I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

I thought they wouldn't be able to find anyone.

"Well, from what he said, he was tired of the old-fashioned piano, so he wanted to try a different style. And then he heard the sound of electric guitar, so he wanted to join us and give it a try."

"...Sounds like he's a guy who does whatever he wants."

Maybe that's just how musicians are...

"Having one more person naturally means more strength. Even though he was a student from another school, through him we were able to find someone willing to be the drummer."

"Oh..."

"So, with me, a rhythm guitarist who was still learning, a band that looked half decent was formed..."

When he said this, his brows suddenly relaxed.

"It was successfully established... It's like a dream."

"..."

"Afterwards, we gradually went from being strangers to becoming one-to-one empaths... Of course, it was a mutual understanding in terms of coordination. The process is hard to describe in a few words... Anyway, our club became more lively, and she smiled more often than before."

“…”

"After that, as we became more proficient in practice, we started adding breaks. First, the drummer brought a box of Monopoly, and then we each brought board games that we could play together... That's how the scene you see today came about. I didn't expect it would become a tradition in the music club..."

“…”

"So, Sheji, your purpose this time is to learn about bands and clubs, right?"

"...Yeah, that's right." I nodded.

"What's the specific purpose? Could you please reveal it?"

"Creation." That said enough.

"I see...it's pretty much what I expected~" He couldn't help but laugh, "It seems I'm pretty good after all."

"Oh, yes."

I have no objection to this.

"Since it's a creative work... this type of subject matter should try to describe the process of adjustment... so if the length is too short, it will not be able to fully express the charm of the story."

"...That makes sense."

I hadn't thought of that sentence before.

"And there has to be drama... Just like what I went through, during those days I was completely hoping for a miracle to happen, and it was really hard."

"But it succeeded, didn't it? So before success, some suffering needs to be endured."

"Yeah...it was a success after all."

..............

"thanks for treatment."

"...I think you should say this to the store owner."

For some reason, I accompanied Mo Xiaozhi to the subway entrance and watched him leave.

"Really? Well... I'm leaving. Be careful on your way home." He said and waved at me.

"Do not worry."

"Then, please work hard on your creative side as well."

"...Yes, I will. I will do it as soon as I get back." This is not a promise to anyone, but a reminder to myself.

"Then I'll look forward to the story you come up with, Shaji-kun~" He waved his hand and disappeared from my sight.

"...story..."

I can't figure out the reason.

"You just..."

Is it because I am not familiar enough to him?

"Tell me what..."

Or is it because I'm not trustworthy...

"Isn't this just a made-up story?"

Well, never mind... maybe he really has his own reasons.

And the conversation just now was indeed helpful to me... Just think of it as listening to a beautiful story.

"It's not like there's no gain at all..."

So, is this something to celebrate?

Episode 9 [Memory] When the Waves Rumble

When I had no desires, I always hoped that life would go on smoothly. I hoped that nothing unexpected would happen, that I wouldn't meet any strange people, and that everything would just remain the same.

But despite these pleas, I still encountered a strange person. And at her request, I did things I'd never imagined before. For me, it was my first exposure to music... no, strictly speaking, rock music. It was just one of many genres. Perhaps because I was first exposed to it, I had an inexplicable yearning for this style of music.

When things got to this point, my mood naturally changed.

I began to hope for a turn of events.

Although she didn't say anything herself, she continued to teach me how to play music as usual, and then showed me the songs she improvised as if to show off...but I could feel that she still wanted things to be as she had originally envisioned.

As I gradually learned more about musical performance, I could more or less understand the desire to form a team with others.

It would be nice if someone else could join... I started hoping for that.

By the time I realized it, I had already begun to sigh about it. Deep down, I hoped that things would not develop so smoothly again, and hoped for a so-called miracle to happen.

I don’t know if it was because my previous wish had come true at this moment, but until the show was about to go on stage, there were still only two of us in the music club.

This is what they call stability...I think I'm starting to hate this word.

..............

"You're a little late today, that's rare..."

Tomorrow is Christmas, which means... the performance is tomorrow. The program application was approved a few days ago, and the rest of the time is almost all training.

She, who always arrives before me every day, was much late today.

"Because I went to pick up the express." She smiled and took out two packages. Then she looked at the labels on them, distinguished them, and handed one to me. "Here, this one is yours."

"...Did you buy anything random again?"

Although she always insisted that she had no money, she had received a lot of express deliveries in the past few months, and most of the purchases were decorations or guitar strings.

"What do you mean by buying things randomly? This is just a normal investment." She stuffed the package into my arms without saying anything, and turned to the side to tear open her own package.

