I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

I thought she would say something amazing, but now it seems really boring.

After all this fuss, is this guy the only thing he can say about such irrelevant things?

In her opinion, I am not without talent...Yes, in the eyes of others, I am not useless either.

"This student is helpful, warm, and sincere."

After all, these words often appear in final evaluations.

But it's precisely because of this, this insignificant, perfunctory response, that I hate it. Ah, it's like I can't find any strengths in you, so I'm using these words to cover it up. Instead of that, it would be better to leave the comments blank, so I can learn sooner, saving myself the years of awakening. Who knows, maybe I'll develop some useful skills.

Well, at this point, there's no point in thinking about this.

"I think you have a strong ability to learn."

She continued.

His expression was serious, as if he was saying something very important.

"....Hey."

This scene really made me laugh. I almost saw a child pointing at a traffic light and saying to his parents, "Look, that light changes colors," and waiting proudly for praise.

It’s really easy to understand.

"You mean, I don't know much about comics, but I can still put up the background and dots...right?" I easily predicted what she wanted to say.

"...Well, that's about right."

It was obvious that I had interrupted her to speak, so she had no choice but to nod.

"So... what's the point?" To her, my talent was limited to this... No, perhaps it was limited to helping her finish her comics sooner. But these things, as long as they were willing to spend some time teaching others, any high school student could do it.

"Didn't I tell you? Even someone like me who seems so great will encounter all kinds of troubles. Why are you so depressed?" She seemed to have lost patience with my attitude.

"It's not a question of being depressed or not."

sigh.

"It's just that our perspectives are different." I said, pointing to a nearby building. "You're like someone standing on top of a building. Even if you get down... what you see is fundamentally different from someone like me standing on the ground."

“…”

"Ah, to use an analogy... that's not quite the right analogy. Well, anyway... you probably haven't been to a regular school, right? I also heard that if you don't want to go to school, you can just skip classes and the teachers won't do anything to you, and you can always make up for it later."

"So what?"

"That's why you have this illusion. You think the differences between people are due to different experiences, but generally speaking, there are no differences. But that's only in your opinion." I put my hands back in my pockets. "But this kind of thing is impossible in most schools. Every class has its share of losers and top students, just like red lights and green lights. There's always a shortage of them."

"...What exactly do you want to say?"

"I'm destined to be talentless, that's all. You say I have talent, but in other words, you're saying, 'I still have value that can be utilized.' You don't want me to have any ideas because I can help you, right? I understand. You're just worried that I might make a mistake because of this, and ruin the comics you worked so hard to create. It's like repairing traffic lights isn't about caring about the quality of the equipment, but about traffic safety."

"...What are you talking about... We clearly care about you..."

She lowered her head slightly, her voice gradually becoming quieter. I don't know if it was because my ungrateful words had hurt her kindness, or because I had hit upon her entire mentality and she felt guilty.

But no matter what...what does it have to do with me?

"Is that so? Many people are focused on food and medical safety, denouncing unscrupulous manufacturers and saying hospitals are now recklessly conducting tests and disregarding human life. But is justice truly driving them?" He paused. "Hasn't there been some online discussion recently about game changes? Many people are complaining about 'cultural isolation.' But really, all they want to see is something borderline. So why bring up so much irrelevant stuff? Wouldn't it be better to just say, 'I just want to see butts and asses,' or 'I just like to hear female characters say they love me in [harmonious] voices?' People who only care about their own selfish desires have no right to talk about justice."

What's more, those so-called revision suggestions are just rumors.

"So, it's okay if you don't say those useless things. You just need to remind me to [work hard and don't get distracted]. If you can be a little stricter and say, 'Don't cause us any trouble because of you!' I won't complain."

That kind of false tenderness and hypocritical guidance is nothing but harm to me without any tenderness at all.

"...For someone like me...it's normal for people not to be cared about."

Looking at Li Moya, who still lowered her head and said nothing, I suddenly felt guilty, even though I still felt that I had said nothing wrong.

"......"

A slightly cool breeze swept through the street again, as if to blow away her words. The sound of the wind lingered in my ears, and I had no idea what she was talking about.

"...What did you just say?"

For some reason, I couldn't help but try to get closer to her.

“…”

After noticing my approach, she raised her head slightly. Facing the sunlight, her eyes, adorned with tears, looked particularly moving.

"I said...."

Her cherry-colored lips parted slightly.

Chapter 22: The Gentleness of the Way

This was my first time arriving at the subway entrance during this time, and the flow of people was pretty much the same as I'd imagined. If it weren't for holidays, this kind of remote station would have very few people taking the train.

At this time, I was the only one standing at the entrance.

“…”

I don't know how I got here. Before I knew it, I was already standing here, beads of sweat covering my forehead and back. I don't know how long I'd been under the scorching sun.

"..."

He fumbled in his backpack and pulled out a subway card.

"Ah, I found it."

I'd never normally think of examining it, but now I was holding it in my hands, examining it with a slightly vacant gaze. Meanwhile, the face of the girl I'd come with instinctively flashed before my eyes.

"...Is this too much?" I said to myself.

Thinking back on what I said earlier, it was indeed a bit extreme for a girl I'd only just met. But then again, I felt like if I were actually saying it to someone else, it would be nothing more than a grumble.

"drop--"

After scanning the card in my hand through the verification machine, I walked into the station smoothly.

