I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"So... you already know who your childhood sweetheart is, so why haven't you thought about looking for her..."

"Oh... So that's what you're talking about..." He muttered to himself, glancing at the plate next to me, then quickly snatched away the meat I had just cooked... He's simply a beast! Even though it's your treat, you still have to do something, right?

"I... think it's better not to think about it... After all, even if I have the ability now, I still don't know where she went, and I don't know how to face her now. If she is happy, it's fine... If she is not living a good life because of me... then I might as well not help her."

...I see. Is it because you're afraid of being hurt? After all, that child ran away from home with your help. If he encounters danger, the only one who will feel guilty is his brother.

Ah...when did I become so sentimental?

"Don't worry."

I said to him who seemed to be in a daze.

"Some things aren't as bad as you think. Before you encounter them...anything is possible. Just be optimistic."

"Hmm...that makes sense."

He nodded thoughtfully, and then was about to put his chopsticks into my plate, but I stopped him directly.

It seems like there's no need to worry about this guy.

There are always things that will never disappear

“There are many beautiful things in this world, and there are many wonderful people.”

My father told me this when I was little.

He is a very good-tempered person, although he doesn't talk much... maybe it has something to do with his work... He always gives people a serious feeling, and his hair color is different from my mother's, and he speaks a different language from the people I usually come into contact with.

Later I learned that the world we live in is called Earth, and that Earth is vast. I live in just one region of a continent, called a "country." And as far as the countries I've lived in are concerned, what I've experienced and seen is just the tip of the iceberg.

My father came from another country, and people from different countries are almost all different, and the languages ​​they speak are also divided into many types.

That's how it was. I seemed to realize my own insignificance earlier than my peers, and I also became curious about other things... What are other countries like? Are there princes and knights like in the stories? Or... are there sea monsters with tentacles in the deep sea somewhere? Or... are there monsters like giant dragons?

I thought about this more than once, and used my brush to depict the things I imagined... Although it seems very childish now... at that time, I carefully put these drawings in some books, imagining the day when I would meet them.

Back then, I truly believed what was shown on TV, whether it was anime or movies... the monsters and characters on them were real, just somewhere in the world... and I longed to see them, just like the protagonist, to fight them, to talk to them...

Yes... I know, there are many beautiful and mysterious things in this world, and there are not only many nice people... but also many handsome-looking creatures.

Maybe...at that time, the world was the most beautiful in my eyes.

Chapter 2: There Are Things That Will Never Disappear

If growing up means maturity, I would rather say that growing up means waking up from a dream.

Yes, maybe it's because I didn't understand anything when I was little that I had room for imagination, whether it was reasonable or unreasonable. It was like being able to do anything in a dream. As a child, I was always immersed in imagination, as if I was having a beautiful dream.

However, dreams always end when they last... no matter how long they last. And people also mature when they grow up... no matter how long it takes.

So reluctantly, I matured inexplicably.

I learned what is reality and what is imagination.

I learned how many countries there are in the world; I also learned that princes and knights did exist, but had long since become history; I learned that dragons are legendary creatures; and I learned that animations and movies are all written by humans.

After recognizing reality, I realized I couldn't imagine as freely as I once did... because I knew too much. As the saying goes, "imagination and reality are interconnected." The more I encounter reality, the more my imagination becomes grounded in it... Consequently, my imagination becomes constrained by various factors, and as a result, everything I create can almost always be modeled in reality. This is probably the greatest loss of wealth in my growth.

.........................

Maybe it was fate... because I can't think of any other reason except this one word... the place where I live moved from my mother's hometown to my father's hometown... the country that filled me with hope when I was a child.

Thinking back to that time... the only difference between me and my former self was probably a language skill and endless imagination.

In short, with expectations that were no longer very high, I arrived in my father's country.

.......................

Maybe it's because this country has always attached great importance to the word "politeness", so when I transferred to the school on the first day and went to class, I found that many people made surprised sounds. Then after class, many classmates greeted me and asked me some questions... They were really enthusiastic.

Although I have seen things like transferring schools before...the feeling is definitely different when it happens to me and to others.

Even though I encountered something that I couldn't say was good or bad...it was enough to deal with these problems with a smile.

...............

Time and environment can really change a person... Although when I first came here, I felt that I knew nothing and knew very little about many aspects of this country, I have adapted very well now. If I hadn't heard questions like "You look like you are mixed-race" when meeting some new faces, I would have almost forgotten about another country.

I'm almost forgetting...my imagination that I've left behind.

Or would it be better to say...that it was a dream?

............

In writing class, I stared at the topic in a daze.

It shouldn’t be a difficult topic, but I find it difficult to start writing... simply because the title is just four big words: "My Dream".

I do have quite a few dreams, but if I were to write them down, I would definitely be laughed at...because those kinds of dreams can only be realized in dreams. If I mention them in reality, I would definitely be laughed at.

Come to think of it... I haven't really thought about it that much. If I were to think about it now, I wouldn't be able to come up with any decent dreams for a while...

After struggling with this, I finally hurriedly wrote down my dream of becoming a scientist...because compared to other ideas, this is the only one that can be more realistic.

But after that class, I was still lost in thought.

Because it was only in the last class that I realized that I actually didn’t have any decent ideals.

Just as I was struggling, the corner of my eye inadvertently caught sight of something in someone's hand, and that thing immediately caught my attention.

It's a painting... but it's not the same kind of painting I've ever encountered. I've seen both color drawings and quick sketches, and that painting isn't any of those... If I had to point to a similarity, it's probably that the lack of color is related to drawing and quick sketching...

"Um...excuse me for a moment."

