After get off work, I become a magical girl

"They are all like this, why can you, a silly child, still laugh?"

Why can I still laugh? Xia Liang himself doesn't know the answer.

It’s better to say, are you still laughing?

There was no one to whom she could smile, so there was no point in pretending to be nice, but she still did it subconsciously.

Even after entering junior high school, no one was willing to be friends with her because of the rumors from elementary school.

No matter how Xia Liang tried to flatter or try to please others, everyone would just avoid her out of fear.

The only ones who were willing to accept her were the "hot girls" and "bad guys" as others called them. They thought it sounded cool that Xia Liang's mother was imprisoned for murder.

"But you look too rustic."

They commented: "If you want to join us, you should transform yourself first, right?"

So Xia Liang learned how to put on makeup.

If dressing up well can make them accept herself, she will dress up; if frivolous words and deeds are in line with their ideas, she will imitate; if money is needed to make them face themselves, then she will give it to them.

Want to be accepted, want to be cared for, want to hear comfort, want intimacy with people, want "love".

The emptiness in her heart could not be filled, and she followed these "friends" like a dying person grasping at straws, just hoping that they would look back at her.

Until she reached the edge of the quagmire, she saw her friends standing in it and waving to her.

She began to want to refuse and to retreat, but she was already firmly trapped. Some unknown force was pushing her, trying to push her in.

There is no way out.

Just when she had given up and decided to calmly accept the future, a force suddenly pulled her tightly from behind.

Then, someone grabbed her wrist and brought her from the endless darkness to the blue sky.

That beautiful blue is the color of the sky, as clear as the eyes facing her.

She asked herself:

"Do you want to be a magical girl?"

感谢书友剑神橙子、chrys、书友20220514114639532、书友150616234813713、临空linkin、伊吹真紅、书友20190708175443593、观书人A、神马陨、鱼板19881、待君莫笑、书友20190313160324533、飞萌的天、奥露比雅、blackwings、惊涛zwz、书友20190312231649122、STR、筱xxz祥、书友20220804084716481、伤胤赋、木梓木锌、书友20170901134628737、书友20220508162322646、猫灯骨鱼、太初淬、叫我御坂大人丶、落叶Z、泡泡眷族、书友20220825144838496、窥屏怪QMQ、霍霜之哀、峰临火山、水多加面面多加水、洛翔晨、秋叶晓霜、埃尘、卡诺Carnot、藏往、rr4r酱的打赏。感谢你们的支持。

Chapter 43 The Privilege Called "Willfulness"

2023-04-30

The fact of "becoming a magical girl" was like a ray of light that shone into Xia Liang's original life, allowing her to find a way to save herself.

So much so that she agreed without any hesitation, and without even considering whether she would have to pay anything.

"Because for me, that was the first time in all these years that I felt needed."

Looking at Delphinium, Xia Liang's eyes twinkled: "I am very lucky. I received the invitation from Xiaolu and you, the young senior, at that time. It was a great surprise for me to become a magical girl. It was like a dream."

"Then why do you feel troubled now?" Cuique nodded and continued to ask questions calmly. However, after hearing Xia Liang's "story", her heart was far from being as calm as it appeared.

The reason why she didn't comfort him immediately was because she knew very well that Xia Liang had come a long way from the past to today, and she was able to maintain her current behavior instead of being completely swallowed up by past experiences and gloomy life. She must have been tempered in her character. She didn't need "sympathy".

She told herself this story not to solicit such useless feelings. Sympathy for personal suffering is only the most light and irresponsible cheap kindness.

If she and Xia Liang were strangers and had only heard about a tragic event in the social news, she would express her sympathy without hesitation; but she knew Xia Liang. Xia Liang was the magical girl she chose for Fangting City and her daughter's future team. She was a child who really existed in front of her and was waiting to be guided. She had to really help her.

"Why do you still worry? To be honest, I am also confused about my current relationship."

Following Cuique's words, Xia Liang couldn't help but touch his chest lightly, his face blank: "I feel happy without a doubt. This month's life is more meaningful than my previous year. But where does this feeling of emptiness come from?"

...Maybe the essence is still "loneliness"?

Delphinium said nothing, but made a judgment in her heart.

If she were in Xia Liang's position, living alone in this house that carries both happy and unfortunate memories, and still having to face loneliness after returning home from her magical girl activities every day, she would also feel lonely.

In that case, she knew what she should say.

"Xiao Jin."

After thinking for a while and organizing her words, Kuei Chrysanthemum said, "How do you feel about your mother now?"

There is no doubt that the person who had the greatest influence on Xia Liang during her growth was her biological mother. However, the idea of ​​"being a good child" instilled in her by her biological mother has in turn led to Xia Liang's current doubts about herself.

Cuique thought that she might not be able to eradicate the influence of this idea on Xia Liang with just a few words, but at least she had to tell her what was right.

"My mother? To be honest, I have no idea."

Thinking about Cuique's question, Xia Liang lowered his head in astonishment: "Maybe I still have some feelings for her, right? That's why I always want to find her for an answer, but since then, no matter how many times I went to the prison, she was completely unwilling to see me."

"Well, allow me to take the liberty."

Changing his posture to sitting upright, Cuiqiao looked at Xia Liang solemnly: "I think what your mother said is wrong."

