I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"It's okay, it's okay. Compared to this, I have something to ask you." I began to change the subject.

"What's the problem?" She seemed to be interested in what I said out of habit, but it was only for a moment. "No, the most important thing now is your injury, Sheji, right?"

"Well, tomorrow is Saturday, I will go to the hospital..."

"No, go now. The wound will get infected if it's not treated."

"..." Well, in that case...I won't refuse anymore.

. . . . . . . . .

After simply treating the wound, Yehui and I left the clinic near the school.

"Really? Why can't we just talk it out peacefully? Why do we have to resort to fighting to resolve it?"

"In fact, sometimes fighting can help you understand things faster." After all, it comes at the cost of physical pain.

"...I don't believe it."

...This seems very troublesome to explain, so let's just not explain it.

"Um..." I scratched my cheek as I walked side by side with Yehui on the street, "About the question I wanted to ask before..."

"Huh? What?" She turned to me after hearing what I said.

"...People are supposed to be very fragile."

After thinking about that incident, I suddenly didn’t know how to explain it, and these words suddenly popped out of my mouth.

"Why are you asking this suddenly? What happened..." Her tone became a little worried.

"Something did happen. It happened to someone else...but I always feel that it seems very close to me." I looked up at the sky, and a layer of haze covered the darkening sky again.

Ah, it looks like it’s going to rain tomorrow.

"What is that...?"

"It's something that people can't easily accept..." I don't want to say it too bluntly, but I can't find a metaphor to replace it for the moment... It seems that this kind of thing has to be told truthfully.

"Besides Senior Sun Hao, there's another senior...a third-year student who helped me a lot when we were in the drama club. I usually call him Senior Su."

"Oh...did something happen to him?"

"Yes, that's right. I heard from others that he hasn't been in a good mood recently and hasn't been able to concentrate on reviewing. The teacher, considering his parents' instructions, doesn't dare to push him too hard... Most people would find it very strange." I paused, "And just now I found out why this happened."

"...What...happened?"

Perhaps he had a premonition, as Ye Hui pulled his sleeves tighter.

Take a deep breath...lighten your nerves.

"Senior Su has a friend who's a bit older than him. He's already entered society. I heard they even exchanged letters..."

“…”

"But... not long ago, that friend of yours... chose to end his own life." The sleeves were grasped tighter, and Ye Hui could feel his body trembling slightly.

"So... Senior is unable to recover because of this reason."

“…I see.”

"Hmm. That's why I'm wondering... people I think are strong are unexpectedly fragile."

Before the accident, no one would have thought that the people around them would choose...that kind of ending.

The topic of life and death always feels far away from us, but in fact it is so close to us.

"Actually... I can understand this feeling to some extent." Ye Hui's hand gradually loosened. "That... although it happened a long time ago... it was when I attended a relative's funeral."

"..."

I didn't say anything because anything I said would be inappropriate.

"I didn't feel anything real until I saw her body. I felt like I was dreaming. It felt like we'd been in touch not long ago, but it wasn't until I saw her for the last time that I suddenly realized... she was gone. That feeling... was truly unbearable."

Although I don't have the courage to look at Ye Hui's expression right now, I think he's trying his best to suppress his sadness...

"If a senior is devastated, it means that person is very important to him. In his mind... he is more important than his college entrance examination results, his future, and even himself."

"...That's indeed the case..."

Although in the eyes of others, giving up one's own hopes for the sake of other people's affairs...is simply unreasonable.

"But if that person's friends knew, they certainly wouldn't want him to do that."

“…”

The street lights suddenly lit up, shining a holy light on Ye Hui.

"Because we... always hope that the people around us can be happy."

If you can touch it

"We always hope that those around us can be happy."

I always hope that the people around me can be happy.

"...Is that really the case..."

Lying on the soft pillow, my body relaxed and felt a wave of comfort. As sleep gradually came over me, I looked at the ceiling under the darkness and yawned continuously.

Ah, could this be... what is called happiness?

Well, how is that possible?

"...Isn't that stupid?"

Maybe I'm just a stupid person.

After that, I talked a lot with Ye Hui, but I couldn't let go of this sentence, so much so that I could hardly concentrate on the subsequent topics, let alone remember the content.

If you think about it carefully...the behavior that Ye Hui mentioned is probably the behavior of preferring to be unhappy yourself so that the people around you can feel happy.

Sounds wonderful, doesn't it?

But humans are not such great creatures.

You say you want others to be happy, but in fact you are only doing it for yourself.

The reason why I want the people around me to be happy is definitely because they are the ones I care about. If it is someone I hate, of course I won’t think so.

In other words, what Ye Hui said is not accurate... The correct statement should be "We always hope that the people we care about can be happy."

However...is this idea really a good one?

Ah, do you even need to ask?

I found it funny, and I actually laughed. It wasn't a happy laugh, but... a helpless laugh.

