Mud beads

On the morning of the first day of the Lunar New Year, the area around the pavilion in the middle of the lake had already been cleaned up.

Firework tubes, confetti, and packaging charred by sparks—all gone. The property management didn't come, and neither did the security guard. The commotion from last night was completely wiped away by the Yue family overnight. Only the ankle I twisted last night still aches; it feels dull to the touch.

Echizen Toru slept until the afternoon before coming downstairs.

His fever had subsided slightly, but his face was still pale and his voice was hoarse. He leaned back on the sofa and drank a bowl of porridge. Aunt Wang advised him to see the doctor again, but he looked down at his phone and smiled, saying it wasn't necessary. He didn't mention the fireworks from last night again. It was as if he had simply taken Yu Zhu out for a bit of fresh air, and after they came back and slept, the matter was over.

Yu Zhu didn't mention it either.

She folded the wool blanket from last night and placed it back on the sofa armrest. A little bit of grass was stuck to one corner of the blanket; she picked it off with her fingers and threw it into the trash can.

After the third year of junior high school, the gray-black stains on the lake pavilion were washed away.

The Yue family never needed to raise their voices when dealing with matters. Fines, complaints, surveillance footage, and calls from the property manager never reached her ears. All she noticed was a large crowd downstairs.

Lawyers, assistants, drivers, and doctors took turns coming and going. Folders were passed from one person to another, pens were untied and closed.

No one formally informed Yu Zhu of Echizen Toru's decision to leave.

She gradually understood things from among these people coming and going. The violin case was sent for maintenance, several dust bags appeared in the dressing room, and the driver began to frequently visit the old man's place. Yuejian Che still slept until noon as usual, still played games, occasionally answered the phone, spoke a few words in English, and then continued watching movies after hanging up. Yu Zhu passed by his room several times and heard gunshots, engine sounds, and low laughter coming from inside.

Those sounds were muffled and distant, separated by the door.

The first document that ended up in Yu Zhu's hands was a white folder.

That morning, Aunt Wang put it on the dining table.

"Zhuzhu," Aunt Wang called, looking up at her, "come down for a moment."

Tucked inside the folder were several sheets of paper: a dormitory application, move-in instructions, access card collection slip, instructions for the on-campus laundry service, and a clearly printed campus map. The paper was new, with sharp edges; when Yu Zhu reached out to take it, a corner of one of the papers scratched her fingertip.

"The master has already checked with the school," Aunt Wang said. "After school starts, you can live on campus. You can continue living here if you prefer; the driver will still provide transportation. The young master and the old master will both be moving out, so fewer people will be living in the back of this house, but the cleaning and security staff will still be there."

Yu Zhu looked at the words in the folder.

North Campus Dormitory, Building A, 3rd floor, 4-person suite.

She had never seen dormitory photos like this before. Wooden desks, individual wardrobes, four beds on either side, a common living area in the middle, a separate wet and dry bathroom, and a row of neat trees outside the balcony. The photos were bright, the bedding was uniform, the desk lamps were uniform, and even the curve of the chair backs looked expensive.

"Where is Aunt Wang?" Yu Zhu asked.

Aunt Wang's hand rested on the edge of the folder; her nails were short, clean, and unpainted.

"I'm moving too," she said. "My husband introduced me to a new job, to take care of an elderly person in the Nanhu area. The contract is already agreed upon, and they need me there next week."

The restaurant was quiet. The coffee machine wasn't running, nor was the oven. Outside, someone was pruning the lawn; the electric shears clicked and swished, sounding methodical and meticulous.

The folder lay open on the table, listing bed numbers, access control information, laundry facilities, and the infirmary's phone number—everything was clearly arranged. Aunt Wang's words then swept away the last familiar voice from this building.

Yu Zhu pressed the paper down.

"I live on campus," she said.

Aunt Wang looked at her and said, "You don't need to decide so quickly."

I live at school.

She spoke even faster this time. The papers were spread out in front of her, each page suggesting a place for her. She could continue living there; a driver would pick her up, and cleaning and security would be provided. No one was asking her to leave, and precisely because no one was asking her to leave, she couldn't stay.

Aunt Wang didn't try to persuade her anymore, but pushed another piece of paper next to her: "Look at this. The bedding for the dormitory can be provided by the school, or you can bring your own. There's a laundry room for washing school uniforms; you can make an appointment on your phone. If you don't feel well at night, there's a teacher on duty on the third floor. I've marked the infirmary's phone number for you."

She said something, and Yu Zhu nodded.

These arrangements were thoughtful and clean, leaving her no room for misunderstanding. She should be grateful and had no reason to feel aggrieved.

The day before Aunt Wang left, I packed her luggage.

