Cyber Heroes

I only said one sentence the day before yesterday and stopped updating. I am very embarrassed, so I will report my recent situation here.

It has become increasingly difficult for me to write in the past three years. I have a detailed outline and know what should be written and how to write it. Many plots are decided very early. But some psychological factors make my mind go blank as soon as I open Word, and I even feel so stressed that I feel sick to my stomach. It wasn't until I actually vomited up after sitting for more than ten hours the day before yesterday that I realized that I really couldn't make it. It was only after I went to the hospital for diagnosis that I found out that I was prone to depression and anxiety.

Fortunately it's not serious.

Under the guidance of the doctor, I did some reflection. Three years ago I wrote that "fantasy" is a layer of "eggshell" wrapped around the fragile spirit, providing an environment for the growth of the still weak self - this is "fairy tale", "virtual" and "fantasy story" The meaning of existence. I have always thought so. For me, "creating fantasy themes" is a process of building barriers.

But this book is slightly different. It's not pure fantasy. It started out as my resentment and unwillingness to accept the history of modern magic. You should understand it after reading the first chapter related to the work. Three years ago I was filled with anger. But this feeling couldn't last three years.

"Fantasy" is a strange thing. You have to pretend to believe in order to get the maximum enjoyment. If you really believe it, it won’t be fun. For example, I can pretend to believe that there is a poor guy named "Mongotte" who is spurned but longs to love, and is strong and good at fast and slow sword skills and unlimited swordsmanship - and then enjoy hunting him. A sense of accomplishment. But if I believe that there really is such a person in the world, then when I go under the knife, I won’t feel a pure sense of accomplishment.

Because you just pretend to believe, you can break out of your shell at any time. As long as you are strong enough.

But "catharsis" is different. If you don’t believe that it is real, it will be meaningless for you to output it to a fake thing, and you will feel uninterested.

Therefore, if we use the "eggshell" metaphor, "Cyber ​​Heroes" is abnormal. It is cracked.

At the same time, it's too long and I've been going on it for three years. But, it is my livelihood.

I had to force myself to write, and the more I wrote, the more torture I got. At the same time, I wrote slower and slower, falling into a vicious cycle. But the pressure of survival prevented me from stopping.

I have to reflect on this.

Of course, I didn't intend to eunuch this book. I love creating, and I put a lot of emotion into this book. But within a short period of time, my condition made it impossible for me to continue to torture myself. I'll take a few days off to see the effect. Maybe I will create some more highly fantasy-themed works to heal myself, and maybe I will choose to open two books in the future, alternately.

Of course, I will take a break for two days now.