I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

I looked into Yehui's eyes. Her eyes were full of questions and were extremely intense.

Are you doubting the truth of this statement? Or is it something else...

"You should give it to me, after all, it's something recorded in the diary..." This is the only explanation I can give.

"......"

She stared at me blankly and didn't say anything.

"...What...what happened?"

Did I accidentally say something wrong...

"..." She shook her head and smiled at me, but I always felt that the smile was forced.

"Maybe... I'm just tired..."

"...Oh...I see..."

That's definitely not the case, but I don't really know why...

"Hey, Sheji."

Ye Hui suddenly called my name.

"What?"

"About your childhood sweetheart." She put her hand to her lips with a half-clenched fist, seemed to hesitate, and then said:

"Can you...think about it again? If you have time."

"Uh...oh...I will."

I don’t know why, but I always feel a little guilty... Maybe I shouldn’t tell Yehui about this at all?

"Okay..." Ye Hui sighed, "Let's not talk about this anymore, let's go."

As he said this, he took my hand naturally.

What was different from usual was that this time he seemed to hold it very tightly, as if I would run away if he let go.

It would be a shame to believe it so easily.

The weather is so nice today...

Since the beginning of this sentence was very close to the level of an elementary school student's composition, I didn't think about it further.

Well, it's just an ordinary sunny day in spring. No matter whether I describe it lightly or vividly, I am still under this sky...an ordinary sky, so the wonderfulness of the description does not affect the environment around me.

Okay, let's put the weather aside for a moment...

I persuaded myself like this from the bottom of my heart, then looked around, trying to find a familiar figure, but I didn't succeed, so I had to give up.

"what..."

I couldn't help but sigh and half lowered my head to avoid the glaring sunlight.

Although it's halfway through, it's still spring... However, I don't know if it's because of the sunlight, but the temperature I feel makes me feel like it's summer.

Is it because my body hasn't adapted yet?

Normally, I'd be sitting in my seat, lost in thought. But now, I'm standing on the playground with many others, facing the sun, hoping for a slight, chilly breeze to confirm that it's spring.

However...it seems to be of no use.

I clearly remember that spring rains are quite common, so I didn't pray for rain on the day of this long run. Now it seems that it would be better to pray sincerely.

Well...doing this seems to be a bit like trusting God.

As an atheist, it's really funny to have such thoughts... Well, although I don't believe in gods, I am still interested in magical powers beyond science.

As the saying goes, "There is a god above you." I always feel that the "god" in this saying refers to something like supernatural power, or perhaps it can be called "metaphysics" or something like that.

All in all, if this miserable high school life continues, then before this moment next year comes, I will definitely pray desperately for rainy days... no, the arrival of the rainy season.

"........."

The sudden gust of cool breeze not only interrupted my thoughts, but also clearly told me the current season. What followed was the scolding that came into my ears through the loudspeaker.

"Hey, keep order and stop talking!"

It was just a routine reprimand, only to reduce the noise level slightly. It would soon return to its original state. If anyone was to blame, they should blame themselves for gathering the students in the playground...

Thinking of this, I habitually reached out my hand to my chest, wanting to take out my cell phone to check the time, but I touched some thin fabric.

Ah...I seem to have forgotten.

I sighed again and looked around.

..............................

Even though I didn't want it to happen, it still happened as expected.

The long-distance running race, the name and number of which I can’t remember, has officially begun.

According to the grade order, the third-year guys have priority to start, which means that before the third-year... and second-year guys come back, we first-years should stay put and stay in class honestly.

But this is just an ideal state.

When faced with this kind of activity, I believe that students will not behave themselves. The mood of aversion to learning has spread at a terrifying speed. Even the teachers have become a little lazy in teaching, and in the end, the class simply turned into a self-study class.

This is something I have been longing for, because then I can stare out the window openly.

Well, it was fine at first, but then the order got out of control and the class became very noisy, and then the whole first grade became noisy, so we were criticized by the principal.

result...

