Tehran Grocery Store: My Intelligence is Priced Clearly

Washington, D.C.

The official residence was brightly lit in the early hours of the morning.

Inside the command center, the atmosphere was so oppressive it was hard to breathe.

A blurry satellite image was playing on a loop on the large screen.

In the photo, thick smoke billows from the right side of the USS Ford, with flames shooting into the sky.

Even in night vision mode, the massive damage was clearly visible.

The man was wearing pajamas with a suit jacket casually draped over his shoulders, and his signature blond hair was completely messy from sleeping, showing no sign of care.

He sat in the main seat with a livid face, slamming his fist on the table in front of him.

"Can someone explain to me what's going on?"

Defense Secretary Austin wiped the cold sweat from his brow and stood up with a stiff upper lip.

"Mr. President..."

"Half an hour ago, the USS Ford escort group was attacked by Houthi hypersonic missiles in the waters at the edge of the Persian Gulf."

"The enemy is using the Fateh-1 hypersonic missile, and the timing was extremely tricky..."

Little Te suddenly waved his hand, interrupting him.

"I don't want to hear the technical details! I only care about the results!"

"What is the extent of the damage?"

Austin opened the battle damage report in front of him.

"The starboard deck of the USS Ford was pierced by a hole eight meters in diameter. Three F-35C fighter jets parked in the standby area were completely destroyed, and two others were severely damaged."

"Regarding personnel, 37 sailors suffered burns of varying degrees, five of whom were seriously injured."

"Fuck!"

Little Te grabbed the folder on the table and slammed it at him.

"An entire aircraft carrier strike group, escorted by two destroyers and one cruiser!"

"You're telling me now that it was blown up by a bunch of guys in flip-flops with a few broken missiles?"

The Chief of Naval Operations quickly stood up to explain.

"Mr. President, this is not the fleet's fault."

"The enemy launched their missile precisely during the three minutes our Aegis system data link was resetting. Our air defense network experienced a seven-second delay..."

"I don't want to hear this bullshit technical analysis!"

Little Te roared roughly.

"All I know is that you have utterly disgraced the United States!"

The command center was completely silent. Several high-ranking officers kept their heads down, not daring to breathe.

After venting his anger.

Little Te leaned back heavily in his chair and rubbed his throbbing temples.

"Now, tell me the reaction from the outside world."

The chief of staff handed over a briefing.

"The Houthi rebels have released a video claiming responsibility for the attack."

"News networks all over the world are broadcasting this news."

"Once it gets light, our stock market and stock index futures will definitely suffer a severe blow."

"In Congress, the Democrats have already started drafting impeachment proposals, saying that you are weak and incompetent, causing the U.S. military to lose its prestige."

"fart!"

Xiao Te was so angry that his eyes turned red.

"We cannot admit it!"

"We absolutely cannot admit that the USS Ford was bombed by those flip-flops!"

"But Mr. President..."

"The photos are already circulating everywhere; the thick smoke can't be faked."

Austin whispered a reminder.

Little Te suddenly looked up and pointed at the photo on the big screen.

"Does every fire necessarily start with a missile?"

Everyone was stunned.

"With so many people and so much equipment on an aircraft carrier, couldn't it just catch fire on its own?"

Xiao Te placed his hands on the table and looked around.

What position is aft mid-starboard on the starboard side?

The Chief of Naval Operations quickly flipped through the structural diagrams.

"It's near Standby Area 3, below which are aviation fuel pipelines and... several living quarters, including a large laundry room."

Xiao Te's eyes lit up.

"It's the laundry room!"

"What?"

The generals were somewhat bewildered.

"Issue a public announcement!"

"They said the Houthis did launch missiles, but they were all intercepted by our powerful air defense system!"

"How do you explain the fire?"

"A malfunction in the dryer's wiring in the laundry room caused a short circuit, which led to a fire!"

"Because it was the early morning, no one noticed what was happening."

"The fire spread along the ventilation ducts to the deck, which is why they were filming that scene."

The more Little Trump talked about it, the more he felt that this excuse was absolutely perfect.

"This is an internal management problem, the logistics department's fault! It has nothing to do with my defense policy!"

The senior generals in the command room were all dumbfounded.

What kind of excuse is this?

There's a short circuit in the laundry room, and nobody's noticed yet.

Once the fire starts to spread, both monitoring and fire suppression systems will issue alarms.

This is a system setting, not something that requires human patrols and inspections...

But seeing the murderous look in Little Trump's eyes, no one dared to provoke him at this moment.

"What are you waiting for? Get to it right now!"

"I want to see this press release in the press conference room in ten minutes!"

……

Tehran, early morning.

Sunlight streamed into the room through the gaps in the curtains.

Zhang Jian slowly opened his sleepy eyes, woke up for a moment, and stretched out a big yawn.

I reached for my phone on the bedside table, intending only to check the time.

result……

The screen was densely packed with various news push notifications.

Zhang Jian squinted and casually opened an international news app.

Good heavens, the entire screen is red.

Breaking News! USS Ford Aircraft Carrier Explodes and Catches Fire in the Persian Gulf!

Thick smoke billows from the USS Ford on fire! Photos released.

[The situation in the Middle East has escalated again; who will be held responsible?]

He clicked on the second news item.

At the very top of the news article, several blurry yet visually striking photos were prominently displayed.

The massive aircraft carrier floated in the night, its right side ablaze with flames and thick black smoke billowing into the sky.

"I must say, these Persians are actually pretty good at taking photos."

Zhang Jian chuckled, his sleepiness completely vanishing.

He continued scrolling down, and the statements from various factions had already been released.

First, there's a video of Houthi spokesman Yahya.

They released the video an hour after hitting the aircraft carrier.

It was the same familiar backdrop, and the same passionate tone.

"In protest against American hegemony in the Middle East, we launched a precision military strike against the USS Ford aircraft carrier at 2:00 AM!"

"Multiple hypersonic missiles successfully penetrated the US air defense network and hit their targets!"

"This is a stern warning to the aggressors and the ultimate resistance against hegemonism!"

"We strongly demand that the US military withdraw from the Persian Gulf; otherwise, we will not rule out launching a larger-scale and more powerful series of military strikes!"

"The US will bear all the serious consequences entirely on its own!"

His words were sharp and merciless.

The comments section below was already exploding.

"The Slipper Army is awesome! They're going head-to-head with the world's strongest nation!"

"A multi-billion dollar aircraft carrier was reduced to smoke by a pair of slippers? The true nature of the US—outwardly strong but inwardly weak—has been fully exposed!"

"This is going to be interesting; the Americans will definitely retaliate."

Zhang Jian quickly scrolled through the comments, which came from various countries.

In related information, the Iranian government's statement was also released two hours ago.

Just click it.

In the video, the Iranian Foreign Ministry spokesperson is dressed in a suit and has a serious expression.

"We have taken note of some 'unexpected' situations that have occurred in the Persian Gulf."

"Iran has always been committed to maintaining regional peace and stability. We deeply regret this incident and call on all parties to exercise restraint and not escalate the situation."

"To reiterate, this matter has absolutely nothing to do with Iran, and we are completely unaware of it."

Zhang Jian clicked his tongue twice.

This Tai Chi is performed flawlessly, without a single flaw.

They paid the money, bought the intelligence, and then washed their hands of the blame completely.