After get off work, I become a magical girl

The delphinium nearby suddenly tripped and almost fell to the ground.

Lin Xiaolu quickly reached out to support her: "What's wrong?"

"There seems to be a hole on the ground." Delphinium stood up again with a stern face, pretending to be calm to indicate that he was fine. Relying on the poor vision at night, he made up an excuse.

"Really?" Lin Xiaolu looked back in confusion, only to see that the road was smooth under the moonlight, without any of the "pits" that Cuiqiao had mentioned.

But she didn't think much about it, nor did she try to investigate further. She just thought that she couldn't see clearly, turned around and continued to follow Delphinium.

"Did anything happen between you and your father before?" Delphinium asked in order to change the subject while walking on the somewhat quiet sidewalk.

The idea of ​​asking this matter has been in her mind for a long time. In fact, she really wants to know what the cold war between her and her father is like from a daughter's perspective.

Lin Yun has always felt that the conflict between her and her daughter was mainly due to lack of care and communication, so she has been trying to make up for this after Lin Xiaolu ran away from home. However, when she began to interact with her daughter as Kusanagi and gradually understood some of her daughter's true thoughts, she found that the truth seemed not to be so.

"Rather than saying something happened, it should be said that it was a one-sided misunderstanding."

Lin Xiaolu followed Cuique closely, "When my mother died, he concealed the whereabouts of her body and was with other young women. This made me think that he didn't love my mother anymore and wanted to take this opportunity to abandon her and me and find another woman."

"After that, I had a quarrel with him and ran away from home. Many things became awkward, but I always felt that it was his fault, so I never thought about forgiving or understanding him."

"Ha, now that I think about it, it may also be due to my own arbitrary judgment."

"Because when I was a kid, he was very strict with me, so strict that he was a little annoying. So when I felt he was wrong, even if I asked him the reason, I didn't really want to hear his answer. I had already judged in my mind that he was wrong."

The two walked along the way, slowly passing the Sunset Bridge over the Xiting River. It was almost midsummer, and in the hot night, there was still only a slight breeze on the water.

There was not much traffic on the bridge at midnight. Cuiqiao and Lin Xiaolu walked along the sidewalk one after the other, and the crisp footsteps echoed on the bridge.

"...What about now?" In response to Lin Xiaolu's "self-reflection", Cuiqiao did not directly express her opinion, but just continued to ask.

If she was just "Delphinium", she could judge whether Lin Xiaolu was right or wrong from the perspective of a bystander; but as a party involved in this parent-child cold war, she actually knew that under such a complicated situation at the time, it was impossible to say who was right or wrong between her and Lin Xiaolu.

The original intention of her and her daughter was to maintain the existence of this family, but because of the different information they knew: the daughter did not know that her mother was a magical girl; the different identities and feelings: as a father, she could not understand her daughter's doubts and helplessness at that time. In the end, it turned into such a huge disagreement.

As a parent, I should have been more proactive in communicating with my children, but I didn't realize it at the time.

On the other side, Lin Xiaolu continued: "Because he showed me the photo of you and mom before, now I know that he didn't want me to know the truth about mom's death at that time."

"After all, he told me that mom was actually a very strong magical girl, but she died in an unclear manner. Facing an enemy who could kill mom, even if I knew the truth and even developed hatred for her, I'm afraid I don't know what I can do."

"But, because I didn't know why my mother died, I always thought it was a simple accident, and I put all my hatred and hostility on him."

"He probably meant well, but I responded to him like that..."

——"If you can tell your father your thoughts, he will be very happy, right?"

Delphinium suddenly spoke up: "It would actually be more effective if you tell him directly rather than telling me here."

"Isn't it a little late to say this now?" Lin Xiaolu looked worried.

"It won't be too late."

Delphinium shook her head, turned her head, and looked at the river under the bridge expressionlessly, making it hard to tell what she was thinking: "No one can guarantee that they won't make mistakes when it comes to family relationships."

"This is your first time as a daughter, and your father's first time as a father. You are both newbies in your positions, and it is inevitable that you will make all kinds of mistakes. If this mistake can still be forgiven, why not give each other another chance?"

"Besides, your father may have already stopped blaming you for this matter."

There was some kind of inexplicable emotion in her words about this matter, as if she had some experience of her own. Although it was very vague, even the slow-witted Lin Xiaolu could feel it a little.

So she looked at Delphinium blankly and asked subconsciously: "Delphinium, do you... have a child?"

Delphinium stopped and glanced at her.

"you guess."

After saying these two words, he continued to move forward.

Lin Xiaolu hurriedly trotted after him.

For some reason, Cuiqiao did not ask any more questions, and Lin Xiaolu just followed her all the way. The two of them walked to the middle of the bridge and came to the center of the Xiting River.

Lin Xiaolu lowered her eyes and glanced to the side, her expression somewhat complicated.

Because she felt that since she had decided to speak out her inner doubts, there were some issues that she should not avoid.

But this matter is different from what was said before. As a magical girl, her next words may really disappoint Delphinium.

It has nothing to do with her identity as a mother, nor the conflict with her father, but rather it is about disappointment in Lin Xiaolu herself.

Although she kept asking Delphinium if she was disappointed in her, in fact, she didn't want Delphinium to hate her at all.

If possible, she also hopes that she can be like Xia Liang, always be well-behaved and likable in front of others; always be able to liven up the atmosphere and make others happy; and always be so outstanding that Cuique can also be satisfied with her.

But now, let alone these, she seems to have lost even the most basic qualities of a magical girl.

Because these days, she gradually felt that she seemed to have lost the courage to fight.

