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Chapter 5 Even trash is hard to please
Then there's Zhao Changling, who was incredibly excited.
"Fairy sister, you picked me first, is it because I'm the most outstanding?"
So much nonsense? Luo Chan was about to burst out laughing. Didn't she have any self-awareness?
"I made you come first because you're the most useless."
Zhao Changling's face darkened.
"Fairy sister, if you talk like that, it won't be easy for us to work together."
Luo Chan calmed herself down.
"Tell me what your wish is."
"I want to cultivate immortality!" Zhao Changling quickly explained, afraid that the fairy would not understand.
"It means you need to master a cultivation technique, first cultivate Qi, then build a foundation, then ascend, then reach the Golden Core stage, then the Nascent Soul stage..."
"Stop!" Luo Chan couldn't take it anymore. Are all good-for-nothings this hard to please?
"Cultivating immortality is impossible. Not only in the mortal world, but even in the immortal realm, there is no such thing as cultivating immortality as you described."
Seeing Zhao Changling's disappointed look, it was no choice but to bring him back to his senses.
"You are meant to live ordinary lives. All I can do is grant you the greatest possible abilities within the limits of human capabilities."
After thinking for a moment, Luo Chan decided to gently guide her.
"I can change your physique, making you run faster than Bolt and swim faster than Phelps. You can bring glory to your country, win Olympic gold medals, and a large sum of prize money—you'll achieve both fame and fortune."
"Oh!" Zhao Changling said weakly, "But I don't like sports."
Sigh... Luo Chan was deflated.
"Okay, I give up. Now think again, what's the most frustrating thing that's happened to you in your life? I can change it for you this time."
Zhao Changling fell into deep thought, thinking about his student days.
He was a true academic failure, consistently ranking at the bottom in every exam from elementary school to university.
Every time there was a parent-teacher conference, his parents would pass the buck to each other, and in the end, they would decide who would go by drawing lots.
The side that gets drawn each time looks like a defeated rooster, dejected and crestfallen.
Students who excel academically are different; they are liked by their classmates and teachers alike.
What was most outrageous and infuriating to him was that whenever there was a parent-teacher conference, if the mother of a student who was doing well in school happened to be there and met his mother, that student's mother would always try to chat with his mother.
As a result, every time his mother came back from a parent-teacher conference, the way she looked at him felt like she wanted to grab him and kill him. It was an unforgettable experience.
Thinking of this, Zhao Changling raised his head and said firmly, "I want to be a top student in this life."
"Of course, of course."
"Too easy!" Luo Chan was overjoyed.
"I want to be a top student like the one who gets the top score in the national college entrance examination."
Zhao Changling clenched his small fists.
Hey! That's going too far! What kind of brain is this made of? You think you can just climb to the sky like that?
Luo Chan was so angry she almost had a short circuit. If she hadn't wanted to get rid of this guy as soon as possible, she felt she wouldn't have been able to figure him out even if she spent three days and three nights trying.
"There's no problem with getting the top scorer in the college entrance exam, but getting the top scorer nationwide is not acceptable."
Luo Chan patiently explained, "Right now, the exam papers are different in each province, and even the total scores are different. So, right now we only have the top scorers in each province's college entrance exam, do you understand?"
"Oh! Then let's go with Jiangnan Province." Zhao Changling was a little unwilling.
"Alright!" Luo Chan flicked her finger, sending Zhao Changling flying with a snap.
The time wasted was too long, and the fairy was getting impatient. Besides, this guy was talking too much nonsense.
While Zhao Changling was still in a daze, Luo Chan urged urgently, "Next one, hurry up, I'm in a rush."
Amidst the shouts, Liu Zihao walked out awkwardly.
She grabbed it, placed a restriction on it, and didn't bother to say anything more.
"Get to the point, be realistic, and get to the point!"
Liu Zihao lowered his head and said softly, "From childhood to adulthood, no girl has ever given me a kind look, and I've never been able to get a girlfriend."
Luo Chan bent down and looked at it carefully.
The face shape is fairly regular, but the facial muscles are a bit awkwardly arranged, and with those dead fish eyes, it looks worse when the person smiles than when they cry.
Uh! Forget about girls, even dogs would be disgusted by this.
"Forget the preceding details, just tell me what you want to say."
Luo Chan didn't have that much free time to listen to his story of suffering.
"Okay! Then I'll just get straight to the point."
Liu Zihao straightened his chest.
