A Young Woman's Heart

She doesn't need this charity.

I just want to survive on my own.

But what's the point of living?

Is there anything you want to eat or do?

Or perhaps there are unfulfilled wishes?

nothing.

Zhuang Lianlian felt empty and lost.

She abandoned herself in despair.

Unwilling to accept help from others, unwilling to live, and unwilling to die.

Her heart was filled with such contradictions.

The snowflakes outside the window had been brushed away before she got into the car, but in just a short while, a thin layer of snow had fallen again.

The world outside the window became hazy and blurry once again.

This van was like a cage imprisoning her; no, to be precise, she had locked herself in here.

They closed themselves off emotionally.

“But in the end, don’t I still need other people’s help…” she muttered to herself, biting her lip. “Can’t I survive without other people’s help? But even if I do survive, what’s the meaning of a disabled person’s life? So be it…”

Do nothing, think nothing, and slowly wait for death to come.

Zhuang Lianlian felt somewhat resigned to her fate.

Having been pampered by her parents for many years, she was like a pampered young lady. Only when the protective umbrella that shielded her from the wind and rain disappeared did she realize how vulnerable she was.

It is fragile, extreme, and contradictory.

They are even inconsistent in their words and deeds.

The more she realized her own inadequacy, the more she gave up on herself.

"Knock knock." Just as she was blankly wondering why she hadn't died in the car accident with her parents, there was a sudden knock on the car door.

The car doors were not locked, or rather, they couldn't be locked at all.

But the visitor still knocked on the door politely, so they must have known someone was inside.

Zhuang Lianlian closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and then opened them to open the car door.

It's the boy who got into a fight with someone because of her.

He was very tall, with fair skin, and a small face that didn't quite match his height—at least for a boy of his size, it was indeed small.

"Hello... hello," Zhuang Lianlian said timidly, instinctively shrinking further into the carriage.

"Hello, I'm sorry to bother you."

"N-nothing...what...what's wrong?"

“I thought it would be cold sleeping in this not-so-warm carriage on such a cold day, even though you’re wearing a cotton-padded coat. So I brought the bedding.” Chen Cheng said, handing him a large bag and asking, “Would you mind if I came in and sat down for a bit?”

"...Okay, okay."

So Chen Cheng got in and closed the car door behind him.

He took out two bedding items from the bag: one was a thick down comforter, and the other was a blanket that could be used as a cover or a mattress.

He took them out and placed them on the empty space to the side, then took out two cups of milk tea from the bag he was holding in his other hand and handed one to her.

"Would you like some milk tea? Hot, it's nice and warming in winter."

"Thank you..." Zhuang Lianlian shook her head.

"Why don't you drink?" Chen Cheng asked, somewhat puzzled.

"It's not good to receive too many favors from people." Zhuang Lianlian forced a smile and gently licked her lips.

"Isn't it natural for people to help each other?"

"But... what if I'm ugly?" Zhuang Lianlian finally couldn't help but ask in a low voice.

"Uh..." Chen Cheng was speechless for a moment.

She gave a wry smile and turned to look out the window.

But a warm cup of milk tea was still placed in my hand, and I heard his voice in my ear: "No matter what, drink it first."

Zhuang Lianlian hesitated for a moment, but finally put the straw in her mouth and took a small sip.

"Isn't it human instinct to cherish beautiful things?" Chen Cheng seemed to be thinking about what he had just said, and offered an explanation.

"But I'm not beautiful either."

“That’s right, so I’m not helping you because you’re pretty, am I?” Chen Cheng couldn’t help but laugh.

Zhuang Lianlian was stunned for a moment before realizing that she had been tricked by Chen Cheng.

That was just her being modest; what girl doesn't like being told she's pretty?

Although she wasn't actually pretty, she was more of a cute girl.

The two of them didn't say anything more and just kept drinking their milk tea.

They ate every last pearl in the milk tea.

Zhuang Lianlian couldn't help but ask softly, "Um...is there something you need?"

"Ah...it's nothing. I was just thinking that you must be lonely by yourself. Why don't you go home?"

"..."

Seeing that Zhuang Lianlian didn't want to answer, Chen Cheng didn't press further: "How did your legs become like this?"

“Car accident,” she said softly.

"Oh……"

Then came another long period of silence.

This time, he broke the silence first: "What time do you wake up every morning?"

"...I don't know, wake up when you want to."

I'll bring you breakfast tomorrow morning.

"No, no need."

Chen Cheng smiled and asked again, "Do you plan to stay here indefinitely?"

"do not know."

"So what do you plan to do next?"

"No, I don't know."

"Should you look for a job or continue your studies?"

"do not know……"

"Uh... don't think of other people's help as charity. In fact, helping others is also a way of satisfying yourself."

She either doesn't answer almost any question, or she says she doesn't know.

In the end, the two didn't talk about anything else.

He got up, climbed out of the carriage, and stood outside, saying, "I'll be going now."

"it is good……"

"Splash—"

The van's door was slammed shut.

Silence returned to everything.

All that could be heard was the 'rustling' sound of footsteps crunching through the snow.

Zhuang Lianlian couldn't help but look out through the blurry window until she could no longer see his figure.

She suddenly felt a little lost.

"Do I... want someone to help me, or not?" she muttered to herself, sighed, spread out the bedding Chen Cheng had brought, and lay down on the back seat of the car.

For some reason, my eyes became moist, and hot tears slid down from the corners of my eyes, wetting the bedding.

The bedding was washed very clean and had a lavender fragrance.

She knew that after she closed her eyes, tomorrow would come again.

But she had absolutely no plans for what to do tomorrow.

Time waits for no one; it always moves forward at its own unhurried pace.

If a person has no goals or aspirations, they will lose the motivation to move forward.

Just a moment ago, Zhuang Lianlian suddenly had a small wish.

The sweet and warm milk tea is delicious.

She wants to be able to drink milk tea often.

You can taste that rich sweetness.

Go find a job.

That way I can buy milk tea every day.

As she thought this, she slowly closed her eyes.

In despair, the most fortunate thing is not having to worry about the sun not rising tomorrow.

It is precisely because tomorrow will always come that people can regain hope for the future.

When she opened her eyes again, the heavy snow had temporarily stopped. Although the clouds in the sky told people that it would definitely continue to snow later, it had at least poked its head out, scattering its golden light upon the world.

Looking at the golden sun, Zhuang Lianlian suddenly felt that the world was quite beautiful.

It suddenly occurred to me that even people with disabilities have many things to do and many experiences to have.