I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

She said this and quietly closed her eyes. It was then that I noticed that she still looked tired.

"..."

The journey was so long, she must be very tired.

"Sleep well..."

I kept that position, allowing him to lean on my shoulder and sleep peacefully.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

It must be a blessing to be able to be relied on by others.

Before, I never thought that I would be relied upon by others, because I am not the kind of person who can be relied upon.

But...others don't seem to think that way.

Come to think of it, when was the first time I was asked to do something... I seem to have forgotten... Well, this isn't really important.

Anyway, they are just like this... arbitrarily building their sense of security on me... without considering my own feelings at all.

What? I haven’t agreed yet.

But...this feeling is not bad.

Come to think of it, Xiaoye’s sleeping face is really cute... Thinking of this, I had the urge to pinch her face.

"Wow, we were gone for a while and you're just messing around like this?"

Unfortunately, Ye Jin seems to be back.

"What do you mean by messing around? And even if I am messing around, it's none of your business." I retorted somewhat unhappily.

"Is this an admission?" Ling Can came over to me and asked me.

"No... Xiaoye got drunk and happened to find me. He seemed to feel more at ease around me. Then he said he had a headache and fell asleep next to me."

...that's about it.

"Who would believe that? I can make up a much better story than this, believe it or not." Ye Jin threw his wallet on the seat beside him with a look of contempt.

...I really don't believe it. I've been a writing idiot since I was a child.

"Yeah, you can't even come up with an excuse? You can definitely say it's due to the erosion of mysterious power..."

"Okay, stop..."

I know you can make up stories better than Andersen, but now is not the time to tell them.

"As you can see, she's already asleep... Can anyone take her back to the villa?"

"..."

. . . . . . . . . . .

In the end, Lingcan and I sent her back together.

After all, their strength is limited, and I also have the strength to carry Xiaoye on my back. The reason I sent someone to follow me was to prevent "this guy from doing anything beastly."

Please, I am an upright young man, how could I do that... Even if I did it, I would not do anything to Xiaoye.

Besides, would it be safe to send a girl? It seems that sending a boy is not safe either... In short, the world is really chaotic nowadays.

"...Are you close to her?"

Lingcan, who was accompanying me, suddenly started a conversation.

"I've seen her before at your birthday party...but I never knew she existed before that."

"..."

How should I answer... Girlfriend? If I were talking to a stranger, I might answer like that, but Lingcan and I are so familiar with each other, and if I say it, I might be exposed... But I can't admit that I'm writing a novel.

"She...is a classmate from the same school as me."

Anyway, let me put it this way...Anyway, Lingcan doesn't know how many schools I've attended.

"Oh...I see." She nodded and didn't ask any further questions.

"Although it may be a little sudden...but, Sheji...sometimes you give people a feeling...that makes people feel uneasy."

and many more.

Putting aside whether these words could come from Lingcan's mouth, this is the first time I heard her not call me "useless knight" or something like that... What's wrong with her? Could it be that she changed the way she spoke because she was angry?

"Why...you say that."

I feel a little panicked.

It's really strange... Everyone changes their usual frivolous attitude when they're alone with me, and becomes serious. I'm supposed to be relaxing, but you're all acting like this, so how can I relax?

Although I really want to complain like this...but I still have to listen to the end.

"...I don't know if it's my illusion..." She lowered her head, "I always feel that you have been a little distant from me during this period of time."

"..."

Now that I put it that way...I think I really am...

"I know it's not your fault...it's just...how should I put it." She raised her head and thought for a moment, "It's just...this feeling of distance isn't directed at any one person. Maybe I'm just a little overly sensitive, which is why I feel like you're being particularly distant towards me right now. Anyway...it's something that people can actually feel. Maybe everyone has noticed it, so they're unconsciously trying to keep you, right?"

"..."

In other words... Xiaoye also noticed it, but didn't have the courage to say it out loud. He only expressed his thoughts when he was drunk...

But I didn't know what was wrong with me.

I looked at Ling Shen.

The girl in front of me, with a golden ponytail, who was much shorter than me and looked delicate and beautiful, had clearly not changed at all.

But I can't help but ask myself: Is she really that Ayasan who is full of middle school aura?

Maybe... not anymore.

"I'm sorry, even though you said that, I really don't feel...anything."

"...Well, that was probably just my illusion." She smiled, trying to adjust her mood.

"Anyway, we still have a few days to play, so enjoy it!"

"...Um."

I suddenly realized that I still like her carefree look.

不安

When asked "What do you want to be?", different people will definitely have different answers.

When the teacher also asked this question in order to help us build confidence and motivate us to study hard, many people answered in the same way.

"I want to be a scientist"

"I want to be an astronaut"

"I want to be a great writer"

"I think..."

It seems that everyone wants to be...a profession, but ignores the question itself...what to be.

Finally, things changed a little.

"I...want to be a tree."

When the teacher finally got everyone to quiet down and asked him why, the class burst into laughter.

He didn't hesitate.

"This way, we can grow for the sake of time and not hurt anyone."

So this time, applause broke out all around again.

However, I didn't laugh last time, and I didn't applaud this time. I just remained indifferent, watching him seem to be enjoying himself.

I know... these are not words from his heart.

That's what others have said.

"I don't want to be a god or a hero. I just want to be a tree, growing for the years, hurting no one." This is from the Polish-American poet Czeslaw Milosz.

Milosz's life was full of wandering, turmoil, danger, massacre and oblivion in time, and of course, the salvation that runs through his poetry.

That’s why I can write sentences like this.

Don’t ask me why I know this, because I have read a lot of books, so I know a lot.

Obviously.

He is very dishonest.

It is clearly someone else's ideal, a sentence condensed after others have experienced suffering.

But he took it as his own.

"It's really... annoying."

This was my first impression of him.

Chapter 23 [Memories] Anxiety

The most intuitive impression he gives people is "calmness".

It seems that he has never thought about joking and joking with the people around him, and it is rare to hear him talking about topics such as special effects dramas, comics and games with boys of the same age.

However, I rarely see him reading a book... How does he know all that stuff?

“…!”

He seemed to notice something, and when he turned around, his eyes met mine.

It seemed very strange, and he seemed a little surprised by my gaze.

"..."

What are you doing? Can’t I just look at you? I just have to look at you.

So I didn't look away.

"......." He finally stopped looking at me and turned to the side...looking very flustered as he took out a book and started reading.

...What? Is he shy?... This guy is thinking about all sorts of nonsense all day long.

But the thing is very strange. Ever since I found out that he "stole" someone else's famous quote, I started paying attention to him unconsciously.

Well... I really do care... How many of the books I've read can he copy?

.... . . . . . . . ...

In the general impression of people, girls who like reading should be the quiet type, right?

But I'm not.

I actually really want to communicate with others, but the reason why I haven’t communicated with others so far is probably because those people have never caught my attention... After all, I know much more than them.

But if it was him, how much could he talk to me about?

So, I kept looking for opportunities to talk to him so that the conversation would not seem so abrupt.

Finally, that opportunity came.

...................

In the composition practice class, the teacher asked us to write freely on the topic of "Hope".

A topic essay? I have a feeling most of the class wouldn't be able to write one, because some of them don't seem to understand the meaning of "topic"? Surely someone would be silly enough to choose "hope" as the title, right?

So... when the teacher reviewed the text, my guess was indeed confirmed. At the same time, my work was selected as a model essay.

At the same time, he was also selected as a model essay.

One of the sentences was praised by the teacher.