I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"Are you here to confess your love to me?"

"...Wow, you really know how to talk."

"You're not here to listen to my confession, are you?" She said helplessly while holding up the teacup.

"Oh, that's it."

"What?"

"I'm here to hear you confess to me."

"...Huh?" Her brow twitched noticeably. "Your brain, which is only micrometers in size, was shocked by a minute of hormonal turmoil, causing your thinking and speech systems to become disordered, and you said what you just said, right?"

"..."

This was the first time I heard her say so many words in one breath, and I bet she would never be able to repeat it a second time.

"No."

"..."

"I know you have something to say to me, even if you'd be quick to deny it."

"No!" - the denial that followed.

"Although confession is often used in the context of feelings, that's not the kind of thing I want to hear... I'll use questions to remind you of what you want to say to me."

"Hmm? Are you questioning me? Interrogating me?"

"Stop looking for synonyms." It's exhausting to talk to someone with such a wild imagination. "Relax a little. I won't ask any unreasonable questions."

缓步

It is impossible to say whether it is short or long.

After figuring out what I wanted to do, I was surprised to find that I didn't actually have to do anything. No, there are actually many things I can do, but there aren't many things I can do based solely on my ideas.

That's right, instead of holding on to hope for what will happen in the future, it's better to give up on the idea as soon as possible.

"I don't have anything to say."

Words are feeble. Without real power, even the most powerful words will be ignored. If I'm not the student council president, can anyone really enforce my words? I don't think so.

My own experience has taught me that the power of discourse is based on strength. Strength can come from financial resources, human resources, material resources, or even appearance. Regardless, gaining an advantage means gaining the power of discourse. And possessing the power of discourse allows you to achieve what you desire.

The purpose of human endeavor is actually to continuously expand this power. The reason why some people listen to me is not because of me as a person, but because they are afraid of the power I possess.

However, there seems to be one person who is not like this.

"Eh? So you're the student council president?"

I thought he was helping me because he'd heard I was Rinsenkawa's older sister, and therefore had already heard I was the student council president. But then I realized he had no idea who I was, and simply saw me as a senior student a year older than him... and, in turn, a classmate's older sister.

Compared to other people who were evasive and timid, he seemed to know nothing and talked to me normally.

If that's the case, why did he agree to help me in the first place? Was it just because I asked him for help as a sister? Or was he simply trying to show his affection to my sister?

I don't know when I started paying attention to his actions.

On the surface, he seems like an incredibly ordinary guy. But he's incredibly capable... He's incredibly driven, and even when he says he's giving up, he never changes his ways. It's not an exaggeration to call him a peculiar person. He's complex, yet in some ways, quite simple.

"You two are sisters, right? So, instead of asking me to say some things, it's better for you to say them yourself."

And it was this simple thought that instantly shattered the already simple relationship. I care about Rinsenkawa. I just need to let her know. I want to do so many things for her, I want to see her smile, I want her to stay with the one she loves, I want her to be happy.

I started thinking this way ever since she was able to vaguely call me "sister".

But I don't know how to give her what she wants.

Chapter 14: Slow Walk

"Why should I answer your question?"

This kind of unreasonable response is really easy to make people angry. By the way, does she usually talk to others in this tone?

"It's okay if you don't respond. As long as you can hear me."

"Okay, I'll give you five minutes." She glanced at the time. "You have to leave quickly when the time comes. I have my own work to do."

"No problem." I took a deep breath.

"..."

"In fact, Rinquanchuan told me that night about your future plans. And that you two have reconciled."

"..." Her expression paused for a moment, as if she didn't quite believe that Rinquanchuan would tell me this. But after a few seconds, she returned to normal. "Yes, that's right. That's what I planned... Do you want to interfere in our family affairs?"

"I don't mean to bother you... Since this is your opinion, I respect it."

Besides, how could I possibly have the ability to change someone else's fate? This was something someone in their family had to shoulder, and I couldn't do it for them, nor was I qualified to do it.

“…”

"But now it seems that Rinquanchuan doesn't seem to agree. Otherwise he wouldn't have dragged me to complain."

"...Complaint? Did she have any grievances?"

"Of course it's you."

"Did I do anything to irritate her?"

Looks a bit nervous...

"I'm not angry... I'm more of a guilty conscience. After all, we haven't had a proper conversation before, and now that I know your intentions, I can't do anything for you."

"...Really?" She finally relaxed and let out a long sigh. "There's no need to feel guilty about me... I did my share of faults before. And because of my pride, I didn't talk to her much... That's why she became so quiet. Now that I think about it, I didn't do anything right either."

“…”

"However, I think the best thing I did was to ask you for help."

"...That's a bit too much." I just did a small thing... Well, that's all.

"That's not the case. What you can do, many people may not be able to do."

"...Just because others can't do it doesn't necessarily mean I'm stronger."

