Daily life of a teacher in the martial arts department

Chapter Seven: Egg Unpacking Moment

This moment.

Like the beginning of the universe, like the destruction of the universe.

The singularity, which symbolized everything, suddenly exploded, creating the world.

Yu Xietian's pupils were empty, and endless thoughts arose in his mind.

What is the meaning of life?

"Who am I? Where did I come from? Where am I going?"

"e^iπ+1=0."

"The ultimate formula for unifying the world's laws—that's how it's proven..."

"The average mating time for 'fearful' is 0.6 seconds."

"The way of Heaven is to take from those who have more than enough and give to those who have less than enough; the way of man is to take from those who have less than enough and give to those who have more than enough."

"On that day, during Hisumura Dan's ninth move against the Sword Saint, his foot should have moved down three centimeters..."

"The ultimate magic circuit is actually constructed using Fiestein functions."

"I'm practically omnipotent..."

Yu Xietian suddenly opened his eyes, looking fearfully at the mooncake in his hand. Inside was a black object of unknown origin. The moment Yu Xietian ate it, he almost thought he had grasped the truth of the world. At the critical moment before he was about to fall, Yu Xietian forcibly recalled the final math problem from his college entrance exam, and only then did he realize the truth of the world and finally wake up from that state.

"Thank you, math, you've shown me I'm a complete idiot..."

"This mooncake... is terrifying."

Yu Xietian had just narrowly escaped death, and before the fear in his heart had subsided, another person walked into the confessional. He had no choice but to compose himself and begin to face the new guest.

The newcomer sat down; she appeared to be a girl, and was holding a... pig?

No, no, no, it shouldn't be a pig. Pigs aren't orange, and they don't have hair.

So what kind of creature is this big, furry thing?

Could it be some kind of unknown creature, like this mooncake?

"Pastor..." the other party spoke, and even with the voice changer, it was still clear that it was a light female voice.

"One hundred and eighty seconds to repent."

"One hundred and eighty seconds...?" Yu Xietian had a good memory. The sound was familiar, and he quickly retrieved the corresponding memory from the corner of his mind.

"You could try this: you and I are like those three minutes and one hundred and eighty seconds. I don't know what that means, right? The three minutes are like a stray cat in the royal palace, and the one hundred and eighty seconds are like her son. Although we're actually mother and son, it's basically used as 'I'm your father.'"

Stray cat?

Yu Xietian stared at the enormous, spherical, unidentified creature opposite him. If he tried to flip it over like a turtle, it probably wouldn't be able to do it on its own. And you're telling me this thing is a cat...

I don't believe it! This is a pig! This is definitely a pig!

No, no, no, the key issue now isn't whether this thing is a pig or a cat, but what it's saying...

One hundred and eighty seconds, is this cat going to repent?

What does it mean?

Just as Yu Xietian was deep in thought, he spoke after 180 seconds.

"Meow.."

Yu Xietian naturally didn't take the sound of a cat seriously; he quietly waited for the woman opposite him to speak.

“Say something, priest.” After a moment of silence, the woman spoke, but what she said left Yu Xietian completely bewildered: “Even if you don’t know what to do, you should at least respond. It’s been so awkward for 180 seconds without you answering.”

"..?"

Yu Xietian had always understood that everyone working in the service industry needed a strong heart. Because there are all sorts of idiots in this world, and their level of idiocy is beyond the imagination of normal people, but at this moment... he was still suffocating.

What do you mean? What are you talking about? If I understand correctly, are you asking me to answer this cat? Do you think I can understand cat speech? I can't do that! And to talk to this thing, I'd need to be fluent in both cat language and pig language!

Yu Xietian was internally ranting, but still smiled and said, "Well... people can't understand cats."

It wasn't mentioned that orange pigs were his final professional skill.

"Huh?" the other person said discontentedly, "What's going on? Is this what you call a pastor? What's wrong with pastors these days? They don't even take the cat language test before they dare to start working? Honestly, I have to be the translator..."

If possible, I'd really like to ask you to find someone who can speak cat language so I can see for myself, what, is this cat a sacred magical beast!

"Damn it! Is this guy messing with me?!"

While Yu Xietian was complaining, he meowed a few more times in 180 seconds.

The woman patted the orange pig's head sympathetically and sighed, "So that's what you were thinking about. No wonder you haven't been eating or drinking and have gotten so thin..."

"Skinny my foot! Are you blind?! If this guy is skinny, then even a Titan would be considered a slender elephant!"

"Well, I can't help it, my cat language isn't very good either. It's missing one of the four essentials: faithfulness, expressiveness, and elegance. Pastor, please bear with it... Um, it says it wants to sleep with the boss's cat, and it's so thinking about it that it can't eat or sleep properly."

"Oh! It really lacks one of the four essentials: faithfulness, expressiveness, and elegance! This is far too faithful, too expressive, and too vulgar! Would it kill you to be a little more tactful? It's not that you can't achieve faithfulness, expressiveness, and elegance, it's that you don't want to be elegant! This language is far too crude! And its credibility is far too low! If you said it was missing women so much that it ate ten meals a day, I might believe it!"

Yu Xietian really wanted to rush out and unleash a torrent of complaints... but in the end, he held back and reluctantly said, "So... are the 180 seconds for repenting for one's lust?"

The girl looked down at the orange pig, which meowed.