“…Many people have said this to me.”

Xia Liang raised his head and laughed dryly: "But no one has ever explained why. What do you think, young senior?"

"Because there is no causal relationship between 'well behaved' and 'being loved'." Delphinium's face was cold, but her tone was very serious.

This is the thought that she must help Xia Liang sort out, so that she can recognize the difference between the two.

"Haha, that's true. Although to this extent, I've actually thought of it a long time ago."

After being stunned for a moment, Xia Liang said bitterly: "I actually know that being obedient is useless. If I could stand up earlier before that day, maybe I wouldn't have become a homeless child? To be frank, I was just satisfying and comforting myself at that time."

"People's hearts are complicated, so don't blame yourself for this kind of thing. You've done a good job."

Shaking her head, Delphinium interrupted her self-pity: "Besides that, what I want to say is that there is nothing wrong with being well-behaved, and good children should be praised and commended. But at the same time, in fact, 'willfulness' is the privilege of children."

"Willful?" Xia Liang was stunned for a moment.

"Willful." Delphinium affirmed calmly.

Xia Liang opened his eyes slightly and said in confusion: "But, being willful will definitely be annoying to adults, and they will hate you, right?"

"You have a very one-sided view of adults."

Kuizi pressed down with one hand, signaling her to listen patiently: "It is true that being willful all the time will make people hate you, but being willful in moderation is actually a way of trying to please others. It's better to say that this is a way of acting like a spoiled child."

"Eh?" Xia Liang was surprised, "Even if you say so..."

"Children who are too well-behaved, because they are not willful and do not express their own desires, appear too perfect and idealistic, which makes the rotten adults feel their own incompetence."

Lowering her eyes, Kuei-Jin slowly explained, "In front of such a sensible child, I don't feel like a competent adult at all. I even need the child to coax me, as if I am the completely ignorant child."

"If they are ordinary parents, they will reflect on whether they have shortcomings; but if they are people whose hearts are completely filled with darkness, they will only alienate, reject, and even feel annoyed with such children."

"If I were to speculate, your mother must have felt this way in the end. When you tried to comfort her, it only hurt her self-esteem."

"So you are not actually wrong. It's your mother who is not competent enough. When you are in the roles of mother and daughter respectively, she fails much more than you."

After Cuiqiao finished speaking this long paragraph, she saw that Xia Liang was trying to understand, so she stopped talking and gave her some time to digest it.

After repeated thinking, Xia Liang found that he didn't know how to refute Cuique.

"...In that case, what should I do?"

After a long silence, she whispered, "Even if I realize this now, I can't make up for it."

"I've already said it, this isn't your fault, how can you make amends?"

Feeling a bit troubled by Xia Liang's obsession with this matter, Cuique sighed: "If you really can't let it go, then put it away and look forward first."

Xia Liang said nothing and looked at her with some confusion.

"Like I said before, how about learning to be willful first?"

Delphinium slowed down her tone and raised her index finger: "It's not about just smiling to please others, but learning to be a little selfish and think about yourself."

“That sounds a bit difficult.”

Xia Liang smiled and looked troubled: "And even if I have to learn to be willful, how should I do it?"

"You can show your sincerity to your teammates: Baimei and me."

Delphinium turned her raised index finger to point at herself. "Even now, I am here."

"what?"

"I am an adult who can accept and tolerate willfulness, so you can use me as an object and try to say what you usually suppress in your heart. I will not hate you for this."

Delphinium gave a calm analysis: "Whether you think my teaching is too harsh or my attitude is too cold, please speak up first. Even if I may not accept it, it will definitely help us understand each other."

"Oh, so awesome!"

Hearing these words, Xia Liang showed an expression of "reverence" for the first time tonight, and even his tone rose a little: "Young senior, you really act like an adult when you speak like this!"

"There's no 'like'. I am an adult, much older than you." Delphinium lowered her eyelids.

"So, how should we start?" Xia Liang, who seemed to deliberately ignore Cuiqiao's words, began to think about it after finding a new goal.

"Let's start with daily life. Whether it's school or your magical girl companions, do you feel dissatisfied in any way?" Delphinium gave her suggestion.

"I, feel..."

Xia Liang raised his eyes, seeming to be thinking hard: "Do you feel like you're being excluded?"

"At school?"

"...No, I'm in the team." Xia Liang stole a glance at Delphinium.

"Team?"

After waiting for a few seconds to realize what Xia Liang meant, Cuiqiao raised an eyebrow: "Exclusion? Why do you feel this way?"

"Maybe it's because Xiaolu is a little biased. No, are you biased too, little senior?"

As if he had figured out something, Xia Liang clapped his hands and said affirmatively: "Yes, you two are very biased!"

"Although you seem to be very cold to everyone, you are always more concerned about Xiaolu. Xiaolu is even more excessive. She is so enthusiastic towards you, but always mean to me!"

Xia Liang's eyes widened and he spoke faster: "Although I think she's funny, I sometimes feel sad when I'm always treated like this!"

Is it because you think it's "fun" to make her angry that you are so repulsed?

She couldn't help thinking this in her heart, but she didn't say it out loud. Cuique looked at Xia Liang inexplicably, considered her words, and agreed with her idea: