Love, Gun, Cupid

"You're always on your phone during class. I bet you spend 50 minutes of every hour you study at home looking at your phone."

Lin Jiade, whose truth had been exposed, smiled. He clinked glasses with Bingdong, who nudged his thigh with his foot and said, "Say something. It's awkward being quiet."

Didn't you want to have something to say to me, which is why you asked me to have a late-night chat? Oh well, it's normal to be reserved, after all, you're a girl.

Lin Jiade mentally reassured himself that he was facing a real girl, so he asked, "Tell me about your romantic history. I've always been curious about your partners."

Ah, it's not curiosity, it's just that you've been keeping it from us all this time, making it all so mysterious. Without knowing your situation, it's hard for me to help.

Chapter 42 Division 3

Ice Cave hesitated for a moment before speaking: "My girlfriend... I don't know if she still counts now. Her name is Shan Di. I met her when I was sixteen, and she was twenty at the time."

She was my stepmother's sister, and also the lover of my brother—the brother my stepmother brought with her. Although they didn't do anything, their Platonic relationship was incestuous.

I accidentally saw them flirting. Shan Di panicked and asked me to keep their secret, which I agreed to. Because I kept the secret, Shan Di went from being wary of me to gradually relying on me as a close friend. It was around that time that I unknowingly fell in love with her.

I'm not her type because she likes normal men, and because of the influence of the Holy Land's power, I'm... effeminate, so she sees me more as a close friend.

I pity her, and I love her. Because of the existence of incest, which is like a calamity, she dares not ascend hand in hand with my brother on the path of love, and can only silently endure the torment of morality.

When I was eighteen, something happened to my brother. He saved someone but was falsely accused. The other party, being the villain, filed a lawsuit against him online. "Righteous netizens" doxxed him, and as a result, his company fired him. His phone number and every one of his social media accounts were bombarded with messages... He didn't die, but in society, he was already dead.

Although the police eventually uncovered the truth and exonerated him, the 'righteous netizens' who had initially insulted him either remained defiant or lamented, "Oh my god, it was all a lie. So tiring, I feel like I'll never love again," leaving with the faces of wounded champions of justice, as if they, the perpetrators, were the ones most hurt by public opinion.

Ice Cave clenched her fist, then slowly relaxed it. She said dejectedly, "Back then, I was still a teenager. I was so angry that I wanted to take revenge on those champions of justice. But soon, I realized, who could I take revenge on? So many people were cursing me. Even if they lined up to let me take revenge, I wouldn't be able to finish taking revenge in a hundred years."

After a storm of public opinion that left him in a mess, my brother suffered a sexually transmitted disease, couldn't find a job, lost contact with his friends, and even when he finally mustered the courage to start a small business, someone still threw a brick at him and called him a bastard who had escaped legal punishment.

This blow might be just as heavy as the tens of thousands of insults from 'righteous netizens'. My brother was just an ordinary person after all. When he realized that he would have to bear the infamy for the rest of his life, he collapsed. This time, he could never get back up and degenerated into one of those social outcasts with no hope of ever getting ahead.

I don't want to discuss the evil in human nature. I'm just saying that my brother's decadence alienated him from Shan Di, and Shan Di couldn't just erase her feelings for him after so many years. So she found me, who is about half like my brother.

Although it was only half the likeness, it was enough for a woman looking for a substitute. So she seduced me, and I loved her too, willing to be her boyfriend even if it meant playing the role of an older brother… and so our relationship began.”

"Ah, this..."

Seeing Lin Jiade's appearance, Bingdong laughed weakly, "It's perverted, isn't it? But both Shan Di and I have gained pleasure from this relationship. She thought she was having sex with my brother, and I did indeed possess her."

She asked me to imitate my brother, and I did, but I hated it... Perhaps that's why I longed to become a girl, and why, after becoming a girl, I quickly accepted my new identity.

I love Shan Di, but I hate that I love her as a persona. I realize that if I can't make her see me for who I am, even if I get her body and enjoy fleeting pleasure, greater pain awaits me.

Just as I was about to do so, I transformed into a girl, and my intense longing vanished. I still loved Shan Di, but with each passing day, my love diminished.

“The fact that you’re still angry about her cheating proves that you still have enough love for her,” Lin Jiade said.

"This is complicated because that blond guy is my brother."

"?!"

Lin Jiade covered his forehead, and after a long while, he sighed and said, "What kind of mess is this?"

"Yes, so I have very mixed feelings about this. I'm mainly angry, but if I really think about it, I cheated on my brother first, and I'm the one who wronged him first."

“I can’t handle this,” Lin Jiade waved his hand. “What do you plan to do?”

Ice Cave didn't answer, she just kept drinking. After finishing her drink, she snatched Lin Jiade's can and drank from it. When both cans were empty, she said, "If I were still a man, it would probably be a family tragedy. But I am a woman now, so I can discuss this with you calmly."