The girl shook her head gravely (though Yu Xietian couldn't see it), and sighed, "No... it's repenting. It was thinking about its mother cat even while it was cooking. How could it think about anything else during such an important time as cooking? It originally planned to spend one hour cooking and the remaining twenty-three hours thinking about its mother cat. But now, it's spent twenty-three hours cooking and twenty-four hours thinking about its mother cat..."

".."

".."

"Pastor...Sir, why aren't you saying anything?"

".."

"I have a mooncake here... I call it the 'Forget the Seven Emotions and Six Desires to Become a Saint Mooncake,' lost cat. If you are troubled by this, eat this mooncake."

"But... I must remind you, after you eat this mooncake, you will no longer be an ordinary pig...or an ordinary cat. The desires of this world will no longer affect you. In that case, you'll definitely be able to eat properly."

"Wow! Really?! Are there really mooncakes that amazing?!"

Yu Xietian handed over the mooncake, which had a small note on it with two words written on it.

【Unpacking the Egg】

Chapter Eight: The Sword of Wisdom Severes Emotions... Silk

The guy carrying the orange pig happily left the confessional, leaving behind a Yu Xietian who was utterly devastated.

"I can't stand this! This is clearly a pig, but they insist on calling it a cat. Isn't that just calling a pig a cat?!"

"Damn it... what kind of monsters and demons are these! Can't they just give me a normal person? Speaking of which, will that mooncake cause someone to die? Damn it, what is that thing?!"

"Calm down, Yu Xietian. How dare you call yourself a service industry worker? The service industry is about being able to smile naturally no matter what kind of idiot you encounter!"

"I'm laughing my ass off!"

"What the hell is cat language? What the hell is this nonsense?! This bastard is just messing with me! Damn it, I really want to beat this guy into a hospital so he'll know that a cat is a cat and a pig is a pig! And that a person can't even speak cat language! It's not some sacred monster!"

Yu Xietian continued to output damage for several tens of seconds before he felt a little better.

Just then, the door was pushed open again, revealing a slender yet upright young man wearing a hospital gown. What made Yu Xietian a little PTSD was that the man was also holding a cat.

This cat was entirely silver-white. Although only a small part of it could be seen, Yu Xietian could tell that it was a very beautiful cat, definitely not the kind of cat-and-pig hybrid he had just encountered.

"I hope he's a normal person..."

Yu Xietian put his hands together, striking a pose like a film distributor.

“Hello, Pastor,” the other person said, “It’s like this… let my cat tell you.”

"...?!"

"He...damn it, he's doing it again!"

Before Yu Xietian could even ask a series of thought-provoking questions, the silver-white cat spoke up, meowing a few times, though Yu Xietian couldn't understand it.

The man nodded in agreement and said, "That's right, Priest. Will the goddess forgive it?"

Forgive me! Forgive me! You bastard!

I don't understand! I don't understand at all!

What is this cat? A sacred magical beast, an ancestral alien race, or a special alien race?

Even mythological works like The Secret Chronicles wouldn't allow normal people to easily understand what cats are saying!

Yu Xietian felt a deep weariness. So the pastor had been suffering like this all along? He must have finally reached his breaking point and wanted to vent his frustrations, but instead, he was beaten and ended up in the hospital...

"What's wrong, Priest? Could you give me a little response?" The man paused slightly, then said, "Could it be... that you haven't even passed your animal language exam yet, and you're already working here? That won't do. If you encounter someone difficult to get along with, they might report you."

"A beast language certificate... I've never heard of such a thing." Yu Xietian retorted weakly, this was his last act of defiance.

"No? I have an unreliable employee who said there was such a certificate, and she even taught me how to do it. Anyway, let me translate it for the pastor."

The man lowered his head, and the silver cat meowed a few times.

"She said, 'O loving and great goddess, please forgive her for the mistake she made out of vanity. She knows she made a mistake, but it's a mistake every mother cat makes...'"

"I admit you're a bit more cultured than that guy whose brain was only about eating and fucking..."

Yu Xietian mentally scoffed. He was too lazy to even think about whether these guys knew animal language or not. It was the service industry, after all; he could take whatever was fake as real. The most important thing was that the customers were happy.

The man continued speaking.

According to his translation, this female cat had a suitor, but she wasn't interested in him. However, she enjoyed being pursued by the cat and never rejected him. Later, he accidentally discovered her feelings and gave her a stern lecture. After his profound reprimand, she realized her mistake and came back to repent, hoping to make amends for what she had done.

Yu Xietian sighed, lamenting the story's poor quality and lack of drama. If it were him, he'd at least have a three-year period concluded, a grand welcome back to the Cat King, and the cat constantly licking him actually being the legendary Cat King, who, filled with remorse after losing him, came here to repent...

How about that?! In an instant, it went from a boring, melodramatic drama that even middle-aged women wouldn't watch to a universally loved, simp-like drama that became a legendary masterpiece!

To be honest, Yu Xietian should have immediately thought of 180 seconds. But he subconsciously mistook 180 seconds for a pig, and it took him a while to realize that 180 seconds... was a cat, and a cat that licks its lip.

Holy crap... no way.

With this thought in mind, Yu Xietian tentatively asked, "Sir, this cat... could it be from the Seven Luminaries Imperial Academy?"

—The 180-second clip features a stray cat from the Seven Luminaries Imperial Academy. If this cat is also from the Academy, then...

"Hmm... I guess so, what's wrong?"