Although we didn't interact very often, I still perked up a little and approached the boy holding the painting.

"Um...let me ask." I looked at the painting in his hand, and he was stunned for a moment as if he understood something, and put the painting on the table.

"How does it look?" He always felt a little like he was showing off when he said this.

"It's...very impressive," I said honestly. "It's different from the paintings I usually see...Did you draw this?"

"No... This wasn't drawn by me, but by someone else in our class... My deskmate, Yi Sheji... You might not know him, since he's not the type to talk to others. If he had been there just now, he'd probably have been moved by what you said, right?"

He was talking about all this and that as if he was talking to himself.

"So...what is this?" I was still more interested in the painting in his hand.

"Well..." He thought for a moment, "This should be called a manga... Using consecutive images to tell a story... Even though there's only one picture right now." He gave a somewhat regretful expression, even though he hadn't drawn it himself. "But those great manga have already been adapted into anime, so manga is really great."

It was only then that I realized that many of the animations I watched as a child were actually evolved from something called "comics".

"Anyway, thank you for telling me this."

Through his words, I seemed to realize something...maybe it will be helpful for me to establish my dream.

"Nothing..." He replied, and then ended the conversation with me. Then he turned around, took out the textbook, put the painting in it, and put it on the desk.

Looking at this scene...I have a very familiar feeling.

I seem to remember that I have put my own drawings in books more than once.

But I don’t want to show it to others... because it is my most beautiful memory. Even if it seems childish now, it is beautiful.

And this painting called "comics"... seems to be very consistent with me... Although I don't understand it very well... But based on his explanation just now, I roughly understand something.

If I were to draw comics, I could freely depict my imagination, and then... be admired by others, right? Then... could those images I'd gradually forgotten, through my hands, through this form called "comics," reappear on paper, or even in a book?

Thinking about this question, I seemed to have found my ideal.

How about being a cartoonist?

................

"Drip, drip, drip, drip..."

The familiar sound of the alarm clock rang out from my head again after a long time, which meant... I was not lying in bed, but...

I opened my eyes and found that I was now lying down... and I saw painting tools such as brushes and rulers lying in front of me.

Again... you couldn't hold on any longer even halfway through?

As I thought about this, I straightened my body that was lying on the table, then stood up and stretched.

After a moment of hesitation, he found his charging phone with ease, unplugged it, and entered the conversation software that prompted him to send new messages.

"Congratulations! Your illustration has been selected by two authors. The payment has been transferred to your bank card..."

I turned it off right after seeing this... Well, it's not the first or second time in my painting career.

I threw my phone to the side of the bed, then sat on the chair and looked at the unfinished work on the table... I couldn't help but feel a sense of accomplishment.

I vaguely remember my father saying to me... "There are many beautiful things in this world, and there are many good people."

I think this sentence can be applied not only to the real world but also to the world called comics... When I was creating them, I felt like I was back in my childhood... It was really great to be able to use my imagination.

So...

I pressed my somewhat stiff fingers.

"Keep going!"

As he said this, he picked up the paintbrush he had just put down.

An inadvertent choice

Even though spring has arrived and the weather is gradually warming, my thoughts seem to still be stuck in winter. But it's not because I like winter... To be exact, I don't have any likes or dislikes when it comes to seasons. The only thing I have a like or dislike for is books.

As for other things...just let them exist naturally.

So, I can't forget, nor do I want to forget the sudden falling snowflakes that night, my mood at that time... and what he said to me.

Well...if I think about it carefully, it's probably because of him that I want to remember that day.

"Why not be the snowflake that makes the stage more beautiful?"

That person once asked me this.

I have no answer to this question, because there is no reason to refute it...

This person, this guy in front of me... He looks so unruly and unlikable at ordinary times, but he is always so reliable at critical moments.

Whether it was then... or now, he always seemed to spout some profound truths that he didn't know where they came from, and then act as if letting others make their own choices.

Sometimes I want to ask him, "What's going on in your head?" But as soon as I say it, it becomes

"Oh, the thought patterns of low-level creatures are truly incomprehensible... If it's convenient, could you please tell me what information is being transmitted through your underdeveloped brain nerves?"

Maybe he'd even add, "Just kidding, I almost forgot I can't understand the mind of a creature like you."

It might be okay with other people, but I just can't be serious with him... I just want to see how he will react to my slightly harsh words.

Besides being a bit surprised the first time, he remained calm when I said this afterwards. He looked at me with a helpless expression but his mouth remained motionless, probably because he didn't want to refute me. He only occasionally pointed out some mistakes in my words...but that was not the point.

It was like he was taking what I said to him as a joke, not feeling hurt at all... If everyone had this attitude, I'd definitely be able to make a lot of friends...

No... No... It's because not everyone has this mentality, because many people keep their distance from me, and because many people don't think about understanding me... So... he is special to me.

It's great to be able to go to school here.

Chapter 3: An Unintentional Choice

I feel a little hot on my face, and there's light shining in... It's a bit uncomfortable...

So I opened my eyes and saw that the curtains that I should have closed were now open, and a servant in a maid's uniform was cleaning a window that looked as big as a door.

"Ah...Miss, you're awake." She was still as respectful to me as ever, but I've never encountered you opening the curtains to clean before... Maybe this is another way my sister thought of to wake me up...

"Hmm..." I responded simply and sat up from the bed.

Whenever I think of my sister, I feel a little angry... But it's not my personality to lose my temper with others, so I tried to calm down.

".....Is dinner ready now?" I asked the maid beside me.

"Yes, it was made not long ago...Now the master and the mistress are waiting for you downstairs..." she replied.