"If you insist on saying that... then I won't praise you. I rarely praise others."

"It's really not necessary."

"Um..." She nodded, "Anything else?"

"........"

I don't know how to express this feeling. However, knowing her decision but being unable to change it is hard to accept. Besides, she doesn't seem like the type to accept it easily.

"Is this all right? For you."

"What are you talking about? If I don't do it, Rinquanchuan won't have the ability to do it, right?" She shrugged helplessly. "If I were the eldest son instead of the eldest daughter, you wouldn't be worried about my feelings now. But now, no matter what, our positions and fates are the same. Don't put on such an unacceptable expression... Do you have to make me cry to be happy?"

"Uh..." Actually, I didn't plan to do that.

"But I won't cry—I'm too old for that, right?" She smiled and glanced at the time again. "Well, this is the end of our conversation. If you have anything else to say, let's find another time..."

“…”

"What's wrong? You look like you're about to cry." She said to me with a disgusted expression.

"Don't you have any wishes?"

"...Yes, for example, to reduce the number of idiots in the world."

“This wish is a bit too big.”

"Then there will be fewer idiots in this school."

"...This requires the school's efforts. I think you shouldn't worry about it."

"...What exactly do you want to say?"

"You're graduating soon. This period of time is probably your last bit of free time... If there's anything you want to do, I think it's best to do it now. Rather than regretting later that you didn't experience many things as a student, it's better to seize the time and do it now."

Of course, this is just persuasion. For me, there's no need to leave any memories from my student days; I'm allergic to words like "youth."

"...So, in other words, it'll take six months?"

"Yeah. After all... your future path was arranged by your parents. Even though I don't fully understand it, and I probably won't experience such a life in this lifetime... I still feel like I can do something for you with my own strength."

"For me?" She was confused for a moment. "Why are you thinking about doing anything for me? I didn't ask you to do anything."

"...That's just how I feel. Call it meddling, or just self-satisfaction. I just have this mysterious obsession with this kind of thing."

"...Obsession?" She seemed to understand my thoughts, and the look in her eyes when she looked at me was not only helpless, but also seemed to reveal words like "I really can't do anything about you."

"That's fine... I've never considered anything like this before. I just thought about it, and there are probably a lot of things I want to do—and some things can't be done by one person alone."

"...You don't want my help, do you?"

"You instigated me to do this. You don't want to just let it go, do you?"

"...Uh, okay." He had already anticipated this situation. "But before that, I hope you can consider one more thing."

"Well, what's going on again?"

"...Find an opportunity to discuss your thoughts in detail with Rinquanchuan. Otherwise, she will definitely not accept it, considering how much you've taken care of her."

"..."

However, she didn't respond immediately. She simply looked at the teacup on the table, as if pondering the topic I had just raised.

"What? Is there a problem?"

"...No, it's nothing." She shook her head. "That's true. I'll talk to her again. If this makes her feel guilty, I might as well keep it a secret from her."

"...That's right. I hope you can have a good conversation." Speaking of which, it seemed like quite a bit of time had been wasted. "I'm truly sorry for taking up so much of your time. I'll take my leave now."

"...Well, take care."

However, just as I turned to walk towards the door, she suddenly asked a question.

"Didn't you tie your hair up before? Why did you change it back to this way?"

"..."

It was then that I suddenly realized why the relationship between her and Rinquanchuan suddenly improved.

"Before, it was to change my mood... Now that I've changed, I can change back at will."

Ah, what a lame excuse.

明灭

It seems that the god in charge of the temperature is unaware of the so-called "gradual progress". When I woke up this morning, I could feel a chill in the unheated room.

Compared to yesterday's temperature, it felt, frankly, like stepping from the summer heat outside into a cold room. While I've long known that weather changes are unpredictable, this cooling method seemed to have completely ignored a student like me who needed to get up and go to school.

In short, it is emotionless.

"Mom, where is my thick cotton coat————!?"

The only benefit of getting up early for me is that I can ask my parents where their missing clothes are.

Finally, at my mom's suggestion, I finally dug out the oversized cotton-padded jacket that had been sitting there since April, along with the scarf that wasn't sent by Ye Hui. After all, I'd used it for so long, and I threw it in the washing machine yesterday, and it still hadn't dried yet.

"Well, I'm leaving..."

I'd grown accustomed to skipping breakfast, but I finally grabbed the freshly baked buns from the dining table and opened the door. There was nothing shameful about warming myself up this way, and besides... the benefits of eating breakfast were well-known.

"Whoosh-"

The bun that was bitten open and the mouth that was slightly burned and couldn't help but exhale exhaled white mist into the dry and cold air, which temporarily obscured his eyes.

Despite this, I was not worried at all about bumping into someone around the corner, such as a girl from the same school with long black hair and good at sports, or an office worker rubbing his sleepy eyes after a night of work and eager to go home to sleep.

Nothing in the world is so perfect.