I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"Well, I have no objection to the plan you proposed."

"..."

"But judging from your attitude, it seems like there's something about the club you're in that attracts you—I heard the club leader is a very beautiful girl. Could it be that you don't want to leave because you like her?"

“…”

This is too direct, senior.

"I can't really explain it...but I don't think it's a simple reason like that."

"Really?" He deliberately dragged out his words. "Well, I won't delve into the truth of this. Having someone worth caring about is a good thing after all."

“…”

Is it a good thing after all...

"senior."

"What's wrong? Are you going to confess who you like?"

"Of course not... I just wanted to ask... a question about you."

"Well, sure." He didn't care. "Let me be clear, I don't have anyone I like, so don't ask me about love."

"...That's not the case."

Chapter 1: Correcting Past Statements

For a moment I didn't know where to start.

"How many injustices have you, my seniors, witnessed? From the hazy memories of elementary school to the clear experiences of middle and high school... I wonder how many there are."

"...So that's the problem." He couldn't help but slow down his movements. "Talking about this while cooking is dangerous. It'll distract you."

"Oh... sorry..." I apologized subconsciously.

"It's okay. If you want to hear it, there's no problem saying it." He didn't turn around to face me, but continued doing what he was supposed to do. "If you ask me how much I've seen... Honestly, before high school, I didn't believe there were many bad things in the world."

"..."

"Before, I was a rather naive fellow. I'd always lived in the stable environment created by my family and school, and had no idea what the real world was like... Even now, I can't say I understand the entire world... Because perhaps I'm just standing on a higher step than before." He gestured with his hands, "But how high are those steps? I don't know. Can those standing on the higher level see those at the lower level? I don't know... but I think it's probably not."

“…”

"So, when I learned he was lost, I wanted him to stop looking at the people below him. Because one person alone can't save everyone... No matter how much you worry about it, the world won't change."

“…”

"Well, let's not talk about this anymore..." He suddenly realized that he had brought up something about him again, so he stopped the topic he had slightly expanded.

"...Actually, I remembered something about my past."

"What do you mean? From what you said, could it be that you lost your memory before?"

"Of course not..." I quickly shook my head, "It's just that my memory of the past is a little unclear."

"So that's it..."

"But recently, by chance, I seemed to recall what I experienced in the past... No, I should say, what I witnessed."

“…”

"There's someone who once helped me. She's obviously kind-hearted, but she's always been looked at strangely because of rumors. Even though everyone knows she's being bullied, no one stands up to stop it... Not even me. I just watch and pretend I don't see anything."

I slowly put down what I was holding. I was recounting my past and could no longer focus on anything else.

“…”

The senior also listened silently, without making any movement, as if any movement would disturb me.

"Later, it seemed she finally couldn't stand this kind of life anymore...she chose to end her life."

When talking about this ending...the scene that was so real that it seemed fake finally appeared before my eyes.

“…This is truly…”

What could this really be? I couldn't help but speculate about the senior's hesitant words. Is this really a pity? Anyone with even a modicum of humanity would probably feel that way about something like this. But what's the point...it still can't change anything.

"I don't know why..."

I muttered to myself.

Was it out of dissatisfaction with my indifference? Or was it just a coincidence... or perhaps it was fate that I finally found her, the one I had always thought was just a rebellious person.

"I was the first person to discover her."

"..."

"It's not far from the school...near the abandoned building..."

The picture in my mind seems to be getting clearer and clearer.

"No one has ever discovered it... It's clearly there... There are definitely people who know about it... But no one has ever thought of looking there first."

Those who have been bullying her are definitely aware of this. But in order to avoid being exposed, they have been hiding themselves. If you don't want others to know, why not do it in the first place...

"...If you feel uncomfortable, don't force yourself to narrate."

After noticing my abnormality, my senior reminded me worriedly.

"No... Actually, I was just wondering... what would have happened if I had taken action from the beginning."

...I might be targeted, and perhaps even have trouble at school... But compared to what she'd been through, it was nothing, wasn't it? If only I'd known the consequences sooner...

"I once said that the senior's idea was actually correct. Because one person's power cannot save all those who are suffering from injustice...so the idea of ​​saving everyone is quite naive."

This idea is the same as what my senior friends thought.

“…”

"But now I feel that it would be better if there were more innocent people like this in the world. No, it's absolutely necessary for such people to exist..."

"..."

"So I want to correct something I said before. I never really understood the thoughts of that friend of yours... But now it seems that what he really wanted was for you to be like him, to worry about other people's problems and to find ways to help those who are suffering."

"..."

He had always longed for recognition, but never received it. So he naturally thought of the seniors who had always supported him. He hoped to get some support from you... Even a simple "Keep going" would be enough to keep him going through the muddy reality.

But...in fact, the seniors did not understand this.

