Why can't humans do it too?

"Really?" Not knowing how to face it anymore, Su'er simply murmured softly, "That's good..."

This way, we can avoid the battlefields where those non-human races are fighting.

But Maruda will be sad, won't she? And Nona too...

Ivan is Maruda's husband and Nona's father.

How sad must they be right now?

Suer stared blankly, guessing.

“If you have some free time, go and comfort Nona… You two are very close,” Riku could be heard walking out in the darkness, along with the man’s voice. “I’m tired, I’m going to rest now.”

There was no answer. The two people, both exhausted from different things, bid each other a silent farewell until Riku was about to walk out of the wooden door.

“Hey, Riku,” Sull called out Riku’s name in a listless voice.

"...Is there anything else?" Riku stopped pressing his hand on the door.

"Things? Well, you could say that," Su Er pondered each word, "a little bit of curiosity?"

"I just suddenly want to know, Riku... what does it feel like every time you order them to die?"

Suer's voice echoed in the cold cave, but it did not elicit the slightest response.

"I can't take it anymore... Riku..."

Suer murmured.

Have you ever been afraid? Waking up in the middle of the night, afraid that one day you'll be ordered to die...?

"They could even be considered to have died indirectly at our hands, and we are the murderers..."

"I'm so scared... I'm really scared..."

Suer's deep, murmuring voice seemed to hang in the deathly silence like a spell.

All those nice words about having adapted to this world and learned to survive in this cruel world are nothing but self-deceiving lies.

Every time he commanded others to use their own lives to pave the way for the remaining people to survive, he silently emphasized to himself—when it's your turn, you can also face death with equanimity. Everyone does it this way. This is what everyone agrees on, the noblest thing. They are just taking the first step.

But now Suer realizes that it was all just clumsy self-suggestion, a powerless deception of himself and those who believed in him.

One cannot survive without hardening one's heart, as if one had a heart of steel.

Suer once thought he could do it—and he did, even if it was just a momentary act of courage. He instinctively chose to stay in front of the white-haired orc, creating a way out for the others. But everything changed after he returned from that blood-soaked, flesh-grinding battlefield.

He was filled with fear, dreading the prospect of facing that danger alone once again, and willingly offering his life as a sacrifice.

My legs were trembling, and I couldn't even catch my breath. Just recalling that feeling was enough to break a person—this was the second time I had swung the knife at myself.

Right before Suer stood this choice, like a boulder larger than a mountain.

Only in front of him alone.

"……Maybe."

The rustling sound made Riku want to shout for a moment, to release all his emotions, all his regret and guilt, all his cowardice and depravity, to the man behind him—but in the end, he could only give such a vague answer.

Even his lips were trembling uncontrollably.

And anger.

Such things are forbidden, and such responsibilities are unshared, so... it's enough to keep them all buried in your heart.

“I have no right to talk about the dead,” Riku said slowly in a somber voice, like the most rigid and silent ascetic. “After all, I… am just a coward.”

A coward who can utter words that send someone to their death, yet dares not kill a single person with his own hands.

“Is that so?” But Sull’s voice was a little lighter. “Then, Riku, why do you think we should live... even in a world like this?”

“Who knows? But don’t die without even a reason to die,” Riku said, having already opened the door and was walking out. “In a world like this, if the value of dying isn’t high enough… wouldn’t that be a huge waste?”

The wooden door was slammed shut, leaving only Suer in the cave once again.

"So... does it mean something?"

Suer muttered to himself.

--------------

The ore, which was being held up and emitting an orange glow, suddenly flickered, as if it would dim in the next second; it had been burning for far too long.

However, this subtle change was already quite noticeable to the figure at the table. Finally waking from his reverie, the man at the table picked up the small pitcher of water from his feet and poured it into the plate. Soon, the beautiful mineral once again emitted a stable and bright light.

If Ke'er were here, she would surely be happy, right?

She was finally satisfied to see that Suer's room was no longer a dark void, and the cave finally had a semblance of human habitation once again.

After putting down the kettle, Suer picked up the animal hide in front of him and carefully examined it by the fairly bright light. The back of the hide was almost completely covered with dense writing, but he still hadn't finished.

Because of prolonged thinking, his head was already feeling dizzy, and even the speed of his thinking seemed to have slowed down.

knock knock.

A sudden knock on the door startled Su'er, who turned around to see the wooden door open. A small figure stood there, peeking in with only half of her body visible. Her face, partially obscured by her blue-purple hair, timidly peered into the cave. When she saw Su'er, she instinctively flashed a joyful smile, which she quickly concealed.

"Surgo?"

“...It’s Nona,” Suer said with a smile, having recognized who was knocking on the door. He put down the animal hide he was holding for the moment and said, “What’s the matter? Children need to go to bed early tonight.”