Aunt Wang took a new black suitcase from the storage room. The suitcase had a matte finish, and the wheels made no sound when they glided across the carpet. There were no extravagant logos on the tag, but you could tell it was expensive just by touching it.

"Young master, you don't need it," Aunt Wang said. "It's convenient for you to take it to school."

Yu Zhu said, "I can use my own bag."

"Your bag is enough for your books." Aunt Wang opened the suitcase, revealing neatly organized compartments and cool metallic zipper pulls. "Don't make yourself look too disheveled on your first day of boarding school."

The word "disheveled" didn't sound unpleasant coming from Aunt Wang's mouth. She didn't laugh or sigh; she simply folded the clothes one by one: school uniform, sportswear, pajamas, and coat. She folded clothes with a steady hand, aligning the shoulder lines, pressing the sleeves flat, and making clean creases.

Yu Zhu stood to the side, unsure of what to do with her hands.

"Aunt Wang," she called out.

Aunt Wang looked up.

She wanted to say so much. She wanted to ask if you would come back, if I could call you, and if your new job would be tough. But all that came out was a dry, unspoken sentence.

"Thank you."

Aunt Wang paused her work, and after a while, continued putting the clothes into the box.

"Study hard," she said. "Don't push yourself too hard. You're still so young."

Yu Zhu nodded.

Aunt Wang didn't cry when she left. The driver put her luggage in the trunk, and she stood at the door, saying a few words of advice to Yu Zhu, and reminding her to close the windows at night. Her tone was no different from usual, even carrying a hint of professional efficiency.

The car door closed, and the black car slid out. Yu Zhu stood at the door and smelled a faint odor of exhaust fumes in the cold air; it was very faint and quickly dissipated.

She went back inside.

The kitchen was clean, the dining table was clean, and the cups lay upside down on the shelf, the light shining down on them, revealing a gleaming white rim. Everything remained where it was, except for the person who had left.

The afternoon after Aunt Wang left, Yue Feng sent her driver to pick her up.

The car stopped in front of a members-only restaurant. The doorman opened the door for her; the inside was warm but a little stuffy, filled with the smells of leather, cedar, and coffee. Yue Feng sat by the window, a glass of water in front of her, having ordered nothing else.

He wasn't wearing a coat; the cuffs of his dark shirt were rolled up slightly, and his watch was very thin. As Yu Zhu walked over, he stood up and pulled out a chair for her.

"Sit down," he said.

Yu Zhu sat down without touching the back of the chair.

Yue Feng placed a card on the table, next to a small envelope. The card was dark blue, understated, with even the numbers pressed very lightly.

"This money goes into the education account," Yue Feng said. "Tuition, accommodation, meals, extracurricular courses, competitions, and college entrance exam fees will all be paid from here. You can manage your daily expenses as you see fit, and you'll receive a monthly bill."

Yu Zhu looked at the card but didn't reach out.

Yue Feng continued, "You can think of it as the Yue family bringing the funded project to a close. Yue Jianche brought you out in the first place, and the rest can't stop halfway just because he left."

He spoke gently and slowly. Each sentence had its limits; he didn't overdo it, nor did he sound cold.

Yu Zhu asked, "Why did you give it to me?"

Yue Feng smiled and said, "Because I'm handling it now."

She didn't say anything more.

Someone walked by outside the window with an umbrella, water dripping from it. The glass was very soundproof; the noise of cars on the street couldn't get in. Everything was separated by a layer. Yu Zhu's knees were pressed against the hem of her skirt, and her palms were slowly sweating.

Yue Feng picked up his water glass and took a sip.

"Leaving Echizen Toru will be good for you," he said.

Yu Zhu looked up.

Yue Feng met her gaze calmly: "It's okay if you don't agree now. Many things don't need to be understood immediately."

Yu Zhu pressed her nails into her palm.

Even the most unpleasant things can be said so aptly. So aptly that she has no way to refute them, and even feeling pain seems like she's the one who's being unreasonable.

She picked up the card.

The card was light and felt clean and cold against my fingertips.

"I will pay it back later," she said.

Yue Feng did not laugh.

"Sure," he said. "You can remember it this way if you want."

Yu Zhu pursed her lips and put the card into the inner pocket of her backpack. The moment the zipper was zipped up, the teeth clicked shut, the sound was very soft, but she heard it clearly.

Her hand was still on the schoolbag, and she could feel the hard corner of the card through the fabric.

Folders, suitcases, bank cards. Items were handed to her one by one, but none of them were things she had asked for herself. In the main room of the Yu family home, Yu Dahai pressed his fingerprint; in the entrance hall of the Yue family home, Aunt Wang led her upstairs; now Yue Feng sat in this dining room, putting his tuition and living expenses for the next few years into a card.