"I know my flaws. What I need is for you to make some slight modifications to my face shape."
"You have to be able to smile like Andy Lau, be cool like Tony Leung, have the majesty of Chow Yun-fat, and have the youthful energy of Aaron Kwok."
Luo Chan laughed, "Just say you want to be a Casanova, why go through all that trouble? I'm good at that."
This is just a simple craft project! Most girls like crafts, and Luo Chan is no exception.
Without saying a word, he grabbed Liu Zihao's face and began to act swiftly and fiercely.
Liu Zihao's entire face was manipulated by the fairy, rapidly changing its shape, and Liu Zihao could feel the changes.
Despite the surprise, he didn't forget his business.
"Fairy, I want to have a talent for mathematics so I can go to university and get in as a special student in the Mathematical Olympiad."
Hmm, this guy is interesting. "Okay!" He casually implanted an intelligence rune into the guy's head.
"Fairy! When I get back, I want my parents to recognize me."
This is very important. If you change too much, your parents won't recognize you when you go back, and you won't even be able to find your family for a meal.
"There's more!" Liu Zihao said, afraid of missing anything.
"I must be reborn during the summer vacation before the start of the first year of junior high school."
Luo Chan was about to ask why when she suddenly remembered that she had been so busy getting rid of people that she hadn't done anything to Zhao Changling.
She forgot to process Zhao Changling's college application, which is a little embarrassing.
Fortunately, Liu Zihao was still rambling on at this point.
"When I got back, I tried to break my head open, then went to the hospital to get it bandaged up. Once it's healed and the bandages are removed, any changes won't scare people anymore."
That's quite a thoughtful plan! It's just that the change is a bit too big, so big that this man has become ruthless to himself!
"And another thing! In my past life, I couldn't laugh; my laughter was uglier than crying. This time, I'm going to learn all kinds of laughter, the kind that will make girls swoon."
Li Zihao has a deep understanding of his own shortcomings.
This guy talks too much and causes even more trouble. He's so annoying. Luo Chan was getting irritated, and her short temper was about to flare up.
No sooner had the modification been completed than Liu Zihao was sent flying with a flick of his wrist.
After coming out, Luo Chan didn't rush to call for help. Instead, she walked casually to Zhao Changling's side and then made some mysterious hand gestures while speaking.
"Which year are you planning to take the college entrance exam? And which grade of junior high school do you want to be reborn into?..."
No way? Looks like he's back to fill a vacancy. Turns out, Old Zhao went in and did nothing, and was just thrown out.
Several people simultaneously had the same thought: This fairy isn't very reliable!
Luo Chan didn't care what they thought at all. These guys were now like meat on her chopping board, completely at her mercy.
"We were originally graduating in 2006, but now we've discussed it and are planning to go to university together in 2005. Also, I'm planning to be reborn back to when I first started junior high school."
Zhao Changling didn't dare to complain. Business was important, and this fairy was someone he couldn't afford to offend for the time being.
In a short while, Luo Chan finished the modifications and looked at the remaining two people. "Next!"
Then Zheng Jinxin stepped forward confidently.
He grabbed it in one swift motion, imbued it with a protective barrier, and roared, "Get to the point!"
"I want to make money, make a lot of money!" Zheng Jinxin said excitedly, his eyes bulging.
Seeing Zheng Jinxin's expectant look, as if he were waiting for money to rain down from the heavens, Luo Chan was almost speechless.
"So how do you plan to make money?"
Zheng Jinxin was a little dissatisfied.
"Fairy sister, if I knew how to make money, would I need to ask you for help?"
Such unreasonable words, yet they sounded quite reasonable when spoken, left Luo Chan speechless.
Luo Chan had to find another way.
"What I mean is, you want to make money that way. Like in real estate, pig farming, or something."
Zheng Jinxin: "I'm not interested in any of those! The main problem is that they take too much time."
Zheng Jinxin's eyes gleamed with a confident light. "Fairy Sister, could you give me a few lottery numbers?"
Why isn't this going according to plan? Luo Chan finally understood. Sure enough, the poor have their reasons for being poor; this guy wants to get something for nothing.
The key issue is that they want to make quick money, which is no different from robbery.
Even the fairy would want to just tell you, "I'll give you invisibility, you might as well go rob a bank yourself."
Forget it! The fairy doesn't want to get too involved in these matters; they should make their own decisions.
"It's easier to change mountains and rivers than to change a person's nature," and Luo Chan didn't want to waste her energy trying to change his character, because that would be a futile effort.
