I was just fishing, how did I become a Great Old One?

Mount Kadas, the "Royal Kitchen" warehouse halfway up the mountain.

The air was filled with the smell of stale flour and the salty, gamey odor of dried meat. Huge shelves stood like a forest, and in the open space amidst this steel jungle, a "battle of the titans" between chefs was about to erupt.

On one side stood the Abyss Chef, the leader of the Gorgon Giants, a ten-meter-tall, hairy giant with four arms and a vertically elongated mouth. The cleaver in its hand, though called a cleaver, was actually a large, sharpened iron plate, stained with the aged blood of some unknown creature.

On the other side was a human, 1.8 meters tall, wearing baggy shorts, and holding a black butcher knife—Jiang Li, chairman of the Deep Blue Group.

Despite their vastly different physiques, their auras were equally matched.

"roar--!!!"

The giant roared, but the sound did not come from its throat; rather, it came from the vibrations generated by the friction of its vertically split maw.

It was enraged.

Throughout its long life, apart from those high-ranking messengers of the Outer Gods, no one has ever dared to run wild in its kitchen, let alone a human who looks as tiny as a "sausage".

"I'm going to chop you into small pieces and make you into pies!"

The giant swung all four arms simultaneously. Two arms reached out to grab Jiang Li, attempting to hold him in place; the other two arms raised the enormous "door-panel cleaver" high, bringing it down with a whistling sound.

This move is called the "Chaotic Cloak Chopping Meat Technique," which relies on sheer force to send bricks flying. It has no technique whatsoever; it's all about emotion.

"Tsk, it's too rough."

Jiang Li stood still, without even blinking.

"As a chef, knife skills are fundamental. What you're doing isn't chopping vegetables, it's smashing a wall!"

Just as the massive blade was about to smash him into a pulp, Jiang Li moved.

Instead of resisting head-on, he slid sideways like a slippery eel and slid in, brushing against the giant's arm.

"Watch closely! This is what real chopping really means!"

Jiang Li twirled the butcher knife in his hand in the air, creating a beautiful sword flourish, before transforming into a black lightning bolt.

"The Butcher's Skill in Carving an Ox - Deboning!"

"Swish swish swish—"

The blade sliced ​​through the air, making a soft whooshing sound.

The giant felt a chill on his wrist.

Then, to its horror, it discovered that the hand it used to hold the knife... had uncontrollably loosened its grip?

Clang!

The huge door-shaped cleaver slammed heavily onto the ground, creating a large crater.

There was no gushing blood at the giant's wrist; only a few white tendons were neatly severed, the cut as smooth as a mirror.

"Severing your tendons is to make you lay down your butcher's knife."

Jiang Li's figure flashed continuously in the air, stepping on the giant's arm and heading straight for its head.

"Next comes peeling!"

"Sizzle—"

The butcher's knife sliced ​​across the giant's shoulder and then pulled along the thick fur.

A complete, hairy hide was peeled off the giant's body like a zipper being pulled open, revealing the pink muscles underneath.

"Awooo—!!!"

The giant let out a piercing scream.

It felt like a banana being peeled! The shame and pain drove it completely insane.

"I'm going to eat you! I'll chew you up with my teeth!"

It opened its large, upright mouth, revealing rows of yellow teeth that looked like a meat grinder, as if it wanted to swallow Jiang Li whole when he jumped onto its face.

"Why are you opening your mouth so wide? I'm not going to check your tonsils."

Jiang Li looked at the gaping maw of the abyss, but instead of dodging, he took out the Silver Spoon from his pocket.

"Since you want to eat, then you can eat your fill!"

"Give me... a full bowl!"

Jiang Li held a spoon and pointed at the large barrel next to him that contained "God's Honey Wine" (which was actually a high-concentration hallucinogen).

"Buzz—"

Space displacement.

The tons of mead that were originally in the large barrel were instantly scooped up by the "spoon" and poured into the mouth of the Gugger Giant.

"Gurgle gurgle—"

The giant was forced to drink a massive amount of strong liquor.

This liquor is for gods; it's ridiculously potent. A single drop would intoxicate an ordinary creature for three days; imagine drinking tons of it…

"belch--"

The giant let out a loud, alcohol-smelling burp, and its previously fierce eyes instantly became glazed over. Its four arms began to flail wildly in the air, as if trying to catch a butterfly, and its two legs started to stumble.

"Hehe...good wine...so many stars..."

"Boom!"

The giant collapsed to the ground, like a toppled mountain, shaking the warehouse and sending dust flying.

"Done!"

Jiang Li landed lightly and put away the spoon and knife.

"His knife skills are terrible, and his alcohol tolerance is low too."

He shook his head, looking disappointed in him.

"I was originally thinking of taking you on as an apprentice, but now it seems you're only suited to be a greeter at the door or to wash dishes."

"Ergou! Tie him up with a rope! This big guy would definitely be a good laborer!"

