The Quagmire of Desire: From Gambling Addict and Village Flower to Movie Queen

After the man grinned and asked, "How much cheaper?", before Sister Hong could answer, Sun Xiaoyan grabbed Liu Meiling's arm tightly and took a few steps back.

"Let's go, Meiling, let's go!" Sun Xiaoyan's voice trembled, and she gripped her tattered shirt even tighter.

Liu Meiling stood rooted to the spot, not moving an inch.

Sister Hong glanced at the man and said, "Go away, get out of here. Can't you see the girl hasn't made up her mind yet?"

She then looked at Liu Meiling with a meaningful look in her eyes, "Girl, come anytime you've made up your mind. It's that 'Rongfa' place up ahead. I, Sister Hong, keep my word. Food and lodging included."

After saying that, Sister Hong turned and went back into the hair salon, the bell on the door jingling.

The man chuckled twice, then shuffled away in his slippers.

The two of them were left alone at the street corner again.

The sky brightened a bit, and I could see the cold light reflected from the glass of the tall buildings in the distance, as well as the mottled stains and haphazardly pasted little GG stickers on the walls of this urban village nearby.

The wind was blowing, and it was bitterly cold.

Sun Xiaoyan's teeth chattered: "Meiling, we...we can't go to that kind of place. What's the difference between that and a farm? What's the difference between that and the back room of a card room?"

Liu Meiling didn't look at her; her eyes were fixed on the door that Sister Hong went through, and then she looked up at the tall buildings in the distance.

"Then tell me, where can we go?"

Liu Meiling's voice was a little hoarse, "Xiaoyan, look at us, what do we look like? We're no different from beggars. We have no money, no place to go, our phones are dead, and we don't even have a decent set of clothes. If we keep wandering around like this, where will we sleep tonight? What will we eat tomorrow?"

"I...I don't know." Sun Xiaoyan's tears welled up again. "But once we go there, there's really no turning back."

"Turn back?" Liu Meiling suddenly laughed, a laugh more grating than a sob. "Xiaoyan, we can't turn back now. From the day we lay down in the back room of the card room, from the day we willingly threw ourselves at men to try and win back our losses, there was no going back! What's the point of saying this now?"

Sun Xiaoyan was taken aback by her shout.

Liu Meiling took a breath, pulled out the two black-screened phones from her pocket, and pressed them again, but the screens remained dead.

She slammed her phone to the ground.

"Damn it! This piece of junk!"

My phone case cracked, and a bit of the battery popped out.

Sun Xiaoyan shuddered in fright.

Liu Meiling stared blankly at the cracked phone on the ground for a moment, then bent down to pick it up and stuffed it back into her arms.

"Let's go," she said.

"Where to?" Sun Xiaoyan asked.

"Let's find a place and get something to eat first." Liu Meiling's voice calmed down, but that calmness made Sun Xiaoyan even more afraid.

The two walked along the dirty street for a while longer and saw a large pile of garbage by the roadside, where several elderly people were scavenging for recyclables.

Liu Meiling walked over, squatted down, and started flipping through the pages.

Sun Xiaoyan stood to the side, watching Meiling's dirty hands rummage through the stinking garbage, and her stomach churned.

"Meiling..."

"Come find me if you don't want to starve!" Liu Meiling said without even looking up.

Sun Xiaoyan bit her lip and squatted down as well.

They pulled out half a hard, rock-hard steamed bun, still covered in vegetable soup, which had already gone bad.

There was also a small half-bag of cookies that someone had thrown away, now crushed into crumbs.

The two squatted down next to the garbage heap and stuffed the contents into their mouths.

Sun Xiaoyan ate while dry heaving, tears streaming down her face mixed with the ash.

Liu Meiling chewed quickly, her eyes fixed on the distance.

The neon lights of the tall buildings in the distance are going out one by one.

The horizon revealed a grayish-white color, like a rag that couldn't be washed clean.

"Xiaoyan," Liu Meiling suddenly spoke.

"Um?"

"Tell me, what are the people living in those buildings doing now?" Liu Meiling asked. "Did they just wake up, have a hot breakfast to eat, clean clothes to wear, and not have to squat next to a garbage dump eating stale bread?"

Sun Xiaoyan followed her gaze but didn't say anything.

