Why wasn't I the one who got the male lead's script?

Although they grew up together, when they met again, one of them was older than the other.

Their relationship seemed vaguely different, but he couldn't put his finger on what was wrong.

Xingjian didn't like this very much.

"Oh, right. Futaba, have you made any new friends in the past ten years... or should I say boyfriend?"

In order to improve the current atmosphere of silence between the two of them, and also to get a deeper understanding of Futaba ten years later, Hoshimi spoke like this.

Ten years from now, Futaba will be around 26 or 27 years old, so she should have some experience in relationships. Some of her peers who are more advanced in their careers might already be married, with two children in three years.

"........."

However, the gray-haired woman who led him to the guest room on the second floor paused slightly, and it took a long time before she slowly resumed her original pace.

"No."

Her straightforward and clear two-word answer made Xingjian a little confused.

"Eh...really? Not even a brief relationship?"

"I don't have the leisure for that."

"That's it..."

But indeed, he couldn't imagine Futaba falling in love with someone and then getting married and having children.

"Then why? To concentrate on work? Or are you simply not interested? Futaba, are you asexual?"

"...You're so annoying. Don't keep speculating about things you don't understand. It's really annoying."

"It's just a reasonable guess. After all, these are the only reasons why women stay single these days...either it's work or they simply don't have worldly desires."

"What if it's because of you?"

"...?"

The boy, who had chosen this playful topic to lighten the atmosphere, froze for a moment.

Futaba turned her head and glanced at him, raised her eyebrows, turned her head away without changing her expression, and continued walking straight ahead.

"It's just a joke."

"ha…………"

Xingjian, who was standing there in a daze, took a long time to come back to his senses and shrugged with a complicated expression.

"Don't make such a serious joke. You're taking it too far."

[Futaba Line] Destiny: Chapter 5: Rewriting Destiny (Part 1)

"I've been home alone for a while now, so... it's fine if you use my house as a base to rest for the time being."

Futaba brought Hoshimi to a guest room at the corner of the second floor. When she turned around and began to give instructions to the boy, she hesitated for some reason.

Perhaps it was when she caught a glimpse of the boy's face that she hesitated for a moment about how to address him—after a moment, she regained her composure.

"…Thanks, Futaba."

Xingjian, who noticed her abnormality, pursed his lips, smiled helplessly, and chose to call out her name on his own initiative.

Sure enough, when I called out her name, her shoulders seemed to tremble slightly inadvertently.

Well, the Futaba ten years ago was just someone I had just met the day before, but to the Futaba in front of me, I was her best friend whom she had not seen for ten years and thought would never come back.

There will inevitably be some gaps, and I don’t know how to get along.

Then you should take the initiative to restore the previous relationship.

"...Just to be clear, if you want to talk to me like we used to...it's probably impossible, so save yourself the trouble."

However, Futaba seemed to see through his thoughts first and sighed.

"It might be a simple matter for you... but I haven't spoken to you in ten years. It would be difficult for anyone to recover in this situation, so just give up on this idea."

Her eyes looked somewhat complicated, still filled with resentment and gaps - but within them there was also a familiar feeling of nostalgia.

Indeed, this is actually human nature.

It is even possible that my death dealt a heavy blow to this guy.

"Well, if you want to come and talk to me, you're always welcome to reminisce."

Hoshimi, trying hard to cheer up the still depressed Futaba, tilted her head with a smile, and her whole body exuded a relaxed and peaceful atmosphere.

"........."

Futaba, who was originally hesitant to speak, raised her eyebrows in surprise when she saw him like this, and then asked the question with pretended calmness.

"...Aren't you curious about why you died?"

"It would be a lie to say I'm not curious, but I'm terribly sleepy right now. I'll deal with tomorrow's affairs tomorrow."

——Anyway, worrying about it now won’t change this fact.

"...Don't you think I'm responsible too?"

Futaba's sudden and incoherent words made Xingjian, who was originally smiling and trying to comfort her, blink.

"It doesn't matter to anyone else... No one else knows what we were doing back then, so it shouldn't be their business..."

The gray-haired woman in front of him lowered her head slightly. She was obviously the older one, but now she acted like a child admitting her mistake in front of the boy.

"But...but I knew exactly what you were doing, and I knew the risks..."

Xing Jian had no idea what expression was on her face as she turned her head away.

But it could be seen from her slightly trembling tone and the slightly shaking wrist in her shirt pocket.

Futaba's current mood.

"........."

Xingjian didn't say anything, but just listened quietly to Futaba's unfinished words.

"I'm the one who's most capable of protecting you, but I... still didn't seize the opportunity..."

"...How I died, Futaba."

The young man was silent for a while, and then asked the question in a calm tone - as if he was asking about the cause of death of another person he didn't know, acting as if it had nothing to do with him.

"...When we found you, you were unconscious on the steps of the shrine's torii gate. By the time we took you to the hospital..."

"So it was really that accidental fall, huh..."

Xingjian frowned and scratched the back of his head.

"But this has nothing to do with you, Futaba."

It was obvious that he fell down accidentally.

"Maybe that's the case for you...but it never felt that way to me."

Futaba gave a wry smile, and it took a long moment before she met the boy's gaze again.

Looking at the face that was exactly the same as her old friend in her memory, the corners of her mouth trembled slightly.

"I—have never stayed out of your affairs. You should have vaguely noticed it, right?"

The emotions that had been suppressed for years finally had an outlet to vent at this moment.

"No matter what you say, I know it's not something I can control... But I just can't accept it."

She lowered her head slightly again, but this time it was not because she didn't want to look the boy in the eye.

"If I had noticed something was wrong with you...if I had persuaded you not to leave the hotel that night, perhaps this wouldn't have happened...I just feel that I should take some responsibility!"

——Rio Futaba has been trapped in the vortex of "self-blame" and cannot extricate herself.

Over the past ten years...has she always thought this way?

"But you also know that it is impossible for the dead to be resurrected."

How ironic that these words should come from the mouth of Xingjian, who has already accepted his own death.

"No... This kind of thing, when it involves unnatural phenomena, there's no fixed conclusion...!"

Futaba's tone suddenly became a little strange.

As if he was extremely stubborn about this matter, he became even more unquestionable and stubborn.

"...?"

What on earth is this guy thinking...

"and--"

When she raised her head, she found that her eyes had turned red without her knowing when, and she seemed like she would cry at any moment. She only relied on her rationality to keep her emotions stable.

She tried her best to force a smile, but her tone was gentle, as if she was truly comforted by it.

"...Your appearance also confirms my thoughts."

"Futaba..."

"Don't call me that for now. At least not while I still think you're dead."

She shook her head, then hesitated for a moment.

I decided to say what I had been holding in my heart.

"After all, I always have more on my mind than you think."

The corners of her mouth curved slightly - although Futaba now looked extremely tired and haggard, the corners of her mouth were filled with comfort and a hint of relief.

So many years have passed. If I don’t say it now, I may never have the chance again.

Since this guy in front of me may suddenly disappear at any time, I will never be able to catch him again.

Then just give up and say out loud all the thoughts that you have never felt before in other people's hearts.

"I... never considered you a friend ten years ago."

[Futaba Line] Destiny: Chapter 5: Rewriting Destiny (Part 2)

I had a vague premonition.

Although Xingjian has never been in love, but in this situation, what is Futaba about to say, what is she thinking——

In fact, he had already guessed 100% of it.

"...Do you know that being friends with you is the stupidest thing I have ever done."

Especially since Futaba in front of him was already in a state of complete disarray and anger, unable to control her own rationality.

She seemed to be suppressing the urge to cry, and tried to keep her tone steady as she spoke to herself.

"I'm self-satisfied, trying to protect myself, thinking I can maintain this relationship by retreating to a safe distance..."

Rather, as long as I can maintain a relationship with the boy, it doesn’t matter what name this relationship takes.

Well, if friendship can last longer, she can accept it.

"...But in the end, isn't that just deceiving yourself?"

She smiled bitterly, looking into the boy's eyes, her tone sad and bitter.

"In the end, I still couldn't tell you anything, and we ended up being separated forever."

She had been convincing herself that "it doesn't matter if I don't expose it", but finally realized her stupidity after completely losing the boy.

In the end, nothing was conveyed.

"I………"

For the first time, Hoshimi felt that she had nothing to say in front of Futaba, so she tried to speak, but in the end she shut her mouth in disappointment because of her confused mood.

"You didn't really know me, Hoshimi. Not even ten years ago."

Her trembling yet pretending to be strong voice really made people feel distressed.

"You always thought you understood me, but that's not the case."

What made Xingjian even more sad was that he knew that what Futaba said was also true.

"I'm actually selfish and inferior, timid and cowardly, and accustomed to self-deception. I have always hidden my true self in order to get along with you normally - although in the final analysis, this is the bitter fruit I sowed, and it has nothing to do with you."

Perhaps sensing the boy's embarrassment and awkwardness, Futaba just smiled bitterly and shook her head.