"So you're crying like Lin Daiyu, is it just my imagination?" Lin Jiade thought to himself.

"This wine is quite good, give me two more cans," Ice Cave said.

"Can your body handle it?"

"So verbose!"

Lin Jiade gave Bingdong two more cans. After Bingdong finished drinking them, he leaned against the headboard, tilted his head, and looked at Lin Jiade with hazy, drunken eyes, his toes sliding on Lin Jiade's calves.

“Lin Jiade, do you remember what you said?” she asked.

Lin Jiade asked blankly, "I've said so many things, which one are you referring to?"

"In our freshman year, we formed a team to play a game. Before the game against the biology department, it was the game where you said that after the game, we would make the other side hate football."

Lin Jiade instantly put on a mask of pain: "Damn it, you still have the nerve to say that? We were struggling to play up front, and you guys were just feeding us from behind. After this game, I almost hate football myself!"

The ice cave chuckled, "Why don't you just go in a few more?"

"Brother, the opponent's three-center-back system is terrible. One of them is sticking to me like a conjoined twin, another is blocking my passing lanes, and the third is responsible for sweeping and protecting me to prevent me from combining with the other striker. I can't even touch the ball!"

"Oh dear, I know you sacrificed your tactics. Honestly, I don't want to go over the game with you." Ice Cave waved his hand. "You even said something like, 'Women shouldn't be married,' and listed several football players who ruined their health by indulging in women."

Lin Jiade felt even more embarrassed: "I was just kidding back then."

Bingdong sat up and crawled toward Lin Jiade at the foot of the bed. His long hair fell like willow branches, and the beautifully shaped mounds could be seen from the drooping neckline.

She chuckled and said, "But I think it's right. You can't marry a woman. Men, especially men who have become women, can only have fun with men."

You're drunk!

"I must be drunk to say these things! If Shan Di can cheat, why can't I?! I've been eyeing your muscles for a long time!"

Lin Jiade felt a strong sense of absurdity. The ice cave thought she had drunk four cans of beer and was drunk, so she dared to say anything. But if she had looked at the label carefully, she would have known that the four cans of beer he gave her were all non-alcoholic.

In the early hours of August 18th, the German Super Cup will feature Borussia Dortmund vs. Bayern Munich. Vote for your favorite team, and a bonus episode will be added if they win.

Chapter 43 Division 4

Lin Jiade felt that if he told the truth, his relationship with the ice cave might have a crack—a crack that would always exist, slightly open, and when memories were stirred, it would release awkward juices.

So he could only keep the truth to himself, but that meant that the self-proclaimed drunken Ice Cave would have to spout a lot of nonsense without restraint.

"That's enough!" He pressed down on Bingdong's shoulder. "You're drunk, go to sleep, I'm leaving now."

Ice Cave tilted her head and rested it on Lin Jiade's hand, gently rubbing it: "I'm drunk, but I feel better drunk than sober. I'm in a good mood and have no worries... Tell me, am I beautiful right now?"

Lin Jiade replied perfunctorily, "You're as beautiful as a fairy."

"I think so too, so why aren't you looking at me?"

“I’ve been watching.”

"Liar, you've always loved to lie. When we used to play football together, you were so frank and cheerful with me. When your teammates scored, you would pull me along to celebrate and be part of the atmosphere team. When someone fouled me, you would stand up for me."

Since I was 12, I have been protecting this city, but... no one protects me. My parents prefer my older brother because I am effeminate. After my brother went astray, they lost hope and just drifted through life like zombies.

My brother is already overwhelmed with his own problems, and Shan Di only uses me as a tool to satisfy her desires. Our love is never equal. Needless to say, my classmates avoid me as much as possible. Who would like a sissy?

It turned out that you, a complete stranger, stood up for me. I thought you considered me a close friend, and I felt reassured and happy.

But I later learned that you're the kind of person who plays football with brotherhood; all your teammates are like brothers, and you'll stand up for them no matter who's being bullied. But after the football game is over, some people's "brotherhood experience card" expires... like mine.

However, there's nothing that can be done about it. Mu Xiu's football skills are too poor, he lacks team spirit, he doesn't talk on or off the field, and he doesn't play any online games. Naturally, he's an outsider in your social circle.

Lin Jiade was speechless. Old Mu was just overthinking things. The main reason why people didn't want to hang out with him was because he had a girlfriend. They didn't want him to have to choose between his girlfriend and his classmates, so they all avoided him.

Lin Jiade received the same treatment. After everyone found out he had a girlfriend, the frequency of people asking him to hang out decreased significantly. He didn't care much and thought it was normal, but Lao Mu, who was very sensitive and soft-hearted, was very hurt.