"I'm not reconciled." Liu Meiling stuffed all the bread crumbs in her hand into her mouth and swallowed them forcefully. "Xiaoyan, I'm really not reconciled. Why do we have to live like this? Why do we have to scavenge for food in the garbage like rats?"

She took out the cracked phone and pressed it again, but the screen remained black.

"Boss Chen... that business card... if the phone has power..." Liu Meiling whispered, but her voice grew softer and softer until it disappeared.

Hope is like this phone screen; no matter how many times you press it, it will remain black.

As Sun Xiaoyan looked at her, the fear in her heart slowly turned into a deeper despair.

Yes, where can we go?

In the distance are those high-rise buildings they can never reach, and closer by is this dilapidated urban village and red-light district.

It seems like there are only two paths left in life.

One is the glamorous and respectable place that you can see but can never enter; the other is this dark and dirty quagmire in front of you, but at least you can "survive".

Liu Meiling licked the last crumbs clean and stood up.

"Xiaoyan, I've made up my mind," she said. "I'm going to find Sister Hong. At least... at least I'll have a place to stay and food to eat. It's better than freezing or starving to death out there."

"No!" Sun Xiaoyan stood up abruptly, grabbing her arm. "Meiling, you can't go! Have you forgotten the farm? Have you forgotten how Xiaoya treated us? If we go to a place like that, we won't be human anymore, we'll be livestock! Just toys for others to do with!"

"So now we're human?" Liu Meiling shook off her hand. "Now we're not even as good as livestock! Livestock have owners to feed them, what do we have?"

"But... but maybe there are other ways..." Sun Xiaoyan's voice was weak.

"Where's another way?" Liu Meiling pointed to the tall buildings in the distance. "Over there! Go ahead and try! Look at you dressed like that, do you think they'll let you in?"

She pointed to the red-light district behind her and said, "Or do you really think we'll get anywhere by wandering around like this? What if another homeless person comes along at night, or something worse? Are we going to throw stones at each other again? Would that kill them next time?"

Sun Xiaoyan was speechless.

The cold wind howled, making the pieces of her tattered shirt fly everywhere, and the skin on her chest turned blue from the cold.

Liu Meiling looked at her with a complicated expression.

"Xiaoyan, we ran away from the village together, we escaped from the farm together, I don't want to abandon you." Liu Meiling's voice softened a little, "But...but people have to live. Only by living can we think about the future."

"The future?" Sun Xiaoyan burst into tears. "What future is there after going to a place like that?"

"I won't go, and even now it's gone!" Liu Meiling's voice hardened again. "You choose. Either come with me to find Sister Hong, at least the two sisters can look after each other. Or... you can find your own 'other path'."

Sun Xiaoyan shook her head desperately: "I won't go... I'd rather die than go... Just thinking about that bed at the farm, thinking about the back room of the card room, makes me want to throw up... Meiling, let's think about it again, let's look again..."

"I've had enough!" Liu Meiling interrupted her. "I've been thinking about this since last night, and all I can think about is hunger, cold, fear, and despair! I've had enough!"

She turned around and headed towards Sister Hong's hair salon.

"Meiling!" Sun Xiaoyan cried out.

Liu Meiling paused for a moment, but didn't turn around.

"Xiaoyan, I'm sorry," she said, "this time, I can't listen to you."

After saying that, she took a step and walked towards the area with the ambiguous red light.

The pace started slowly, then quickened and became more resolute.

Sun Xiaoyan stood there, watching her back.

Liu Meiling's bare legs looked very white in the morning breeze. She walked in the same way as before, twisting her waist and swaying her hips, as if she was going to a pre-arranged meeting.

Sun Xiaoyan's vision was blurred by tears.

She remembered that in the village, the two of them would take a bath together in the yard, naked.

I remember the time we spent together in the card room, counting the money we won.

He recalled how, at the farm, the two of them squeezed onto a bed and plotted their escape.

Now, Meiling's figure is getting smaller and smaller, and she's about to turn into that alley.

Sun Xiaoyan was trembling all over.

She glanced at the direction Meiling had gone, then looked at the completely opposite side.

Over there were even more unfamiliar streets and buildings, and I had no idea where they led.

She gritted her teeth, mustered all her strength, and turned around.

She took a step in the completely opposite direction from Liu Meiling.

My legs felt like they were filled with lead; one step, two steps.

She didn't dare to turn around.

The morning light cast long shadows of the two people, one facing east and the other west.

They parted ways completely at the filthy street corner.