Why can't humans do it too?

"Then let's retreat to another place! The orcs' range of activity isn't unlimited!"

"..."

Liku suddenly raised his voice, interrupting Suer's rebuttal.

Although the two had had serious conversations that were almost like arguments before, both of them knew that this time was different from all the previous ones.

After a long silence, Riku suddenly spoke softly, "Do you remember how old you are, Sur?"

"...Seventeen years old," Sur replied, puzzled, having no idea why Riku would bring this up at this time. "Only one year younger than you."

“Yes, seventeen years old…” Riku repeated softly in the darkness, “which means that if one of us has to die first, it will be me.”

!!!

Suer stared wide-eyed, but he couldn't see anything.

“After I die, you will be the only one in the entire settlement who still has the ability and vision to lead everyone forward... Do you understand?” Riku repeated once again, “So you absolutely cannot die there for this reason.”

Liku had already planned the deaths of everyone, including his own.

Sue was his chosen successor, the transmitter of his will.

For them, swearing an oath to their legacy is more than just a simple slogan.

Shocked by the determination in those words, Su Er stared blankly, mouth agape, unsure of what to say.

Compared to what Liku had just said, his infinitely conflicted and despicable anxiety had nowhere to go, like a shadow under the sun, with almost nowhere to hide.

An impulse welled up within him, urging him to pour out all his worries and anxieties to Riku, who was present there. Yet, he was also deeply afraid that the answer he would receive for his honesty would not be the one he longed to hear.

"...Even if more than half of them die during the escape?"

Even if more than half of the people die during the escape.

The words were the same, but the latter's answer was unexpectedly firm.

"Even if we lose many companions, as long as we move in the right direction, we won't be wiped out all at once. So, over time, the population will slowly increase—that's the right answer."

"...an answer that no one can say is wrong."

In this dark cave, right in front of Sull, Riku spoke frankly, almost coldly, about the most direct things that he would never tell anyone outside.

But how could Suer not hear it?

Perhaps it was precisely because of this absolute darkness that Sull was able to amplify his sense of hearing, like trembling tentacles capturing the most subtle changes—Likuta, is he crying…

Even the very tip of his voice was trembling.

Suer wanted to reach out and touch Riku's cheek, just as Koel would have done if he were there, his fingers tracing the body of a child who was only a year older than him. But as if he had expected it, Riku dodged, and Suer's outstretched hand landed on empty air.

Liku had already stood up silently.

This gentle, white-haired boy, Su Er had secretly spied on twenty-six times. He saw the boy angrily and self-reproachfully cursing and smashing everything in his room when he was alone in hiding, completely lacking the coldness he usually showed in front of everyone.

Those twenty-six times were the times when sacrifices occurred in each settlement.

Even though he had never met Riku before, Sull had thought that Riku in the past would not be any different.

The number of people who have given their lives for this settlement has now reached forty-seven.

Later on, Riku was no longer the only one issuing orders.

Even though Riku was trying his best to suppress all his emotions, Sull still sensed the pain and sorrow in the man's seemingly calm words that it didn't matter if half of his men were lost... If the lights were lit at this moment, one could probably see Riku's rare tears.

If he could, Sulbi would believe anyone that this white-haired boy wanted to see everyone live happily and joyfully.

Suddenly, Su Er seemed to sense something.

This gesture caused Liku to lose his composure so badly that he made a mistake by failing to control his emotions.

It wasn't just Sull who needed this darkness; Riku himself did too.

"What happened?" Suer asked softly, lowering his head.

Although he had these questions, no answer was needed; Suer had already found the answer in his heart.

This time it was Riku's turn to be silent, and he remained silent for a long time.

"...Ivan is dead."

Breathing rapidly and urgently, Riku finally spoke calmly.

"..."

is it?

So that would make it the forty-eighth...

Chapter Thirty: Suicide

Cole's celebration plans were nipped in the bud.

"...Then, was Ivan's sacrifice worthwhile?" Sur asked, troubled.

“Ah, of course,” Riku replied, his voice trembling so much he could no longer hide it, “We obtained the latest map of the goblins and their current power distribution… Ivan’s death was undoubtedly valuable.”

"Really?" Not knowing how to face it anymore, Su'er simply murmured softly, "That's good..."

This way, we can avoid the battlefields where those non-human races are fighting.

But Maruda will be sad, won't she? And Nona too...

