dolls every day and night to maintain his spiritual world.

One day, he and his friend discovered his boss's secret, and then Du Cai died in the ditch. He was found the next morning, and the last meal he had happened to be noodles.

Amidst the peaceful whistling and the resolute piano music, Ducai seemed to transform into a egret flying towards the horizon. The overturned motorcycle, garbage plastic bottles, and the suffering all over the ground behind him no longer had anything to do with him.

Toyokawa Sho remembers that the first time he watched this movie, he watched it with his friends.

Mu's family has a dedicated private cinema, and her father, Mr. Ruoye, is an insider in the industry and has a lot of movie resources. No matter whether it is a newly released movie or a movie from other countries, as long as it is available, you can watch it at her house.

I didn't feel anything when I watched it.

When I listened to it again later, I felt infinite bitterness and melancholy in my heart.

A phrase people often say is that the core of comedy is tragedy.

Nowadays, many people who create film art choose to use cheerful music to embellish sad plots, because the collision of two completely different elements is itself a very dramatic thing.

Toyokawa Sho doesn't like misery.

No one wants to live an unhappy life, and no one wants to come home every day and open the door to see garbage everywhere and countless wine bottles. When the phone vibrates, it is not a message from a friend, but a debt collection call from the bank.

But all these things happened to him, and every minute and every second was like a curse branded in his soul.

No matter how far I run, I will be caught up. Even my sleep and dreams are restless. I want to curl up in the quilt and cry, but no matter how many tears I shed, it will not help the desperate situation.

He once imagined that everything could be smoothed out by the passage of time. As long as he could hold on through this period, as long as he could stand on the top of the mountain again, everything would return to peace and he could return to the embrace of happiness with peace of mind.

But the fact is, even if he becomes successful later, he still cannot get rid of or forget the past.

It's like a thorn deeply embedded in the flesh, an arrow embedded in the skin, the barbs pulling at the flesh and blood. Once you think about it, it's a piercing pain.

Even if he musters up the courage to dig up this place and give himself a chance to get rid of it, he will find after digging it up that it has actually turned into an incurable disease that has been integrated into his body and engraved in his soul. Until he turns into a handful of yellow earth and meets his true death, this suffocating past will follow him closely.

It is precisely because the past hurt him so much.

That's why he devoted almost his entire heart to Shoko Toyokawa.

He really hoped from the bottom of his heart that this girl could lead a life different from his, a life that was not burned by the scorching sun or cursed by pain.

Even though he knew that Toyokawa Shoko was different from him, had no debts and had not broken with her family, he was still willing to look at her again and embrace this girl who could touch his heart.

But Toyokawa Sho was able to face his other self, the Toyokawa Shoko who was different from him, but he could not face his father.

This is the root of his life's pain. It is the nightmare in which he once worked hard day and night just to get a word of recognition, but in the end he could not even fulfill such a small wish.

He couldn't face it.

He felt even more at a loss when he realized that the man was by no means a scumbag in his world, but a father who was willing to take responsibility for his children.

In the end, he could only turn all the complicated emotions in his heart into the words "I wish you happiness", and then gently hugged Toyokawa Shoko.

He couldn't stay in that house anymore.

Gradually.

He also lost the meaning of his coming to this world.

After a song is finished.

Toyokawa Sho let out a long sigh, his eyes slightly red, his fingers left the strings, and he placed the guitar quietly on his thigh.

Tsuzuki Shifune, who was sitting on a chair next to him, did not speak for a long time.

She felt the pain and loneliness from this song that could almost crush a person's body and mind. The more cheerful the melody, the stronger the helplessness and confusion hidden behind it.

"…There's a saying that goes, 'Every family has its own problems.' The longer I live, the more I realize how apt this saying is."

The old woman had rich experience, so she could hear the emotions that Toyokawa Sho wanted to express in this song, and she shook her head and sighed.

"Precisely because it is the closest relationship, people cannot tolerate the slightest betrayal. And precisely because love is so intense, it often breeds the most unforgettable hatred."

"Being a parent is the hardest job in the world, yet it's also the simplest. No matter how complex the parent-child relationship is, at the end of the day, there's only one word that runs through it all: love. But unfortunately, the vast majority of people don't understand what love is. Even at my age, I still don't know what true love is."

As he spoke, the old man subconsciously reached for the cigarette box in his pocket, but ultimately suppressed the urge to smoke.

She slowly put her hands on her legs again, leaned against the wooden back of the chair, and spoke in a voice that was vicissitudes and powerful, recounting her past.

"I chose to get involved in rock music because I couldn't stand the atmosphere at home. All my family's love was directed towards my brother. They ignored me, and there were many complicated problems... But now I can't remember it clearly. I just remember that I cut ties with my family and ran away from the countryside to Tokyo to pursue my dreams."

"Many years later, when I had achieved success and fame, I received a letter from home. The letter told me that my father had passed away and asked me to come back for the funeral. This wasn't the first time I received a letter from home. Every few months, there would be a letter, sometimes not at all. This continued intermittently for more than ten years, and in those ten years, I didn't reply to a single one."