"Lottery tickets are definitely out of the question, because even if I gave you all the lottery numbers, the numbers you buy wouldn't win," Luo Chan chuckled.
Zheng Jinxin exclaimed in shock, "So all those rumors were true? Holy crap! That's incredibly corrupt, utterly corrupt!"
Sigh! We can't count on this guy anymore; he went off-topic and didn't even realize it.
If you want to get rid of him quickly, you'll have to come up with a solution yourself.
Luo Chan pondered for a moment, and then she had an idea!
"Why don't you try investing in stocks?"
Zheng Jinxin was a little embarrassed, "But I don't know anything about stocks."
Luo Chan waved her hand.
"It's very simple. I'll leave a chart of the Shanghai Composite Index from 1995 to 2020 in your mind. As long as you buy at the low point and sell at the high point, making money is absolutely no problem."
Seeing that Zheng Jinxin was still hesitating, Luo Chan simply added some more ingredients.
"I'll give you another stock for free—Yian Technology. This stock rose from 3 yuan to over 100 yuan between 1996 and 2000."
Zheng Jinxin's eyes began to gleam. "Is it really that amazing? I, I, I agree!"
Zheng Jinxin made up his mind. He went back and prepared 30,000 yuan, planning to earn a million yuan first.
Luo Chan didn't waste any time and made a series of modifications in Zheng Jinxin's mind to complete these steps.
"Everything's done. I also changed your university application to the Physics Olympiad Special Talent Program. Is there anything else?"
After saying that, while Zheng Jinxin was still in a daze, he stretched out his hand and flicked him away with a snap.
We need to hurry. If we let these good-for-nothings drag their feet, they won't get anything done even after three days and three nights.
Fortunately, there's only one left.
"Next."
"Boss Chen! Think it through before you speak. If you can't figure it out, this fairy will just make the decision for you. She sent me away before I even finished speaking."
Zheng Jinxin, who had just gotten up from the ground, gave an angry reminder.
Chen Hongjun nodded, and with a whoosh, he was grabbed and pulled inside by Luo Chan.
"I have a dream," Chen Hongjun was interrupted as soon as he began to speak.
"Stop! Don't talk to me about dreams, just get to the point, what do you want?"
Luo Chan didn't want to waste any more words.
"No, I must make it clear. I'm afraid you won't do it properly if I don't."
Chen Hongjun persisted.
"That troublemaker!" Luo Chan cursed inwardly.
She really wanted to retort, but then she thought that if she did, it might go on and on, and besides, this was the last one.
Wanting to finish as soon as possible, Luo Chan was too lazy to cause any more trouble and said impatiently, "Speak, speak, speak quickly."
"My father is a football fan, a Liverpool fan."
"He had a dream of becoming a Liverpool player, but obviously, his dream is impossible to achieve."
"I'm heavily influenced by my dad. If I have a dream, it's to become a Liverpool player, the top kind."
Seeing that Luo Chan was about to speak, Chen Hongjun reached out to stop her and then continued.
"I know that it's impossible to become fat overnight, and it's also unreasonable for things to change too much at once, so my requirements are very simple."
Luo Chan chuckled inwardly. Mortals, they say things are simple, but it would be a miracle if they actually could be simple!
However, what was said earlier seemed to make a lot of sense, so she didn't interrupt and chose to continue listening.
"My request is to be reborn when my body is just starting to grow, hmm? Let's say I'm 5 years old."
"Then you need to adjust the initial values of my body's various indicators to the maximum. Specifically, these include muscle strength, bone strength, running speed, reaction speed, endurance, etc. Of course, these should not exceed the limits of the human body."
Perhaps realizing he had gone a bit too far, Chen Hongjun seemed unusually embarrassed.
"Don't worry, once you've laid a solid foundation for me, I'll rely on my own efforts to achieve the rest."
"Furthermore, I can assure you that only I can take good care of your apprentice. I know my brothers well; they're not very reliable when it comes to this kind of thing, and you should know that too."
Luo Chan had been so focused on figuring out how to get rid of him that she realized, upon hearing this, that what she'd heard earlier did seem a bit off! She'd been careless!
Thinking of this, Luo Chan didn't want to be stingy anymore, "Okay! I'll help you take care of it."
"Your muscle strength at 5 years old is only 5? That's too weak, let's raise it to 25..."
"My bone strength is only 10. Wouldn't it be too much to adjust it to 30...?"
