Ming Dynasty: A centenarian madman criticizes the Grand Secretary and brings his coffin to court!

Images flow across the sky.

After experiencing that thrilling "Nangong Blood Night" and "Axe Strike Against the Powerful Traitor".

Although the Ming Dynasty had a new master.

But the person who truly has the final say remains unchanged!

Although Zhu Qizhen successfully restored the monarchy and changed the era name to Tianshun.

But he soon discovered that he was not a good emperor...

How so?

It was even more frustrating than when I was studying in the Oirat region!

Back then, at least we could chat with Esen and eat some lamb legs.

Now?

Even breathing fresh air required him to be mindful of the whims of that centenarian Grand Tutor!

【Ding--】

[Time: Spring of the first year of the Tianshun reign.]

Location: Forbidden City, Beijing.

[Status: The Ming Dynasty Emperor Zhu Qizhen's—]

[A True Account of My Puppet Career!]

on the screen.

The atmosphere in the Golden Palace was eerie.

Zhu Qizhen sat upright on the dragon throne, wearing a brand-new dragon robe and a winged crown, looking quite convincing.

but.

His gaze kept drifting to the side.

There.

Sitting there was an old man with white hair and beard, but a face full of fierce features—Gu Canghai!

He sat imposingly in a grand chair, holding a purple clay teapot in his hand, with the iconic black coffin beside him.

"Cough cough..."

Zhu Qizhen cleared his throat and tentatively began to speak:

"That... Grand Tutor."

"I've recently felt that the Imperial Garden is getting a bit too old."

"Moreover, I have suffered so much in the Southern Palace for so many years, I want to build a garden to relax and clear my mind..."

"To build a garden?"

Gu Canghai put down the purple clay teapot without even lifting his eyelids:

"I have no money!"

"what?"

Zhu Qizhen was stunned:

"How can you not have money?"

"I remember... wasn't the national treasury quite full during the Jingtai reign?"

"I also looked at the account books; there are tens of millions of taels of silver!"

"That was before!"

Gu Canghai blew on the tea foam, looking completely matter-of-fact:

"It's gone now."

"Where did they go?" Zhu Qizhen asked anxiously.

"It cost money!"

Gu Canghai counted on his fingers:

"In order to ransom you from the Oirats (although it didn't cost any money, shouldn't we pay for the emotional distress?)"

"To hold a funeral for your dead brother (though he's not quite dead yet, he'll be soon)."

"More importantly..."

Gu Canghai pointed in the direction outside the city:

"I spent all the money on building cannons!"

"Build red-coated cannons! Build Gatling guns! Build heartless cannons!"

"Or next time you'll call your godfather first and then attack again, are you going to face the consequences?"

Or perhaps...

Gu Canghai looked at Zhu Qizhen with a half-smile:

"Your Majesty, would you like to study abroad again?"

"How about further training in 'door-knocking' techniques?"

boom!!!

This is blatantly exposing our shortcomings!

Zhu Qizhen's face instantly turned a deep purplish-red, yet he dared not refute it.

All I can say is weakly:

"Then...how about we do less repairs?"

"Even building a pavilion would be fine..."

"No!"

Gu Canghai slammed the teapot down on the table:

"Not a single brick!"

"If you want to fix it, go lay bricks yourself!"

"Nowadays, every penny must be spent wisely!"

"You want to enjoy yourself?"

"Anything can happen in dreams!"

Zhu Qizhen: "..."

I am the emperor!

I can't even build a pavilion if I want to?

I can't live like this anymore!

……

however.

This is just the beginning.

The scene changes.

The morning court session continues.

Standing below, Marquis Shi Heng of Wuqing and the eunuch Cao Jixiang, these two "meritorious officials who seized power," were looking expectantly at Zhu Qizhen.

They risked their lives to help the emperor restore the throne!

Now that the emperor has ascended the throne, shouldn't it be time to reward those who have contributed?

Zhu Qizhen naturally understood this principle as well.

He coughed and produced a pre-prepared imperial edict:

"Um... Minister Shi, and Comrade Cao."

"You made great contributions during the coup d'état."

"I have decided..."

"Shi Heng is hereby granted the title of Duke of Zhongguo! Cao Jixiang is hereby appointed as the Grand Eunuch of the Directorate of Ceremonial!"

