I, the Lord of the Fifth Throne, am the source of all things!

[If that's the case, does being unhappy and joyless mean one will stop suffering?]

This was the thought that arose in Duanmu Lian's mind when she was beaten, abused, and even had her left foot deliberately cut off to force her to pretend to be pitiful and beg. Through her premonition, she had developed a resistance to pain.

After all, Duanmu Lian, whose thought process was abnormal and whose values ​​were also distorted by her environment, did not have the thoughts of a normal child.

He felt that... he had eaten a good meal and experienced a little bit of love and material support from his parents.

My resistance to hardship and pain has also decreased, and I can no longer be as indifferent as I used to be.

Therefore, having figured this out, Duanmu Lian no longer wanted to crave any more happiness or joy.

In his eyes, people are all pursuing happiness and joy, and no one likes misfortune or suffering.

In Lian's eyes, people who are immersed in happiness and joy have very low resistance to misfortune and pain.

So, are we, who are immersed in pain and misfortune, very intolerant of joy and happiness?

"Waaaaaah........"

Duanmu Lian, who was missing a leg, quietly and blankly watched the children in similar situations wail in pain, break down in tears, and finally become completely numb.

Then, for the first time, feelings of contempt, mockery, lack of pity, lack of compassion, lack of sympathy, and lack of emotion—emotions that should never have arisen in this situation—emerged from his quiet heart.

Fueled by this emotion, they supported Duanmu Lian's terrible physical condition, causing him to put on a smile that chilled and terrified children and adults alike.

And then he laughed.

"Ah......."

The laughter was incredibly eerie, sinister, and twisted.

His voice was filled with emotions that even the word "madness" couldn't describe.

The children who were suffering the same pain as him instantly didn't want to get close to him. They rejected him and hated him in this environment.

The adults who were bullying and abusing him muttered things like, "Did you hurt his head?" or "This little brat has gone crazy."

Others cannot understand Duanmu Lian, and Duanmu Lian cannot... or rather, does not want to understand others.

A venomous sense of déjà vu permeated his entire brain, penetrating deep into his marrow, rendering him indifferent to happiness and pain.

At the same time, under the erosion of this feeling, a strong sense of emptiness was born.

Duanmu Lian was not a passive nihilist, but rather a relatively active nihilist.

He had no expectations of happiness or joy, nor did he have a fondness for suffering like a masochistic ascetic.

I just want to know how someone like me is supposed to survive?

If a person doesn't pursue happiness and joy while living in this world, what else can they do?

Duanmu Lian only found the answer to this question after her death.

.............

Duanmu Lian felt no sense of being alive; she felt like a walking corpse.

So it doesn't matter whether you're alive or dead.

This became clear after the police officers rescued Duanmu Lian and the other children from their suffering.

Because afterwards, Duanmu Lian 'returned home,' but her parents 'left home.'

Because the criminals confessed everything, besides the abducted and stolen children, there were also children like Duanmu Lian who were sold.

The former is solely the fault of the criminals, while the latter involves serious fault on both sides.

Therefore, Duanmu Lian didn't care that her parents were arrested by the police.

At the same time, some adults who had no ill intentions towards Duanmu Lian and even felt great sympathy for him also discovered that he was not only physically disabled, but also lacking something more internal.

The children's various misfortunes, coupled with their illegal profiteering from child trafficking, make the nature of the crime extremely heinous.

Therefore, the father was sentenced to death, and the mother was sentenced to life imprisonment.

For Duanmu Lian's younger brother, their happy family collapsed because of his return.

Therefore, Duanmu Lian received the disgust he had long been accustomed to, as well as the angry curses and beatings from her own younger brother.

This guy... is so pathetic.

Watching her brother, who had gone mad and loathed her because of this blow, Duanmu Lian felt no sadness in her already broken heart, but rather contempt and ridicule.

Because after selling himself, his family's life improved, but all of this was based on his parents being alive.

Now that his parents are gone, the younger brother simply cannot tolerate the poverty he is living in.

Most people hope their lives will get better and better; no one wants their lives to go backwards and get worse.

At the same time, he could not accept that his parents had become criminals, and he could not accept that he had become a child without parents in the eyes of his classmates and friends.

Therefore, he despised Duanmu Lian, his so-called older brother.

It was all because of his return that the family completely collapsed, and he himself fell into a quagmire.

That's why Duanmu Lian and her so-called younger brother couldn't understand each other.

