I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

What Sheji said...did happen, I can be 100% sure of it, but I cannot agree that it happened to my childhood sweetheart.

The reason is...what Sheji said happened to me.

I don't know why, but I was the one who found him sitting alone under a streetlight in the park, heard him declare he'd given up, tried to persuade him not to give up, and even picked up the mask he'd discarded and kept it until now, hoping to return it to him one day when he remembered... But... why did it become something that happened to someone else?

I can't agree...

"Hey... Sheji..."

The moment the words came out of my mouth, I noticed something strange in my tone. I had never used such a tone before... Maybe it was because I was feeling very complicated at the moment... Come to think of it, my mood became complicated for some reason... I had felt this way once before.

Was it the time when you realized that Jiayin and Sheji had a special relationship?

It's very strange... It has nothing to do with me, and I don't hate Jiayin... But from the first time I saw her and Sheji appear together, and when Sheji sent her home, that feeling began to emerge.

Ever since Sheji shed tears in front of me, this feeling has become more obvious.

And he should have noticed it too.

"Hmm? What's wrong?"

He looked at me with some confusion.

I really wanted to say that it happened to me and tell him in detail what happened.

But... doesn't this make any sense? I was planning on letting him remember it himself.

So...you still have to suppress your emotions.

"About...your childhood sweetheart..."

Regarding her, I think she might not exist...

"Can you think about it for a moment?"

After I said it, it turned out like this, and even I felt a little strange.

But it's okay. If he thinks about it carefully, maybe... maybe he can remember it, whether it's about his childhood sweetheart or about me.

"Hmm...I'll think about it again."

After listening to my suggestion, he smiled and nodded, then fell into deep thought again.

"......"

Really, I had that feeling for a moment... I felt that the person in front of me might be getting farther and farther away from me, just like that time, just saying hello... or even leaving without me knowing how.

I'm worried, and it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say I'm scared.

"do not go..."

Suddenly, a voice sounded in my mind, my own voice... coming from the depths of my memory.

So I reached out my hand to his, and unlike usual, this time I held his hand tightly.

It was as if he would disappear if I let go.

......................

"Can you... not leave."

When my parents put on their uniforms, I knew I would have to endure another period of loneliness.

"We'll be back soon. You should study hard in school."

After leaving this message, they would go out to carry out their tasks, rarely taking a break even on holidays.

Just like that, the older I get, the more I get used to being alone, and I seem to be gradually becoming stronger.

However, that kind of mentality may just be simply paralyzing yourself...When you come into contact with the person who brings you happiness and happy memories again, you will once again become so-called weak...You will find that just like when you were a child, you didn't want to leave the care of your parents, and you don't want the people you care about to leave your side.

However, just like I can't stop my parents from going to work.

I don't know how to stop you if you insist on leaving.

...It would be great if we could just hold our parents’ hands as children and extend the time we spend together.

The one who shines cannot become the sun

"Do you know what the "Ku" in your name means?"

My father once asked me this question when I was very young.

Naturally, I had no idea what it meant, but something suddenly occurred to me and I quickly ran to my room.

Hui...Hui character?

I flipped through the dictionary quickly... but maybe not so quickly in my father's eyes.

"Ah, looking up a dictionary..."

He followed me into the room and sounded a little surprised when he saw me looking up the dictionary...did he still think I was a child?

"Hmm... I found it." I pointed it out to him. "It has two meanings... One is to shine, and the other is to have a dazzling brilliance..."

I read it according to the definition in the dictionary.

"Yeah...yes."

He reached out and touched my head approvingly.

"But...that's not all..."

Hmm? Not all of them... But the dictionary clearly states...

My father seemed to see my confusion, and for the first time, he gave me a serious look. "Not everything has to be explained according to the book...it's also important to be flexible."

Maybe because he saw that I looked a little confused, he couldn't help but smile...even though he had a serious expression just now.

It seems that he is indeed a person who cannot be serious in front of his family.

"It may be a little difficult for you to understand... But it's okay, you will understand it yourself in the future." He seemed to be talking to himself, and then sighed.

"But I'm going to tell you the meaning of your name now, so you must remember it well."

Chapter 7: The one who shines cannot become the sun

"Sun, sun, bring us seven colors of light..."

I realized that from a very young age, whether it was in the lyrics.

"The river flowers are redder than fire at sunrise..."

Or in poetry.

The sun has always been an object of praise.

"Because the sun is warm and bright, and brings us many benefits, so..."

So, we should become like the sun...right? That's how the teacher explained it.

I haven't figured out a clear answer to this question...maybe I won't figure it out at all.

.................

"Look, look...it's him..." "Ahhh, so handsome..."

A few girls in front were gathered by the window, discussing some boy... They seemed very excited.

Although I wasn't very interested in this kind of thing, I was still intrigued by the exclamation, so I took a look out the window as I happened to be sitting next to it.

You can see a lot of people exercising on the basketball court, and I can't tell which boy they are talking about.

"Oh... I didn't expect you would be interested in that type of guy."

My friend Xiao Lin's voice suddenly appeared in my ears, but I could tell from the tone that he was joking with me.

"No...actually...I don't even know who the subject of discussion is." I explained helplessly.

"...I see...No wonder..."

Xiao Lin didn't have any other reaction. He came over to my side and looked at the basketball court with me.

"It was just a joke."

"I know."

"...Well." She smiled, looked confidently at the basketball court, and said to me:

"Here, the one wearing the blue jersey is..."

She casually pointed in a direction and I looked in that direction.

The boy was about to shoot. His arm muscles looked powerful and well-proportioned, his hair, slightly damp with sweat, wafting in the breeze. Despite attempts to intercept him, he still managed to sling the ball through the hoop with such precision that even someone like me, who didn't know much about basketball, couldn't help but marvel. A smile suddenly broke out on his face, and as if realizing something, he suddenly glanced toward our window. Noticing someone watching him, he waved, another gesture that drew another gasp.

I have to say...it does look pretty cool.

"So that's how it is..." No wonder they were so excited, this type of boy is indeed very popular.

"Xiao Lin, aren't you interested in him?" I asked Xiao Lin beside me.

"Ah? Interested in boys? Not possible." She closed her eyes and shook her head vigorously.

Although he spoke in a serious tone...why did I feel an inexplicable sense of familiarity?

.....................

People seem to like shiny things.

The shining sun, the shining diamond ring and the shining...goddess.

Because of my brilliance, I am sought after by others... In other words... because of my gloom, I am alienated by others.

"It really doesn't make sense."

Thinking of this, I couldn't help but sigh...Ah, it looks a lot like him.

"What doesn't make sense?"

Xiao Lin, who was having lunch with me face to face, asked me curiously.

"Huh? Ah..." I didn't know how to respond for a moment. After thinking for a while, I answered her, "I was just thinking... why do we always say that those who look outstanding are "shining"... and so many people like them..."

I don't know if this is accurate enough...

"...Oh..." She held her chin and thought for a while, and soon came up with the answer: "Maybe it's because people with good looks have a holy light..." After saying that, she smiled to herself.

"...What do you mean?" I don't quite understand what that sentence means...

"Nothing, just a joke." She smiled and waved at me, then thought about it seriously for a moment, "Maybe it's just because those who like them only look at the appearance..."

"..."

"So, it's the same reason a moth is attracted to light... They just keep flying towards the light without considering the surroundings. Isn't that just looking at appearances?"

"That makes sense..." I nodded in agreement.

"But then again, if you don't have a good appearance, who would want to know your inner self?"

"That's not necessarily true..." I objected subconsciously.

"..." She was stunned for a moment, and seemed to understand something. "Oh, really..."

So you understand what...

................

Ever since that time he remembered his childhood sweetheart, his limited time for activeness had finally run out, and he'd gone back into...energy-saving mode, I guess? He seemed to really dislike exercise.

"How about you stop being so still and do a little exercise?"

The exercises in this physical education class have been completed, and now it is free time. Sheji naturally sits on the railing near the basketball court to rest.

"...Please spare me..."

He gave me a wry smile and then jumped down from the railing.

"Hey...Okay, exercise is done."

This is really...

"Sheji, is this too cunning?"