Hot flashes

Another day passed, and Xiao Jue returned to his bedchamber after reviewing the last memorial. He pushed open the door and found the lights still on.

Zhou Heng sat on the couch.

Xiao Jue walked over and squatted down in front of him. "Why don't you lie down?"

Zhou Heng shook his head. "Not sleepy."

Xiao Jue looked into his eyes. There were some dark circles under those eyes. He reached out, pressed his thumb against the dark circles, and gently rubbed them. "Didn't sleep well again?"

Zhou Heng paused for a moment, then lowered his eyes. "Asleep."

Xiao Jue didn't speak. He moved his hand away from Zhou Heng's eyes, lifted his chin, and gently raised it.

Zhou Heng looked away for a moment, then met his gaze again. His eyes were bloodshot, fine and dense, like a net.

Xiao Jue's heart sank. "Aheng, what's wrong?"

Zhou Heng's eyelashes trembled. "It's nothing."

Xiao Jue stood up, took off his outer robe and hung it on the hanger, walked back to the bed, lifted the quilt, and then stretched out his hand. "Come here."

Zhou Heng placed his hand on it, but Xiao Jue took it and pulled him onto the couch to lie down. Xiao Jue covered him with a blanket, lay down beside him, and reached out to pull him into his arms.

Zhou Heng pressed his face against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, one beat at a time. Xiao Jue's hand rested on his back.

"Go to sleep," he said.

Zhou Heng closed his eyes. After a while, he opened them again.

Xiao Jue's breathing had become steady, as if he were asleep. Zhou Heng raised his head and looked at his face in the dim moonlight.

The dark stubble on his eyebrows, nose, lips, and chin.

He stretched out his hand, his fingers hovering in mid-air, slowly tracing the outlines.

When the ink was applied to his lips, Xiao Jue suddenly opened his eyes.

Zhou Heng's fingers froze in mid-air. Xiao Jue grasped that hand, placed it to his lips, and gently touched it. "Still not sleeping."

Zhou Heng tried to pull his hand back, but Xiao Jue didn't let go.

He rolled over, encircling Zhou Heng in his arms, his arms wrapped around him, his legs pressing down on him like a wall, locking him completely inside.

"Sleep." That single word resonated deep within my chest, muffled and strained.

Zhou Heng was held so tightly by him that he couldn't move, his face pressed against his neck, and he could feel the pulse beating down there.

He closed his eyes. After a while, he opened them again. But Xiao Jue was holding him too tightly; he couldn't even turn over. He could only keep his eyes open, staring at the skin so close to his face.

Moonlight seeped in through the cracks in the window, falling on his eyelashes, making them tremble.

Xiao Jue suddenly raised his hand and covered his eyes. "Go to sleep." His voice was a little hoarse.

Zhou Heng's eyelashes brushed against his palm before finally closing.

The third day arrived quickly. Zhou Heng sat on the couch as usual, waiting. Xiao Jue went over, pulled him up from the couch, led him to the bedside, made him lie down, covered him with the blanket, and then lay down beside him, reaching out to pull him into his arms.

Zhou Heng snuggled against him, found a comfortable position, and closed his eyes.

Xiao Jue patted his back, like he was coaxing a child.

Zhou Heng suddenly spoke. "Xiao Jue."

Xiao Jue paused for a moment. "Hmm?"

Zhou Heng remained silent for a long time, so long that Xiao Jue thought he had fallen asleep, before the voice rang out again.

"If you hadn't met me... what kind of person would you have fallen for?"

Xiao Jue's hands stopped completely. The room was quiet for a moment, so quiet that the chirping of insects could be heard outside the window. Xiao Jue spoke. "What?"

Zhou Heng's voice softened even more, "It's just a hypothetical situation, if—"

Xiao Jue interrupted him. "There are no 'ifs'."

Zhou Heng looked up at his face. Moonlight streamed in through the cracks in the window, illuminating half of his face, making it appear pale, while the other half remained hidden in shadow. He couldn't see Xiao Jue's expression.

"I was just saying hypothetically—"

"No, not at all." Xiao Jue's voice wasn't loud, but every word was like a nail driven into wood.

Zhou Heng opened his mouth. Xiao Jue lowered his head, his forehead touching Zhou Heng's.

"Listen to me." His voice seemed to come from deep within his chest. "In my entire life, Xiao Jue will only love you. No one else. No ifs. No assumptions."

Zhou Heng's nose suddenly stung with tears. Xiao Jue's hand landed on the side of his face, his thumb brushing against the corner of his eye.

Xiao Jue's thumb stopped at the corner of his eye and gently pressed it. "Don't think about these things."

Zhou Heng nodded. Xiao Jue pulled him into his arms, resting his chin on the top of his head.

After a while, Zhou Heng raised his head and looked at him.

"Xiao Jue," he said, "if one day I'm gone—"

Xiao Jue's hand tightened suddenly, gripping Zhou Heng's fingers so hard they ached. Zhou Heng met Xiao Jue's gaze.

"That day will never come," Xiao Jue said.

Zhou Heng looked at him.

Xiao Jue's voice was squeezed out from between his teeth, each word sounding as if it had been crushed and then glued back together. "You are not allowed to go anywhere."

Zhou Heng suddenly laughed. "I was just saying."

Xiao Jue didn't speak. He stood up, pulled Zhou Heng up from the couch, and held him tightly in his arms, so tightly that Zhou Heng could hardly breathe.

"Don't say it." His voice was muffled in Zhou Heng's neck, like a wounded beast growling. "You're not even allowed to say it."

Zhou Heng raised his hand and placed it on his back, patting it gently. "Okay, that's all."

Xiao Jue tightened his grip on her arm.