"..."

Judging from the touch, it shouldn't be a hard object.

"By the way, tomorrow is Christmas, right?" She suddenly asked me as if she remembered something.

"Of course, we're going on stage tomorrow." Even so, there are only two of us... Well, even though I know that there is no way things can turn around, I still feel unwilling to accept it.

"Don't be so nervous. Let's put the stage thing behind us for now. Here, open the package in your hand and take a look."

"Eh?... Are we going to tear it down now?"

"Well, hurry up." She nodded.

"Okay..." I hope this isn't a prank on her part.

So I put down the guitar in my hand for the time being and opened the package nervously.

"...How was it? Did you like it?"

I don't know when she came up to me and asked me with a little pride.

"This is..." After tearing open the package, I realized I was holding a piece of clothing. And it wasn't just any ordinary clothing. It was mainly black, with a few metal studs... a performance costume? "Is this a performance costume?"

"Yeah, that's right. By the way, I have one myself."

She had already unpacked the package and was showing me her performance costume. It looked like it would reveal her shoulders, with a ribbon trim at the neckline. It was mostly black, but the sleeves and short skirt were white.

"How much is this going to cost? And if it's going to cost that much, why didn't you tell me? I can pay my share."

"That's too much trouble. I don't like it." She didn't pay attention to what I said. "Besides, tomorrow is Christmas... Just think of this dress as a gift from me."

"Why is that... Then I have to return the gift as well... Hmm, what should I prepare..." If I think about it carefully, I don't seem to be sure about her preferences... Because she seems to be interested in everything.

"Don't overthink it. I don't need to." She interrupted my thoughts. "After all, I was the one who forced you to join us. And the fact that you stayed with me until the end and worked hard to learn to cooperate with me...that's enough for me."

"..."

"So let me express my gratitude. I won't be happy if you return the gift."

"..."

I didn't respond.

It wasn't because I had no reason to object, but I noticed the look in her eyes. It was different from the last time I met her. The glint in her eyes... had dimmed considerably.

............

This day is finally here.

The time and energy invested will finally pay off at this moment.

"Look here, Xiaozhi's name is there." "And it's a performance..." "Huh? When..."

After the program was released, many people in the class started asking me questions. Suddenly, I went from being the one who was ignored to being the center of attention.

While dealing with them, I found that my partner was not at her seat.

"Sorry, I suddenly remembered that I have something urgent to do..."

After using this excuse to get away, although I didn't understand the reason, my intuition told me that I had to find her.

"..."

Finally, I found her near the activity room, near the railings with a view of the distant scenery. She looked like she was on the phone, and judging by her expression... the conversation didn't seem pleasant.

"...It's true that there aren't enough groups... but..."

"Anyway, let's come and see for ourselves before drawing any conclusions."

"Okay...I got it."

After hanging up the phone with a somewhat disappointed tone, she turned around and saw me not far away.

"...Ah, did you hear that?" She didn't seem to react much.

"What happened?"

"Well... it's nothing to talk about now." She muttered to herself, then turned to me, "I made a bet with my parents when I first arrived here."

“…”

"I told them I could find people at this school to form a band with me and create something really good...and they didn't believe me."

"So that's why I came here... If I could do that, I'd be free to do whatever I want. It might sound a bit selfish, but after all, I'm just wasting other people's time to satisfy my own needs. Even if they were exposed to this kind of music, they wouldn't necessarily develop an interest in it, let alone change their fate. Ultimately, I'm doing this for myself... so it's not really any grand ambition."

A look of loneliness gradually appeared in his eyes.

"..."

...I always feel...the atmosphere is a bit heavy.

"Well, that's true." She sighed slightly, her tone regaining a little more energy, "but I'm not good at thinking too much about things that are too realistic."

"Hmm? What do you mean..."

"So, reality might indeed be as I said before. But I'm still good at fantasizing... and living in my own world."

"I don't want to admit that relationships between people are simply based on interests. I...still hope to find people who truly enjoy this kind of music...no, partners. More precisely, through the friction of various events, we can gradually become partners. Then, our goals will no longer be just our own, and we can work together towards a common goal...that's what I hope for." Then, she looked away. "Now it seems I've lost... Although I confidently told them, 'Come and see before you judge,' I no longer have any fighting spirit."

"..."

"Now it seems that reality is really cruel... In the end, you are the only one willing to accompany me... It must be very tiring. I always feel that saying thank you a few times is not enough... I tried so hard, but the result is still..."

"...What are you talking about?" My hands...were clenched tightly.

I can not accept.