I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"Let us look higher and farther...through the vast atmosphere, to the constantly twinkling celestial bodies we call 'stars.' How do these constantly moving, radiating light and heat interact with each other?"

Wow... doesn't this opening seem too formal? It also feels like a fairy tale... But it's also okay to think of it as a similar story—after all, stars are so far apart, and ultimately, they're just inanimate objects. Since this is a creative project, I'll just discard those rules and regulations.

Just as I was about to continue writing down the thoughts in my head, my phone suddenly rang at a rather inopportune time. It felt like my train of thought had been interrupted...

But when I saw who was calling, I was replaced by a feeling of disbelief. I thought exchanging numbers was just a formality... but I didn't expect she'd contact me after just such a short time... Come to think of it, I haven't found any excuses to skip school to see her lately.

"...Hey, what's going on so late..."

Responding like this, I reached for the canned drink beside me.

"Is it Sheji? The voice doesn't sound like it..." The voice that came from the other side was actually a questioning voice.

"Of course. After all, it's the phone simulating my voice... but I can guarantee it's me." Normally, you wouldn't immediately confirm if the other person is the one you're looking for...

"...That's good. I can finally talk to you."

Sounds quite exciting. If that's the case, calling earlier wouldn't be a problem.

“…Well, well.” I won’t say much here.

"You haven't been there these past few days... I wanted to go look for you, but I felt it wasn't a good idea to just show up in your class like that. And I also felt it was a bit inappropriate to call you at night... So I've been holding back until now."

"That's really hard on you."

I don't know how to react. Although she certainly can't see my expression right now...

"It's not that hard, but compared to before... I suddenly feel that working alone has become... a little different. I don't know how to describe the feeling... but I just want to participate with others, that is, you... at least a little bit."

"...I get it, I get it. You're just bored, right?"

As I said this, I took a sip of the drink in my mouth.

"Eh? So this feeling is called boredom—"

"Hearing what you said, I think that's it." It turns out even this distinction isn't clear... "If you want to do something with others, it's probably because you find it too boring to be alone."

"Oh, so that's how it is." There was a sound of drinking from the other side.

"...Are you drinking a drink too?" I asked out of curiosity.

"Yeah, they say hot milk can relieve fatigue and help you sleep. So I'm drinking it now... Is Sheji also drinking hot milk?"

"No, it's a drink I took out of the refrigerator—" It still has some coolness in it. Although it's not good for the stomach... it can indeed stimulate the nerves.

"That'll make you sick."

"It's okay..." It will be fine anyway. "By the way, what's the matter with you calling?"

"Ah, it's not a big deal—"

"Oh." Usually, people who say this will bring up something pretty big afterwards.

"Just like before, I couldn't sleep at night and wanted to find someone to talk to."

"......"

Chapter 8: Things from the Past

After spending a few minutes explaining to her the difference between a telephone and an Internet phone, she finally started using the Internet phone to talk to me, half-understanding it.

Using phone credit for a long conversation is irrational. No, it's more than irrational; it's downright stupid.

"So this layered diagram is called WiFi... With this, my phone can access the internet just like a computer—I wish I had known this sooner."

"...It's not too late to know now."

Anyway, I feel much more at ease now. I put down my pen for the moment and moved to my bed.

"It feels like... you're the only one telling me all the things. People at home always think I know a lot, so they just assume I know almost everything."

"...I just didn't try to understand. And you didn't take the initiative to explain it to them."

Understanding is a mutual endeavor. If only one party makes an effort, the effect will naturally be minimal.

"That's probably why... But now it seems like there's no big deal if I don't explain it clearly. You should be able to explain everything I don't understand, right?"

"...Why do you say it so naturally—"

Besides, there are things I don’t understand too.

"Oh, sorry. Did I get too carried away?"

"That doesn't seem to be something you could describe as being carried away by success... Well, it's not surprising to have such thoughts." After all, the side I've shown her is quite reliable. And the only person she can rely on right now is me... When she realizes there are so many people like me, she'll naturally withdraw her attention from me.

The same goes for the people around me right now. It's just that I happened to appear in their field of vision...

"By the way, Sheji, what are you doing now? You seem to be very busy. You don't even come to feed Xiao Hei——"

"...Well, I'm a bit busy indeed."

But if I could spare some time to go and see the cat, I would still have it. But starting from today, I might not have that time anymore.

"What are you busy with? Is it something related to studying? If so, maybe I can help you." Ah... So this was the first thing she thought of. "After all, this is the only thing I'm good at."

"...It's really kind of you to have this intention. But I'm afraid you can't help me with this."

"Eh...what a pity."

Is she feeling sorry for herself or for me?

"But what on earth are you busy with? You haven't answered me this question yet."

"Nothing serious. Just writing a story."

“Ugh—!”

That reaction was a bit over the top. It's like I said something really awful... but it's just a normal thing. Everyone has the ability to pick up a pen and write something that will cause embarrassment a few years from now. I just try not to embarrass myself...

"What's wrong."

"Nothing, nothing... I just want to confirm... Um, Sheji, are the stories you told... similar to, um, those in the book?"

