Hogwarts: From Selling White Peppers to Becoming a God

Chapter 3 Fuck the Wizarding Secrets

After a few butterbeers, Murphy's pent-up anger finally subsided temporarily.

"Fuck the magic disaster! Fuck Milison!" Orton mumbled incoherently.

"Yeah, damn it!"

Murphy raised his glass and clinked it against the other person's.

"Fuck Merlin! Fuck the wizard!" Orton continued to yell.

"Yeah, damn it!"

Murphy agreed to the toast and drank another glass.

"Fuck those three brooms! Fuck Rosmerta!"

"Yes! Uh..."

Murphy glanced at the proprietress next to the bar, whose gaze had already shifted to this spot. The cup she was wiping looked perfect for throwing.

"No, this won't do. Find something else."

"Clang." Orton fell asleep.

Murphy's mood suddenly improved. Ignoring his companions, he went to the bar to pay the bill and was about to leave when he suddenly heard someone shout, "Hey, dark wizard bastard!"

A group of people were sitting not far from me, and some of them looked familiar.

Shorty Dorf, sycophant Moore, and Aunt Balloon—oh no, I mean Fat Balloon Belinda.

"Murphy Darkholm, I heard you've joined the Ministry of Magic?"

Murphy stared at the person who was speaking for a long time.

"Who are you, big brother?"

The sorcerer's face twitched, and even a scar at the corner of his eye writhed like a centipede.

"Fool! You don't even know who he is! Freys Shafik! He's Director Babington's son!"

Moore snapped at Murphy while simultaneously giving Shafiq a fawning smile, his face constantly switching between arrogance and servility, leaving Murphy in awe.

Good grief, are you disguised Magus? Are you performing a face-changing act here?

"Oh!!" Murphy exclaimed, suddenly realizing, "Fres! The one I made cry in third grade? What? Doesn't your face hurt anymore?"

Freys stood up abruptly, the scar on his face left by Murphy seeming to throb again.

"Murphy, are you crazy! Apologize to Mr. Freys right now!" Belinda shrieked from the side.

"This isn't your office, Belinda," Murphy reminded her.

"Oh? Is that so? Do you believe I'll fire you tomorrow! Apologize to Mr. Freys, immediately!"

Murphy rolled her eyes, gritted her teeth, and decided not to let these people ruin her hard-won good mood. She turned around and prepared to leave.

"Hey! You freak! Come back here! I told you to apologize, didn't you hear me?" Belinda suddenly got angry; she'd probably had quite a bit to drink today. "Don't ignore me! You can't keep doing this! You idiot! You arrogant, self-important idiot!"

Belinda's fat face gleamed with oil, and she looked at Murphy as if he were a bug.

"You think you got into the department because you got a lot of good grades? You idiot! You're nothing! You actually wanted to join the Aurors?! Dream on! Your dead parents are dark wizards! You'll never pass the background check! If it weren't for Dumbledore's letter of recommendation, I would have fired you long ago!"

Belinda said this with a sarcastic laugh.

"Do you think we can't understand you when you speak Chinese?"

"Quack quack quack, just like a duck quack, I don't know where you learned that from, quack quack."

Belinda's thick lips moved as she imitated a duck's quack, and Moore followed suit with a couple of quacks. Then the two of them looked at each other and started grinning like idiots.

"Speaking of which, this guy also has black hair. Maybe he's some East Asian bastard born from Sanders and a Muggle-Chinese woman..."

"That's enough," Murphy suddenly said.

"Are you trying to order me around? Who do you think you are...?"

"I've said enough!" Murphy glared at Belinda.

The latter was so intimidated by his imposing manner that he actually dared not speak again.

"Hoo." Murphy took a deep breath, looked up at Belinda with utmost sincerity, and said, "Belinda, you're a pig."

"I pity you. I know that a girl as ugly as you must have had a hard time when she was young, which is why you want to be flattered. That's why you would sleep with an ugly guy like Moore, because nobody loves you."

"If you weren't so utterly repulsive, I would sympathize with you, really."

"But you are absolutely disgusting. So, die, you sow."

"You!!" Belinda's fat trembled with rage, and she instinctively reached for her wand, but Murphy had already drawn it first. "VeraVito!"

Belinda's already plump figure swelled up even more, and she floated up to the roof like a balloon.

Watching this scene, Murphy felt inexplicably comfortable.

That's just right for you, Aunt Maggie.

"Belinda!" Moore cried out, "How dare you!"

He screamed and rushed forward, only to be punched in the face by Murphy, and he covered his face in terror and cried.

He got what he asked for, and his wish came true.

Murphy was happy for him.

"Shatter to pieces!" Freys seized the opportunity behind Murphy and chanted the spell.

Murphy didn't even look, and with a wave of his wand, he shouted, "Armor Protection!"

Then he turned around and kicked Freys in the stomach, knocking him to the ground, and grabbed a beer mug with his left hand and smashed it in Freys' face.

Freys collapsed, his face covered in blood.

"Now your face is symmetrical."

"You're welcome, it's what I should do."

Now there's only one left.

Dorf looked terrified. "I...I didn't say anything..."

"Okay, okay," Murphy patted his face, "Don't be afraid, it won't hurt. Upside down!"

A dwarf was hanging from the roof beam.

You can finally look down on others.

Are you happy, Dolph, Chief?

The tavern was now filled only with the groans and sobs of a few people. The other customers stared at Murphy in horror, who suddenly sighed.

"Ugh, a bunch of idiots. I'm an idiot too, playing along with these idiots for so long."

Murphy shook his head, suddenly seemed to want to laugh but didn't. Finally, he took out his last Galleon from his pocket and placed it on the bar.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Rosmerta, this is compensation."

After saying that, he Apparated and left the tavern.

……

Almost subconsciously, he found himself back at Charing Cross Road.

It was already late at night, but the streets of London were still brightly lit. Just moments ago, he had been in a medieval fantasy-style tavern, but now, seeing this bustling, mundane world, Murphy felt as if he were in a dream.

He suddenly felt a little lost.

Is the world I live in this brightly lit, civilized city, or that wondrous, magical English village?

Am I a wizard?

Or is he a Muggle?

But this artistic and philosophical thought quickly slipped from his mind, and he had to start thinking about his life again.

She beat up her boss, her boss's lover, her boss's boss's son, and a short man.

There's basically no need to go to the Ministry of Magic anymore.

Murphy felt nothing but relief and a desire to sing a song after losing that job.

But not having a job means not having money.

Just now, in order to show off to the very end, he actually gave his last Galleon to the plump proprietress.

Ah! That damn fullness!

Murphy felt in his pocket and found only three copper knuckles and a card.

Three bronze knuckles!

Even a single, awful-tasting English blood sausage from grandma's house costs more than this!

Are we going to starve tomorrow?

My head hurts!

Take another look at that card.

David Stick?

How come this thing is still in my pocket?

But then he gripped the business card tightly.

After hitting Belinda, the mania that had accompanied him ever since he entered the Ministry of Magic suddenly disappeared.

At this moment, he was more at peace than at any time in the past few months.

Perhaps this is fate?

Originally, I wanted to be a wizard and live a peaceful life.

Originally, I just wanted to immerse myself in that utopian dreamlike fairy tale, just like them.

But alas.

Fate seems to have other plans for me.

Murphy tossed three coins into a bowl next to a homeless man's feet, ignoring the man's bewildered look after picking them up, and walked toward a red phone booth on the street.

Wizarding secrecy laws?

Fuck it!

I need to make money!

"David Stick? Let's meet somewhere and talk."

(End of this chapter)