After all, he was used to pain and misfortune, while his younger brother was used to joy and happiness.

The two brothers both felt alienated from each other's situation.

So when her younger brother cursed and hated her, Duanmu Lian just smiled mockingly.

His sarcastic smile infuriated his younger brother and made the adults think that the poor child had probably gone mad.

In particular, Duanmu Lian laughed as she picked up a pen to fight back against the beating, directly poking her younger brother's right eye out, and then watched him roll on the ground in pain and howl with an even more mocking smile.

After the adults who had been frightened managed to stop the fight, they all believed that Duanmu Lian had completely gone mad.

In that year, Duanmu Lian was only nine years old.

Because of his mental instability, Duanmu Lian left home again and was admitted to a mental hospital. After being released, she was placed in an orphanage.

Because Duanmu Lian is disabled and mentally unstable, no one would approach such a child, let alone adopt him.

Even attending school normally is not going smoothly because of Duanmu Lian's past history of violent outbursts.

Therefore, Duanmu Lian, who has a mental illness certificate and a disability certificate, has always grown up under the strange and rejecting gaze of those around her.

People will pity him if he has a physical disability.

However, when someone has a mental illness, others feel more fear and rejection than pity and sympathy.

However, due to her sense of both knowing and feeling nothingness, Duanmu Lian didn't care about any of these things.

After all, what is the point of living? What is the point of living?

Although Duanmu Lian had other people in his life and was born of his parents, he was essentially a person with nothing else.

There's nothing left to lose, so there's nothing left to fear.

Duanmu Lian, now grown up and independent, thought this while carving something or lying in a chair basking in the sun.

He can support himself with what he has learned. Although he can't find solace in watching TV, using computers, or using mobile phones like most people, it is still somewhat useful.

Although his life isn't perfect, it's much better than before.

Moreover, even if it could make her life better, Duanmu Lian had no intention of doing so.

I've always intentionally maintained a balance between being neither too hot nor too cold, neither too good nor too bad.

At the same time, due to her sense of knowing and feeling nothingness, Duanmu Lian also did not know what satisfaction was.

Having never been liked or loved, he naturally had no desire to love others.

I was an awkward and empty child, bad at and disliked interacting with others, and I haven't made any changes, living like this for so long.

Clearly, I failed to become a part of the world.

In the book, I came across the phrase, "All men and women in the world are like stars." This means that men and women in the world are like stars, each with their own trajectory, influencing each other and collectively forming this universe.

But I feel that everyone is a constantly turning gear, and I am the inconspicuous gear that is about to break down.

I have been influenced by my former family and by various people I didn't know well; in this process, I have become who I am today.

[Me, broken both inside and out.]

The feeling of living is like torture, but having developed a resistance to all kinds of misfortune and pain, I have no thoughts of suicide, even if I feel it's meaningless.

I believe that you should seek out and fill in what you lack, even if it seems pointless. That's how I think, and that's the simple reason I live for.

So, if I were a star in the sky, I'd probably be a very conspicuous shooting star, about to disappear from the night sky?

Despite her low self-esteem, Duanmu Lian was very proactive in her actions.

After all, he was born among the masses and didn't consider himself extraordinary.

Even though his life was filled with familiar scenes and his heart was filled with an indescribable emptiness, he still wanted to live and keep moving forward.

After all... there's no way to change the current situation, so we can only move forward.

Suicide means an immediate end.

He wanted to prove that he would not succumb to suffering, nor would he be corrupted by pleasure.

but.......

"What is the meaning of my existence?"

Standing and walking with the help of her prosthetic leg, Duan Mulian glanced at the words about leukemia on her medical report in the hospital corridor, and then looked at the various people in the hospital.

Some people are unable to accept the diagnosis of an incurable disease, while others are overjoyed by the birth of new life here. The joys and sorrows of people are so ordinary in Duanmu Lian's eyes.

Those who are declared dead will be mourned by others.

People who are born here will receive blessings.

As for Duanmu Lian herself...

"Hahaha, serves you right! You bastard got what you deserved..."

Seeing her one-eyed younger brother, who had somehow learned of her terminal illness and traveled a long way to mock her, Duanmu Lian felt no emotion.

The other party's ferocious and mocking smile was reflected in Duanmu Lian's calm and unwavering eyes.

He simply watched the other person quietly, and before long, the other person's mocking expression and eyes turned into one of embarrassment and anger.