I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"So I envy those who complain about their parents being too strict... If my parents were willing to set a goal for me, even if it was to be number one in the school, I would work hard... But the reality is that those two people just don't want to pay any attention to me... Maybe they're afraid I'll affect their ability to regain a stable life."

I'm not sure what my expression was when I talked about this, but judging from Xiaohui's expression, her mood was probably the same as mine now, with no change at all.

"...That is to say, your parents don't live with you...right?" Xiaohui raised her question.

"...Exactly. Aside from the Lunar New Year, I hardly ever see them, and they definitely don't want to see me. I lied to you... I always said I had my parents' permission, then I'd come to your house and eat and drink for free. In reality, they couldn't care less about how I was doing."

"..."

"And then... before I met you, I was just getting by, hanging out with the so-called delinquents. Even though I always acted well-behaved in front of you,... maybe at heart I'm just that kind of person? The kind of person who's hopeless."

If I hadn't met Li Yinghui...

"So I'm so lucky, so lucky to have met you. You're so different from everyone I've met so far... I really want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Because of you, Xiaohui, I've finally found and seen clearly the path I want to take. Even if I'm still exploring, it doesn't seem like much if I'm with you. Xiaohui, you always teach me so much... how to be charming, how to dress myself, how to use makeup that I used to disdain... I'm able to make changes, to be determined to change... it's all thanks to you."

After all that talk...it turned out to be something she already knew.

so...

“So…”

It's time to speak out. Say what you wanted to say but didn't... in one breath before the topic is over.

"I...have always liked...you, Xiaohui."

Ah, it's out.

I didn't dare look up at her expression. Because I wasn't mentally prepared for the outcome I didn't want to see...

"..."

Time seemed to stand still. After I said that sentence and waited quietly for a reply, the environment became unusually quiet.

"..."

Did I say something wrong... It's really weird... Liking girls of the same sex and suddenly confessing to them, this is really not normal.

"Well...Xiaohui, if you can't accept it, just pretend I never said anything..." I quickly raised my head to look at her and wanted to take back what I had just said.

However, the expression on her face didn't seem to be shock or disgust, but... a joy that I didn't expect.

"...So...so happy..."

My cheeks flushed, a long-lost blush, and then she quickly took my hands. Her face quickly moved closer to mine, "This is the first time someone besides Hao has said this to me."

"Hmm...Hmm."

Although I felt that she had misunderstood what I wanted to express, this action still made me so excited that I was speechless.

"So, what exactly do you like about me, Xiao Qian?" She asked me excitedly.

"Oh...ah...well, let me think..."

Even so, it's still difficult for me to explain it suddenly.

“For example, the cooking is delicious…”

"Oh, there's more? There's more than just this, right?"

"...Don't worry, let me think about it..."

It seems she really did misunderstand me, but there's no way to correct it now...

"..."

But looking at her expression... she looks very happy.

This is all right. My feelings for her, my feelings for her, have, in a sense, been conveyed. If I can still be by her side, if I can still see her smile... It doesn't really matter if she doesn't fully understand.

"Someone is very gentle...has a nice smile...I feel like I could make friends..."

"That is to say, I am very important to you, right?"

After listening to what I said, she asked this question.

"Well, of course." I immediately confirmed this fact.

For me, this will never change.

“…Me too.”

"...?"

I didn't understand what was going on for a moment. It looked like Xiaohui had said something quite calmly, but it wasn't impossible that I had misheard...

"I mean..." As if she saw the doubt in my eyes, she repeated what she had just said, with a more serious look.

"Xiao Qian, you are very important to me too."

Confidence that can be expressed

"...I always feel..."

What an incredible conversation I heard.

Especially for the seniors around me...that senior sister Ming Xinxi seemed to have seriously confessed her love to senior sister Li Yinghui.

Even though I had a premonition about this, I was still caught off guard when I heard the confession in person... I wonder what expression my senior had at that moment.

To satisfy my curiosity, I turned my gaze to the senior beside me. I expected him to look serious, but after a closer look, I found that he didn't seem to care about the conversation he just heard. His expression had not changed from before...indeed, he seemed a little more relaxed.

And if I think about it carefully, since this is Ming Xinxi's first confession, it means that the reason why Senior doesn't want to contact her is not what I previously suspected...

"Ah...why can't I remember..."

Even though I knew that hitting my head wouldn't change anything, I still habitually tapped the back of my head gently.

"...Hui, she really hasn't changed."

For some reason, the senior who had been silent all of a sudden said something that I couldn't understand.

"..."

"Still as gentle as ever."

As if he had let go of something, the senior smiled again and turned his gaze to me.