"...Is that really the case..." His expression seemed much calmer. "Actually, regarding this matter...I still regret it to this day, even though I know regretting it is completely useless."

"But seniors can choose to do the same thing as him."

“…”

"Even though I already knew that most of the people around me weren't worth helping...because of her, I won't give up on anyone who needs help easily."

"..."

"So, I think you can try to do... what that senior didn't accomplish." He took a deep breath. "If you're worried that no one will support you, then I'll be the one who always supports you."

. . . . . . . . . .

It would be great if it could go smoothly.

"You're really good at talking to yourself... saying things that are hard to believe."

"Oh... sorry." My tone seemed a bit aggressive, and on the other hand, my senior was just listening to me and didn't express his own thoughts at all.

"No need to apologize. This is fine... Listening to the younger generation's words, I naturally think of him back then."

"..."

"It's just that he looks a little weaker than you, and smaller in stature... He doesn't look a year older than me at all. But... That's what fate is. If it were completely logical, there would be no sense of life—but then again, what is life? What do you think?"

“…I’m actually not sure either.”

"That's right. Most people don't actually understand... Even my parents only know that the meaning of life is to send me to college, wait for me to succeed in my career, help me raise my children, and then enjoy my retirement. There's nothing wrong with that idea, it's even quite normal... but it's ultimately too shallow."

“…”

"He sees things more broadly than I do, and that's enough to make me admire him. Not everyone wants to care about others...even if they do, they'll be worn down by repeated dissuasion from others. But the man I know isn't like that; he's always maintained that mindset."

"..."

"As my junior, I'm impressed that you have such thoughts. You're a kind person, but you also know that kindness doesn't go well with the world... Even so, you persist in doing so. This is very similar to him."

"..."

No, there are actually some differences.

"It's just that he did it for others, while you did it... ultimately for yourself—to make up for what's already irreversible. While I personally find this undesirable... I don't intend to dissuade you. Just do what you want."

"Um..."

However, he didn't seem to mention anything about himself.

"But as for wanting to be my supporter or something like that... I don't mind your thoughts... But living the way you say is definitely not an option."

"Eh...?"

"Don't look at me with that weird look. Think about it, even your parents didn't expect you to grow up to be the person they wanted you to be, right?" He couldn't help but laugh. I could sense that it wasn't a reproach... but I could sense that it was something like telling me to stop caring about him.

"So I definitely won't follow your words so easily...but you can take it as a suggestion."

“…”

Perhaps I have been leading others in the direction I want them to take, without ever considering their own interests.

"For the rest of my life, I still want to follow my own ideas... It's the same with you, Sheji, right? You've always been bound by various rules... You must want to walk your own path too."

“…”

"Well, let's not talk about this anymore." Seeing that I didn't say a word of rebuttal, he changed the subject in a very natural tone, "Let's prepare the ingredients quickly, otherwise the meal won't be cooked well."

"Uh... yeah."

Regardless, I've conveyed the corrective message, and I feel a little relieved.

It would be nice if the second chapter could go smoothly.

I can't forget that scene.

Whether it was true or not, it simply appeared in my memory. Like a chance recollection, it gradually became clearer, and my memory of it gradually expanded, eventually becoming a story I could narrate with words.

To others, it's a story... but to me, it's a trace that needs to be etched clearly. I don't know why I chose to abandon this memory before, but now that I recall it again... I don't really want to forget it, nor do I want to deceive myself by saying it was just a picture drawn by my subconscious.

"...Just confirm it."

He subconsciously said what he was thinking, and his voice was neither too loud nor too soft, just enough to be heard.

"This student is taking things for granted. Although people at the time wanted to confirm it, it was difficult—"

When everyone's eyes were focused on me, I suddenly realized that my words were heard by the teacher who was giving the lecture.

It felt a bit awkward. But luckily I didn't get caught distracted...

"That's why navigators explore the ocean... but the meaning of confirmation and exploration is quite different."

"Uh-huh--"

I nodded twice, finally escaping the teacher's gaze, and breathed a sigh of relief. It seemed I'd better try not to talk to myself during class.

“…”

Only when I saw the textbook in front of me did I realize it was history. Logically, as someone who'd likely choose the liberal arts major, I should have paid close attention... but for key points, I just had to mark up other people's textbooks after class and then copy a little from the blackboard. Rote memorization is something I'll eventually remember with some effort.

. . . . . . . .

"Do you usually follow the news?"

It's a new week again.

As usual, I was carrying out meaningless club activities after school... Well, perhaps I should correct that, what I was doing now could not be called club activities.

Then, I suddenly brought up this question. Of course, I said it in a casual tone.

"I don't really care... If it's game-related, I'd be interested." Rinquanchuan was the first to respond. "Why are you asking this all of a sudden?"