"...That's not very specific." I couldn't help scratching my head. "If you want to say it's similar to a fairy tale, then I guess you can say that."

"...That's amazing." I could hear her genuine admiration...but I really didn't want to admit that I had such talent.

"It's just imitating what others have done... There's nothing remarkable about it."

...That's how I define what I do.

"I just think that being able to think about something is already amazing. Because I couldn't sleep, and looking at the scenery outside the window, I always felt it was beautiful... But that's all I can describe it as. There's no way to connect it with anything else."

“…”

It turns out that not everyone can daydream?

"I heard that the legends about the moon were just the imaginations of the ancients... At the time, I marveled at how someone could come up with such a story. It's so commonplace, with scientific explanations, yet someone could still come up with such a story - it's truly remarkable."

"..."

She seems to have gotten the order wrong. Legends, of course, came first, compared to modern science... But explaining this to her now would be inappropriate. It's fine to just let her keep her yearning for stories.

Besides, my story needs an audience.

Although there's no clear setting, no specific plot, and even the characters aren't very clear, I can still tell it to others.

"Well, would you like to hear the story that's just coming to my mind?"

She won't be able to sleep tonight anyway... and I just need an audience.

"Eh? Really?"

"I can't lie to you right now." Even though I knew she wouldn't see it, I couldn't help but smile. "How about trying to listen?"

I don’t know whether this story will eventually be revealed to others.

"Oh, of course." The joyful voice was quite clear. "I have loved listening to stories since I was a child—"

"Most people are the same in this regard."

In an era when entertainment was scarce, stories that were interesting and evocative were undoubtedly the best. Whether they were legends passed down from generation to generation or random anecdotes, they were the source that guided my creative process.

However, there aren't many people who can truly create something. Those who have tried to create something, but found themselves unable to do so, often find those who can achieve it incredible, even worthy of admiration.

Actually...it's just because these people want to organize language better than those people.

"Then, enough of the small talk—"

Still a little nervous, I cleared my throat.

"I'm going to start—"

The beginning without warning

Compared to the rain in other seasons, the autumn rain always feels like it comes quietly.

Regardless of whether I had a premonition or not, when I opened my sleepy eyes, the sky was already covered with a layer of dark clouds that seemed to refuse to dissipate easily. Unlike the clouds in summer that refused to stay in one place for too long, these dark clouds now seemed to have a procrastination disorder and seemed to be here for a long time.

The sound of dripping water continued to enter my ears. As usual, my mind and body were in a lazy state of sleep deprivation... feeling pretty good.

I also noticed that my phone, which had fallen to the side, was running low on battery because it hadn't been charged overnight. I didn't know when the call ended... I had no idea if the person on the other end had fallen asleep since I drifted off to sleep.

But I guess there isn't one...

"Is it raining again..."

How many days has it been since the last rain? It feels like it’s not very close, but it’s not very far away either.

With my memory and steps unclear, I slowly walked towards the bathroom.

If spring rain moistens everything, then what is this autumn rain like? Aside from the image of wet clothes being blown by a chilly wind, it doesn't seem to conjure much else. Perhaps it's simply trying to make the weather even colder... hence its insistence on drenching the entire world.

Crunch, crunch, crunch

The toothbrush keeps stirring between the mouth and teeth.

"..."

I seemed to have told her a lot last night. Unfortunately, the sudden sleepiness that came over me made me unable to remember much... But it shouldn't matter. I should be able to remember it when I wake up a little more.

"It seems like you got up a little early today."

"....Um."

There seemed to be a delay in my body's response to my brain, and instead of a "Hmm, yeah" I was about to respond, but now all I could say was a drawn-out "Hmm."

"Aren't you awake yet?"

The mother who was setting the dishes asked casually.

"..."

Suddenly, I realized I could still breathe. Why did I have such thoughts and consciousness? It was so strange.

"...a little..."

As I was about to speak, I realized the hoarseness of my voice and the pain in my throat that had been there for a long time. And, hidden in the sleepiness, my head felt groggy.

"That looks a little strange... Wait a minute," she said, quickly moving closer to me. "Open your mouth so I can see."

As he spoke, he placed his slightly cold right hand on my forehead.

"what----"

As the vocal cords vibrate, the pain in the throat becomes more and more obvious.

"You might have a fever. My hands are a little cold. Wait a minute, I'll get the thermometer." She said as she walked towards the living room. "Are you hungry now?"

Following this question, my gaze turned to the breakfast on the table. It should have whetted my appetite, but right now, I couldn't smell anything...

"....No."

What a shame. But if you try and force yourself to eat it, it should be possible.

"Then it looks like a fever caused by a cold... Here, hold it under your armpit." She handed me the thermometer she had already shaken. "Wait five minutes before taking it off."

"...I know."

I've had this minor illness countless times since I was little. But every time, I'd have a premonition... This time, I didn't have any premonition, which was still quite strange.

I sat on the sofa, dazed, watching the morning news on TV, but I didn't hear a word of it. I didn't know how long it took.