I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

When Xiaoye learned that we were doing activities on the beach, he seemed to suddenly remember something.

“I think I forgot to bring…”

"No way... I clearly told you to play on the beach." This is a bit difficult, after all, I don't know if they have extra swimsuits... Besides...

Thinking of this, I couldn't help but turn my gaze to Xiaoye beside me.

Although her height seems to be that of a high school student, her breasts are indeed bigger than any of them. It must be difficult to borrow her swimsuit, right?

"That...the country." Xiaoye suddenly looked at me with a red face.

"What...what happened?" Could it be that I was discovered because I was staring at you...

"If...if you don't mind..." She hesitated before speaking out, "can you take me to the mall?"

"Huh? Why do you suddenly want to go to the mall..." I realized as soon as I said this, "Oh, you want to buy a swimming pool..."

"Wow! It's good that you know it, don't say it out loud!" Xiaoye reached out and patted me on the back quickly to stop me.

"Oh, okay... I just made a mistake... I didn't understand at first."

"Really...at least pay attention." Xiaoye was still pouting and scolding me.

"Okay, okay~ I'll keep an eye out... Speaking of which..." I opened the map on my phone. "There seems to be a shopping mall nearby, and there should be a lot of swimsuits. After all, the beach here is a tourist attraction." I said, looking at her, "I'm sure I can find a suitable swimsuit."

"Oh, I told you not to mention it..."

"Oh, sorry." It seemed that because I was too excited, I couldn't help but mention it a few more times.

After all, I'm accompanying a girl to buy a swimsuit, so this kind of opportunity should be very rare.

....................

What kind of person would write a protagonist like this?

In the future, the protagonist who lost his relatives and friends due to war has lost all his support in this world.

In that turbulent era, he joined the army, not for revenge, but to seek death.

But fate is an incredible thing.

The protagonist, who always rushes to the front in order to die, was mistaken for a brave and skilled soldier after being injured, so he was transformed and his life was saved. Moreover, the mechanized body does not seem to be so easy to destroy.

In this way, the protagonist seems to have gained "eternal life".

Just like this, not for others, just to be able to live like this.

The passive "eternal life" made him afraid to get involved with others.

Because he didn't want to experience the pain of that day again, and because he was not controlled by time, anyone related to him would eventually disappear from his sight.

Accompanied by loneliness, he seemed ready to live out his life like this.

But this is the kind of person who is lonely... one could even say he is not even a human being.

I will still comfort those who are in trouble. But what kind of person are you, or what kind of person is the author I care about?

Is he as lonely as the characters he writes about? Has he ever had an irresistible love for a woman? Can he find his own happiness in an unhappy life?

I care a lot about him. I want to know who he is and what he has been through.

So...I have to see him.

With this thought in mind, I finally met the author as an editor.

Surprisingly, he was a high school student like me, and... he didn't look very lonely, just like an ordinary high school student.

But after spending some time with him, I discovered that he has something that many people don't have...

Moreover, he seemed to have a loneliness that was not noticed by others, but was covered up by his casual conversation.

He seems obsessed with games, sometimes very frivolous, and tries every possible way to delay updates, but there is still a hint of melancholy in the depths of his eyes.

I used to want to know the reason for his depression, but now I have given up trying to figure it out because it doesn’t matter anymore.

...Is it enough to make him truly happy? If I can do that.

Being alone might seem pitiful.

Why did things turn out like this... I could have gotten along well with everyone, but now I'm wasting time in a cold drink shop.

But having said that, the shaved ice is indeed delicious, and the feeling of the ice particles melting on the tongue is amazing... It's not ice cream, you are just talking nonsense without even seeing it clearly.

Moreover, he looked hurried, and it was obvious at a glance that he was up to no good.

"Humph..."

Well, no matter how I think about it, it's all because of her that things turned out like this... Rin Hanekawa came here without my permission, and unknowingly became the initiator of the event.

It's because of her that I can't get along well with others.

It's not because I'm not used to it or anything, not at all.

It must be because of her... Whether it's now or in the past. She always makes decisions for me without authorization, or doesn't make decisions for me at all, only caring about her own happiness, and then...

"cut..."

I couldn't help but bite the spoon in my mouth tightly.

I don't want her to care about me. It's better if she doesn't care... It would be best if I don't have to see her in the future.

And him... he clearly saw me, but said he was going to pick up a friend or something, and didn't take me seriously at all... he didn't even mention what I was wearing... humph, I didn't wear it on purpose for him to see anyway, so it doesn't matter if he didn't notice.

Anyway... being alone is the best.

Chapter 9: Being alone might make you look pitiful

"Come to think of it, you are here to supervise me writing a book, right?" I suddenly remembered it when I was walking on the way to the mall.

"Yeah, after all, the settlement day is almost here. Even if I can't win, I don't want you to be left too far behind when comparing your data with others." She sighed helplessly after saying that.

Judging from the tone of his voice, it seems that he has given up completely.

"Speaking of which...what's the point of holding this kind of event?" I don't think many people seem to be paying attention.

