The Quagmire of Desire: From Gambling Addict and Village Flower to Movie Queen

Sun Xiaoyan tossed and turned in bed, unable to fall asleep.

She closed her eyes, her mind filled with images of that dilapidated house in the mountain village.

The man's狰狞 face, the pain of the whip lashing his body, and the despair of crying out to heaven in vain.

She turned over, her palms sweaty.

Moonlight streamed through the window screen, illuminating the glass of water on the bedside table.

She stared blankly at the glass of water, feeling a tightness in her throat.

She sat up, got out of bed barefoot, and went to the bathroom to turn on the tap.

Cold water gushed out, and she scooped up a handful and splashed it on her face before looking up at herself in the mirror.

The face in the mirror looked thinner, with sunken eye sockets, making it look like a ghost.

She bent down and took off her pajamas, revealing the scars on her body that hadn't completely faded.

The whip marks lay on the skin like centipedes, some had turned light pink, and some were still dark brown.

She turned on the tap, dipped a towel in water, and began to wipe her body.

First I rubbed my arms, then my shoulders, and then my chest. The harder I rubbed, the reddened my skin became, making the scars stand out even more.

But she didn't stop, she dipped the cloth in water again and continued to scrub. With more force, as if she wanted to rub the skin off completely.

"Xiaoyan".

A hand pressed down on her wrist.

Sun Xiaoyan turned around and saw Liu Meiling standing at the door in her pajamas, her hair messy and her eyes not fully open, clearly having just been startled awake.

"Don't do that," Liu Meiling said, grasping her hand. "If you keep rubbing, the skin will break."

Sun Xiaoyan held the towel, her hands trembling. She lowered her head, her shoulders shaking, "Meiling, I'm dirty... I can't wash it off..."

Liu Meiling didn't say anything, but walked over, took the towel from her hand, wrung out some hot water, and gently wiped her back.

"If it doesn't come off after one wash, try two," Liu Meiling said softly. "Take your time."

Her movements were very gentle, unlike Sun Xiaoyan who rubbed vigorously. Instead, she wiped slowly, like she was coaxing a child.

Sun Xiaoyan stood still, tears falling to the ground in a steady stream.

After wiping her back, Liu Meiling wiped her front, then draped the towel over the shelf: "Okay, go to sleep now. We'll talk tomorrow."

Sun Xiaoyan put on her pajamas and went back to bed. Liu Meiling climbed onto her bed and hugged her from behind.

"Go to sleep," Liu Meiling said.

Sun Xiaoyan leaned against Liu Meiling's chest, closed her eyes, and finally fell asleep.

The next morning, when Sun Xiaoyan woke up, Liu Meiling was already up.

The aroma of fried eggs wafted from the kitchen, along with the sound of Liu Meiling humming a tune.

Sun Xiaoyan sat up, rubbed her eyes, and felt that her body was not in so much pain.

She got out of bed, went into the kitchen, and saw Liu Meiling wearing an apron and frying eggs. There were two bowls of porridge and several side dishes on the table.

"Awake?" Liu Meiling turned to look at her. "Perfect timing, the fried eggs are ready."

Sun Xiaoyan sat down, picked up her chopsticks, and took a fried egg. It was fried until golden brown, with slightly burnt edges, but it tasted delicious.

"Eat more." Liu Meiling sat down opposite her and put a piece of braised pork on her plate. "You've gotten so thin, you need to eat more."

Sun Xiaoyan took a few bites, then looked up at Liu Meiling: "Meiling, what are we doing today?"

Liu Meiling thought for a moment: "How about we go for a walk? The weather is nice, let's soak up some sun and get some fresh air."

Sun Xiaoyan nodded: "Okay."

After finishing their meal, the two changed into ordinary clothes. Sun Xiaoyan wore a floral dress, while Liu Meiling wore jeans and a T-shirt. They left hand in hand.

There weren't many people on the street, and the sun was warm, making you feel sleepy.

They walked slowly along the street, passing clothing stores, fruit stalls, and steamed bun shops. Nothing special happened, but Sun Xiaoyan felt that this ordinariness was very nice.

As they reached the entrance of an alley, a voice called out from the side, "Sister Xiaoyan! Sister Meiling!"

Sun Xiaoyan turned her head and saw Xiaoqin squatting at the entrance of the chess and card shop, opening the door. She was wearing a light blue cheongsam today, her hair was up, and she looked quite energetic.

