Laughing American comics, I am becoming more and more like a clown

"Of course, you can think so." The clown pinched the sponge mouth, took out the cigarette, and exhaled the gray air: "I'm watching your struggle."

"I once owned a wild hawk that was so fierce, so violent, so cunning, so sly, that it pecked blind an old hunter who thought he had tamed it. I bought it before it was put to death."

"Of course it didn't thank me. I started to keep the hawk awake. We didn't sleep, and we kept watching each other all day and all night. I knew that normal hawk keeping wasn't like that, but it persisted until it became exhausted, fell seriously ill, and almost died... I thought it would give in."

"No." The clown flicked the ash off his cigarette. "It still tried to peck me blind—I was truly moved by its tenacity, so I started taking good care of it, treating it, healing its wounds, keeping a safe distance, and once it recovered, I released it."

"After that, it got married and had children... I had my men shoot its wife in front of it, and then drop the young eagles one by one. During its suicidal attack, my men hid in the car. It was powerless, howling in the cold all day, its spirit depressed to the point of being unconscious."

"I saved it, and brought my men to me when it was whimpering from a loss of appetite. Then, in front of this beast, I killed my men. I will never forget the look it gave me." The clown laughed, raised his eyes to Lucian, and said mockingly:

"It's gratitude."

"The cruel beast spent a month eating his body. The weather was so hot that maggots appeared and the body stank terribly... But it kept eating. When it was done, it bowed its head to me."

"This is the process of taming it, and I enjoy it, even though I accidentally killed it after only a few days of using it." The clown looked at Lucian, carefully tracing his eyebrows:

"I don't care what you're thinking, darling, but make sure you struggle—my mercy is only for creatures that refuse to yield."

"It's the same with dogs. I don't like things that just wag their tails and beg for mercy. I like things that stare at my neck... Tell me the truth."

The clown put the cigarette butt in his mouth, then took out a gun from his arms, pulled out the safety, loaded it, put it against Lucian's head, and said incoherently:

"Do you still want to kill me?"

Lucian felt the warm muzzle of the gun: "You know you can't kill me."

The ability to be immortal.

"I can kill you," the Joker said. "You haven't put up any effective struggle. When I can point a gun at you and be sure of it, it means I can completely replace you."

"Death can occur between us."

Lucian looked at him and saw contempt, mockery, indifference and arrogance.

why?

Why can the Joker do this?

"I want to know the nature of my abilities," he asked.

Hallucination, immortality.

"It's because the world needs it," the Joker said. "Your illusion can bring the greatest possible change to the world, and immortality can prolong your life."

……

A time traveler who is familiar with the plot is the one who can best understand the essence of his own world - it is just another book.

Lucian understood the essence of immortality: "Because I am the protagonist."

The clown just laughed.

"And you are enough to replace me... Who are you?"

……

People are probably most familiar with themselves.

Understand preferences, habits, personality, little thoughts, and wishes.

People are probably the most unfamiliar with themselves.

Unable to face the appearance, unable to hear the voice, unable to feel the touch.

……

Lucian looked at the clown in front of him, who he didn't know whether to call a clown or not, and suddenly understood. He smiled and said, "I'm struggling."

He expressed his thoughts in the void:

"The essence of my murderous desire and fear is a dream that is close to reality. It is a carefully designed psychological suggestion, or perhaps hypnosis."

"I read a lot of psychology books and read papers on dreams, the subconscious, and personality."

"I'm trying to figure out how to save myself."

"How to save?"

Lucien uttered a familiar, ordinary word: "Lucid dream."

Lucid dreaming is a special state of sleep in which the dreamer is aware that he or she is dreaming and has a certain degree of control over the dream.

Many people have had similar experiences, and those who seek relaxation may be interested in learning how to enter lucid dreams.

The essence of lucid dreaming is the result of the interaction between consciousness and subconsciousness.