"Are you stupid? It's not that good..."

He muttered to himself and turned to look out the window.

A few slivers of moonlight peeked through the gaps in the undrawn curtains. Or maybe it was just the light of a lamp.

The scenery others see is bound to be different from yours. So why do we have to use our own perspective to speculate on other people's thoughts?

Didn't Senior Su also hope that friend could be happy? And that friend must also hope that Senior Su could live a happy life... But now it seems that both of them are so unfortunate.

Although Senior Su's behavior seems to be self-blaming, he is actually causing trouble for the people around him.

"So... are you stupid..."

Please think about the people around you.

Chapter 11 If I could touch it

There was no time to think about whether a sudden visit would be awkward.

If possible, I would like there to be no one at Senior Su's house, and after being asked to go out by Senior, I would be able to nimbly break into his house from the second floor and then search for clues in his room.

Unfortunately, when I was hiding near Senior Su’s house and observing the situation, I found that there were still people at Senior Su’s house after he left... It seemed that his parents were at home.

"Ahem, walk a little further..."

I give instructions to my seniors via mobile phone.

"I know, please stop talking...ah, it's okay, I was just talking to myself...we'll be leaving soon, why are you in such a hurry?"

At this moment, Senior must be wearing Bluetooth headphones, and he's using the excuse of listening to music to dissuade Senior Su from suspecting anything. It feels a bit like some spy drama...a date and then achieving a goal or something.

But it's a credit to Senior Su that he accepted Sun Hao's invitation... He clearly had that kind of thing going on. Well, maybe he just didn't want to show it in front of others, but was actually feeling sad?

Well, forget it.

Because I have received the reminder from my seniors, the two of them are far enough away from me, so I can now visit them without any worries.

So... the action begins.

....................

"Are you here to look for Su Xun? What a coincidence... He just went out."

The person who opened the door for me was Mr. Su's mother. She looked quite young, but her hair was permed and dyed into curls... Maybe this is the usual practice for married women of that age. After all, my mother also tried this... but she changed it back later.

"Ah...Is that so..."

"You're his friend, right? This kid is so lucky to have such caring friends around him..."

"Well...well, actually, I came here to deal with that matter."

I mustered up the courage to explain my purpose.

"I want to help Senior Su...help him get out of the shadows, so could you please help me?"

Although her eyes were full of surprise, she nodded and let me go in and talk.

.................

My senior's parents were both very kind. After hearing my introduction, they didn't doubt me and seemed happy for me to help him get out of his shell. When I asked to see my senior's room, they agreed after a moment's consideration.

And now, it was his father who took me to the senior's room.

"We usually don't go into his room... Now that I think about it, maybe if I had guided him from the beginning, this wouldn't have happened." His father said, opening the door for me. "Respecting privacy is also important, so I won't go in."

"Well... I'll try not to rummage through things." I nodded in response, "But before that, there's something I'm really concerned about."

"What's the matter?" He was about to go downstairs, but turned around again after hearing what I said.

"You just said... 'That kind of thing won't happen', what did you mean?" Because the conversation just now was not long, and I also said that I already understood the general situation... but now it seems that there seems to be something I haven't known yet.

"...Is that so? Don't you know why we told the school to try not to provoke him?" He gradually stood still and began to ask me.

Oh, yes, I certainly didn't notice that.

"I'm not sure... If possible, can you tell me about it?" Perhaps this clue will be very important.

"Well... actually, I don't really know what happened, but..." My father, who looked like a veteran artist, adjusted his glasses, which had slipped slightly on his nose. "When we rushed over, he was angrily saying something to the other mourners... He was extremely emotional... He was completely unlike himself."

"The others didn't say anything back. Whether it was because of his words or simply because they were scared... we're not sure. Afterwards, we took him to the hospital, as he was emotionally unstable. The doctor told us not to stimulate him. I guess he was just too sad, so that's why he became so upset."

"Now is a critical period, and we can't leave him at home... So we explained to the school and asked them to try not to stimulate him... Although his emotions have stabilized now, he seems to be withdrawing... You know the details."

"Um... Okay, I get it."

If you think about it carefully, things may not be that simple.

"...Thank you." After bowing to him as he left, I started to enter Senior Su's room.

................

Even though my heart is filled with sadness, I still keep my room tidy.

His books and clothes were neatly arranged, and his wardrobe, bookcase, and desk were all in perfect order. How should I put it... As expected of a senior, right? His meticulous approach to life was immediately apparent, and truly admirable.

However, this kind of personality can become very troublesome once one encounters an unsolvable emotional knot.

"So... where will the important things be placed..."

I looked around and fixed my eyes on his desk.

There were a few simple decorations placed there, which were probably birthday gifts from others... Other than that, there were a few reference books and some reading materials that looked like they were from a bookshelf not far away.