Each time, someone else had already chosen a destination for her. All she had to do was hold onto her things and follow.

Fate seemed to forbid her from having anything easily, only allowing her to savor it briefly, like the first piece of candy offered by Echizen Toru, or the brief but dazzling fireworks of last night.

She is now tasting the slightly bitter aftertaste of the sugar melting.

Moth

On the day Echizen Toru set off, a long-awaited heavy snow fell in Chang'an.

Amidst the swirling snowflakes, the cars in the yard were already parked, and the drivers stood beside them, umbrellas drawn low. Etsuya Toru had little luggage: two suitcases, a violin case, and a small bag. The driver and assistant handled everything; he simply stood by the entrance, looking down at his phone.

He wore a dark gray overcoat with a scarf loosely draped over his shoulders, making him look exceptionally clean, though there was a hint of sleepiness in the corners of his eyes.

Ji Yong, Song Ban, and Zhou Qiyu all came early to see him off.

"The fewer people you have, the more important it is to find out which shooting range you can go to when you get to the US," Ji Yong said. "I can fly over to see you anytime, so you don't end up not even knowing where to go."

Song Ban chimed in leisurely from the side, "Yes, local tour guides need to have some professional ethics."

Echizen Toru's voice was still a little hoarse: "I need to study hard."

"Hmph." Ji Yong laughed out loud, "Damn it, I hate people who show off the most."

Zhou Qiyu didn't smile much. She glanced at Yuejian Tetsu and tugged at the scarf around his neck: "Message me when you land. Don't just disappear as soon as you arrive."

"I know." Echizen Toru's voice was gentle, even a little indulgent.

Yu Zhu stood at the bottom of the stairs.

She hadn't changed her clothes for the day, and no one asked if she was going to the airport. Several umbrellas sat next to the umbrella stand, and a spare car key lay on the shoe rack, but these things were irrelevant to her. She had enough people seeing her off: friends, drivers, assistants. Everyone had their place.

She stood beside the stairs, her fingers resting on the railing, quietly observing.

Laughter filled the entryway, lively and cheerful. No one was sad. For them, Echizen Toru's departure abroad was simply a change of scenery to maintain contact. Spring break, shooting range, ball games, hotels—the conversation flowed one after another, never settling on the topic of parting.

Yu Zhu looked out at the heavy snow.

She didn't know how far away America was, nor where the shooting range and ball game they were talking about were. The car was already parked at the door, the driver was already waiting there, everyone knew where to go next, but she stood still.

The driver called out from outside the door, "Young master, we can depart now."

Echigo put away his phone and picked up his gloves. As he walked to the door, he finally looked at Yu Zhu.

Yu Zhu also raised her head.

His gaze lingered on her face, still that beautiful, clean, and gentle look. He would never let the situation become awkward in front of others.

"Study hard," he said.

Yu Zhu nodded vigorously: "Mm."

The door opened, and a cold wind swirled in snowflakes. Zhou Qiyu got into the car first, while Ji Yong and Song Ban were still arguing about who should sit in the passenger seat. Yue Jianche was the last to get out.

As the door was about to close, he turned his head again.

Goodbye, Yu Zhu.

The door closed.

A few seconds later, the car door closed.

The gate slowly opened, and the black convoy drove off, its tires crunching over the snow with a muffled sound. Yu Zhu stood by the window, watching the taillights gradually dim. The red lights turned the corner and disappeared completely.

She looked at the tire tracks on the ground that stretched to the horizon, and her lips moved slightly.

Goodbye, Toru Echima.

Nobody heard it.

She was left alone in the room.

No one kicked her out. No one said the room didn't belong to her. The vase on the table was still there, the computer upstairs was still there, and there were even a few winter clothes she hadn't taken with her in the closet.

But Yu Zhu knew perfectly well that the place was already empty.

Moth

Before the winter break ended, the final exam results were finally released. Yu Zhu ranked sixth in her class, even higher than expected. She wanted to tell Yue Jianche the news, but after editing the WeChat message, she ultimately didn't send it.

He must be very busy right now. Busy settling into his new life and making new friends.

They probably have no interest in knowing about her.

The day before school started, the driver dropped Yu Zhu off at the North Campus dormitory building. Building A had a light gray exterior, and the glass doors were bright. A teacher on duty was checking the list at the entrance. Yu Zhu dragged her suitcase inside, the wheels gliding softly over the marble floor.

The dormitory is on the third floor.

The access card opened, and there was a faint smell of disinfectant and new wood in the corridor. She checked the room numbers on the doors as she walked, finally stopping in front of room 309.

She stood at the door, her fingers resting on the suitcase handle, but hesitated to open the door.