I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"Hmm..." I nodded.

That's all it takes...

Although I still want him to remember, it seems... maybe it's a little early.

Chapter 18 You and I are always worried

"Oh, I feel so bad that you always have to treat me, Xiaodie. You obviously have to buy games yourself."

Although she was very polite in her words, judging from the fact that she ordered several desserts, she didn't seem to be embarrassed at all... She was obviously very calm in front of others, but she let down her guard in front of me.

"No...it's okay. After all, the summer sale season is coming up soon, and many games will be discounted."

Although I already knew that this was all concealed by the fat man, I still couldn't help but pay when I saw the green buff.

"Oh, really..." she responded indifferently.

"Uh..." After all, she was not interested in games.

"So? Which story do you like better?" she said, taking a sip of the juice in front of her.

"Well...if I have to say it, I don't really like it."

"puff!"

Ah... Although she was mentally prepared, she still choked.

"Are you okay? Here..." I quickly took out a tissue and handed it to her.

"It's...it's really astonishing." She wiped the corner of her mouth with a tissue. "This is the first time my proposal has been rejected so thoroughly...My editor has never said such a thing...It's really an amazing experience, ahaha~"

Is this...is this considered a forced smile?

"Well...it's not that the content is bad...it's just that the characters and plot are different from what I expected."

How should I put it...the plot isn't very good, it feels a bit too idealistic.

"Then you don't have to deny everything...just suggest some revisions." She was obviously relieved. "Don't deny all my efforts."

"Oh...oh, I was a little radical in my comments." Actually, I don't think it was radical at all...

"So, what needs to be modified?"

"...If I had to say it, it would probably be the tone."

.................

Maybe I'm being a bit unreasonable. After all, everyone has their own habits, especially when they are good at something, they will form a fixed way of doing it.

The person in front of us, Masaru Kurihara, is the best example.

Her work is indeed quite good... for those positive and sunny themes. However, if I follow the darker tone I envisioned, the plots she designed are a bit off... Yes, she didn't intend for the stories to be dark at all. All three stories, regardless of the ending, tend to have happy endings.

"In other words, this story... leans towards tragedy."

That's all I had to tell her.

"Ah? Why write a tragedy?"

She was also confused about what I said.

"...because...if this story wants to be unique, it should take a more deviant approach. Therefore, the clear-cut distinction between good and evil should be abandoned. Only then will the protagonist feel realistic, eh."

"...but..."

She seemed about to say something, but held herself back.

"Well... I'll give it some thought about the plot... We can combine our perspectives then, okay?"

Seeing that she didn't look very happy, I felt very sorry.

"Well...I...I'll try my best."

She put down her fork.

Judging from her eyes, she seemed to have lost interest in the dessert in front of her.

..................

Why does someone always have to remind me? I want to forget those things...

"This world is not beautiful"

I know... Of course I know.

Because I know the world is rotten, so I deliberately don’t think about those things.

As if to distract myself, I'm trying to find the beauty of this moment... but it's too difficult. Don't I already know? How can there be any beauty in this rotten world?

Ah, it seems my struggle is in vain.

"If the world isn't as beautiful as you imagine it to be, go create one."

create?

I am not a god, just an ordinary person.

Even if one has a rich family background, how can one create a world?

"Use your imagination."

Any of your actions may be constrained, but society has developed to the point where human thought cannot be constrained. So... I can create, create a world I like, create a person I like... and then forget the things I don't want to remember.

I seem to have succeeded, right?

Because "he" already exists in my heart.

He is perfect, flawless...one with me, blocking my view of the ugly reality.

I think I succeeded... I drew a clear line between myself and the things I don't want to see or touch.

I...I...don't want to see those things!

The guy I need is handsome, tall and perfect! So what?

So... why post "It doesn't feel real at all"? This is a fictional character. Why post "Hold on tight, Miroku~"? He's mine, and "The writing is incredibly bad." "I'm afraid I'm living in a dream." "It feels like it was written by an immature person." "Are those who say it's well written crazy?"

...So...So...

