Chapter 35: Qingchuan Xiang's Obsession

Qingchuan Xiang has never cared.

Xiang doesn't care about being used because she can always spot the intentions of those who try to use her at the first time. If it doesn't cause any harm to Qingchuan Xiang herself, Xiang would even be happy to cooperate with the other party.

Xiang didn't mind her family's restrictions on drinking too much of certain beverages, because she knew that any restrictions imposed on her by her family were necessarily things that would harm her if consumed excessively. And while Qingchuan Xiang pursued a variety of beverages, she would never refuse a simple glass of boiled water. To Xiang, there was no distinction between high and low drinkables; she could happily enjoy a glass of water, and that was enough.

Even though Qingchuan Xiang always tried to avoid damaging the interpersonal relationships around her and was careful to make friends with others, she still didn't care. If one day everyone around her suddenly started to hate her, it would just be a return to the bad beginning. She would try to maintain and repair it, but if it really didn't work, she would decisively give up.

There is only one thing that Qingchuan Xiang pursues and strictly implements. It can even be said that Qingchuan Xiang has an almost obsessive obsession with this matter.

That is the obsession with "flow".

What is flow? Maybe it is not easy to explain, but it will be much simpler if we think of it in terms of its antonyms, and reject the "stagnation" of life.

This obsession stems from the disgust for his past dead state of mind, which was like being trapped in a container completely isolated from the outside world.

It was because of that unexpected accident that Qingchuan Xiang misunderstood his life-threatening and dying struggle as the throbbing of life.

Although this sounds like a bad joke, it is undeniable that this misunderstanding, which sounds a bit worrying about Qingchuan Xiang's mental state, did make her feel a moment of freshness, and it also made her never want to go back to her past self who was like inorganic water.

Qingchuan Xiang began to imitate the jokes of those around her, even though she herself might not understand the jokes. She would deliberately use a different way of greeting than others. This "good morning, good afternoon and good night" was one of her countless small efforts to make herself seem more lively.

Qingchuan Xiang began to learn a variety of skills. In the past, she thought simple things were too easy and boring, but now she strives to learn new things. Among them, Qingchuan Xiang first chose the arts, which are considered to be alternative ways to express emotions: drama, singing, dance, and even various musical instruments. Each new skill may be the key to a life-giving force, bringing her a feeling that truly touches her heart.

Qingchuan Xiang also began to try to understand emotions. Her natural defects forced her to choose a deformed method like the "archive wall". Of course, she could also use a quick method and rely on others to provide her with water to quickly understand emotions, but Qingchuan Xiang still hoped to use a more "normal" way.

Ultimately, all of Qingchuan Xiang's actions are for the purpose of "flow".

------

Qingchuan Xiang lowered her eyes, as if she was looking at the half-drunk cup of coffee, making people think that she was just savoring the cappuccino with thick milk foam - this time Li Xi's cooking was indeed much better than last time, but unfortunately Qingchuan Xiang was in no mood to say more praise.

In fact, Qingchuan Xiang had to endure the constant feeling of disgust, the physical nausea and depression that it brought to him, and prevent himself from vomiting.

Qingchuan Xiang sometimes wondered whether his pursuit of "flow" was a bit extreme. However, after reading many novels and biographies and knowing that there were so many people in the world who were willing to sacrifice their lives for a certain pursuit, Qingchuan Xiang felt that since he only had this one thing he was obsessed with, it seemed normal to be a bit extreme.

Is...normal?

Xiang remained in this position for more than ten seconds without saying a word. To the other three people, it was obvious that Qingchuan Xiang refused to join the band.

"Well, it's okay if Qingchuan doesn't want to join the band. As long as this guy... can play the guitar half as well as Qingchuan." Li Xi didn't react much to the fact that Qingchuan Xiang didn't join the band. It wasn't like they were breaking up directly. Qingchuan Xiang often came to the coffee shop to check his homework.

"My name is Chihaya Aine! If you don't want to call me by my name, please don't call me 'this person', okay—" Aine waved her fist, expressing her dissatisfaction with Riki's statement, but was quickly replaced by curiosity. "But, is Xiaoxiang very good at guitar?"

After all, she was directly told, “It would be enough if you were half as good as Kiyokawa Xiang.” Although it seemed like she was expressing doubts about her own abilities, what interested Aine more was the hidden meaning in this sentence.

"Xiao Xiang is really good at playing the guitar. She can play very difficult songs without any effort." Su Shi continued. She has always been generous in praising others.

After hearing Su Shi's words, Qingchuan Xiang, who had tried to calm down a little, looked up.

