I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

The Li Moya in front of him seemed to be watching him go away.

She must be very sad, right? Should I comfort her?

Thinking of this, she began to approach Li Moya.

"Um...Xiaoya...I think his real intention is..."

"I understand." She suddenly turned around, but her expression was not as depressed or sad as Jiumuting imagined.

"That guy's acting is terrible... He just started the whole thing without any foreshadowing. It's amazing that he could think of saying those things... Honestly, it really scared me at first, but when I think about it, isn't that what I often say to others?"

“…”

That’s right, Li Moya looks quite happy now.

"Um...are you saying that he was just pretending?"

"That's just his way of expressing himself. Although he was a bit harsh on me...anyway, it was all for you. He is a very gentle guy." As he said that, Li Moya suddenly flicked Jiumuting's forehead.

"What...for me?"

"Maybe he thought I would ignore you... Although I did ignore you the moment he was about to leave. But when I first saw you, I thought about how much effort you had put into finding me." Li Moya took Jiumuting's hand. The soft feeling and the warmth of her palm made her feel a little comforted.

This was the first time she held hands with a girl her own age, because no one wanted to approach her, let alone call her a friend.

"...I'm really sorry."

She leaned her head on Jiumuting's shoulder and felt her tense nerves suddenly relax... Is this the feeling of having someone to rely on?

"Don't... don't say that. We are friends. These are nothing... Besides, he has made a lot of efforts..."

However, for Jiumuting, these actions gave her an indescribable feeling.

"I know...that's why I'm sorry...I was too willful. I had work to do writing the plot, but I just disappeared..."

"...It's okay, just make up for it with a better story." Jiumuting hesitated for a moment, reached out and patted her on the back...it felt pretty good.

"Well... come to think of it." Li Moya suddenly changed the subject, "the question you just asked me... what did I tell you?"

"Hey? This...this is not important anymore!"

"Wow, that's fishy... Let me guess... Is it something like 'We're not friends'?"

"No... stop talking! I feel so ashamed!"

"Wow, is that true?"

"That's not it!"

...So, things didn't seem as bad as Yi Sheji had expected.

The gaze must eventually look into the distance

To you far away

Please forgive me for showing my cowardice at this time.

I have tried my best to be patient, but I can no longer contain my emotions... I can only express my helpless cries to you in this way.

I've always relied on you. Your stable character and reliable work have given me hope for life and the confidence to face tomorrow... However, it's been so long since I last saw you, and perhaps I've gradually forgotten your face.

After I came into contact with those people, I realized that I was too small in the crowd, so small that I couldn’t find my own trace. I began to wonder whether my existence had any meaning.

Remember the question I asked?

"What is the meaning of life?"

Should we face the end of our lives peacefully, or do we do everything well and then show off to others? For many people, it is probably to live for others to see.

I can't live my life for others because I always disappoint their expectations; and I can't calmly deal with what is going to happen in the future because I am such a coward and incompetent.

Actually, I have always envied you...to the point of being jealous.

Well, because we are friends, so whether I envy you or feel jealous, I still can't forget you. Because you give me a sense of security, making me feel that I can do anything well.

But I was wrong...After leaving you, I realized that I could do nothing at all.

A feeling of powerlessness filled my heart. I couldn't change what was happening before my eyes, and I couldn't change myself either.

It seems like I have no value in existing now, right? I'm just causing trouble for those around me.

Ah, maybe you've always found me annoying, but you've been silently enduring it because of your own unique gentleness? If that's the case, I'm really sorry for treating you as a friend without permission... But, now, please don't feel annoyed.

Maybe you are the only one who can tolerate my confession.

This world is not beautiful... I admit that I don’t have eyes to discover beauty because I simply can’t see it.

Those who are one step ahead of you will have one step ahead of you in troubles.

You'll probably encounter this kind of thing in the future... So, at least don't be like me. Try your best to live a more wonderful life.

This is my hope...

Chapter 0: To You in the Distance

That is someone I will never forget.

If I think about it carefully, I can clearly remember the days when he was by my side, and then I will immerse myself in it, immersed in the memories of the time I spent with him.

That's one of the few things I enjoy doing.

It's very strange. I don't think about him often, but after I recalled him by chance, things about him kept appearing in my mind.

He is one year older than me, and it has been almost a year since we last met. I haven't heard from him during this period.

It seems abrupt...but it also feels like it was destined.

A year later, he, who used to exist only in my memories, actually sent me a letter. Yes, a letter. In this age where stamps are merely collectibles, everyone has a cell phone, and chat apps are everywhere... It's surprising that there are still people using letters, a nearly obsolete means of communication.

I suddenly realized that this was the first time I'd ever seen his handwriting in detail. It was neat and beautiful, unlike anything a man could have written... but the letters were so unevenly spaced, as if they had been incubated for a long time.

Why is this so?

Did he have so many words to say but ultimately couldn't express them, or was it just a sudden impulse, a symbolic greeting to someone like me whom he hadn't seen in a long time?

...what happened...

I wanted to know the meaning of the letter he sent, so I wrote down what I wanted to say and mailed it back to him according to the address he sent me.