"Yes, boss!"

Wang Ergou and Lei Meng were already skilled at it. They rushed forward with specially made dragon tendon ropes and tied the drunken giant up like a dumpling.

……

Having dealt with the guards, Jiang Li could finally take a good look at this "Imperial Kitchen".

Besides the mammoth jerky and mead we saw earlier, there were many more dazzling ingredients deep inside the warehouse.

There are Moon Tree Fruits sealed in crystal jars, Shangri-La Dried Chickens (some kind of mythical bird) hanging on racks, and even a large vat of pickled Abyss Tentacle Vegetables.

"These gods are living a pretty comfortable life."

Jiang Li sighed as he stuffed things into the [Gluttony Cauldron].

"But now all of these belong to me, as compensation for my emotional distress."

After looting the warehouse, Jiang Li led everyone to the end of the warehouse.

There stood an extremely ornate gate, crafted from mica and gold. Warm light and the sounds of string and wind instruments emanated from through the cracks in the gate.

"Behind this door...that should be the main hall, right?"

Jiang Li straightened his shorts (even though he still had no clothes to wear, he couldn't lose face).

"Let's go! Let's meet those legendary 'Earth Gods'!"

"I'd like to see what kind of deity dares to employ such a fierce cook!"

……

"Bang!"

Jiang Li kicked open the golden gate.

The scene before my eyes instantly transformed from a dark warehouse into a magnificent palace.

This is an extremely luxurious banquet hall.

The floor was covered with a soft cloud carpet, the surrounding walls were carved from single pieces of gemstones, and the dome displayed a vast starry sky.

In the center of the hall stood a long dining table that seemed to stretch as far as the eye could see. The table was piled high with all sorts of delicacies, golden platters and jade goblets, fine wines and exquisite dishes.

On either side of the dining table sat dozens of... "gods".

According to Jiang Li's imagination, the so-called Great Ones of Earth should be majestic, tall beings radiating divine light.

But the reality is...

"What are all these things?"

Jiang Li stared at the creatures sitting in the chairs, his jaw nearly dropping to the floor.

Most of them have human-like appearances, but they wear comical robes that resemble theatrical costumes. Some wear crooked laurel wreaths on their heads, while others carry harps with broken strings.

Most importantly, they look...very weak.

Not only are they weak, they're also cowardly.

The moment the door was kicked open, the gods, who had been drinking and making merry, were thrown into chaos like chicks startled by an eagle.

Some crawled under the table, some huddled together trembling, and some were even so frightened that they cried, their tears turning into pearls and rolling to the ground.

"Ah! A human has broken in!"

"Help! Where is Lord Nyarlathotep? Come and protect us!"

"Don't eat me! My meat is sour! It doesn't taste good!"

Jiang Li: "..."

He glanced back at Wang Ergou.

"Ergou, are you sure we're not on the wrong set? Is this really a god?"

Wang Ergou was also dumbfounded.

"Boss... according to the records, these are the 'Earth Gods.' They are the original indigenous deities of this planet, in charge of dreams and some natural phenomena. But..."

"But they are too weak and timid."

Professor Miller, standing nearby, added, "In the Cthulhu Mythos, these Earth gods are actually protected by Outer Gods (such as Nyarlathotep)... or rather, kept in captivity. They are like... caged canaries."

"Canary?"

Jiang Li looked at the group of gods hiding under the table and shook his head.

"I think it's more like... a free-range chicken."

He strode into the banquet hall, his flip-flop foot making a soft thud as it stepped onto the cloud-patterned carpet.

"Stop hiding! I saw everything!"

Jiang Li walked to the main seat and plopped down on the golden throne that originally belonged to the God King, putting his legs up on the table.

"I am Jiang Li, the chairman of Deep Blue Group. I was passing by today and heard that the food here is quite good, so I came to try it out."

"Who's in charge? Come out and speak!"

The gods were deathly silent; no one dared to utter a sound.

"You're not coming out, are you?"

Jiang Li grabbed a golden-brown roasted bird (possibly a phoenix) from the table, tore off a leg, and took a bite.

"Hmm, it tastes good, although it's a bit cold. Rhubarb, you should try some too!"

He threw the rest to Big Yellow.

Big Yellow immediately began to wolf down the food, and its ferocious eating habits frightened several goddesses so much that they fainted on the spot.

"Since no one is saying anything, I'll take that as your agreement."

Jiang Li took out a pig-slaughtering knife and wiped it with oil on the tablecloth of unknown material.

"From today onwards, this place is under my control."

"You so-called 'gods' will henceforth be...special suppliers of my Deep Blue Group."

"supplier?"

Finally, an old man who was a little braver (who looked like a river god) poked his head out from under the table and asked tremblingly.

"What can we supply? We only have tears and songs..."

"Who wants your tears?"

Jiang Li said disdainfully, "I see you've raised quite a few good things. Like this bird, these glowing grapes, and that wine that makes you dream."