Su Shi's face still looked a little bad, but Qingchuan Xiang's performance forced her to put on a smile, hoping to make Xiang change his mind.

Qingchuan Xiang recalled the last time he met Su Shi. She had tried to keep him in such a humble way. Dozens of days later, the scene happened again.

Qingchuan Xiang slowly spoke, "As Li Xi said, I'm not essential to the band, and I'd be happy to come and watch your practices and performances more often. If you don't mind, I can also help you with some of your managerial duties, like negotiating with RiNG staff regarding recording studio reservations, live show schedules, and so on."

Qingchuan Xiang's expression and tone became increasingly dull, but not to the point of being cold. This was the result of Xiang's high proficiency in disguise over a long period of time.

A large part of Qingchuan Xiang's learning about emotions depends on the people around her, because she needs the people around her as her learning standards and guideposts. Qingchuan Xiang will never be able to learn to understand emotions by just thinking hard on her own.

This also means that even if it is not through water injection, but just through daily interactions, Qingchuan Xiang will be subtly influenced by the people around her. To a certain extent, her ability to judge the dish according to her taste is not the result of her deliberate learning, but a natural instinct.

——This is why Qingchuan Xiang has been trying to help people around her solve their problems. The reason why she hopes that Deng can grow up is because Deng's stagnation will greatly affect Qingchuan Xiang's state of mind.

And now, there is a Nagasaki Suyo who is in a much more serious "stagnation" situation than Deng, which really makes Qingchuan Xiang too concerned. Even though Riki and Aine are also present, Qingchuan Xiang is still affected. The shadow of death is looming, and he has no energy to continue his little efforts.

I will correct you, Su Shi. In Qingchuan Xiang's eyes, the blue color like the sea reflected Su Shi's figure, without any of the previous spirit.

And if Su Shijiu is unwilling to change... it doesn't matter. Qingchuan Xiang has always known her own differences and she won't force her. In that case, then goodbye.

Chapter 36 Can I go to the Su family?

"Won't Xiaoxiang disappear suddenly?" Su Shi's tone was so light that it seemed as if he was muttering to himself, and his gloomy look seemed as if he was reminiscing.

It is obvious that Su Shi was thinking of Xiangzi, who said goodbye but disappeared without a trace afterwards.

Li Xi immediately understood who Su Shi was talking about. She crossed her arms and rolled her eyes in dissatisfaction. After all, in her opinion, all the mistakes were caused by Xiangzi. It was really difficult for her to have a good face, and Su Shi was still trying to protect that person.

Even though Aine was a bit behind, she now knew a lot about CRYCHIC. More importantly, she had met Shoko in Haneda and knew that Shoko was the one who left the band. So, she quickly figured out that the person Suyo was referring to who had suddenly disappeared was Shoko.

This made Aiyin very confused. Xiangzi was obviously in Yuqiu, so why did he suddenly disappear? Occasionally, she would run into Xiangzi on campus. Although he still looked cold, he would at least nod to her and Xiaodeng, which made Xiaodeng very happy.

"I once promised you that I would stay with you." Qingchuan Xiang slightly emphasized the word "once", but no one seemed to notice it.

"I understand." Su Shi's voice became louder again. "Since Xiaoxiang doesn't want to join the band for the time being, it's okay."

Although Xiaoxiang is not interested in forming a band now, fortunately she has promised to continue to accompany the band in other ways. As long as Qingchuanxiang can feel the beauty of the band again in this process, Xiaoxiang will definitely be able to return to the band, right?

Then all we need to do is bring Xiaomu and Xiangzi back one by one...

After hearing Su Shi's words that seemed to indicate that he had let go, although Qingchuan Xiang didn't have the ability to read minds, she didn't believe that Su Shi would let it go so easily.

Qingchuan Xiang is ready to take the initiative later, just as her obsession with "flow" comes from her resistance to her dead self in the past. She wants to find out why Su Shi is so obsessed with this matter.

"So, when will the band activities start?" Lixi asked directly. She was still so serious. It would be more accurate to say that she had been looking forward to forming a band with Deng again for a long time.

"Let's add a Line friend first! Then we can set up a group chat and schedule a time." Aiyin, who hadn't thought about this at all, suggested. She was a little flustered thinking about how she had been planning to take out her guitar for some more practice recently, but she hadn't done it until now... If possible, she would naturally want to postpone the first practice session.

"And even if we want to practice or something, we still have to hold a meeting or two first to discuss what kind of music we'll play and decide on a team name, right?"

"I agree with you deciding the song, but is the latter necessary? It's a waste of time. And why are you the one taking the lead?" Li Xi retorted mercilessly.