"Grant him an exemption from death penalty!"

Shi Heng and Cao Jixiang were overjoyed and were about to kneel down to express their gratitude.

"Wait!"

A lazy voice interrupted the emperor's edict once again.

Gu Canghai stood up.

He walked up to Shi Heng and looked him up and down.

He then walked up to Cao Jixiang, pinched his nose, and sniffed him.

"Tsk tsk tsk."

Gu Canghai shook his head, his face full of disgust:

"His Majesty."

"Your eyesight... isn't very good."

"Look at these two."

"He had shifty eyes and a face full of fat."

"Someone who's eccentric and neither male nor female."

"It looks disgusting!"

"How could someone like that be granted the title of Duke? And hold the seal of office?"

"If word gets out, won't people laugh at our Ming Dynasty for having no one capable?"

Shi Heng trembled with rage, pointing at Gu Canghai:

"Grand Tutor! You...you're making a personal attack!"

"We are heroes!"

"Have you done something good?"

Gu Canghai sneered, pulled the axe from his pocket, and patted it in his hand:

"You guys have done absolutely nothing of merit!"

"If I hadn't let you through that night, you'd all be feeding your dogs under the walls of the Southern Palace by now!"

"You still dare to ask for a reward?"

Gu Canghai turned around and said to Zhu Qizhen:

"His Majesty."

"This old minister believes that no reward is necessary."

"but……"

"This old minister has found them a good place!"

"Where?" Zhu Qizhen asked subconsciously.

"Hainan Island!"

Gu Canghai waved his hand and pointed to the distant south:

"The scenery there is beautiful, and it's like spring all year round!"

"Perfect for...growing coconuts!"

"Send all those shifty-eyed bastards to Hainan Island!"

"Each person will contract 100 mu of land!"

"You're not allowed to come back until you've finished planting!"

"This can be considered... a contribution to the agricultural development of the Ming Dynasty!"

"What?!"

Upon hearing this, Shi Heng and Cao Jixiang almost fainted!

Hainan Island? Growing coconuts?

That's exile! That's a desolate wasteland!

We are heroes!

"Your Majesty, save us!" The two knelt on the ground and wailed.

Zhu Qizhen also looked embarrassed:

"Grand...Grand Tutor."

"Isn't this... a bit too much?"

"Even discarding a used tool after it's done its work wouldn't be this quick..."

"Pass?"

Gu Canghai's eyes narrowed, and he slammed his axe down hard on the gold brick:

"I've already shown them mercy by not chopping them up and feeding them to the dogs!"

"What's wrong?"

"Does Your Majesty wish to plead for them?"

Or perhaps...

"Your Majesty wishes to accompany them to Hainan Island... for a vacation?"

"I heard the coconuts over there... are pretty hard, perfect for practicing iron head kung fu!"

Looking at that gleaming axe.

Zhu Qizhen swallowed.

I chickened out instantly.

"Cough cough..."

"The Grand Tutor is right!"

"Hainan Island...is a great place!"

"Since the Grand Tutor has made the arrangements, then... let's go!"

"It's a form of training too!"

Shi Heng and Cao Jixiang: "..."

A tyrannical ruler!

You have absolutely no morals!

……

Beyond the sky.

The Hongwu Plane.

Zhu Yuanzhang looked at this absurd scene on the screen.

Looking at Zhu Qizhen, who was completely under Gu Canghai's control.

I couldn't help it...

I laughed so hard I squealed like a pig!

"Pfft—Hahaha!"

"Ouch!"

"This is hardly the relationship between ruler and subject!"

"This is clearly..."

Zhu Yuanzhang pointed to the screen and gave an extremely accurate assessment:

"This is clearly—"

"A wicked mother-in-law and a wronged daughter-in-law!!"

"Gu the Madwoman is that mean-spirited, wicked mother-in-law who wields the family law!"

"Zhu Qizhen was like that newlywed wife who dared not be angry or speak out, and could only secretly wipe away her tears!"

"That's so apt!"

"That was so damn satisfying!"

Zhu Yuanzhang slammed his fist on the table:

"That's how it should be treated!"

"These good-for-nothing scions will only amount to something if they're disciplined!"