It wasn't until I put the letter in the mailbox that I suddenly understood why some people still use this method.

A feeling called "expectation" suddenly filled my heart, a feeling that could not be generated by any communication software.

I really hope...the letter arrives soon. Next time...we can talk on the phone. I still have so much to say to you...

"drop--!"

The sound of a whistle suddenly interrupted my thoughts.

Looking at the green mailbox filled with letters, I realized that I was being exposed to the scorching sun and sweat was streaming down my cheeks.

Well...I look forward to hearing from you.

Touching the hot top of the mailbox was like... stroking his head again because he was buried in his studies.

I really want to see you again... This is also my wish.

Don't aim too high

The reason why people have the courage to face unknown things is often based on inner courage.

And what is the source of courage?

Is it a form of self-deception, like psychological suggestion, caused by the idol effect? ​​Or is it simply because the person standing next to you is trustworthy?

"I don't understand this kind of plot at all..."

Why does the male protagonist of a romance comic have to accompany the female protagonist to a haunted house, while the female protagonist can feel at ease as long as she grabs a corner of him... and smells the scent of the male protagonist.

Ah... Could this be the legendary suspension bridge effect?

But what good smell can a boy have? It’s good enough if he doesn’t have any bad smell. How can there be a boy with natural body odor? It doesn’t exist.

...Well, it's not so much that I feel it's unreasonable, but I'm more envious. Yes, even if it's unreasonable, I have no reason to complain when it happens to me.

As always, I bought the latest issue of the comics from the bookstore... since it's already June. Ah, I just realized it's a new month, which means summer vacation isn't far away.

If I pass the exam, I can have a happy summer vacation...or maybe it doesn't matter if I don't.

Anyway, it's Saturday, and all I can do right now is complain about the comic I just bought. And after finishing this comic, judging by the current situation, there shouldn't be any urgent work on hand.

Ah... It seems like I need to think about the plot of the comics that I created with Yehui... But I have no idea at all about this.

"Oh... maybe I don't have any talent for this..."

Although he said these discouraging words, in essence, it was just an excuse to be lazy.

I lay down on the bed and continued to read the comic book. I held the book high up and looked directly at the plot of the comic book, not worried at all that it would fall and hit me because of my hand slipping.

I'm a seasoned veteran, and I wouldn't make such a simple mistake... Just as I was thinking this, my phone rang... Logically, I should be on the verge of defaulting on my bills, so why would I still receive an unknown call? Based on my previous experience, it was probably just a salesperson who obtained my personal information illegally and asked if I wanted to buy a house, a car, or invest, or maybe it was Brother Nan who couldn't find anyone to help him with his work...

It's a day off...why can't I just spend it peacefully?

Yet, the ringing continued.

Ah, anyway, just take it first and talk about it later.

"Hello..." After finding my cell phone on the desk, I put the comic in my hand on the bookshelf.

"Ah...Sheji, are you busy now?"

It was indeed an expected question, but the person who said this really surprised me... Could it be that Brother Nan has gone so crazy as to use Yehui to trick me?

But unfortunately, after the last lesson, I will not fall for the same trick twice.

"Um...I'm a little busy...Yehui, what can I do for you?"

Just be sincere and get it over with. Then, Brother Nan, who is so smug on the other end of the phone, will be speechless and the smile will slowly disappear from his face.

"Actually... it's nothing serious. I just wanted to discuss the plot of the comics with you. I also made some snacks. Well... since you're busy, Sheji..."

It seems... not right.

"Wait! If that's the case, we need to adjust our priorities... After all, the comics are more important. Where should we discuss this? Your home, right?"

"Ah... well, I'll wait for you then."

After hearing these words, I suddenly felt that I had the courage to face the harsh weather outside.

Chapter 1: Don’t aim too high

It was not until I walked out of the house and stood on the road that was almost melted by the sun that I realized how naive and insignificant my courage was compared to the high temperature... It seems that courage is more reliable when it is generated by role models.

Well, even though I no longer have the courage to support myself, the agreement I made with Ye Hui unconsciously reminds me not to retreat.

Well, if you say something, you must do it. For Ye Hui,

Come to think of it, I must have made a lot of promises with many people during my growing up period... Thinking back carefully, there are really only a handful of them that I have fulfilled.

...Actually, if promises could be fulfilled, the world would be a wonderful place. Besides, I've made at least hundreds of promises in my lifetime. Even if I could fulfill every one of them, at most, I'd leave people with the impression that "this guy is quite trustworthy." But even if I haven't kept a few promises, I haven't left those people with the impression that "this guy doesn't keep his word, don't play with him"...because I still don't have any friends from my past.

So, just don’t worry about this kind of thing.

Even so, if it's not completed, it's not completed. Although the sense of guilt is small, it still exists...it's just that it has become less and less with the passage of time.

And this should also be a matter of integrity... But at this age, it would be too petty to judge a person based solely on such behavior.

However, when it comes to important people, it is particularly important to abide by the agreement...even if it is something that can be done perfunctorily with an excuse.

..................

“I feel alive…”

In such hot weather, air conditioning is indeed a life-saving straw for fragile creatures like humans.