"But because of our past relationship, I didn't sit idly by this time. I returned home, and my brother welcomed me as the head of the family. To be honest, I didn't know how to talk to him anymore, but he still treated me the same way as when I was little. He said to me with tears in his eyes, 'It's great to be back.'"

"On the night of the night watch, he personally cooked for me and bought me a lot of wine. He was no match for me in terms of alcohol tolerance. He passed out after drinking a few bottles. I wanted to help him get up to rest, but he held me back and told me about his father."

"He told me that after I left, my father cried for a whole week out of regret, saying that if I could come back, he would bow his head and apologize to me. He waited for me for more than ten years, but in the end, he never saw me come back."

"If that was the case, why didn't the old man just come and see me? My brother told me he was afraid I still wouldn't forgive him, that he'd be disturbing me, and that someone who had never been to Tokyo in their entire life would cause me trouble. So he just kept writing letters and chatting with me about family matters."

"I didn't react much at the time. I just cursed angrily, 'What were you doing earlier?' But then I returned home. A long time passed, the seasons changed, time flew by, my daughter was about to go to junior high school, and there was still no letter from home in the mailbox. Only then did I realize that I loved my father, but I no longer had the chance to tell him."

"...Sorry, Boss, I reminded you of something bad. Let me rub your shoulders."

Toyokawa Sho stood up, walked behind the old woman and gently massaged her shoulders.

The old woman shook her head, her tone still calm. She patted the back of Toyokawa Sho's hand, and there was a gentle smile on her wrinkled cheek.

"It's not your fault, Fengchuan. Even without you, I would still think of these things. I say this just to tell you that people are weak."

"I would cry and want to escape. No one is born strong enough to ignore all the scars in life. Even if you become successful in the future, you will still feel unbearable pain when you look back on the past."

"I don't know what you've been through today, but I can feel your shaky heart from your music. It's as if I can hear your soul sobbing and collapsing."

"I can't imagine what could have caused you to have such complicated emotions. The only thing I can do for you is to say a few words that seem decent to comfort you."

"Every word you say is powerful, not just for show,"

Toyokawa Sho shook his head, then forced a smile, "And don't worry, I'm not that fragile."

"The more people say this, the more vulnerable they are."

The old man slowly pointed out the truth.

"Many times, people's hearts are dragged down by wrong perceptions. Those who think they are clear-headed often end up being vague, and those who think they are not vulnerable often end up needing to see a psychologist."

"Vulnerability is also your emotion, child. Like happiness and joy, it's a part of you. You don't need to force it, nor do you need to deny it. In the future, you will encounter many things that you can't handle. If you were a car, would you choose to continue speeding along with the dwindling tank of gas, or would you find a gas station, regroup, and get going again?"

"The answer is, needless to say, the latter. Yet, many people choose the former. Child, what would you choose?"

"...In the past, no matter what others said, I would definitely choose the former."

Toyokawa Sho sighed softly, "But like you said, weakness is also a part of myself. If I were to choose again now, I would openly choose the latter."

"now it's right."

The old man smiled with satisfaction.

“In fact, most of our lives are spent at odds with ourselves, trapped in the shackles of the past, unable to escape or walk away. But precisely because of this, your present becomes particularly important.”

She slowly stood up from the chair, and Toyokawa Sho hurried over to support her, but she waved her hand and then draped the windbreaker she had covered her legs over Toyokawa Sho's shoulders.

"Perhaps you will never be able to get over this hurdle in your lifetime, but it doesn't matter. People are born weak, and it's normal to feel pain and cry. Since you can't get over it in your lifetime, then you should look for someone who can accompany you for the rest of your life."

"Just like you said to me in the room this morning, find a few people who are like the earth attracting the moon, who can be tightly connected no matter what happens, and who can't separate your friendship until the end."

"Then, when you feel bad, when you want to cry, go to them and tell them about your weakness, your past, the source of your pain, and the nightmare you can't face."

"Slowly, you'll find that the pain you feel will grow weaker and weaker, replaced by the responsibility of love. People meet through weakness, and ultimately, it's through each other's scars and pasts that their bond is sublimated into an inseparable bond."

"So, save your tears for then, Fengchuan."

The old man patted Toyokawa Sho gently on the shoulder.

The kind voice becomes the key to open the heart.

It freed Toyokawa Sho from the quagmire of being at a loss about his father's affairs.

"You are actually a very good child."

"..."

Toyokawa Sho opened his mouth slightly.

My teeth are itching and my nose is feeling sore.

But in the end, he followed the old man's instructions and suppressed the urge to cry. He sniffed hard, and then smiled brightly from the bottom of his heart.

"...That's nothing. I'm still your excellent employee."

"Don't come on,"

The old man laughed and scolded, "When you can teach Lenai to be successful, then you can say this again."

"Don't worry, as long as I give my all, sending Lenai to the University of Tokyo won't be a problem."

Toyokawa Sho said confidently.

"You're such a daredevil! I'd be so lucky if she could get into Waseda University."

The old woman opened the partition. Although the young man next to her was clearly boasting, for some reason, she actually had a feeling that he was not bragging.