Headed by a Snake

Barza Keith, the Lone Shadowdark, was floating in the air somewhere in the middle of a dark forest. Light spilled through the leaves above. From below, the sweet scent of charcoal wafted up...

--but it was the coppery stink of blood that stuck to the inside of his nose.

On the forest floor, he saw... an elf.

He looked strong.

The elf's skin was dark-- about the same shade as his own.

He wore a similar set of armor too...

However-- unlike him, he looked like a total loser. He was getting his butt-kicked by some green guy.

⋖ It... pains me greatly to say this... ⋗

It seemed like poop-leaf was still talking straight to his mind.

⋖ but... I cannot win this fight on my own. ⋗

Lone wanted to cover his ears with his hands... but it seemed like he was no longer in control of his body.

⋖ I... need... your help, Lone Shadowdark. ⋗

Lone tried to swallow his saliva-- but he couldn't even do that. It was like... he didn't have a body at all-- like he existed just as his consciousness, aware of everything, but unable to do anything about it.

...Was he dead?

No, that didn't make any sense.

He didn't have permission to die.

Then... if all he could do was listen... he would do just that.

⋖ Hear me, Lone Shadowdark... ⋗

⋖ Your entire Realm is in danger. ⋗

⋖ Should the Tree God defeat me, my Divine Essence will fall into his hands... ⋗

⋖ That, if granted to his allies, will hasten the return of the Dragon God. ⋗

⋖ ...and when that sun rises, the world will be naught but ash... and fire. ⋗

Lone could almost feel the cogs in his brain turning. He was listening to some pretty heavy stuff...

⋖ Barza Keth... the Lone Shadowdark... ⋗

⋖ Thou hast drunk from the wells of my divine knowledge... thou hast defeated the enemies I defeated long ago, a dozen, a hundred, a thousand times... ⋗

⋖ Thou hast become my disciple, though we share not the same blood. ⋗

⋖ ...My only disciple. ⋗

⋖ Yet... my greatest disciple, in this moment and until the end of all suns... ⋗

⋖ Lone Shadowdark, heed my call. ⋗

⋖ Lend my thy aid... and together, we can be heroes to the current generation. ⋗

Lone drew in a breath-- well, not really. He was just a stream of consciousness.

He paused for a moment-- about the same length of time as if he was taking a breath.

"Yeah, no."

⋖ ... ⋗

⋖ ... ⋗

⋖ ...Lone Shadowdark, lend me thy-- ⋗

"I heard you the first time," Lone 'shouted,' "and my answer is still NO! NONE of that is MY problem!"

⋖ but-- ⋗

"And I DON'T WANT TO! You're asking me to fight a god! That's-- that's scary!"

⋖ ...but the Dungeon, you-- ⋗

"I don't care! I'm not gonna help you!"

⋖ --but the Realm? ⋗

"Where's my dog, motherf*cker?"

⋖ Lone... ⋗

"What is it now?!"

⋖ A child is in danger. ⋗

Even though Lone didn't have a body, it felt as if something grabbed hold of his heart and squeezed.

⋖ She is a child of House Moonwell... a daughter of my wife. ⋗

A daughter...

Lone had a daughter once.

It felt like it had been over a hundred years since he'd lost her... and going through the Dungeon of Turrim Orientem, he hadn't really thought about anything each sun except fighting, eating, and sleeping.

⋖ She will die without your help. ⋗

"I..." Lone paused.

Was he really going to offer his help because of someone else's kid?

What would Tycon do?

...Lone was at a loss. He had no idea what his boss would do.

Maybe he'd kill the child, himself? After all, he didn't really pull punches against Pale or Taree.

Lone decided to pick someone else as his spirit guide.

What would... Coraline do?

She'd... probably... kill him, since he hadn't responded to her letters in so long.

Ahhhhh!

Lone was in trouble.

He knew, for sure, that agreeing to help was a bad idea!

It sounded like a big f*cking problem-- something way out of his depth!!

⋖ This King came to this Realm... to save it. But even if I cannot do so with my own hands... I will not abandon my people. ⋗

⋖ Barza Keith. ⋗

"Wait, I didn't agree to anything!"

He tried to wave his hands, but he... still... didn't have any.

⋖ Lone Shadowdark. ⋗

"No. Nooo. Don't you do this to me, poop-leaf."

⋖ I am no dragon... I cannot make thee a Draconic Exarch. ⋗

"What the hells?! Dragons don't even exist, guy!"

⋖ Nevertheless, thou art my chosen hero. ⋗

⋖ The power of the heavens! The AUTHORITY of the Elf God-- I SHALL GRANT IT TO THEE!! ⋗

...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Lone shouted with all the power he had in his lungs before collapsing down to one knee.

His vision was blurry and he rubbed his eyes, trying to adjust.

He was in the forest he saw earlier... countless vines at his feet... as well as a pool of blood.

He had his body back!!

Looking down, though... for some reason... he... was completely naked.

"...Nice," He nodded. "I've been workin' out."

And though it probably wasn't important anymore, he didn't feel the need to poop any longer?

"Once more, Elf God," Said a voice that was definitely not his-- "you commit a blasphemy in my presence."

Lone looked up to see a stunned-looking... person standing in front of him.

That person was also naked. They were also seven fulms tall and... their skin was green?

...He looked familiar.

"Ahem," Lone cleared his throat. "And uh... what blasphemy woulds't that may be?"

The green person furrowed his brows, "The use of the ⌈Reincarnate⌋ Spell... and with it, you've transformed from an elf... into... a human? You've made a foolish choice."

"You are wrong," Lone declared proudly.

The green person's furrowed their hairless brows, having been put in their place.

It wasn't every sun he met a green-person, though...

The last time he saw one...

...Oh, snap!

That-- that was the guy poop-leaf was fighting!!

He was using vine-crush-- and...

The pool of blood-- that's all that was left of him!

Lone sharpened his gaze and lowered his stance.

"You killed my poop-leaf, motherf*cker."

",