The first graders would stand on the playground, waiting for the third graders to return, and then immediately start the long-distance run, leaving the second graders last. For the second graders, who had already participated in the long-distance run, being able to start later was something they would have been happy to do.

Well, since we have to run anyway, maybe it doesn't make any difference.

So...like everyone else, I changed into the sports shirt and cropped pants that I had prepared long ago, and then went downstairs and stood on the playground.

........................

Now that I think about it, even though he was the principal, this decision was really a mess.

Unable to determine the time, I had to estimate the approximate time based on how full I felt, and then glance at the school gate in the distance from time to time.

The guys next to me were talking and laughing, and they seemed not to realize the cruelty of the word "long-distance running". It was really pitiful.

I don’t know if it was because I was standing in a crowd, but the people who could talk to me didn’t come to me, and I didn’t see any of them.

I always feel that I am pitiful too.

Although a certain great teacher once said that "loneliness is cute and cool", I can't accept this theory in my current situation.

"........."

I lowered my head again.

"This dress..."

It really doesn't match.

Chapter 9: It would be unreasonable to believe it so easily

"About your childhood sweetheart..."

Her thing...

"Would you please think about it for a moment?"

Think about it for a moment...

I don't know why Ye Hui asked me to do this.

And he seemed a little sad.

Thinking of this, I shifted my gaze from my sportswear to my left hand.

If I feel it carefully, I can still feel the residual warmth from when our hands were held...but by the time I realized it, several days had passed.

Compared to that time, there are a lot more things in my heart.

Although I seem to be standing leisurely on the playground now, carelessly thinking about some meaningless things, my real thoughts... are still not detectable.

I put Ye Hui's request into practice that very day.

After returning home, I went back to my diary.

There are indeed quite a few entries in her diary...most of them are about boring things, but when I came to my senses, I discovered something very strange.

I didn't write down her name or where she lived.

If I think about it carefully, I can't remember anything about where she lived, only what happened between us.

"...are we good classmates rather than neighbors..."

That’s what I guessed at the time.

If that's the case, it makes sense that I don't know where she lives... but why didn't I even write down her name...

. . . .

"Hey, I've been looking for you for a long time, and now you're here."

Suddenly, I was patted on the back, and I was naturally startled as I was distracted.

When I turned around, what appeared in front of me was Liu Yan's face with a very energetic expression.

"...Um."

Because I felt inexplicably heavy-hearted, I didn't respond much.

"Wow, so cold..." He seemed to complain, "Aren't you good at dealing with this kind of activity, Sheji?"

"...Um."

It’s not that I’m not good at dealing with this kind of thing, but I’m not good at dealing with all activities.

"Oh..." He probably didn't know how to continue the conversation, so he started looking at my clothes instead.

"It doesn't seem to suit you very well." He stroked his chin and expressed his conclusion.

"...yes."

Congratulations, you finally said something that agrees with me.

"Come to think of it, this long-distance run seems to be just a part of the event, followed by the opening of the sports meeting."

I already know this, and although it's hopeless, there's nothing I can do about it.

"..." Liu Yan stared at me for a while and seemed to be hesitating about something.

...If you have something to say, please say it quickly.

"Na."

Finally speaking up...

"What..."

I looked at his smiling face.

"Want to join me in a project?"

"Reject..." After a moment's thought, he added, "If helping to look after items counts as a reward, I can still participate."

"What..." He sighed, "It's better to participate in this kind of activity. Besides, there are relatively few boys in our class, so it's inevitable that everyone will participate. It's better to choose a more relaxing activity early on."

...makes some sense...

"So, what are some easy projects?"

Don't talk about basketball, football, table tennis and the like.

"Hmm...how about a three-legged race? Or a relay tug-of-war or something."

“Are these easy projects?” I grumbled at the proposals.

"...Can you jump rope?"