Chapter Thirty-One: Nona

“Nona isn’t a child anymore! Even Ke’er said Nona can help her now!” The little girl reflexively raised her voice to retort, but then suddenly became weak and stopped talking. She just bit her lower lip tightly, her beautiful purple eyes darting around frantically, refusing to look at Su’er’s face.

'This child has reached the age where he has worries...' Seeing this, Su Er couldn't help but think with amusement.

He always followed behind her, calling her "brother" repeatedly, and always spoke his mind.

"Alright, Nona's all grown up now, she's a young lady," Su'er said, turning to sit sideways and waving at him with a smile. "So, is something bothering you? You can tell your big brother, okay?"

"……Um."

With a weak "yes," Suer saw the little girl with blue-purple hair slowly shuffle in from the doorway, carrying a small wooden puppet in her arms—the 'doll' Suer had made for her before.

She must have done something wrong, Su'er thought with a smile. After all, for this usually energetic girl to look so timid, was Ke'er going to spank her?

But such speculation vanished abruptly upon hearing Nona's next words, and even the hand stroking Nona's head trembled slightly.

"Surge... Father... he'll never come back..."

Nona shifted uncomfortably on Suer's lap, clutching the puppet tightly in her arms, yet she couldn't help but lower her head in sorrow, still murmuring softly.

In such a world, even a young child like Nona, who is not even nine years old, clearly understands the meaning of death, and no one would hide this fact from her.

Suer suddenly understood why Nona had come today.

In fact, after Riku told him about Ivan's death, Sull was going to Maruda and Nona's place. Even though he couldn't bring back the dead, he still felt that Maruda and Nona needed the company of familiar people at that time. However, this plan was stopped by Cole, who was waiting there, when he went out.

In her own words, Sull looked too frightening at that time and was not suitable to meet Maruda and Nona, so it would be better to let Cole accompany them alone for the time being.

After that, Suer had been racking his brains in his room, thinking and preparing for something, so much so that he didn't realize it was this time. When Nona knocked on the door and came in, he didn't even react—Suer had even forgotten that Ivan was dead.

He hadn't yet adjusted to this void; it was as if everything was the same as before. Nona had only come to him to play and relieve the loneliness of a child.

He was wrong.

“…Hmm,” not knowing what to say, Suer could only respond in a low voice, and stroked Nona’s hand even harder.

"Nona saw the crystal that represented her father hanging on the stone... Sister Masha and Uncle Kalim's crystals used to hang there too... Everyone was blessing them, but... but Nona still wanted her father to come back..." Her eyes were already blurry. As Nona spoke, she gently leaned on Suer's shoulder and pressed her face tightly against it, her voice already trembling with sobs.

"I want Daddy to hold Nona again, I want Daddy to tickle Nona with his beard, and I want to ride on Daddy's shoulders again... I really, really want Daddy to come back! Surgo!" Nona sobbed and cried out loudly, her tears soaking through her clothes.

"……Feel sorry."

Unable to say much, or even anything at all, every word seemed pale and inadequate. Suer could only helplessly raise his head and stare at the cave ceiling, as if oblivious to the stinging pain in his shoulder wound, gently pulling Nona into his arms and patting her back repeatedly.

Sobbing, it took Nona a long time to gradually calm down, but she remained nestled in Suer's arms without looking up.

"...Mom kept crying too. Every time she saw the things Dad left behind, she cried so sadly, but Mom would still smile and comfort Nona," the little girl's childish voice rang out. "But every time Nona saw Mom crying, she couldn't help herself either..."

He patted her back silently.

"……Feel sorry."

Besides these words, Suer really couldn't find any more to say at this moment. He just apologized, for himself, for Riku, and for everyone.

"Why should I apologize, Surge?" the little girl asked, confused. "We all depend on you, Surge, to survive. Every time we go out, it's you who risk your lives..."

Finally, she sat up straight from Suer's chest, but Nona didn't raise her head. The little girl with blue-purple hair kept her head down and said timidly, "But, but Nona..."

She bit her lip hard, so hard that even Suer reached out to help her relax, but Nona pushed him away.

"But Nona said some really hurtful things to Riku... Nona must be terrible, right?"

As if she had lost all her spirit, Nona said dejectedly and timidly, and began to sob softly once again.

“…Huh?”, Su Er stared blankly, his mouth agape.

"It's because of Riku and Sulgo's hard work that everyone can live here safely, but... but Nona said such hurtful things to Riku! Not only did she hit Riku, but she also said things like, 'Why didn't it be Riku who died, but Dad?'"

"It's so cruel! This is so cruel, Nona!" she screamed, her voice hoarse as if she were having an emotional breakdown, tears streaming down her face as she suddenly lifted it. "Nona knows it! But, but I just can't control myself! The thought of Daddy dying, the thought of never seeing him again! Nona, Nona just..."

I couldn't cry.

"So, so it's really unfair to Riku, Nona knows all about it, it's all Nona's fault..."