Ivan is Maruda's husband and Nona's father.

How sad must they be right now?

Suer stared blankly, guessing.

“If you have some free time, go and comfort Nona… You two are very close,” Riku could be heard walking out in the darkness, along with the man’s voice. “I’m tired, I’m going to rest now.”

There was no answer. The two people, both exhausted from different things, bid each other a silent farewell until Riku was about to walk out of the wooden door.

“Hey, Riku,” Sull called out Riku’s name in a listless voice.

"...Is there anything else?" Riku stopped pressing his hand on the door.

"Things? Well, you could say that," Su Er pondered each word, "a little bit of curiosity?"

"I just suddenly want to know, Riku... what does it feel like every time you order them to die?"

Suer's voice echoed in the cold cave, but it did not elicit the slightest response.

"I can't take it anymore... Riku..."

Suer murmured.

Have you ever been afraid? Waking up in the middle of the night, afraid that one day you'll be ordered to die...?

"They could even be considered to have died indirectly at our hands, and we are the murderers..."

"I'm so scared... I'm really scared..."

Suer's deep, murmuring voice seemed to hang in the deathly silence like a spell.

All those nice words about having adapted to this world and learned to survive in this cruel world are nothing but self-deceiving lies.

Every time he commanded others to use their own lives to pave the way for the remaining people to survive, he silently emphasized to himself—when it's your turn, you can also face death with equanimity. Everyone does it this way. This is what everyone agrees on, the noblest thing. They are just taking the first step.

But now Suer realizes that it was all just clumsy self-suggestion, a powerless deception of himself and those who believed in him.

One cannot survive without hardening one's heart, as if one had a heart of steel.

Suer once thought he could do it—and he did, even if it was just a momentary act of courage. He instinctively chose to stay in front of the white-haired orc, creating a way out for the others. But everything changed after he returned from that blood-soaked, flesh-grinding battlefield.

He was filled with fear, dreading the prospect of facing that danger alone once again, and willingly offering his life as a sacrifice.

My legs were trembling, and I couldn't even catch my breath. Just recalling that feeling was enough to break a person—this was the second time I had swung the knife at myself.

Right before Suer stood this choice, like a boulder larger than a mountain.

Only in front of him alone.

"...Maybe."

The rustling sound made Riku want to shout for a moment, to release all his emotions, all his regret and guilt, all his cowardice and depravity, to the man behind him—but in the end, he could only give such a vague answer.

Even his lips were trembling uncontrollably.

And anger.

Such things are forbidden, and such responsibilities are unshared, so... it's enough to keep them all buried in your heart.

“I have no right to talk about the dead,” Riku said slowly in a somber voice, like the most rigid and silent ascetic. “After all, I… am just a coward.”

A coward who can utter words that send someone to their death, yet dares not kill a single person with his own hands.

“Is that so?” But Sull’s voice was a little lighter. “Then, Riku, why do you think we should live... even in a world like this?”

“Who knows? But don’t die without even a reason to die,” Riku said, having already opened the door and was walking out. “In a world like this, if the value of dying isn’t high enough… wouldn’t that be a huge waste?”

The wooden door was slammed shut, leaving only Suer in the cave once again.

"So... does it mean something?"

Suer muttered to himself.

--------------

The ore, which was being held up and emitting an orange glow, suddenly flickered, as if it would dim in the next second; it had been burning for far too long.

However, this subtle change was already quite noticeable to the figure at the table. Finally waking from his reverie, the man at the table picked up the small pitcher of water from his feet and poured it into the plate. Soon, the beautiful mineral once again emitted a stable and bright light.

If Ke'er were here, she would surely be happy, right?

She was finally satisfied to see that Suer's room was no longer a dark void, and the cave finally had a semblance of human habitation once again.

After putting down the kettle, Suer picked up the animal hide in front of him and carefully examined it by the fairly bright light. The back of the hide was almost completely covered with dense writing, but he still hadn't finished.

Because of prolonged thinking, his head was already feeling dizzy, and even the speed of his thinking seemed to have slowed down.

knock knock.

A sudden knock on the door startled Su'er, who turned around to see the wooden door open. A small figure stood there, peeking in with only half of her body visible. Her face, partially obscured by her blue-purple hair, timidly peered into the cave. When she saw Su'er, she instinctively flashed a joyful smile, which she quickly concealed.

"Surgo?"