"Xiao Xiang just said that I'm very important to this band!" Aiyin put her hands on her hips and held her head high, like a big dog with its tail raised proudly. "And the team name is also very important, right? When introducing myself before the live, should I just say something like "Unknown Band"? That's too low!"

"Tsk."

"Okay, okay, don't quarrel over this kind of thing."

………………

Since Lixi still had to work, he had already spent a lot of time here with a few people. After adding them as Line friends and creating a new group chat on the spot to pull everyone in, he was ready to disband.

"Lixi, don't keep staring at the name on the light in the group chat. It'll delay your work." Qingchuan Xiang saw Lixi holding the phone with both hands and breathing heavily. "And you look like you're making me want to call the police, really."

"What...! I didn't!" Li Xi's face flushed noticeably, and he abruptly changed the subject, "What's wrong with you today? You've been expressionless, giving people the same feeling as Hailing."

"Is that so?" After hearing this, Qingchuan Xiang raised her hand and touched the corner of her mouth. It did feel very stiff, but now she really didn't have the energy to maintain that relaxed and happy look.

He simply lowered his head to look at his phone, typing quickly, as if he was chatting with someone.

Li Xi didn't want to know the reason at first, he just wanted to cover up his helplessness, turned around and left, and went back to the tool room.

"Xiao Xiang, are you ready to go home? Do you want to go for a walk?" Aiyin invited Qingchuan Xiang. Although she was thinking of going home to take out her guitar, which must have been covered in dust, and practice it again, now was a good opportunity to be alone with Qingchuan Xiang!

"Oh, sorry, Aiyin, please go first. I have some things to do today." Qingchuan Xiang refused.

"Okay, then Xiaoxiang and Sushi, bye!" Aiyin waved enthusiastically and left the coffee shop. Since Xiaoxiang refused, she had no choice but to go home and practice guitar.

"Xiao Xiang, is there anything else to do?"

At this time, only Su Shi and Qingchuan Xiang were left. Su Shi played with the nails of his other hand with the thumb and index finger of his right hand, and asked softly.

"Su Shi, can I sleep over at your house tonight?"

"Eh?"

"I don't think anyone is home tonight, and I don't have my key with me." Qingchuan Xiang lied without changing her expression - it was really easy for her to remain calm now, she just had to do nothing.

As he spoke, he showed the screen of his mobile phone to Su Shi. On the screen was actually Qingchuan Xiang directly telling her sister that she would not go home, but the distance was too far and Su Shi could not see clearly. She really thought that it was an emergency that Xiao Xiang's family told her about at the last minute.

"Can you take me in? Otherwise I might have nowhere to go tonight."

Although the words he spoke sounded like those of a pitiful stray animal begging for adoption, Qingchuan Xiang used a tone of praise, as if he was just telling Su Shi that he was homeless tonight.

This might be a good opportunity. Su Shi's mind was working rapidly, his hands clasped together, and the smile on his face became more confident and brilliant:

"Of course, Xiaoxiang is very welcome to come to my house. And Xiaoxiang must be very tired and looks a bit listless. How about we go to my house now?"

"...I might be a little out of shape right now." Qingchuan Xiang didn't deny that he was not in a good mood, and forced a smile, "Thank you Su Shi."

Unlike the three people who came here together, now it is only Qingchuan Xiang and Su Shi who are alone, but the same thing is that they both have their own ulterior motives and are thinking about completely different ideas in their hearts.

Chapter 37 Questions and Answers

“The Su family is really rich.”

When there are only two people in an elevator, it is often quite awkward. Qingchuan Xiang looked at the sign for the 45th floor and made small talk.

Su Shi didn't know how to respond to this exclamation, but she certainly couldn't let the topic drop like this, so she simply asked Qingchuan Xiang what he thought: "Xiao Xiang, do you like living in a higher place?"

"My home is in a fairly ordinary apartment building, but it's also on a relatively high floor." Qingchuan Xiang seemed to remember something, and his face relaxed a little. "So there are generally no buildings blocking my view. I like to soak in the water on the balcony."

"In the water?"

"I bought an inflatable swimming pool that fits perfectly on the balcony. On my days off, I can spend the whole morning soaking in it."

"That sounds like a very pleasant feeling."

This topic was obviously much more relaxed and natural. Su Shi could feel that Xiao Xiang seemed to have perked up a bit, so she continued the topic: "Xiao Xiang really likes water. She used to always have various drinks in her hands. Now I know that Xiao Xiang doesn't just like to drink water."

"After all, even though we were in a band together before, we can't really say we know each other intimately. It's only been a month or two."

