I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

At this moment, Li Yinghui's red eyes gleamed with a glittering light, and she only had the courage to call out her name. Faced with this scene, she seemed to have no idea how to bring up the topic.

"It's not like that... I... I just..."

Just? Just what?

Do you want simple happiness, or do you want to be someone important to her? Well, no matter what you want to say, it seems that it is just a matter between the two of them now.

"Senior... Hey, Senior."

I turned around and called a few times to the senior who was in a daze and seemed to be offline, and then he returned to his normal state.

"...Well..."

"Okay, follow me over here."

I walked behind him and tugged at his shirt with my uninjured left hand. "Do me a favor."

"Eh? Ah..."

His attention seemed to be attracted by the gaze between Ming Xinxi and Li Yinghui. After I reminded him, he reacted and came with me to a corner where he would not disturb them.

"..Hey, help me pull it open."

I pulled a Band-Aid from my pocket and handed it to him.

"Why did you buy this..." He asked me puzzledly after taking it from me, "Did you know this from the beginning?"

"Just in case. If I had known from the beginning that I would be blocking the knife for you, I would have bought a bandage."

"...How did it turn out like this?"

When he tore open the package, a hint of self-blame flashed in his eyes.

Trouble... I really don't understand what he is thinking. Why does he have to take part of the blame on himself...

"It's not your fault. Saving people is the right thing to do in that situation."

I tried to comfort him.

"I know..."

The smile he showed was obviously forced.

"I know..."

.... . . . . . . . ....

If everything happening before my eyes is a dream, then let me wake up quickly... Now I really can't connect my previous experiences with what I just saw.

This doesn't make sense... In my impression, Xiao Qian would never do anything to hurt others, let alone pick up a knife... Damn it, what the hell is going on...

"This can't be...this can't be true, right?"

I really want to ask this.

I asked Xiao Qian in front of me.

But... I can't do that. Because the girl in front of me, biting her lip, looks as miserable as I am. So... I can't do that... If I ask her like that, she'll definitely think I've started to lose trust in her.

Damn, my mind is a mess.

What is going on... Can anyone tell me...

"...Xiao Qian, I said..."

Anyway, I decided to get closer to her. So, I tried to move towards her.

"and many more..."

She seemed frightened by my action, staggered back and stretched out her left hand to stop me.

"Don't come near me!"

"..."

I stopped.

I don't know why, but it feels like the distance between us has suddenly widened to a point never before seen. My heart aches, and the tears that were already welling up in my eyes can no longer be suppressed, silently streaming down my cheeks.

"...Yes, I'm sorry...but..."

After seeing me crying, Xiao Qian's tone became noticeably more awkward, but I couldn't see her expression clearly because of her tears.

When she didn't want me to get close... she must have been in pain too. The hands she placed on her chest at that time... weren't they the same as mine? The pain she felt in her heart was the same... but why didn't she want me to get close?

"I'm sorry, Hui!"

"!"

When I reached out to wipe the tears from my eyes, I heard her apology and the sound of footsteps gradually fading away.

"...Xiao Qian!"

I have a feeling...she's going to leave me.

"......"

When I looked over there with my still blurry eyes, she was no longer standing there. Then I saw her running towards the alley.

"do not go..."

self-mumbling.

Don't leave... If you don't stay with me, what will I do when I return to school? I won't be able to adapt to being alone because of you... So...

"Don't go..."

why...

I wanted to take a step to catch up with her, but... my body seemed to have no control over my legs. I couldn't run as smoothly as usual, and my speed was abnormally slow.

Tears began to flow again, blurring my vision. Suddenly, my foot seemed to trip over something, and I immediately lost my balance.

“Puff…”

And the scenery you see

"I may never have the chance to see the beauty of this world with my own eyes again."

As he spoke to me, lying in bed, his gaze was directed toward the clear blue sky outside the window. He was clearly speaking to his daughter, but why was he unwilling to turn his gaze toward her?

For him, the meaning of life is to discover the beauty of the world with his own eyes, and then freeze it with the camera in his hand, and then share the beauty he has captured with more people.

I don't understand what the point of this is.

All I know is that once he's away for this, it takes at least two weeks to come back, and the time he spends with us is getting less and less. After all, there are endless pictures of the world. Even if you devote your whole life to it, what can you really get out of it? This irresponsible man seems to prefer the vast world outside to this family.