Should I really say something like this? If I just don't mention it, if I just pretend that nothing happened, at least I can still be like this...

Thinking of this, Lin Xiaolu's thoughts came to a halt.

Because she suddenly saw Delphinium turned around and looked at her with its clear blue eyes.

Under the moonlight, those eyes were like the purest sapphires, with a few hints of silver light, and seemed to be able to speak, looking at him with encouragement.

Lin Xiaolu pursed her lips, then mustered up the courage to open her mouth.

Chapter 66 Night Talk (Part )

2023-04-30

"Delphinium!"

She suddenly said loudly: "I, I actually have a more negative, or even cowardly idea! I think I have to say it out!"

"Before I knew the real cause of my mother's death, I could still look at the dangers faced by magical girls with a normal mind. But after I learned the truth, I began to feel conflicted!"

"I can't tell whether it's hatred or fear. I don't know which emotion is stronger. But I know that I feel disgusted by my own thoughts."

After hearing her words, Delphinium did not comment directly, but asked back: "Why? Because of your mother?"

"...I've been thinking about these things these past few days, and I'm beginning to think that knowing the truth isn't so good after all."

Lin Xiaolu replied with a complicated expression: "Just knowing that there is a risk of a magical girl dying is a completely different feeling from knowing that a magical girl has died."

"It seemed like something that I had thought was very far away from me before, but it happened right next to me all of a sudden. Even when I was dreaming, I started to feel uneasy."

"It's weird, isn't it? I've been a magical girl for such a long time, but I didn't start to feel scared until these few days. In fact, instead of feeling like 'revenge', I was more thinking about 'retreating' and 'escaping'. Because I would think, if one day I met the enemy who killed my mother, would I die like my mother?"

"I had the thought of 'revenge', but I was afraid of it. I even wanted to stay away from it and pretend I didn't know."

"But if this is the case, can I still be worthy of my mother? What is the meaning of me gaining this power? When I think about this, even my belief in continuing to fight begins to waver."

"Does it sound ridiculous? I always wanted to know the truth about my mother's death. But after knowing the truth, I started to regret it. My heart was filled with negative emotions: fear, guilt, self-denial... I felt that it would be better not to know."

"I am indeed a terrible person. I told you before that I wanted to become stronger and become your helper, but after knowing this little bit, I started to waver and feel scared."

"Xia Liang also knew about this, but she even reached the bud level so quickly. I still..."

Her words paused.

Because she suddenly realized that a somewhat cold hand was holding her hand.

"Why should you feel sorry for something like this?"

Delphinium looked at her seriously: "Before you became a magical girl, you were first just a child. Fear of death is an instinct that all adults cannot escape. Why do you belittle yourself because of this?"

"But if I don't stand up and take revenge, my mother's death will be..." Lin Xiaolu said hurriedly.

"No one has to stand up, Bai Mei."

Delphinium squeezed her hand and interrupted her: "Revenge is something you shouldn't even consider. As Sakura's teammate, revenge is something we adults should do."

"Don't think about revenge?"

Lin Xiaolu asked blankly, "If that's the case, how can I feel at ease? What should I do? Can I really continue to be like before, immersed in my own world as if I don't know anything?"

"It's always like this, just like playing house, defeating some weak beasts, and then telling myself with self-satisfaction, did I protect this city?"

"Even if that's the case, will there be an enemy that I can't handle suddenly appear one day, and then I will, I will..."

She felt her thoughts were in a mess.

As she herself said, all the negative emotions mixed together made her self-identity lower than ever before.

But what she didn't know was that in fact, most children, after becoming magical girls out of pure impulse or yearning, would fall into a certain degree of confusion.

For Lin Xiaolu, the trigger for her to feel confused was the truth behind her mother's death.

When she first learned this information, she might have felt the longing for her mother, but then came a strong sense of dislocation.

Lin Xiaolu, who has always placed her heart on magical girl animation, has an overly beautiful and one-sided imagination of the word "magical girl".

It seems that everything about magical girls has a filter in her heart. As long as there is some connection, it will become full of fantasy and fairy tale colors.

That's why she was determined to become a magical girl and was so brave in the battle against the beasts, because in her mind, she had become the "protagonist". She was supposed to be away from all the bad things in reality and in a beautiful dream.

However, this filter was shattered when he learned the truth about his mother's death and found that his training progress was not as good as that of his companions.

The concept of "magical girl" increasingly overlapped with reality in her cognition, making it impossible for her to regard this word as an imaginative spiritual sustenance anymore. Instead, it brought her many thoughts about the real situation.

Responsibility, crisis, loss, death...many unavoidable negative concepts came over from the other side of the filter and became Lin Xiaolu's new worries.

Because of this, at this time, she would subconsciously turn to Delphinium, the magical girl in her mind, for help. After all, for her, Delphinium is the place where this "filter" is best preserved.

Cuique couldn't think too deeply about these things, but that didn't stop her from feeling that Lin Xiaolu urgently needed her help.

These worries and anxieties seem to have two common sources - lack of security and inferiority complex.

So, what should I say to my daughter and what can I do to make her feel better?

When she figured this out, she realized what she had to do. In a nutshell: make up for the deficiencies.

"Bai Mei, there's no need to be so anxious."

So, after sorting out her inner thoughts, Kuizi took the initiative to speak: "I have always told you not to be too ambitious. This attitude should not only be reflected in honor and strength, but also in the meaning of life."

"Feel carefully, am I really here?"

Reaching out her other hand, Cuiqiao gently held Lin Xiaolu's palm with both hands: "Can you feel it? I'm standing here, in front of you, holding your hand."

Lin Xiaolu looked down, then nodded blankly.