I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"You mean...I can refuse the marriage?"

"Running a company isn't just your job. Are the management just there to eat and do nothing?"

"..Can I go play with the kids too?"

"Of course, but during the days when you go abroad to study...I will go visit them on your behalf."

"..I don't know what to expect."

"No one knows the future. Your path is relatively clear, so don't worry."

"...I...I don't know what to say..."

"Then don't say anything."

"..."

I was caught off guard when she suddenly threw herself into my arms. I was completely unprepared and it was as if she had deliberately bumped into me, and I fell heavily to the ground.

"Then I'll believe you." She buried her head in my chest, "I will stick to my ideas and work hard, just like you expect..."

"...Um."

I lay quietly on the ground, looking at the ceiling shrouded in darkness.

"If, because of you... I fail to accomplish anything, fail to meet my family's expectations... if I don't do anything well and achieve nothing... you must be responsible for me."

"..."

I thought about it for a bit.

"How to be responsible?"

"..You are responsible for giving me back the happiness and joy I have lost."

"..Well, I promise you."

Having said that, I vaguely feel that there will never be such a day.

The road ahead is difficult

What does it mean to live a perfect life?

Even if I could preserve my memories and start over, I don't believe my new life would be any more perfect. The way things unfold is often unpredictable, which is why those who orchestrate strategies in comics, novels, and movies seem so impressive. But the unexpected happens to everyone, let alone someone like me who has no confidence in the future.

I wondered how to proceed, but no one could give me an answer.

Chapter 9: The road ahead is difficult

Walking down the street in school uniform on a day off is not like telling others that you are skipping classes.

And that's pretty much what happened. After watching Rinhanekawa get on the bus, I began my leisurely walk back to school. There wasn't much else to do this afternoon anyway, and school would be over in just over an hour. The chores left over from cooking would have been completed long ago, meaning I could just go home. Thinking of this, I suddenly admired my own cleverness and immediately turned around, heading home.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, with important events scheduled, so in principle, the school won't allow us to stay late today. Club activities are also on hold for now, but I have to say, I quite like this arrangement. After all, there won't be any homework assigned these days.

"Oh, right." I suddenly thought of someone.

Maybe it's because I suddenly have a lot of free time, so with nothing to do, I naturally want to find someone to talk to. And the easiest person to find right now is probably still in school, which means I still have time to implement my idea.

The weather today is actually not sunny.

There was still some snow on the roadside, but it was grayed by dust and looked like it had lost the sacred feeling it had drifted in a few days ago. The sky was still gray, as if white snowflakes would fall at any moment. The breath still turned into mist that obscured the view, and the clothes of the pedestrians around were a constant reminder that winter had already arrived.

The change of seasons wasn't abrupt; it was only noticeable when I had to add or remove clothing. My school uniform didn't offer much protection from the cold, so I threw on a gray windbreaker. Because it was waist-cinching, I could barely bend down. I had to correct my habit of slouching and walk straight on the streets, which had been battered by the cold wind for nearly two months.

Only a year had passed.

I suddenly noticed that the traffic lights on this street had been renovated, and several nearby billboards had been replaced with new ones. Even before I noticed, things were still changing. A year isn't a long time, but looking back, I realized it wasn't just yesterday or a few weeks ago.

It seems like a lot has happened. If someone wanted to hear what happened to me during this period, I'd probably have to tell them for two or three days. I used to think my past was just a bunch of insignificant memories, but sometimes, it's only when you look back that you realize, oh, I could have done better.

Only a year has passed. But if you break that year down into the number of days I've spent in a daze, that means I've wasted over three hundred days of my life, and I've spent over three hundred days with the people around me, day and night. And it's still going on. I'm still lost, not knowing where to go.

...

She must have seen my message, otherwise she wouldn't have looked around as if she was looking for someone as soon as she left the school gate. Sure enough, after she spotted me standing in the crowd, she ran towards me with a look of excitement on her face.

"How did you get rich today? You actually offered to treat me to a meal."

"A windfall of several hundred dollars."

Actually, it's more than a few hundred. From last year to today, I've earned a lot in royalties and other things. It's all in my bank account, and I haven't had the time to check the total. I guess it's probably in the hundreds of thousands. Well, I don't really care about it... To this day, I still feel like I have nothing.

"Then you can order some meat today." She didn't doubt me at all, but happily planned how to use my windfall. For her, who loves food, being able to try food she couldn't afford normally was the most fortunate thing that could happen to her.

"Eat more vegetables." I reached out and touched her head. "You're still growing at this age, and you won't grow taller if you're picky about food."

The more ordinary something you want, the easier it is to obtain, and naturally, the easier it is to be happy. Perhaps the reason I have a void in my heart is that I haven't found the thing that can fill it.

"It doesn't matter. Women are a scarce resource. Whether you're tall or have a body shape like mine, as long as you have a cute face, you'll definitely attract suitors." I don't know if she was thinking this through or just trying to make excuses. Anyway, I didn't like her words very much.

"Don't become a superficial person." I held it in for a long time and could only say this to warn her.

"What do you mean by a superficial guy?"

"Let me think about it." This question is indeed, "For example, a guy who uses his looks to make money by dating to make a living and is proud of it."

I can understand people being forced to do so, but I just can't fathom the idea of ​​taking pride in selling one's body. Is human dignity completely worthless compared to money? I've never agreed to that idea from the start. Why kneel down and beg when you could earn money standing up?

"Damn it, brother, is this what you think about? You even have the nerve to call others superficial." She immediately started talking to me as usual.

"If you don't know the definition of superficial, how can you tell whether you are superficial or not? The more you know, the more humble you become. I don't need to explain this to you, you should understand."

I was too arrogant before, and that’s probably because I didn’t see what was far away.

"From the beginning, I was wondering, brother, are you caring about too many things?"

"Really? For example." I really couldn't think of why she suddenly brought up this topic.

"It's all about attitude towards a lot of things. For example, if there's money on the ground, would you pick it up and spend it?"

"If it's a wallet, of course I'll wait for the owner. If it's just cash, if it's a lot, I'll wait for the owner or report it to the police. If it's a small amount... I'll just pretend I didn't see it."

"Aren't you going to pick it up?" she asked doubtfully.

"No, because it's not mine."

"But if you don't pick it up, someone else will pick it up and the flowers will be gone."

"That's someone else's business; I just need to stick to my own ideas." Returning lost property isn't just talk; it's a value I've developed since I was raised that way. Furthermore, unless I've already received a favor, I'll never accept something given to me. Even if I accept it, I'll always find an opportunity to return the favor.

“Is this the so-called ‘my money may be owned by no one, but my heart is’?”

"It's about the same. After all, I'm not short of money." Maybe this is also related to my family education. I only envy those who are better than me in certain skills, but I will not envy those who are better than me materially.

“But no one cares about this kind of thing anymore.”

"What do you care about?"

"Returning lost property, doing what is right, keeping oneself clean, and so on." She shook her head. "Those who insist on these things have never had a good ending since ancient times."

"Really? But what does this have to do with me?" The noble character of ancient scholars has been completely abandoned, leaving only the vulgar atmosphere of vying for fame and fortune and forgetting one's principles when faced with profit. Whose fault is it? "Are you asking me to give this up?"

"It doesn't mean we have to give up. Can't we be a little more flexible?"

"..." He changed his tone a little, "Isn't that what it means to correct it? How is it different from just giving up?"

"Since you insist on using that term, I don't mind. How about you just give it up? I think you can live a very easy life then."

".."

That seems to be the case. Since I decided long ago to give up so many things, could I possibly live a more relaxed life by giving them up? For example, giving up my self-esteem, my inner sense of justice, my ethics, my sense of shame... That's definitely not an option.

But this girl's values ​​seem to have been affected by something, and she's compromising with the dirty world of adults. As her older brother, I naturally have the responsibility and obligation to help her correct her mistakes.

And there are ways to do it.

"Hey, I'm talking about Ye Jin."

"Hmm?" When she heard me calling her name, she looked at me naturally. Our eyes met, and I didn't say anything for a long time, which naturally made her feel very nervous.

"What...what do you want to say?" She finally became impatient and started asking me why I called her.

