Miss and farmhand

Zhu Xiaoxu did try to find Miss Luo San on his own, and he met her without any trouble. Shen Yurui did not stop him.

Luo Sancheng leaned against the bed all day. Although his strength had almost recovered, he still didn't dare to move much.

Recovery from illness is a slow and gradual process. She wasn't afraid of the pain itself, but rather of falling ill again and ending up in that state where she could only lie down, move only her eyes, and do nothing but be bullied by others. She didn't want to go through that again.

Huang Chu was sensible and didn't bother her anymore. When people are sick, they tend to be very irritable, complaining about everything and everyone, feeling like the whole world has wronged them. Once they recover and are healthy again, they see the world with more kindness.

Luo San didn't think he had wrongly blamed Huang Chu. She might have been unaware of her actions, but she wasn't innocent either; her very existence was the greatest harm. Without Huang Chu, the conflict between Luo San and Zhu Xiaoxu wouldn't have dragged on for so long. For example, if Huang Chu hadn't refused to visit him, Zhu Xiaoxu wouldn't have come on his own initiative; instead, he would have tried to use Huang Chu as a messenger.

When Zhu Xiaoxu actually sat down in front of her bed, she looked at this man.

She really liked him.

It wasn't that she was desperate and sought him out. Rather, it was precisely because Luo San was desperate that she mustered the courage to go to him.

No matter what, even now, she knows there is no possibility between her and Zhu Xiaoxu, but she still feels that he is the best person she could ever meet.

Therefore, I can't bear to think too badly of him, otherwise life would be too hopeless.

Zhu Xiaoxu said, "I'm relieved to see you better. Just wait a little longer, and I'll definitely find a way to take good care of you."

Luo San could still ask him with a smile, "How will you take care of him?"

"I'm almost convinced my mother to accept you."

Luo San didn't speak, but just looked at him with a smile.

Zhu Xiaoxu paused, then added, "...I'll come to see you often. Your cousin knows about us, she'll let me in, don't worry, no one will say anything."

Luo San was still smiling.

The air fell silent, as if there was nothing more to say.

Zhu Xiaoxu seemed a little restless.

Luo San, however, was quite pleased with herself. She now felt that this was the right way. Between them, she had always been the one who talked more and he had always listened more. Now that she wasn't talking, it would be awkward.

Awkwardness is normal.

She observed Zhu Xiaoxu with great interest, and when he was at his most unbearable, she asked him, "Do you know what kind of life I'm living here?"

Zhu Xiaoxu was taken aback, and after thinking for a moment, he reached out and pressed the corner of her blanket. "...She is, after all, your cousin. No matter how bad she is, she won't abandon you."

Luo San laughed even more heartily.

"You see, you know she treats me badly. But you never say anything."

Zhu Xiaoxu trembled and withdrew his hand.

I know you resent me.

Luo San shook his head. "I can't bear to blame you. You know that. I've never blamed you even now."

"..."

"I only blame myself for my bad luck. I have an exceptionally good eye for talent, so I overestimated myself and set my sights on you. Unfortunately, I'm just unlucky. Even without... this whole thing, we would never have gotten together."

"Sister Luo..."

"Don't call me that anymore," Luo San said. "Take care of yourself. I've known you for enough these past few days. Don't come back again. Just pretend you never met me. My life has nothing to do with you. Let's part ways amicably."

Despite saying they were going to separate, Luo San's eyes never left Zhu Xiaoxu's face.

What a handsome guy! She had never seen such a good-looking young man in her home.

He speaks pleasantly, though not much. But she doesn't like talkative men; there are too many like that in the countryside—they chatter on and on, constantly nagging her. She finds men who talk less reliable, whose words are always insightful and meaningful.

Such a beautiful face, such a eloquent mouth—after hearing her say they were breaking up, her eyebrows relaxed and her mouth fell silent.

What a cruel heart.

But she still couldn't bear to blame him.

Luo San closed her eyes briefly, her emotions fluctuating. An unhealthy flush rose on her already pale and weak face. Although she hadn't dressed up for days, she was still young and had a plump figure. Even in her illness, she still possessed a languid beauty.

Zhu Xiaoxu was taken aback. The more law-abiding scholars they were, the more they could appreciate this morbid beauty.

It looks like it's poisonous.

But it was just admiration. Like the feeling Luo San always gave him before, her affected mannerisms, her unintentionally revealed true self—men are naturally able to appreciate a woman's demeanor, but admiration doesn't equal being moved.

He appreciates anything that comes his way; it doesn't matter. He grew up in an environment where all good things were automatically presented to him for him to see and judge—whether to keep them or not. He makes decisions without emotional fluctuations based on the quality of the items, or whether he gains or loses them.

Being attracted to someone is a feeling that requires more initiative. If you've seen them once by chance and still want them, you have to go to them yourself, try again and again, and ask for them. If that doesn't work, you can only wait.

Zhu Xiaoxu has passed away.

Luo San knew he would never come back.

He was free.

During the last days of her recovery, Shen Yurui took the initiative to visit her once.

It wasn't out of concern for her illness, of course; she simply noticed that Zhu Xiaoxu hadn't come for several days and realized he wouldn't be coming again, so she came to check on him.

"What are your plans?" Shen Yurui asked in a very calm tone.

It's as if we're not discussing someone's future, but simply asking what to eat for dinner tonight.

"I'm sure my cousin has already made arrangements for me," Luo San said.

Shen Yurui sighed, "We're relatives, and I'm heartbroken that you've suffered. But it's unreasonable for women who have suffered so much to give up. Since you've survived, then live well. From now on, be careful with your words and actions, and don't let yourself get to that point again."

Luo San laughed.

"I did it, but it's the same thing as what my cousin arranged for me to do."

Shen Yurui's expression turned cold.

"If you still think that way, you're unrepentant and will only hurt yourself. It's my fault that I tried to raise relatives but ended up making enemies."

"Isn't this exactly the way out my cousin arranged for me?" Luo San didn't mind. "You're still going to send me to the nunnery, aren't you?"

Shen Yurui said firmly, "Since you've guessed it, I won't hide it from you. You definitely can't stay in this house anymore. We'll pay the full amount of money for you at the nunnery, and the nuns will take good care of you. Besides chanting scriptures, the nuns will also do some copying and needlework. You can copy Buddhist scriptures with them, cultivate your character, and change your temper. You'll have good fortune in the future."

"The future? If I enter the nunnery, will I even have a future?"

Shen Yurui said impatiently, "Then what do you want?"

"All I want is a place to stay. I miss home, I miss the days when I was a child, when I could argue all day over a flower, get scolded by my mother, and make up in no time... without being pressured to get married, without being rushed out of the house."

Shen Yurui didn't understand the vague fantasy in Luo San's words, and just thought that she felt she had been mistreated and wanted to go home.

She sneered, "Have you thought this through? If you go back, you might even lose your life."

Luo San laughed too. Of course she hadn't forgotten. Shen Yurui later showed her the letter herself, and her parents' original words were even more blunt and unbearable than when they had repeated them from outside the window.

She said, "I can never go back in this lifetime..."

"It's good that you understand. I see that you're recovering quite well; you even have the energy to talk to me like this. In the next couple of days, pack your things and get ready to leave."