"Trying to bestow rewards arbitrarily? Want to squander your wealth?"

"No way!"

"It still has to be that old lunatic Gu to keep things in order!"

……

on the screen.

Having suffered countless grievances, Zhu Qizhen returned to the inner palace.

the first thing.

Just

Prick the voodoo doll!

He hid under the covers, holding a rag doll with the words "Gu Canghai" written on it.

Holding a needle, he stabbed wildly!

"I'll stab you to death, you old bastard!"

"That's what you get for not building me a garden!"

"I'm sending you to exile my meritorious officials to grow coconuts!"

"So you dare call me a good-for-nothing every day!"

"I'll stab you to death! I'll stab you to death!"

Zhu Qizhen wept as he tied the knot.

So frustrating!

This emperor acts like a complete coward!

however.

Just as he was getting into the swing of things,

"Report—!!!"

A young eunuch stumbled in:

"Your Majesty! Something terrible has happened!"

"Something terrible has happened!"

"There's a major flood in the south! Several provinces are inundated!"

"The north is suffering another severe drought! The land is parched and barren!"

"Displaced people are rising up everywhere! The world is in chaos!"

"What?!"

Zhu Qizhen was so frightened that he dropped the needle from his hand, and his face turned deathly pale.

"What...what should we do?"

"I...I don't know how to control floods!"

"I don't know how to pray for rain!"

"Quickly! Go and fetch the Grand Tutor!"

This moment.

He finally remembered the good things about that "wicked mother-in-law"!

When there's trouble, Zhong Wuyan is there; when there's no trouble, Xia Yingchun is there!

When faced with such a devastating event, the first person he thought of was still that old madman whom he hated with a passion, yet relied on immensely!

……

The Cabinet Secretary's office.

Gu Canghai looked at the thick stack of memorials in his hand.

His brows were furrowed.

"well……"

"These are truly turbulent times."

"God is really blind."

"They have to cause trouble at this critical juncture."

Gu Canghai sighed and stood up.

That instant.

The arrogant and domineering "traitor" in the imperial court is gone.

Instead.

He is someone who has devoted himself to this country and its hundreds of millions of people, worrying himself sick and heartbroken.

Centenarian!

"Pass on the order!"

Although Gu Canghai's voice was old, it remained firm:

"Ministry of Revenue! Immediately allocate funds and provisions!"

"Ministry of Works! Send men to repair the dikes!"

"Imperial Guards! Keep an eye on those disaster relief officials!"

"Anyone who dares to embezzle a single grain of rice, I'll skin them alive!"

"besides……"

Gu Canghai looked at Emperor Zhu Qizhen, who was standing at the door with a helpless expression.

"His Majesty."

"Don't just stand there."

"Follow this old minister."

"Where to?" Zhu Qizhen asked.

"Let's go to the Imperial Ancestral Temple!"

Gu Canghai said irritably:

"Go and kowtow to the founding emperor and the founding emperor!"

"Rescind the edict of self-reproach!"

"When Heaven is angry, it means the emperor has lost his virtue!"

"Go and beg your ancestors to bless the Ming Dynasty with good weather and abundant harvests!"

"It's nothing..."

"You should be able to do it, right?"

"Besides giving birth, besides using voodoo dolls..."

Gu Canghai rolled his eyes:

"You have to do something productive, don't you?!"

Zhu Qizhen was scolded mercilessly, but he didn't dare to utter a single word in response.

He could only obediently nod:

"I...I'll go right away..."

"Grand Tutor, please take care..."

Looking at that old man with a hunched back, yet still carrying the weight of the Ming Dynasty on his shoulders.

A complex feeling suddenly welled up in Zhu Qizhen's heart.

Do you hate it?

hatred!

Afraid?

afraid!

but……

If it weren't for this old madman.

This Ming Dynasty...

It probably collapsed a long time ago, right?

"Useless snack!"

Gu Canghai muttered curses as he walked:

"What a useless piece of junk food!"

"It seems..."

"I need to live a few more years."

"Otherwise, this Ming Dynasty..."

"You've really ruined me!"

"Zhongba..."

Gu Canghai looked up at the sky, a hint of weariness in his eyes:

"You great-grandson..."

"They're so damn hard to manage!"