"The point of this event is to inspire guys like you."

Oh, really? Then it seems that the purpose of this activity has not been achieved. I am not motivated at all, and my state is no different from before.

I don't know if she was joking.

"I've never met such a lacking author. Other authors are frantically updating to gain popularity, eager to get their work adapted into manga and anime... but you're doing the opposite." She looked at me with disapproval. "When I'm not keeping an eye on you, you're out playing around. You're clearly nowhere near the level of the big names, yet you've already developed this kind of problem."

"Ahahaha..."

It's better to play dumb in this situation.

After all, I really have no words to respond to such criticism.

"You can still laugh... Why can't you be more serious? Even a little bit will surely make you surpass your opponent." From Xiaoye's tone, it seemed that he still didn't want me to lose.

Rival? Come to think of it, it's been a while since I've seen that guy. Could he still be stuck in front of his computer typing away? It's clearly a wonderful holiday.

"How can I possibly defeat an opponent who enjoys writing?" When I thought about the opponent being that kind of person, I completely lost my fighting spirit, or rather, I didn't want to win at all.

"Although I promised you I would try my best, I don't think I can surpass her because she is very good."

Anyone who can maintain that kind of update speed must be a very powerful person.

"She's amazing... That's true, but... I think you're not bad either, so try a little harder..."

"Even if I try, it's only to keep you, Xiaoye, from my side. I don't care about anything else."

"Ugh!"

Xiaoye suddenly made this sound as if he was frightened... and a blush appeared on his face along with his shy expression, which was quite cute.

"What's wrong..."

"No...no...it's that...ah~ Sheji, you always talk like this...really." For some reason, she suddenly acted a little angry, turned her head away and ignored me.

"....."

Well...never mind.

"Okay, let's not talk about this anymore. It's a rare opportunity to come here, so let's have fun." I changed the subject.

"Write a good book for me!"

"Aha..."

It's really strict.

....................

"Come to think of it, isn't your company busy?" I clearly remember that Xiaoye was very busy last time.

"I'm not very busy... because this event is about to end, so all I have left is counting the popularity... Although I don't know the details, Sheji, you are definitely the least popular among these people."

Don't talk about this kind of thing... Although I don't really care, but Xiaoye keeps bringing it up and I still feel a little... subtly embarrassed?

"By the way, there's a gathering this time, one of those popular writers' gatherings. I gave up on it before because I couldn't find it, but now that it's here, I might as well go."

I had heard her mention this before, and my first reaction was that I didn't want to go.

"Well... I still want to keep my identity mysterious. Besides, I've only attended a few parties since I was born." If being dragged to karaoke by others can be considered a party.

"Then I have to attend. We're all novelists, so wouldn't it be great to get to know each other and exchange creative inspiration and...writing motivation?"

The last four words were pronounced so harshly...

"Well..." In that case, it seems there's nothing wrong with participating.

I scratched my hair and suddenly thought of someone.

"Um...I'd like to ask, will the author of 'Knight of Miloku' also be participating?"

I don't know why, but my subconscious mind reminded me not to reveal my identity in front of her.

"Mi...Oh, are you talking about Teacher Alia?"

"Ai...ah, could that be her pen name?"

I couldn't react for a moment... In a sense, this name is really... awesome.

"Well, since I don't know her real name, everyone calls her by her pen name...or rather, we greet each other by her pen name."

Wow, aren't you ashamed to greet each other with pen names?

But my pen name is "Lingcun Sheji", and if people call me by my pen name it will be simplified to "Sheji"...so it's no different from usual.

"Well, then Ai...Is Alia-sensei coming back?"

"Of course she does. She's been attending almost every party since her debut." Xiao Ye was surprised to remember that person. "Although her tone is a bit arrogant, she's actually a good person. When communicating with other authors, she'll accurately point out the shortcomings in their works."

I don't think it's because she's enthusiastic, it's just that she has high standards, so she won't tolerate any work that she can't stand.

"It's precisely because of this personality that many authors hope to have their novels reviewed by her. There's even a rumor circulating among authors that "a novel's popularity will definitely increase after receiving guidance from Alia-sensei."

Wow, legend!

When I heard the news, a very familiar line suddenly popped up in my mind.

Has that girl become a legend? And I had no idea she was such a big shot... It's over, it's over. Seeing how she dislikes my book, she must have disliked it.

"No way...I don't know."

"It's normal that you don't know about Sheji. After all, your attention is not focused on the novel at all." Xiaoye said unhappily.

Oops...are you mad at me because I'm not trying hard enough?

"Okay, okay, I'll start writing when I get home today...so don't be angry." I persuaded her with a smile.

"I'm not angry, not at all."

She was pouting while answering me, but she still insisted that she was not angry... She was a bit childish and didn't act like a working adult at all.

"Well." I sighed helplessly and glanced at the map on my phone. "We're almost there."

"Hmm?" She gave me a puzzled look.

Hmm... Could it be that she forgot her destination?