I do have some dissatisfaction with them, so I want to take on the project proposed by Xiaodie... because those guys who make random comments are really annoying, not only about the reviews of books, but about everything, they will say those ugly remarks.

Of course I want them all to disappear!

How could someone who enjoys hunting those guys be a villain?

I don't even want to write about the so-called "protagonist" who stops him!

But, if I write a plot like that, wouldn't that be the same as admitting it...

This world is truly hopeless...a world that cannot be saved even by imagination.

I...have absolutely no idea what to do.

................

This is the first time I've seen Teacher Ailiya with no smile on her face... No, not only no smile, but her eyes have also lost their former vitality.

What is she thinking... Am I really asking too much of her? I always feel a little sorry for her, but I don’t know how to apologize.

"...Um..." I was just about to remind her, but unexpectedly she took the initiative to talk to me.

"I'm sorry, Fluttershy."

I was naturally at a loss for what to do with this sudden apology.

"Huh? Um...Isn't it me who should apologize..."

I really am becoming less and less able to understand the writer's train of thought.

"No... I just didn't adjust my mindset... It's complicated, and I can't guarantee success, but... please give me a little bit of hope. After this Sunday, I'll definitely find the answer."

She said these words to me with her head down.

His voice was low, completely devoid of his usual cheerfulness... but more determined and reliable than usual.

I don't know what she was thinking just now...but all I can do now is try to understand her.

"I'll wait, and no matter what the result is, I won't be disappointed... If you really can't think of it, let's sit down and think about it together."

Just once, please let me see a smile on her face at the end of this conversation.

However, there was still no smile on her face until she waved goodbye.

Is it because of me... But I always feel that it is a problem that an apology cannot solve.

. . . . . . . . . . .

"Hey, what do you think is the most heartbreaking plot in any novel, movie, or anime you've ever read?"

Inadvertently, I asked Yehui, who was walking with me, this question.

"Oh, why do you suddenly ask this?" Ye Hui didn't rush to answer.

"...I just remembered it suddenly."

Some things just don't have a reason.

"Hmm...it's probably about two people having a misunderstanding that can't be resolved for a long time...After all, as the audience, we know the truth very well, and it's hard to watch the protagonists misunderstand each other."

"Ah... I understand. That's why I only read comics or anime with that kind of plot once, because I don't want to be tortured a second time."

In fact, I just felt that the plot was too complicated and I was obsessed with the protagonist's ability to express himself.

"Sheji, you're surprisingly sensitive..."

It seems that Ye Hui misunderstood my thoughts.

"No, I just like the bright and lively plot."

"Is that so? What about you, Sheji? What kind of plot do you find most heartbreaking?"

As expected, they would ask me back... Well, that's true. After all, it's normal to be asked back after bringing up a topic.

"Let me think about it... well, it's true that two people who were very close to each other were separated by an accident, or one of them lost the memory of the other... Seeing this kind of scene, even if it seems a bit cliché, it still makes me feel inexplicably sad..."

...When I reacted, I found that Ye Hui had stopped at some point.

By the time I realized it, I was already some distance away from her.

"...Yehui?"

She was lowering her head at this moment, and her bangs covered her eyes, making it impossible to see her expression clearly.

"What’s wrong with you?"

“…”

She shook her head but didn't move closer to me.

"..."

I didn't know whether to approach her, so I just stood there.

"Na..."

After a period of silence, she suddenly spoke, but her voice was a little hoarse... Could it be...

"Ye...Yehui?"

Is she crying? But I just said something weird...

"Will you forget me?"

"What are you talking about? Of course not... How could I forget you for no reason?"

Although I have forgotten some people in the past, I definitely won’t do that now.

"...Really?"

"Of course, I promise."

"What if... I mean... what if you forgot?" She looked up at me, and there were indeed tears in her eyes under the street light.

"If... I forgot..." I couldn't help but slowly move closer to her, close enough that I could clearly see the tears about to roll down her eyes.

So I reached out and wiped it off for her.

"Then... try your best to make me remember. If it's you, Yehui, I will definitely not forget it."