"Xiao Xiang was so straightforward today..."

Qingchuan Xiang's words made Su Shi's heart tremble. Is this Xiao Xiang's true thought... For some reason, Su Shi was reminded of Xiao Mu's appearance. She clenched her hand holding the strap of her schoolbag tighter and turned her head to look at Qingchuan Xiang.

Qingchuan Xiang held his other wrist with his hand, put it behind his back, kept his legs together, stood straight and upright, and his eyes were calm, just like a serious and polite gentleman.

Sure enough, Xiaoxiang is so weird today...

Sensing Su Shi's gaze, Qingchuan Xiang also turned around and met Su Shi's doubtful eyes. He put on a smile and said, "Please don't mind me. I have no problem with everyone at CRYCHIC. I also think it was a very happy time. What I said is not false."

"Then why..."

Ding.

The elevator reached the floor they were heading to. A crisp prompt interrupted Su Shi's words. The gilded elevator door in front of him slowly opened, revealing an extremely wide corridor behind it.

Qingchuan Xiang took the lead and walked out, looking around: "It's really luxurious."

Although the Qingchuan family is also very rich, none of the family has any special use for money, and the residence they live in is just an above-average apartment. Therefore, this "extravagant" place where the Su family lives still brings a lot of novelty to Qingchuan Xiang.

After walking a few steps out of the elevator, Qingchuan Xiang realized that the person behind him did not move, so he turned around.

"What's wrong? Sushi."

"Nothing..." Su Shi grabbed her left arm with her right hand. She began to feel a little scared. Xiao Xiang became so unfamiliar. She was even different from the reserved and polite Xiang when she first met Qingchuan Xiang at CRYCHIC. The current Qingchuan Xiang felt to Su Shi more like a hard and cold piece of ice, making her a little difficult to approach.

This made Su Shi realize that it was just as Qingchuan Xiang had just said, that he might really not understand everyone.

If Xiaoxiang is like this, what about Xiangzi? Even if he really pulls everyone else back in the end, will Xiangzi really return to the band as he hopes?

"Su Shi, move, the elevator door is about to close."

Su Shi, who was standing still, suddenly had his left arm pulled up by the hand. A little force was applied, which was just enough to make Su Shi subconsciously move his feet to coordinate with the hand holding him, without causing him to stumble.

Su Shi looked forward and saw Qingchuan Xiang standing opposite her. Her slender right hand was firmly holding her left hand, while her left hand was still behind her back, just like a dance partner guiding his other half at a dance party, pulling Su Shi forward step by step.

The dance only lasted until Su Shi walked out of the elevator and ended abruptly. There was no melodious waltz, nor any elegant dance moves. Su Shi's long hair, which would have swayed in the dance, fell before it even floated up. Qingchuan Xiang didn't even hold Su Shi's waist, but just held her hand and it ended.

But Su Shi seemed to have really danced a whole dance, his chest kept rising and falling, he was breathing lightly, and his heart was beating irregularly.

"Are you okay?" Qingchuan Xiang looked at Su Shi. Even though he didn't like Su Shi at the moment, just like he had done to Deng who was also a little afraid to take a step before, Qingchuan Xiang was happy to lend a helping hand to Su Shi before confirming that Su Shi really had difficulty "moving".

"I'm fine." Su Shi stood firm, looked at his folded hands, felt the cool touch of being tightly held, and his eyelashes trembled slightly twice.

Sure enough, Xiaoxiang still cares about herself...

"Well, it's okay."

Qingchuan didn't make any extra movements and let go of Su Shi's hand without hesitation, as if his previous action was just a polite gesture without any emotion.

Only then did Su Shi realize that the momentary warmth she had just felt was nothing but her wishful thinking. It did not contain even a little bit of the warmth that everyone felt when they were in the band taking care of each other.

No, don't scare yourself. Xiaoxiang might just be in a bad mood today.

But this hastily thought-out excuse to comfort herself didn't hold water. If Qingchuan Xiang was really in a bad mood today, why was it? Was it because they had found their old members and joined the new band?

The more Su Shi thought about it, the more she felt a sharp pain in her heart. For a moment, she even wanted to grab Xiao Xiang's hand and beg her to tell her why she seemed so cold today. But she had a premonition that if she really did that...

Xiaoxiang will really leave without looking back.

After exiting the elevator, the two of them were even more silent than they were in it. Su Shi didn't want to stay in this corridor any longer, so she took Qingchuan Xiang and walked quickly to her door and opened it.

"Xiao Xiang, please come in and treat this place like your own home."

"Then I would rather obey your orders than be respectful."

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