"How about I buy your virginity for a thousand dollars?"

Before he could finish his words, accompanied by a gust of wind, he was slapped hard on the left cheek by Ye Jin.

Well, now she should have clearly realized the importance of chastity and shame over money.

Sometimes, earnest guidance is not as profound as using negative examples to remind people. It's just that the price you pay as a villain is higher.

...

"So, I just want you to understand..."

"Shut up! You beast, pervert, devil, bastard, pervert, scum! You are a beast in human form with a human heart and worse than a beast! I really misjudged you!" However, she just walked in front of me, trying to keep a distance of five meters from me, and covered her ears with her hands to prevent me from talking.

I wonder if this rich vocabulary is only present when she's swearing.

"Don't do to others what you don't want others to do to you."

"Ah, I don't want to hear it. Why do people like you have to live in this world? Your head is full of obscure things. You smell like squid. Don't come near me. I feel like vomiting - mouth area~"

"..." With her acting skills, it's no exaggeration to say that she is a drama queen.

"If you think the money is not enough, I can add more."

"You bastard!" After hearing this, she finally stopped keeping her distance from me and flew over to kick me, but I dodged it easily.

"Okay, okay, don't be angry... I just said that to let you know that some things cannot be easily abandoned." I continued to explain while dodging her fist.

"Can't you...change the subject?!" She still wouldn't give in, and her eyes looked as if she wanted to beat me to death to vent her anger.

"That's the only way to make it profound. If you agree, it will only cause more trouble..."

"Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!" The speed of the punches increased significantly, as if the angry Jotaro was driving the invincible Star Platinum.

"Alright, alright, alright~" Actually, even if her fist really hit me, it wouldn't hurt that much.

"...Hmm." Although she stopped, her expression showed that she still didn't want to let me go.

"Well, as an apology, I'll give you a gift for Christmas." After all, he still harassed her verbally.

“…” She glared at me for a moment, “I want to give you last year’s too!”

"Okay." After a closer look, he didn't think he had ever given her anything. "Just pick out what you want."

"..Huh, that's more like it."

"So, the things I value are truly important to me. They can't be measured by material things... Although I don't understand what benefits sticking to them will bring me, I always feel that they are proof of my life."

“..Brother…”

Under the streetlight, my shadow stretched out, even looming over Ye Jin standing in front of me. She seemed bewildered, but I could understand. At this age, it's natural to envy others and feel inferior about your circumstances and yourself. These feelings naturally transfer to material possessions—if you had money, you wouldn't be in such a state. Many people think this way, but I know that even if you have money, without any self-cultivation, you'll still be looked down upon.

"Your ideas aren't completely wrong... There's nothing shameful about striving for fame and fortune, but it should be done honestly. Don't get carried away by seeing others succeed through schemes and trickery without getting caught. Even if you gain a glamorous appearance... it's ultimately fake."

I know...I've come into contact with people like that before.

The more one tries to maintain a glamorous appearance, the greater the risk of being exposed. Therefore, that person is not worth envying.

"I can give up a lot of things to make my life easier... because the world always wants to make people less human. As long as I give up my qualifications as a human, I will live very freely... But that's not right... No, there is no right or wrong in the world, so I can only say that it is not a way I can accept. I can't accept it..."

"Brother...I understand..."

Her hands tightly grasped mine, which had already been frozen by the cold wind. The warmth slowly spread to my palms.

"I just want you to have an easier life..."

".."

"I remember when I first met you as a child, I felt like you were carrying a lot of things." Her eyelids drooped slightly. "To be honest, I was very curious at that time about what it was that you couldn't let go of."

".."

"Is it for the benefit of others? Yet, as a companion helping them to uphold justice, you were attacked and ostracized... Even so, you were unwilling to compromise? Or were you still thinking about those whose interests were infringed upon? Back then, you held my hand like this... your heart seemed filled with doubt and confusion."

"..I.."

"I know you're wondering whether to give up." She didn't let go of my hand. And she hit the nail on the head. Even though I hid my initial eagerness, the feeling remained, buried deep within me. "But you didn't give up, and you're still persevering... I deeply admire that. If it were me, I'd probably end up with a strange personality."

".."