"Xiaoqin." Sun Xiaoyan smiled.

Xiaoqin stood up, walked over and took Sun Xiaoyan's hand: "Sister Xiaoyan, you look much better! I heard from Sister Meiling that you were sick, and I was so worried about you."

Sun Xiaoyan nodded: "Much better."

Xiaoqin then looked at Liu Meiling: "Meiling, why don't you come to the shop tonight? The girls all miss you. Sister Wang Hong was talking about it yesterday."

Liu Meiling glanced at Sun Xiaoyan: "Okay, we'll come tonight."

Xiaoqin smiled and nodded, "Then it's settled! I'll make you some tea tonight!"

The two continued walking, and Sun Xiaoyan said, "Meiling, I want to go to the chess and card shop to sit for a while and see them."

Liu Meiling nodded: "Okay, I have nothing else to do anyway."

In the evening, the two returned to the chess and card shop.

The restaurant was already getting customers, and several girls in cheongsams were playing cards with the guests in a private room.

Xiaoqin was doing the accounting at the front desk when she saw them come in. She quickly went to greet them, saying, "You're here! Come in and have a seat!"

Sun Xiaoyan followed Xiaoqin inside and saw Wang Hong coming out of the private room.

When Wang Hong saw Sun Xiaoyan, she paused for a moment, then quickly walked over and grabbed her hand: "Xiaoyan! You've lost so much weight! This won't do, you need to eat well!"

Sun Xiaoyan smiled and said, "Sister Hong, I'm fine."

Wang Hong held her hand tightly, saying, "What do you mean 'nothing's wrong'? Look at your face, you've lost all the flesh. Xiaoqin, add two dishes for Xiaoyan tonight, it's on me!"

Xiaoqin laughed and said, "Okay, okay, Sister Hong is treating, so we have to order the best."

Wang Hong pulled Sun Xiaoyan to sit down on a chair at the front desk: "Just sit here, you're not busy anyway. Just keep us company and chat for a bit."

Sun Xiaoyan sat on the chair at the front desk, looking at the familiar chess and card shop.

The sound of shuffling cards, men's laughter, and women's voices could be heard coming from the private room.

Several young women were skillfully serving water and cigarettes to the guests in the lobby. A sign on the wall read "No Gambling," but everyone knew it was just for show.

Everything was pretty much the same as when she left.

Sun Xiaoyan looked at all of this, somewhat dazed.

She remembered how she used to sit here waiting for customers, how she would deliberately brush against the back of a man's hand when handing him cards, and how she would count money late at night.

It all feels like a dream.

Liu Meiling sat down next to her, lit a cigarette, and blew out smoke rings.

"Don't rush," Liu Meiling said, "we'll take it slowly."

Sun Xiaoyan leaned on her shoulder and whispered, "Meiling, thank goodness I still have you."

Liu Meiling paused for a moment, then stubbed out her cigarette and put her arm around her shoulder.

"Nonsense," she said, "didn't we agree to be together?"

Sun Xiaoyan didn't speak, but buried her head even deeper into Liu Meiling's shoulder.

Outside the window, the setting sun cast its orange-red light through the curtains, illuminating the floor of the card and chess shop and also shining on Sun Xiaoyan's hands.

She looked down at her hands.

These hands have touched cards, received banknotes, and been held by others before.

Now I'm clean and tidy, my nails are cut very short, and I don't wear any jewelry.

She stared at her hands for a long time.

Just then, a man came out of the private room, holding cards in his hand. Seeing two women sitting at the front desk, his eyes lit up, and he walked over: "Ladies, are you free? Want to play a couple of rounds?"

Liu Meiling glanced at Sun Xiaoyan, about to speak.

Sun Xiaoyan raised her head and looked at the man.

Then she laughed: "No, I'm just having bad luck today."

The man paused for a moment, looked at her hand, then at her face, as if he understood something, nodded, and turned to leave.

Liu Meiling looked at Sun Xiaoyan, a slight smile playing on her lips: "You've learned to say no?"

Sun Xiaoyan continued looking at her hands: "These are my own hands, and I don't want anyone else to touch them anymore."

Liu Meiling didn't say anything, but lit another cigarette and looked at the sunset outside the window.

The sound of shuffling cards echoed through the shop, and the aroma of tea mixed with the smell of cigarettes filled the air.

The sky outside the window slowly darkened.