Old Mu isn't very good as a man, but he's quite decent as a woman. He's outspoken and decisive, and he's also an extraordinary being. As long as the registration issue is resolved, her future will be much brighter than his as a man. Moreover, becoming a woman will allow her to easily get rid of his ex-girlfriend's messy affairs.

Lin Jiade wondered, "Does my wish for her to turn back into Old Mu mean to her that I'm cursing her back to her unhappy and troubled past? If she, as a woman, is destined to be happier than he, as a man, and she herself desires it, then should I support her?"

Lin Jiade sighed, "You've confused me too."

"Because I don't know whether I'm a man or a woman. I'm a woman because of my physiological structure; I'm a man because Mu Xiu still influences my every word and action. If you compare me to a real girl, you'll find that my every move is strange."

Ice Cave released Lin Jiade, lay back, spread out in a starfish position, not caring at all about being exposed. She looked at the ceiling and said, "I thought that having a woman's body and dressing up beautifully made me a girl, but when I was shopping with you, I heard the girls nearby laughing at me for looking like a boy."

Lin Jiade didn't respond. She turned to lie on her side, tugged at his sleeve, and said, "Did what I said... make you angry?"

"No, go to sleep."

"Ah."

The situation remained unchanged, but things were much easier in the ice cave. That evening, she met Lin Jiade on the balcony and said, "Is this the place where you made Teacher Yang cry?"

"Hey!" Lin Jiade turned around and looked at the client, Jasmine, who was tutoring her in the bedroom. "Teacher Yang is petty; be careful of her revenge."

Ice Cave smiled and said, "Maybe I'll have to take a break from school or drop out. What can she do to me then? I just want to say that I've decided to end this."

"End what?"

"Regarding Shan Di, I want to break up with her. We shared a dream, and we once found happiness in that dream, but a dream is just a dream, and you always have to wake up."

The existence of his girlfriend was the deepest and most solid part of Lao Mu's understanding as a man. Giving up his girlfriend was the first and crucial step in Lao Mu's abandonment of his male identity.

Just as there are only zero times and countless times when it comes to cross-dressing, the only difference between a man who degenerates into femaleness is zero steps and N steps to reach the destination.

Lin Jiade looked at her with a complicated expression: "You don't need to ask for my opinion, this is your business. But I think that things that affect one's whole life should be taken more seriously."

“The more you think, the more troubled you become, and in the end, you become unable to make a decision, letting time slip away,” Ice Cave said. “I think now is the time to make a decision.”

"Okay, that's your choice, and I respect it. But please remember to take responsibility for your life."

Ice Cave bit her lip: "You're fine at other times, but you're so boring at times like this. Can't you just agree with me, encourage me, and affirm me a little?"

"And then, did you cut all ties with her?"

"Pretty much. As long as she's no longer my girlfriend, no matter who she's with, I won't be the one getting cuckolded... But I still want to say goodbye to her, after all, we were companions who shared dreams."

"With your current status? She wouldn't even know who you are."

“I could lie to her and say I’m a cross-dresser, or just say I had gender reassignment surgery, which would give her a plausible reason to leave me. In short, I realized that I couldn’t start a new life without letting go of the old relationship.”

Although I live in this ice cave, I still feel somewhat ethereal; sometimes, I feel like I'm still living in a dream.

Ice Cave looked down at his palm and gently clenched it: "Do you have something to do tomorrow?"

"No."

"Then come with me. Sigh, even though I've found a new self, I still can't shake my cowardice."

"It can only be me. If anyone else knew the truth about you, you might suffer social death."

Lin Jiade and the ice cave exchanged a smile. This scene was frozen in the eyes of Jasmine and Teacher Yang, leading to different outcomes. Jasmine crushed the carbon pen in her hand, while Teacher Yang had an absurd dream the following night.

Chapter 44 Unraveling Memories (Bonus Chapter)

On their way back from the ice cave, they had to pass by Lin Jiade's bedroom—which, naturally, also belonged to Jasmine. As they passed by, Jasmine reached out and stopped Lin Jiade. Teacher Yang glanced at him and continued tutoring her.

Jasmine's score on her most recent mock exam was very close to the admission line of Sanam Dongdo University in previous years. The variable is that we don't know which test-setting geniuses will show their talents in which subjects today, which will cause Jasmine's score to fluctuate.

Lin Jiade looked down and scrolled through his chat group, which was full of trustworthy people. He saw the records of Mumian's activities in other places for Hehuan's family, and Jianlan and Dujuan discussing his future plans.

After reviewing the notes, Ms. Yang's lesson ended. Lin Jiade politely escorted her to the living room, but Jasmine grabbed his hand from behind. He stopped, gave Ms. Yang an apologetic smile, and closed the door.

Ms. Yang tactfully withdrew. She remembered what she had said to Lin Jiade when she was drunk. It was an embarrassing thing, but the embarrassment was that she recalled the incident that made her look at Lin Jiade differently—that is, Lin Jiade describing his favorite person on the playground.