Entering my rebellious phase, I had these thoughts for a while. I also developed a slight dislike and rejection towards him when he occasionally came home. Even at home, I would deliberately avoid his gaze when he wanted to talk to me.

When he finally collapsed, his condition had already deteriorated to a point where recovery was difficult. The man, with his eyes fixed on the world's scenery, had no time to spare a tiny bit of attention for his own body.

I don't understand.

If he cared a little more about himself and his family, things might not have turned out like this.

I don't want to accept this reality.

“Although this world may not be very beautiful, if you look for beautiful things with your heart, you will definitely find them.”

Even though he was suffering from pain I couldn't understand, he would still show me every photo he had taken when I visited him. He would enthusiastically explain the location of each photo and the experiences he had at the time, as if he had no illness at all. He would even laugh when he talked about something funny... and his haggard face would briefly regain a bit of vitality.

"Life will be like this from now on. You may encounter things that don't seem so beautiful... but those beautiful things do exist."

"So, cherish the things you find beautiful, just like I do."

I do not understand...

Why do the nameless plants growing naturally appear beautiful in his eyes; why do the emotionless clouds that occasionally change shape appear beautiful in his eyes; why do the flowing water that never stops for a moment appear beautiful in his eyes; why do the distant mountains that never change appear beautiful in his eyes.

Don't understand...

I couldn't understand what he said to me.

"........"

Naturally, there is no way to respond to this.

Even though he left me like that, my mind is still a blur. This confusion... has even prevented me from shedding tears.

Chapter 34 and the Scenery You Saw

Am I...crying...

It seems so.

Since then, I thought I had become strong, but would I still cry for something?

And will the people who are important to me eventually leave me without exception?

“Puff!”

I lost my balance and, pulled by gravity, fell hard to the ground, feeling pain in my knees and elbows.

"Gu..."

He gritted his teeth, trying not to scream, and then struggled to stand up.

"Is it okay!"

Hao's voice came from behind me, and then I felt him supporting me. When I stood up with the help of his arm, my knee hurt again. It seemed that the injury was serious.

"Don't worry, I'll go after her!"

The voice of the younger generation of the Sheji clan passed by my ears quickly, and his frantic figure then loomed in my field of vision. Ah... Is that the direction? I have to hurry and catch up.

After wiping away the tears from my eyes with the back of my hand, I tried to take a step forward to catch up, but the pain in the wound I had just inflicted would start as soon as I exerted force.

"hiss..."

"Don't worry...Sheji will find her..."

Hao, who was standing by, comforted me and then looked down at my injuries. "It's just a scratch... It's better not to move."

"No, I want to go find Xiao Qian."

She needs me to know what I'm thinking now...and I also have something I need to say to her.

"Don't worry... You can't run away like this. Sheji has already gone after her, so..." He tried to calm me down, "I will stay with you. When Sheji catches up with her, I will help you slowly reach where she is. So... don't force yourself anymore."

"..."

"Stop pushing yourself."

I have been deceiving myself all this time.

I thought his departure wasn't something worth grieving over. I thought... I was strong enough to no longer be haunted by the past... I thought, after someone important to me left, I wouldn't feel lonely...

But at this moment, I seem to start missing him.

"Uh...uh..."

Are tears...bitter?

"Why...does the wound hurt?"

Faced with Hao's concerned and flustered inquiries, I didn't know how to respond.

“Mmm…Mmm…Ah…Mmm…”

It was a real headache. All those tears I hadn't shed in years seemed ready to burst out at this moment.

...................

What a...trouble.

I could just barely make out Ming Xinxi's swiftly fleeing figure, but chasing her on the sidewalk was a challenge. I had no idea how she managed to overcome the gravity and resistance of her chest to run so fast; it was simply unrealistic. Furthermore, the long chase was sheer torture for my untrained body, and the scorching sun had significantly reduced my endurance. I could only hope that she'd run out of energy before me, and then come up to try and persuade her.

"..."

My eyes flickered to the wound on my right hand, haphazardly covered with five Band-Aids. It looked incredibly unsightly, and I had a feeling it would scar if left untreated, so I had to go to the hospital for treatment just to be safe. ...Also, my right hand's movements would definitely be affected by this. I couldn't eat properly, and I probably wouldn't be able to play games anymore...

Oh, what a hassle.