However, apart from my complaints, I truly wasn't someone worthy of attention. To paraphrase what I just said, in school, those with good grades are like green lights, while those who slack off and don't strive for progress are like red lights. All people care about is the difference between "good" and "bad," the "red light" or "green light," the "safety" and "danger." But I'm like... the "yellow light" somewhere in between. It only lasts three seconds, so short it's practically negligible, and a color no one cares about.

Realizing this, I never thought... no, I never expected to be noticed by others, nor did I ever think about being an eye-catching guy.

"The train is about to arrive—"

I could feel the ground shaking slightly.

The regular frequency transmitted through the soles of my feet reminds me of the beating of my heart.

The moment I saw her face, I could clearly feel the echoing sound in my chest, like my heartbeat when I was forced to take part in a 1,000-meter test after not exercising for a long time.

"I said..."

At the moment the wind disappeared, she repeated the words that I didn't hear.

"I think... you deserve to be treated gently."

Maybe that's what drives her.

"..."

For some reason, even though it was just about her, I couldn't help but think of someone else. I thought we wouldn't have any interactions, but without warning, that guy called me on the playground.

It's because of that guy that I joined the club and tried to help others. It's ridiculous, I'm such a useless person, and yet I still try to help others...

But before I knew it, it seemed to have passed.

"..."

So, the thought of "I wish I had talent" came to me because I joined the club. If I hadn't joined, I wouldn't have had the idea of ​​working hard for something, and I wouldn't have met Kurumiya and Kumuting, two people who are completely different from me.

...To sum up, societies are indeed troublesome things.

Looking at each other and understanding

How should people get along with each other?

By chance, I thought of this question.

"Ah, I'm sorry."

It was then that I realized my foot had been stepped on.

Well, maybe it wasn't accidental.

“…”

After accidentally stepping on my foot, the passenger passing by apologized to me and left.

Even though I still didn't say a word, the man left.

Ultimately, he was dealing with this situation with the mindset of "just saying sorry is enough." But the reality is, when you encounter unreasonable people, even if you apologize, you won't be forgiven, and it might even lead to more trouble. On the other hand, when you encounter polite people, not only will you not be scolded, you'll even receive a "no problem."

However, I did not respond with “It’s okay”.

In my opinion, stepping on the script in such situations is normal. Even if the person pretends not to notice, what can I do? I will still remain unmoved and may not even realize that I have been stepped on.

In short, this is where our intersection ends.

I remember there is a saying that goes, "If only life could be as it was when we first met."

If people could always stay at the "first meeting" stage, wouldn't that be the best state of being together? Without knowing each other well, we can only see the sides we reveal. For me, that would allow me to remain unnoticed, without revealing my own character flaws through prolonged contact.

Come to think of it, there's some truth to this statement. But I still can't just agree with it... Well, let's not dwell on this question for now.

"The train is about to arrive at the station, passengers please get off..."

She took a quick look at the station she was at and found that it was still several stops away from her home.

So, what exactly is the so-called gentleness?

"You deserve to be treated kindly."

Despite being told this, I still couldn't comprehend the meaning of gentleness, and naturally, I wasn't moved or happy. To the ignorant, things whose purpose they don't understand are completely worthless. Clearly, I'm completely and narrowly ignorant of the human heart. I simply judge others' thoughts based on my own, completely clueless about how to interact with others, and even when faced with kindness, I don't notice it at all.

So, spreading kindness is gentleness...

"...don't know..."

Humans are unpredictable and unbelievable creatures. Kindness is often misinterpreted, and kind people are often powerless. Rather, it's the powerless who desire kindness from those more powerful than themselves, and therefore treat everyone equally with it. In this way, kindness seems different from gentleness. Kindness is merely a correction of others' behavior, a way of setting an example. Gentleness, on the other hand, I believe, is a genuine act of kindness toward others.

"..."

Come to think of it, I never seem to show tenderness to others... No wonder, because I don't even know what tenderness is.

The only thing he has ever shown to others is his anger and complaints.

Even though I knew nothing, I could sense that my words were neither gentle nor kind to her. I was simply venting my inner dissatisfaction to her.

As for why I had that mindset... maybe it was because some of what she said did make sense, but I didn't want to admit it. Then I tried to find some topics I didn't want to talk about to cover up my inner feelings, but in the process I couldn't control my emotions.

All in all, I'm a bad person.

So, what is it about a guy like me that deserves to be treated gently?

Chapter 23: Looking at Each Other and Understanding

"...Um, I'm here to look for Tongyou..."

I'd gotten to know her home a few times before, when I took the subway home with her, but this was the first time I'd formally visited her.

"Come in, she's still in the room." I judged from the fact that the person who led me in looked like her mother and treated me very warmly.

"Please sit down and have something to drink first." She said, taking a drink from the side. "It must be uncomfortable to run outside in such hot weather, right?"

"Well... I don't feel anything. Thank you..." I didn't refuse and reached out to take the drink.

Compared to midday, the temperature outside was a bit lower. And with so many things still unresolved in my mind, I naturally didn't have the leisure to pay attention to whether it was hot or not.

"By the way, are you her classmate?"

"Well...we were in the same club at school, and we spent quite a bit of time together." But we weren't in the same class.

"This is the first time a classmate has come to see her... You sit here first, I'll go tell her."

"sorry to bother you."

"No, no~" She looked very happy and stood up as she said that.