I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

She just nodded when she understood the meaning of my words, and then moved closer to me.

"After all... I promised to wait for her to come back."

With drooping eyelids, he looked out into the dim corridor.

"Is that... your agreement?"

Yehui asked me tentatively.

"No... If I must say, it was my own decision."

"Because she left without permission?"

"...no."

I thought about it, and I didn't seem to have a reason for doing this. But... such a small thing shouldn't need a reason.

"Wait for her to come back...what to do?"

"...Unclear."

I reached my locker and took out my scarf.

"Maybe just wanted to... give her a little thump on the head."

Thinking of this, I couldn't help but smile.

"Ah...you're wearing this properly."

She sighed with a hint of surprise in her voice.

"Of course, because you gave it to me."

I wrapped my neck around my neck and looked at her, "Besides... in this weather, we should pay attention to keeping warm."

"...Yeah, take good care of yourself...so that you can wait for the important person. Right?"

"...important person..."

To me, who is the important person?

"...Well, if that's how you understand it, Yehui, then I won't refute it."

It doesn't matter whether it is right or not.

"...? Isn't that right?"

A voice of doubt. What exactly is it doubting about...

"...That's hard to say."

Perhaps, time will tell. Whether or not the people who truly matter to me actually exist remains an open question.

"..."

Looking at the wet street, I suddenly remembered that I didn't have an umbrella.

"Let's open an umbrella."

Before I could turn around, I felt a gentle push and an open umbrella. Then, my footsteps landed in a puddle that had slightly accumulated rainwater.

"It's getting late. We need to get home quickly."

At Ye Hui's urging, I couldn't help but quicken my pace.

..........

"It looks like the weather is going to get cooler."

The breath she exhaled formed a faint white mist in the cold air.

"Um..."

I nodded and buried my mouth and nose in the scarf, using my breath to heat the plush scarf, warming my nose, which was already freezing.

"...What gift would you like this year?"

"...Hmm?"

I turned my gaze towards her in confusion.

"Well, this scarf is what I gave you before... So, since we already have a precedent, it's better to check it out this year... In case I give you something you don't need..."

"...Anything is fine. As long as it's something Ye Hui gives me, I will accept it without hesitation."

After saying this, my eyes turned to the street under the street lights again.

"Hmm... this... is that so..."

I always feel that there is a subtle sense of awkwardness in the sentence just now.

"And...well...I'll return the favor."

The moment the words came out of my mouth, I seemed to understand where that feeling of embarrassment came from.

"Ah... now that you mention it, I'm really looking forward to it."

"...Nothing to look forward to, just a gift."

I responded even more awkwardly.

"Well... well, I'm really curious about your taste in choosing gifts, Sheji."

"So you were expecting this..."

Some helpless.

Yet, I felt relieved. I've been feeling so depressed lately, and being able to relax a little...isn't easy. Am I just asking for trouble...or am I blaming myself for not paying attention to her?

I know it's useless to be so sad, but I still can't help but think about it. All the things that happened back then, like a continuous drizzle, slowly beat against my heart.

So, my heart isn't filled with deep sorrow, nor is it completely still... It's just like this rain. Walking through it, I don't feel its momentum, and even briefly ignore it... Only when I turn around do I suddenly realize I'm still in the rain after all.

"...Come to think of it, someone who once stood with me in the rain said... As long as you stand in the rain, no one will know whether the water on your face is rain or tears."

"......"

She didn't respond, but a hint of sadness appeared on her usually peaceful face.

"But... now I'm thinking..."

I quickened my pace slightly, left the umbrella she held for me, and walked into the continuous drizzle.

Under the street light, she and I stopped.

"if..."

The voice was inexplicably choked.

"Who would stand in the rain if... they weren't sad?"

无色

This morning, the drizzle outside the window still seemed to stop at any moment. However, the sound of raindrops gently dripping on the eaves of the house never stopped in my ears.

The sunless sky made it impossible to tell whether it was morning or not. Rubbing my eyes, I felt a rare wave of fatigue creeping into my body... Perhaps this is why I don't particularly enjoy rainy days. Whether I want it or not, my body always feels a little sluggish.

However, thinking of him, I placed my hand on my chest with a touch of worry. Looking at him in that state, I wanted to do something, but it seemed like I couldn't do anything... Maybe, maybe I could only pray...

Pray that the dark clouds in his heart will dissipate as soon as possible.

.....

"A long time ago, I wanted to give up my tears."

A cold wind blew, and drifting raindrops fell on his face.

"Wow——"

The water with soft temperature dances on my face.

The sensation of heated tap water and rainwater is completely different. I don't know what it feels like to be without my umbrella.

"But... that was my decision after all..."

All I did was stare at his face.

The raindrops didn't gather into tear-sized drops on his face, so... he had no reason to cry at the moment.

He was drenched by the drizzle under the street light and looked quite miserable.

it's wired.

He was clearly standing in the rain... and he clearly felt quite close to me, but... he failed to take a step forward and raise the umbrella in his hand above his head again.

"...I...might..."

The sudden cold wind blew away my thoughts from yesterday.

The weather is really starting to cool down.

Chapter 1 Colorless

There seems to be a big difference between summer rain and autumn rain.

Now the autumn rain dripping on my body does not feel oppressive at all, without the urging of thunder and rapid raindrops. I don’t need to look for eaves or rain gear to shelter from the rain. I can shiver and walk slowly on the road against the cold wind.

"what...."

How would life go on after this? I couldn't help but start thinking about this question. Before Lingcan mentioned this matter... I didn't think about it at all, or rather, I just refused to think about it.

What can I do? What is the purpose of my existence? When I ask myself these questions, I feel a sense of emptiness.

"Hey."

The sound came from my ear.

Looking back, I only saw an elongated shadow under the street light.

“Swish—”

As if urged by something, the raindrops seemed to fall a little faster.

Auditory hallucinations?

Wondering like this, I withdrew my gaze, continued to look at my feet, and continued walking... Under the impact of raindrops, the road was slightly rippled in the light.

"Confused?"

"......"

Tiny raindrops condensed into water droplets and began to drip along the hair.

The footsteps stopped in the rain.

"certainly..."

The road ahead is not the way home. I can't tell where it leads.

"Do you want to know?"

"Ah...of course."

What exactly is a human being?

What is the form of life? How can I identify it... How can I understand it... I want to know why people exist in this world. What kind of judgment is it if I am not a human being? In the eyes of others, in my own eyes, all kinds of things that are hard to describe, but real, like the sun, like flowers, like rain, like those that gradually wither, those things that are hard to describe.

...want to know.

It has nothing to do with others, my heart is praying for these answers.

From then until then.

I have never tried to understand the so-called world.

"If I may...I would like to clarify..."

Even if you understand that you might lose something.

"Can."

That voice was very decisive.