Help! My hunky roommate is begging me to touch his abs!

Jin Bao'er is not usually this timid.

But he felt guilty towards Zhao Yuheng.

I even stole a kiss from her last night.

Now I don't know how to face it. So many words are stuck in my throat, and I just can't say them.

"Speak up, are you mute?"

Zhao Yuheng's voice was like ice, capable of cracking the ground if it were struck.

Jin Bao'er's shoulders trembled, and her fingers, gripping the hem of her clothes, turned white.

"Heng-ge, I'm sorry."

He didn't know what to say, so he could only apologize over and over again.

"Sorry for what?"

Zhao Yuheng gave a cold laugh, his tone emphasizing the last syllable.

"Are you sorry for following me? Or are you sorry for lying to me about spending so much time with me?"

As soon as he finished speaking, he stood up abruptly.

His broad shoulders were taut and sharp, and he reeked of alcohol and still had a lingering anger as he approached Jin Bao'er step by step.

That oppressive feeling belonging to an adult male was like a tightly sealed net.

Jin Bao'er was so frightened that she backed away repeatedly, her back slamming hard against the cold wall.

There's no way to retreat.

Zhao Yuheng stopped in front of him, looking down at him.

The smell of alcohol mixed with a faint tobacco wafted from Jin Bao'er's breath onto her reddened earlobes.

Heng Ge actually smokes.

Seeing Jin Bao'er's red-rimmed eyes and trembling lips, Zhao Yuheng felt his anger burn even brighter.

"Are you mute?"

He asked again, his fingertips almost touching Jin Bao'er's chin.

Jin Bao'er turned her head away, her eyelashes trembling violently.

"I...I didn't mean to lie to you..."

Her voice was barely audible, and tinged with a sob.

Zhao Yuheng's Adam's apple bobbed violently.

His gaze fell on Jin Bao'er's reddened eyes and his clenched, white fingers.

Those lingering fragments from the past suddenly came flooding back.

She thought about how she often let Jin Bao'er touch her body.

And the contrast revealed by Jin Bao'er's actions, though she doesn't say it.

My stomach churned violently.

A feeling of physiological aversion surged up instantly.

He instinctively covered his mouth, a sour feeling rising in his throat.

He tilted his head and coughed rapidly twice to suppress the urge to vomit.

He took a sudden step back, the force so great that the chair behind him made a screeching sound.

"I forgot you like men."

He spoke those words very softly, yet with extreme coldness.

Like a knife chilled to the bone, it pierced straight into Jinbao'er's heart.

Jin Bao'er froze, her face turning deathly pale.

The fact that he liked men came from Heng Ge, whom he respected the most.

It was astonishing that they carried such deep disdain and alienation.

He felt all his strength had been drained, and even standing up was difficult.

Helplessness, fear, and an overwhelming sense of bitterness.

The first time he was in front of Zhao Yuheng, he was so embarrassed that he wanted to disappear into the ground.

The air was eerily quiet, with only the sound of their slightly rapid breathing remaining.

"Do you really like me?"

These words suddenly struck Jin Bao'er like a thunderbolt.

It's even harder to answer than "If your parents fell into the water, who would you save?"

Jin Bao'er clenched the hem of her clothes, her nails digging deep into her palms.

The pain brought him back to his senses.

Since things are already like this, how much worse can it get?

He raised his head, his eyes red-rimmed, yet his words were clear and distinct.

"Um."

A single word, light as a feather, struck Zhao Yuheng's heart like a stone.

A sense of physiological aversion welled up again.

His clenched fist tightened suddenly, his knuckles turning blue, and he even subconsciously took a half step back.

He abruptly turned his face away, his Adam's apple bobbing, his voice terribly hoarse.

Do you know what you're saying?

"I know."

Jin Bao'er's voice trembled, yet remained unusually firm.

"I like you, and I'm not kidding... I know you might find it disgusting, or think I'm a pervert..."

Zhao Yuheng turned his face away, staring at the mottled marks on the wall.

My fingertips curled up unconsciously, and the nausea in my stomach hadn't subsided.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jin Bao'er with her head down and her shoulders trembling slightly.

But something seemed to tug at my heart.

He remembered the hot soy milk that Jin Bao'er would give him every morning.

I remember the way Jin Bao'er yelled his name at the top of her lungs during the basketball game.

I remember when I was injured, this kid followed me around like a little tail, taking care of me.

Those vivid, heartwarming moments.

The warmer these images are, the sharper the disgust in my heart becomes.

The physical aversion he felt at that moment was tearing him apart wildly in his chest.

He couldn't bear to part with it.

I can't bear to part with this little shadow that's been following me for the better part of half a year.

He couldn't bear to part with this kid who only had eyes for him.

But he really couldn't accept it.

To accept a man's affection.

Accept the kind of intimate relationship that makes you tense just thinking about it.

After a long while, Jin Bao'er sniffed, lowered her head, and spoke in a weak voice, like a candle flickering in the wind.

"Heng-ge, let's go back to class..."

He paused, his fingertips digging into the wall plaster, white showing under his fingernails.

Her knees were trembling slightly, but she still forced herself to straighten her back, not daring to look Zhao Yuheng in the eye.

"I...I won't bother you anymore..."

"If...if you find me in your way..."

"How about we...we can just be friends?"

These words were spoken humbly, with a desperate plea.

Zhao Yuheng did not turn around.

The sunlight fell on his taut profile, making him look as hard and cold as a stone.

He remained silent for a long time, until Jin Bao'er's sobs gradually subsided.

The awkwardness lingered in the air for so long that it almost froze into ice.

He finally managed to squeeze out two words from his throat.

His voice was so indifferent it sounded like a perfunctory reply, carrying an undisguised aloofness.

"casual."

Jin Bao'er's crying suddenly stopped.

Tears still clung to her eyelashes.

He watched Zhao Yuheng's back, a straight back that exuded a cold indifference that kept people at a distance.

After a long while, he managed a slight smile, but his tears fell even more profusely.

"it is good."

One word, choked with sobs, yet carrying a sense of desperate relief.

Zhao Yuheng did not respond.

He clenched his fists so tightly that his knuckles pressed against his thighs, the force so heavy it felt like they were digging into his flesh.

Sunlight streamed in through the gaps in the curtains.

It fell on the two of them, feeling warm and cozy.

But it couldn't warm the icy distance that separated them.

All that remained was a trace of bitterness that was hard to describe.

……

In the end, Zhao Yuheng did not leave with Jin Bao'er.

Jin Bao'er can't just do nothing; his life has to go on.

So I tidied myself up and went to class.

Until the second period.

The school bell is about to ring.

Zhao Yuheng walked in through the main entrance, carrying his shoulder bag.

Jinbao quickly got up to offer him her seat.

Who knew that Zhao Yuheng would bend down and pick up the books from the book hole.

"Heng-ge, aren't you going to sit with me?"

Zhao Yuheng kept his back to him the whole time, not even glancing at him, and picked up his book and moved it to an empty spot far away.

His movements were slow and casual; even when the teacher said, "Class is starting, sit down quickly," it didn't make him speed up.

Jinbao'er slowly sat down, her body stiff.

I forced myself to look up at the whiteboard.