"...I think I know what to do."

"...Ah, really?"

Although I don’t understand what’s going on, this situation is really cause for celebration.

Chapter 42: Confidence that can be expressed

"Wait...wait, you mean...I...that..."

As I imagined, Akane reacted just like I imagined. Shy and cute... she seemed like a simple person. So, she must have been under a lot of pressure before this...

"Yes, you heard me right." I reaffirmed what I said. "I have heard what you wanted to say to me, so in return, I also have something to say to you."

"..."

"Thank you for all this time."

I'm not strong-willed. I've always been searching for someone to lean on. But because I'm not particularly forthright, few people can tolerate me... Besides that slow-witted man who approached me to become a writer, Xiao Qian is the only one who keeps me company.

"have to say..."

I have to say, she is like a hero in my heart. When I was in trouble, she took the initiative to show up in front of me... even though we didn't know each other.

And from that moment on, I tried to get close to her and tried to rely on her.

Maybe it's just because I lack a sense of security.

My father taught me how to face life and gave me precious memories, but he didn't offer me much protection... I don't blame him, but it left a gap in my heart.

Because of those factors, I don't approach others easily. I can only protect myself with an aura that makes people feel inaccessible... Yes, as long as I don't get close to others, I won't be hurt. Even so, I may lose many people who could have become my friends... But there's nothing I can do about it, right?

The person you like is far away in another city, and suddenly comes into an already established circle...how to protect yourself is what you should consider.

But...in the end of the day, it's just a bluff.

"The one I rely on the most is you, Xiao Qian."

And I did very little for her... and very little in return. So...

Even though I knew exactly what she meant, I couldn't respond to her seriously.

...It's not so much that I can't, but rather that I don't know how to respond. Because the person I like... is the slow-witted man who first brought me comfort.

"..."

Thinking of this, I couldn't help but look for him, but I couldn't find him. I wonder if he was watching me at this moment...

"So... let me rely on you more from now on. Conversely, you can rely on me as much as you want, if that's all I can do."

Let's try our best to maintain the relationship between us.

"...Hui..."

"Ah, by the way, I won't allow you to suppress those weird thoughts in your heart anymore. Is it because of those weird thoughts that you did that this time?"

“…this…this…”

She seemed unsure how to respond.

"You're such an idiot." I put my hand on her forehead and flicked it hard. "Why don't you just talk to me about anything? Am I really... untrustworthy?"

"...No, that's not the case. It's too complicated to explain, so I don't know how to explain it...but..." She hesitated for a moment, then suddenly reached out and held my right hand that had just flicked her forehead. "I promise you, I will never hide anything from you again."

"...That's good."

That way, she won't do such dangerous things again...

"Then, let's go apologize to Ah Hao later." I suggested, "After all, Xiao Qian, you almost..."

"Well, although I can accept everything that happened before, apologizing to that guy is absolutely unacceptable!"

As if something had been mentioned that shouldn't have, her attitude suddenly changed. She was so excited that she ignored the hospital and started yelling.

"...Why? Did Hao do something wrong?"

Even though it seemed unlikely, I still asked. It felt like something serious...

"I never had the chance to explain... Actually, when I went to buy ingredients for you, Xiaohui, that day, I saw it with my own eyes..."

"..."

I have a bad feeling...

"That guy and another pretty girl were shopping together. They looked very close."

.............

"...Woohoo."

In this situation, I always feel like I am watching the collapse of things... My senior was exposed on the spot for cheating on me. No matter how broad-minded Senior Li Yinghui is, the two of them are so close to each other. If it were me, I would call my senior out and confront him face to face.

"senior..."

Although I was mostly watching the show, I was still a little worried about the safety of my senior, so I turned my gaze to the senior next to me again.

"Um... yes?"

He actually looked completely bewildered! Doesn't this guy even know what he's done? I can't figure out if he's really stupid or just a jerk...

"...Wait, could it be..." Was that person referring to Senior Sister Lu Yunzi? After all, in my impression, there is no other girl who can ask a senior out, except for Senior Sister...

"Senior, have you ever gone out with Senior Lu Yunzi before?" I tried to ask.

"Hmm... Now that you mention it, it seems like that's really the case." He rubbed his chin and thought for a while before he remembered, "Was that seen?"

...Since he forgot so easily, it means...the senior sister is not very important in his mind, even to the extent that she can be ignored.

"We're not even starting from the same starting line..." I couldn't help but sigh. It seems like bringing my senior here was the right decision.

And how will Li Yinghui react next...

"...That happened after I hit him."

Her attitude was not clear, she was just confirming the time of the incident.