"You're in charge of farming, raising livestock, and brewing wine! I'll handle the purchasing!"

"Of course, as protection money... cough cough, as management fees, you have to give me priority access to the local specialties."

"Any objections?"

Jiang Li stuck the butcher knife onto the table.

"when!"

"No objections! No objections!"

The gods shook their heads like rattles.

They're used to being bullied by that man in the black suit (Nyarlathotep), so it doesn't seem to matter much if they're bullied by a man in shorts now? This man even offered to pay them (though it's unclear what kind of money).

"very good."

Jiang Li nodded in satisfaction.

"Lei Meng! Er Gou! Start moving things! Pack up all the remaining dishes on the table and take them with you! Don't waste them!"

"Yes, boss!"

An operation called "Feast of the Gods," which was actually a "forced takeover," was launched once again.

Just as Jiang Li was about to put the exquisitely crafted golden wine pot into his pocket...

"Clap clap clap..."

A solitary yet elegant applause suddenly came from the shadows of the hall.

"Brilliant, absolutely brilliant!"

"They turned the feast of the gods into a buffet, and the noble gods of the earth into farmers."

"Jiang Li, you always manage to surprise me."

That familiar voice.

That smooth, cold, yet magnetic voice.

The moment all the gods heard this sound, they were so frightened that they lay prostrate on the ground, not daring to lift their heads, as if that was their true nightmare.

Jiang Li stopped what she was doing and slowly turned around.

At the far end of the banquet hall, the black figure leaned against a pillar, holding the iconic ruby ​​cane in his hand.

Nyarlathotep.

Or rather, it is his true form—[The Chaos of Subjugation].

At this moment, he no longer maintained his human disguise. Although he was still in human form, his face was a void of black holes, and countless black tentacles danced in the void behind him.

"Hey, isn't this that guy... the gangster boss?"

Jiang Li looked at him, her face showing no fear, but rather a smile.

"What? You're here to freeload too?"

"It's a pity you're late. I packed up all the main dishes, so there's only some soup left. If you don't mind, I'll get you a bowl?"

Nyarlathotep wasn't angry. He slowly walked over, his tentacles weaving a black throne behind him.

He sat down, and his face, devoid of features, seemed to be smiling.

"I'm not hungry."

"I just came to see... what you plan to do after you've collected all three keys."

His gaze fell on Jiang Li's waist.

The Key to the Bones hangs there.

"You went to Jupiter, received my invitation, and then found the entrance here."

"Now, the tableware is complete, and you've seen the ingredients (the gods of Earth)."

"So, are you ready to enjoy the final 'main course'?"

"main course?"

Jiang Li's heart stirred.

"You mean... that 'One Who Unifies All Things'?"

Not entirely.

Nyarlathotep shook his head.

"That is the ultimate truth, the truth of the universe. Any mortal who looks directly at it will go mad."

"But before that, you need to pass one last test."

He stretched out his cane and drew a circle in the air.

A strange scene appeared in the circle.

It was a gray sea situated between reality and dreams. On its surface lay a solitary island. The island was devoid of life, containing only a massive structure built of white stones…

"Why does this look like a...steamer?"

Jiang Li looked at the round, steaming building and blurted out.

"That is the [End of the Dreamland - The Back of Kadas]."

Nyarlathotep said.

"There lies my brother... an avatar of Cthugha (the Burner, the Living Flame)."

"It is a living fire that never goes out."

"If you could cook it... or eat it..."

"I will open the gate to the Courtyard of Azathoth for you."

"So? Dare to take the order?"

Jiang Li looked at the raging fire giant in the scene, then at the pig-slaughtering knife in his hand.

A live fire?

Cook it?

This sounds... a bit too hot to handle.

but……

"What's wrong with fire? You can eat fire!"

Jiang Li remembered the "mala tang" she had eaten on Mars before.

"With the right seasonings, even a flame can be used for grilling!"

He suddenly stood up, took the silver spoon in his hand, and twirled it around.

"I'll take this order!"

"But let's make it clear first, if you do a good job, you're responsible for washing the dishes!"

Nyarlathotep paused for a moment, then burst into wild laughter.

"Hahaha! Good! Very good!"

"An interesting soul... I hope you live to see that day."

"Portal... open!"

He slammed his cane to the ground.

The banquet hall floor vanished instantly, transforming into a massive black vortex that sucked Jiang Li and his crew inside.

"Aaaaaah—Boss! We haven't finished packing yet!"

Wang Ergou fell with a scream while clutching half a roasted chicken.

"Stop yelling! Next stop—a giant fireball roasted alive!"

Jiang Li's voice echoed in the vortex.

The Earth gods who were left behind looked at the empty banquet hall and the evil star who had finally left, and they all hugged each other and wept with joy.

"They're gone... finally gone..."

"Quick! Close the door! Even if you starve to death, don't open it again!"

(End of this chapter)