Ice Vapor Goddess

Chapter 20 Clinical Analysis (Part 2)

Silent counselors are very difficult to deal with, and counselors like Aldridge, who can touch the traumatized subject even with just a few words, are even more difficult. This means that he is not suitable to talk about his situation and must be approached indirectly by Siren.

“You can remain silent,” Siren said, then gestured for him to sit on the empty shelf next to him.

Aldridge paused, sitting on the shelf, his mouth suddenly sealed shut as he was about to speak.

That feeling was extremely uncomfortable. He rarely spoke, and when Schneider approached him, he didn't tell his story. But when he tried to speak, he was suddenly silenced.

The ban did not suppress his desire to speak; on the contrary, it further aroused his resistance and anger. His desire to accuse others surged to an unprecedented level, and his face turned red.

“Forty-two years ago, I was in the Kingdom of Mountains,” he said, his years of silence and calm still suppressing his anger. “I was the designer of the Steel Angels.”

Xilun remained expressionless and interrupted him instead: "A designer, or one of the designers?"

“Uh… one of them.” Aldridge was forced to explain, his previously coherent train of thought interrupted. He remained silent for a few seconds, trying to organize his jumbled narrative logic.

“We are all the church’s most outstanding craftsmen. I was taken to read the dwarven scriptures and learn dwarven techniques in order to replicate rune technology and create the church’s own…” He paused for a moment.

"I began to learn the dwarven language, translate texts, and modify runes. I preserved their structure and then modified them into [divine runes]."

"Me, or us?" Xilun asked again.

“…We,” Aldridge replied helplessly, “I was in charge of part of the content.”

Xilun did not answer.

Judging from these slips of the tongue, Aldridge was very proud of his achievements, which were an honor for a craftsman. He may have even received a major award from the church, and at that time he must have been proud and pleased with himself.

But he who bears all the glory will also bear the responsibility behind it.

He loathed and even hated the atrocities committed by the Iron Angels during the war, but he began by saying, "I am the designer of the Iron Angels." His pride made him ignore the contributions of others, but he also proudly took all the blame.

Siren silently analyzed and listened to Aldridge's explanation.

"I worked there for two years and received the Order of the Mountains—the Church only awarded this medal to three people. After the rune system was perfected, the Church began to focus on the research and development of war machines..."

"Do you remember who gave you the medal, and who ordered the development of war machines?" Siren asked.

“Uh… the medal was awarded by the Pope, and the order came from the College of Cardinals…” Aldridge became confused due to Siron’s interruption, and he was unable to tell his story clearly.

And that's exactly what Xilun needs.

When consultants tell their own stories, they usually use a set of "thoughtful, filtered, and beautified, rational" statements, which are mostly nonsense to analysts because they are full of fantasy and pretense.

It's like a guy drinking and crying in front of you, telling you about his tragic love story. It usually ends with him being cheated on, but he rarely mentions his own problems or actions. He only talks about the other person's mistakes and emphasizes his own pain and wounds.

Such discourse is a typical example of "empty talk" embellished by subjective consciousness. Its purpose is to establish a tragic, emotionally failed self in front of the listener, gaining their sympathy, care, and understanding, thereby constructing a self-image—"Ah, he's right, I am indeed such a hurt and suffering person." But the analyst is not such a close friend; he must disrupt the listener's train of thought by interrupting, repeating, and emphasizing, causing their speech to become chaotic, thus revealing the unadulterated, true consciousness.

From the moment Aldridge showed him an expression of extreme pain, Celen knew he wanted to create a self that was guilty, repentant, and tormented, but he couldn't let him succeed.

Because it is merely an imagined self constructed using language.

Aldridge finally remembered what he wanted to say and continued, "I...we developed the Steel Angel, my most outstanding creation. The β1-Seraphim was designed by us...Later I learned that the Church killed all the dwarves and burned all their scriptures after translating them..."

"Any scenes that left a deep impression on you?" Xilun suddenly interjected.

"...a huge fire, and knights dragging dwarves to the edge of the pit, the crosses adorned with dwarven crowns..."

Xilun pondered to himself.

Aldridge always uses the term "church" instead of describing specific scenes or people, which means that what he really wants to accuse is the Other, that is, the entire church system.

Over the long years, he may have forgotten who did certain things, but he still remembered the church's structural persecution of the dwarves. Therefore, the subject of persecution in the language is always the word "church," rather than a particular person or command.

"Then I ran away and hid in Lundinia, but then news of the Fifth Crusade came, along with photos of the Iron Angels slaughtering the people in the newspapers..."

Aldridge covered his face, sat on the empty shelf, and cried silently.

Xilun finally understood—this was a double collapse.

First, there was the collapse of the Church's authority and sanctity. Aldridge could no longer find anchors in this Other for "who I am," "what kind of person I want to be," and "what my meaning is." Instead, he received an unbearable accusation from an "executioner."

Secondly, there is the symbolic guilt. The Iron Angel he designed was a real-world manifestation of his wisdom, desires, and meaning, and his proudest work. However, the Iron Angel's actions polluted his entire existence because of his work. That kind of separation deprived him of his desire to create, and he fell into nothingness.

When he saw the Steel Angel, the admiration and sadness in his eyes were a fleeting glimpse into the real world, representing his traumatic memories.

“Forgive me, Bishop, I am guilty,” he said.

But Xilun suddenly sneered.

Their face-to-face posture resembles the church's confession, where the sinner recounts their sins and the priest forgives and comforts them.

But if Aldridge already believed that the sanctity of the church had collapsed, what right did he, as the church's spokesperson, have to comfort him?
It's as if the deceased runs up to the criminal and says, "You killed me, I'm in so much pain, I'm guilty."

He wasn't begging for forgiveness; he was using his own suffering to nail the church's sins to an ironclad record! Isn't his own pain, distortion, and repentance irrefutable evidence of the church's crimes?
He presented himself as evidence before the Other—the church system.

Look! Behold! This is the evil you have committed! This is what you have done!

(End of this chapter)