"Speed is only 11, maybe 30 won't be out of bounds? Agility is 22, doubling that might not be enough. Even if you set it to 70, you won't be able to dodge bullets, will you...?"
"Durability is only 13, you can't really tell even if you increase it a bit, let's make it 60, that's just passing grade!..."
While making the adjustments, she added, "After these adjustments, don't show them off in unnecessary situations. Try to be more restrained in general, especially when you're still very young."
"Don't worry, I know. I need to keep a low profile."
Chen Hongjun's mouth was practically agape as he listened to Fairy muttering to herself while adjusting herself. He knew that Fairy didn't have much experience in this area either.
But he's not afraid of that; if it's too outrageous, he'll deliberately suppress it.
In any case, the higher the value of these things is on yourself, the better, because you are the one who ultimately benefits.
"Oh, right, fairy, also, I want to play football abroad, so I need to have a talent for languages."
Chen Hongjun, not content with his current success, didn't forget to offer a reminder.
"All done," Luo Chan said, looking around at her work with satisfaction. Uncharacteristically, she didn't bounce away like before.
"Is there anything else I've forgotten?" Luo Chan asked with a smile.
"Uh! I can't remember right now. Let me think about it."
Chen Hongjun was so happy he was almost laughing himself silly.
Luo Chan's newly formed good mood was instantly filled with anger.
Thinking about you my foot! I just asked you casually and you got all worked up.
Can't you even give me a thumbs up? What a waste of my expression!
With a sharp flick of his middle finger, Chen Hongjun was sent flying.
Luo Chan stood up, hands behind her back, facing the four little devils with a condescending air.
"You have five minutes to discuss and see if there's anything we've overlooked."
Five minutes later, "Is there anything else I've forgotten?"
「报告!我之前忘了一点。上一世我身高只有1米68,我总骗别人说我有1米7。这辈子成年后,能不能让我长到1米75.」
"No problem!" *Snap*: "Done!"
"Fairy, I'm only 1.75 meters tall in this life, which isn't tall enough for playing soccer. Is it possible for me to grow to 1.85 meters in the future?"
"No problem!" With a snap, "It's done."
"Fairy! I was nearsighted in my past life, and I don't want to wear glasses in this life. Can you please keep my vision at 1.5?"
"No problem!" With a snap, "It's done."
"Fairy! My penis is too small in this life, could you make it bigger and thicker?"
Damn it! They've gotten too big for their britches; the fairy's gone viral.
"Believe it or not, I'll slap you into a pulp, you little brat! I'm a woman too, you know. Saying that is asking for it! Stop it, all of you, that's all, it's over!!"
"Zhao Changling! You've really put us in a terrible situation."
Crackle, crackle, crackle, three little devils beat up one little devil.
"Stop it, all of you!! I have something to say~~~~~~~~"
Luo Chan unleashed her Lion's Roar technique, sending the four little devils flying eight zhang away before being scooped back by Luo Chan's giant claws.
"Listen carefully!" Luo Chan held up one finger and said seriously, making things up.
"First, you must remember that you must take over my disciple's care in a reasonable and legal manner before this day. You must also ensure that all her children do not object to your care for her until she is 120 years old and passes away peacefully."
"If you can't do it, hehe, all of you will be annihilated along with her, losing your chance to be reincarnated. I'm not kidding."
"The second thing." Luo Chan stretched out her hand and gestured in front of everyone's forehead, pretending to do something.
"What I am giving you today are all heavenly secrets, and heavenly secrets must not be revealed."
"It's fine for the four of you to know each other, even if it's just a discussion. But you can't tell any outsiders, and you can't even let others overhear your discussion."
"Just now... hehe! I placed a restriction in each of your minds. If any of you leak it, the restriction will automatically explode. With a bang, your brains will burst like exploding watermelons! Do you all understand?"
Four voices trembled and uttered in unison, "Understood...de...de..." followed by the sound of teeth chattering.
"Okay, now you can go without worry..."
Luo Chan gracefully stretched out her hand, spread her five fingers, and with a snap, the four people instantly vanished.
"...Get lost." Luo Chan finally finished the second half of her sentence.
Whew, I'm exhausted!! Did I forget anything?
Luo Chan rubbed her head and thought for a moment. Did the last part mention how to get into university? I can't remember.
Forget it! There's no going back now. I'd better think about how to coax some magic fruits from my dad.
Thinking of this, Luo Chan twisted her body and drifted away.
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