Whether it is a dream, hypnosis, or psychological suggestion that exists in the subconscious and is difficult to detect.

A lucid dream that is clear enough, long enough, and realistic enough can reveal the essence of the problem.

It works.

The Joker put down his gun: "Then why did you come to me?"

Chapter 161 Dream

"Because I want to live."

Lucian rolled up his clothes, revealing a deep enough scar on his arm:

“I’ve started self-harming.”

The scar has not yet scabbed over, only a thin membrane covers the wound, and the red flesh inside can be seen.

The Joker looked at it, raised an eyebrow, put the gun on his leg, and rummaged in his pants pocket: "Hold out your hand."

Lucian stretched out his arm, then realized something was wrong, so he changed his position and opened his hand.

……

A cheap candy with a transparent wrapper that reflects seven colors of light was placed in the palm of the hand.

"..."

Desserts can stimulate the brain to secrete dopamine, and eating desserts is a cheap way to get happiness.

Lucien thought as he held the candy in his mouth.

"I originally wanted to kill you." The clown flicked the cigarette butt away and lit a new one for himself. It was smooth and brand new, and blisters had already appeared on the burn on the palm of his hand.

"I'm prepared to fail and start over again many times."

“I’m fine now,” he said. “I didn’t realize my will to live was so strong.”

Lucian sucked the sweetness from the candy bar: "Many people are not stupid, they just lack the space to think."

The Joker snorted and laughed, "I can only agree with you."

Otherwise, you're just saying you're an idiot.

……

By the time Lucien had finished holding the candy until only the candy piece was left, it was accidentally broken and disappeared in his saliva.

The Joker's cigarette was also running out, so he threw it away, picked up the gun on his leg again, reassembled it, and handed it over after making sure it was fully functional.

Lucien was folding candy wrappers into shapes. When he saw the gun being handed to him, he took it with his good arm. "What for?"

The Joker held him with both hands, bent down, and actively put his forehead to the muzzle of the gun.

He said, "Shoot me, kill me."

……

The Joker has done this more than once by letting others hold guns and then putting his head against the gun.

He did it to Harvey in his hospital bed in The Dark Knight. He also did it to Batman in the comics.

But no one fired a shot.

Lucian felt the hand holding him, which was as soft as a leather glove. "You know, I'm going to shoot you."

"As I wish." The clown raised his eyes and looked at him.

The identical green eyes reflected almost the same scene.

"boom."

……

The old clown gave the Dionysus factor to Arthur. Forty years later, Lucien knew about this, so he killed Arthur and resurrected him. Between life and death, when the Dionysus factor took effect, he inserted a needle into the spinal cord to extract and purify it.

The Joker has the Dionysus factor in his hands.

And the recently dead can be reborn in Lucian's mind through the medium.

and so.

The Dionysus factor that was gradually sparse in Lucian's body was replenished, and his current self forty years later shared the same body as his current self.

In front of him was an old body with a hole in its forehead, undoubtedly dead. His eyes were closed, not like he died with his eyes open, and his face looked peaceful as if he was sleeping.

Even his bony and dilapidated body became easier to accept because of his serene expression.

Lucien stood up to tidy up his remains... He didn't know what would happen to his future self to become what he is now, nor did he know whether he was "Lucien" or the Joker.

No need to worry so much.

Even if he really becomes a clown, he will return to the present to talk about the eagle and the dog, and talk about the results and the process.

Lucian thought, perhaps he hadn't said one more thing:

Becoming a clown is the result, and once you become one you will no longer be cherished.

He wants to struggle, no matter how perfunctory, clumsy, or ineffective it is... He wants to struggle, a struggle that will not be convinced by anything.

That's the only way to become special, to attract attention, and to live forever.

……

Lucian tidied him from head to toe, and when he was about to take a break with his arms crossed and smoke a cigarette, he suddenly remembered: The Joker is currently the leader of the resistance and is now in the resistance's safe house.

And he was killed by himself.

"……grass."